I'll eat your cereal

All your Weetbix and cornfleks

[acegender]

explain your gender in 10 words or less without using boring words like “male”, “female”, “nonbinary”, “masculine”, “feminine” or “androgynous”.

go!

[kerfuffliest-blog]

Peenie wearing homosapien made out of flesh and bones.

[raspberry-river]

Let's get angsty

Person A was in a horrific accident and was in hospital for a while, Person B and their friends would visit everyday until A woke up. At first everything was A remembered who everyone was, unfortunately they forgot about their and B’s relationship. B was was sure that A would remember that they were more than friends or rediscover their love, and decided to keep their relationship hidden. However, A didn’t remember that before the accident they became more than friends and found someone else. B still never told A what they were before the accident as they wanted A to be happy even if they weren’t. B, who still loves A, was always at their side, even at A’s wedding.

[astralarchived]

but what about angsty otp AUs

“hey so i kind of made this deal to save you and you just need to let me go and let me do this i promised you i wouldn’t let you get hurt i intend to keep that promise now let me go” “where are you going” “i gave myself over to our enemy” au

or alternatively “who are you” “so this is gonna sound really weird right now but i made a deal to save your life but at the cost of all of your memories of us together and i’m acting like i’m not bothered but i’m dying inside” au

“hey how are you doing it’s been a while hasn’t it. yeah i guess i’m good but nothing’s really been the same since the accident. i started talking to myself a lot lately and waiting for responses because i’ve been so used to you being there but now you’re dead and oh look i’m crying over your grave” au

“we’re in the middle of battle right now what are you doing. oh no what are you–HOE DON’T DO IT” “[takes hit meant for other person]” “oh my God” au

“don’t die on me oh God please don’t die on me stay with me look at me look at me i’m right here you’re gonna be fine oh God please don’t die on me i s2g if you die i’ll kill you” au

“i’ve finally rescued you from that science lab that those scientists brought you to after they kidnapped you and oh God what have they done to you” au

“why are you looking at me like that. come on, i love you, you know that–oh, why are you pointing that gun/sword/knife/blaster/etc. at me. put it…put it down nice and gently. i love you, please don’t do this. put it down. you’re not in you’re right mind, they’re controlling you, pLEASE DON’T KILL ME. I LOVE YOU. COME ON, PLEASE PUT IT DOWN YOU’RE SCARING ME THIS ISN’T YOU YOU’RE UNDER MIND CONTROL” au

“i made a deal to save your life and we can never be with each other ever again or else the person i made the deal with is going to kill one of us and make the other watch i’m so sorry it was the only way” au

“i died and came back and now i get to relive my last day with you knowing i’m going to die and you know nothing and i can’t prevent this and you’re just so happy i’m here you have no idea what just happened and your heart is going to be crushed all over again” au

“i have to tell you something really important if i don’t tell you now i will never get the chance. i lo–” [explosion] au

“you died like two years ago and i’ve been grieving your death and all of a sudden you’re standing in the middle of my living room telling me you’re a ghost that never moved on and you had nowhere to go and found me again well hi i missed you oh oops i’m crying” au

“I THOUGHT YOU’VE BEEN DEAD. FOR TEN YEARS. WHY ARE YOU ON MY FRONT DOORSTEP. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN. WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME CRY LIKE THIS I HATE THAT I LOVE YOU AND WHY DID YOU EVEN LEAVE IN THE FIRST PLACE” au

“so i’m in this gang/cult/etc and i was told to bring you to them because they had ‘unfinished business’ to take care of and i didn’t realize that they wanted to kill you and i kind of really like you and now i have no idea what to do i just really need to get you out of here and then we need to like flee the state because then they’ll be looking for both of us and they’ll kind of want to kill both of us” au

“so we’re kind of the head royals of this kingdom and rebels just stormed the castle and oh look at that you’re dying and i’m crying” au

“you were assigned to kill me and then we kind of fell for each other but your boss found us out and if you don’t kill me right now he’s going to kill your family oh God just please kill me stop crying just save your damn family” au

“i’m immortal you’re mortal and we kind of fell for each other but this is gonna get real complicated when you’re 80 and i’m still a teenager because well i’m not sure how to say this but you do realize you’ll age and die and i’ll be left alone again right” au

“so i guess some guy from the future came and he told me that you’re responsible for the apocalypse and if there’s any hope for humanity it rests on me and i have to kill you please don’t hate me for this” au

[kerfuffliest-blog]

Tfw you read so much angst your heart literally feel like it stabbing itself

[michael-in-the-bandomx-deactiva]

“I like butt.”

- @softmushie

[softmushie]

WHY

[awwcutepets]

My cat, Peter, was very interested in the dishwasher repair guy

[dacrefae-deactivated20200807]

You ever see your OTP just STARE at each other and just-

[welovegamingz]

Alright, that’s it. They never have to make another video game again.

[catasters]

“I’m Ready to go Shopping…”

[kerfuffliest-blog]

You spilt CAT in my VALENTINO WHITE BAG?!?

[skinnymemes]

[apathetic-roombas]

Dbh Text Posts 8

[kerfuffliest-blog]

Egg

[piggyhoho]

Connor watched Totoro maybe…?

[vulcan-moon]

robot twink repeatedly robs oversized 90s patterned shirts from disgruntled bear husband

[kerfuffliest-blog]

I've reached my limit. I couldn't go past it one more time, not without repost dammit-

[great-tweets]

watch the whole thing, i’m begging you

[sushinfood]

this is NUTS

[ranger-truth]

Reblogging this again because I found out he’s actually the drummer in an all-mascot metal band called Charamel.

[hollowboobtheory]

wait a second

[fallout-4-reactions]

Reblog to show your support for NSFW Artists, who deserve better than having their art censored/removed because of a badly thoughtout idea

[shitpost-senpai]

Blowjob scene but the slurping sounds are replaced with someone crunching a fresh juicy apple

[adorable-anime-girls]

THE CRONCH

[not-safe-for-cookies]

*Slurp*

*CRONCH*

[hokuto-ju-no-ken]

look

as someone who has had this actually happen to them

this is horrifying

[shitpost-senpai]

[hubby-wan-kenobi]

all rejoice for sams undtal