[childhoodruiner]

Retweet

[xollos]

deadass this is the funniest fucking thing ive seen this year

[homofied]

[manhandlethishandle]

When you check Grindr bc the boy at your departure gate gave you the GayStare™️

[c3nric-deactivated20220627]

When you end up blowing him in an airport bathroom.

[manhandlethishandle]

When he flips u around and sticks it in raw

[nicolekidmansgrinchhands]

When he takes his sweet time getting a tissue ready after you’re leaking his nut all over your suitcases.

[manhandlethishandle]

When you get on the plane and he’s got the seat next to you

[that-twink-over-there]

When you call the flight attendant over to help calm yourself down:

[kevypoo23456789]

Not Maggie 😂😂😂

[toinfinityandbeyonce-deactivate]

[billizl1-deactivated20180925]

I WAS LOOKING FOR THIS

[afrocentric-divination]

2018 Mood

[humanfreedomextremist]

“A real man raises his voice against women and children abuse and not his hand on them”

—

Mzilikazi wa Afrika‏@IamMzilikazi

[westafricanbaby]

Thank you.

[cuphead-deactivated20220622]

this is my favorite video! porky pig says son of a bitch!

[sillysurgeon-deactivated23423-d]

ILLEGAL!! TAKE THIS VIDEO DOWN!!

[niyarest]

rb to change your fate

[rainboots-moved]

me: so, do you hate me?

them: no

me: are you sure?

them: i’m sure

me:

me: how about now

[gaypeopletwitter]

[plantsplacesthings]

And then not saying a word to him

[bob-belcher]

September 30th

October 1st

November 1st

December 1st

[toinfinityandbeyonce-deactivate]

[billizl1-deactivated20180925]

I WAS LOOKING FOR THIS

[afrocentric-divination]

2018 Mood

[catchymemes]

[towritecomicsonherarms]

[mochiiprincesa-deactivated20181]

Literally the cutest thing ever lmao

[mogifire]

[reysplendent]

Hi, I’m Julia Morris.

[wolg-fang]

Me introducing myself

[leplastiquedick]

me telling people what to save me as in their phone

[skyakafreckles]

That was way better than I could have anticipated

[no-str8]

[ruinedchildhood]

Remember when 2 Stupid Dogs went to a strip club to find a shoe?

[fire-is-her-water]

My doggo, Ezri, who rarely barks and mostly borks.

When I got her, she’d been abused and would cower and pee at almost everything, and had been mistreated when she’d barked, so she never would. One day months after I had her she got excited on a walk and borked at a bird, and then immediately cower-peed. I had to re-teach her to bark by gathering her whole human pack and having everyone bark and howl and feed her treats and pet her till she got excited enough to join in, and then got more treats. Took a while but I was able to teach her to bork on command (and she’s gotta be excited or she just stares at me like “Sorry, the bork system needs charging”) and she’ll do it happily when she’s excited to go for a walk or upon seeing a friend, and at birds. I love her croaky borking, especially when she started off terrified of making a joyful noise.

[merak-zoran]

[corvigae]

What kind of dog is Ezri? I love her!!

[fire-is-her-water]

I… did not expect this post to blow up this much but I am delighted at all the tags and replies and Ezri has been told the internet thinks she’s a Very Good Dog. :D

She’s a German spitz - in the same family as keeshonds and pomeranians. She might be crossed with something else as her freckled coat, non-pointy nose, and personality are not standard for her breed (they’re usually a lot more high energy and excitable - she’s super laid back and chill). She’s a bit less fluffy than breed-standard too, mostly because she’s grown out from her spring/summer trim (not usually necessary/good for her type of coat but she gets terribly itchy otherwise). It also makes her look like a puppy of a large breed:

Ezri’s best friend is Murder Cat, who is a gentle friend to humans and Ezri, but does things to mice that would make Hannibal Lecter go “Isn’t that a bit much?”

I got Murder Cat as a kitten, and she used to try to nurse on everything when she was small. Eventually, she settled on her favourite thing to nurse on, Ezri, who has never had puppies and a little confused at first but eventually went with it. She grew out of it, but they have stayed snuggly buddies ever since.

New Years here is full of fireworks outside and Ezri gets Vry Scared. I usually set her up somewhere with a snuggly spot right by me, and Murder Cat comes and does this all night: 

She goes everywhere with me in my bakfiets (cargo bike) and lets me warm my hands in her fur on cold days.

And her ears disappear if I say her name to get her attention.

ok so great thanks for coming to my TED talk about my dog, good night, drive safe