Tom-mania

Yo, yo, Yo....Another les trying to express herself. I'm a Gemini which I believe is the coolest constellation of all. BTW, I don't just blog randomly. I blog with what I feel currently and how I feel with love, life, struggles, confusions, blah blah blah, so on and so forth. Ask or chat away!

[kgtom]

Rethink on definition of love.

[kgtom]

After so many years....im married now. But not even 12 months, the person I married to who I thought and how she portrayed to me was the one.

my advice, please get to know the person 1st before doing any big commitments. The 1st few months, they will always put their best suit on to get what they want. Even if it looks so promising, it is too good to be true.

take care, please.

[kgtom]

It’s been awhile

I’m kinda checking in.  Had one hell of a relationship the past two years - long distance. West Coast meets East Coast.  Due to a lot of complications in the relationship, she called it off and went back to her husband.  I’ll try to check in more often.

[kgtom]

1/06/17 Phoebe

Will definitely see how the next week or two plays out for myself in drawing or digging myself out of this grave hole that im getting deeper and deeper. Haaa. Overall, its a given for me. I know all along. She finally took the supervisor position which means gonna have to see her for another year when we all kept anticipating she will leave soon. Phoebe kept saying 2017 will be a great year for our dept. I hope so. Heart feels pretty cold and numb. Can't even describe this pain anymore.

[kgtom]

1/05/17 Phoebe (~_~)

The best for her. Will wish for the best to her.

As great and sweet and kind she can be and as to the best as I can treat her, won’t be able to win anything from her.

This full week she’s been so happy and lively mood, I asked her during our dinner nite out what’s giving her this happy energy.

So she tells me happy probably because her east coast friend Abby is coming to visit her next week and that she will take wed, thurs and fri off. Phoebe’s face lights up so much when she is talking about her. I think Abby’s really her only friend that matters whenever Phoebe talks about trips or visits to east coast.  She also said how she’s gonna make Abby move to california after Abby finishes grad school and live together with her.

I just have to wish Phoebe the best her everything and best with Abby. She looks and sounds really settled with Abby.

After we went to Ross and Daiso to shop for my marathon display project, then time to drop her off back at work to her car. She sounded very sweet and in a very gentle whispering tone, “Thank you for lunch, thank you for dinner.(referring to my company)” I seldom, hardly hear her in that tone to me. Abby makes her really really really happy. I’m glad of that.

[kgtom]

12/27/16 Phoebe

When i arrived to work to my desk, i almost smashed my ass to this solid plastic object on my chair. Guess what, she actually bought me this. ESTATIC but im pretty sure all the teammates who gave her a present probably got a lil gift from her too. I have to be mindful of her kind gestures as she always tells me she is always being fair and treats everyone the same.

[kgtom]

12/23/16 Phoebe

Here’s my remembrance of her when I read this diary back years down the line.

So, when i got off work at 5:30pm yesterday, she was busy running back and forth to the manager’s office for questions and urgent issues. So, I slipped my gift to her in her purse.

She calls me around 6:45pm (she’s finally off work) saying with joy that i sneaked a present to her purse. Phoebe sounded happy and said thank me very much even that she haven’t opened it yet. LOL. I was at a restaurant already with friends. She heard i was busy and made the convo short and hanged up. Awwwwwww..... it was nice hearing her soft gentle voice.

[kgtom]

12/22/16 Phoebe

Phoebe made goodies for the whole team today as a merry xmas gift to us all.

Debbie asked me if i want any food or to go out to eat, i told her no and that i have food already from home. And told debbie to ask Phoebe to go out with her to eat instead.

Ends up, PO office msg me saying if i tagged order with debbie. I said nope and Phoebe offered part of her portion to me to eat. Of course i took her offer and ate at her desk while Phoebe is half munching and half working, LOL. Got pics but will post later.

Here’s the catching. I actually later noticed the ass kisser (RC) gave her a big shopping bag present saying to phoebe from him. Then i also saw another bottle of wine at her desk which we didn’t know who it came from but most of the management level have that too.

After noticing that bag from one of my teammates to Phoebe, i felt I shouldn’t give her the gift i got her. I probably feel embarrassed with my gift to her. Sigh.... I’m very discouraged, bummed. That dude RC is an ass kisser and we all know it but never knew he would have that gesture. Sigh..... I need to get over it and bring the courage out to throw her that gift I got for her. COME ON, KG, YOU CAN GET OVER IT!

[kgtom]

12/20/16 Phoebe

Im very happy and even estatic tonite.

Treated Phoebe to hotpot buffet and she even liked it so much she is going to bring her nephew here next time. After dinner, went to see this well known xmas lites in san carlos.

No conflicts at all. Altho she did sounded mad or irritated when she got into my car. Can tell she’s trying to control her words too.

[kgtom]

12/17/16 Phoebe

Last nite friday (12.16) was our team happy hour for the year end. So our team of 10 went out (2 didn’t make it) to a near by restaurant/bar type place. Hanged and chatted. I sat right across from her and couldn’t stop gazing at her but trying not to make it so obvious because other coworkers might notice.

So, I have checked online how long bart takes her home and that i have gauge if I drove her across the bay will be worthwhile by the evening hours we left happy hour.

There was or maybe were (since might be more than one thing) that I got sad or bothered by of what she said or commented to the whole group. While we were taking a shot of whiskey (treat by our boss and yes she took a shot too even she’s not a drinker as she claims and I finished her beer for her to not let it go to waste). Then boss joked about if i’m ok to drive her and if Phoebe will be scared and can drive my car for me. LOL. Phoebe said jokingly that she will have to get another person to drive her or will ditch me kind of message. So, yeah, that comment in the parking lot with 3 other coworkers at the moment hurt me. We went back in and i was quiet and sad for a good 30 mins that even boss said if i’m drunk with that silence in me. But of course i know was not even tipsy, i was bummed Phoebe said that.

So, towards the end (3 hours later). I survived the happy hour without causing too much trouble or humiliation. Guess what! She followed me to my car and of course checked traffic before leaving and it was 25 mins to take her across so, pretty well worth my time and toll as long as i see her safely to her home. I confronted her in a joking way how she hurt me on the comment about letting me drive her or like how I thought she would have asked another coworker to take her to bart (her initial intent). Phoebe explained she was, of course, just kidding about it. I felt so much better.

During the short ride, we chatted and she mentioned how we haven’t seen the xmas lights yet like we did last year where I took her to the south SF chestnut neighborhood for their well known community xmas lites. I jumped with joy subtly and told her this year we will go to this new place for xmas lites (didn’t tell her it’s in santa clara). And told her let’s do the coming thursday and she sounded down for it. WOOoooHOOOOooooo!

Dropped her off, and she txtd me demanding that i have to txt her back once i get back home. Told her I’m 4 exists away from home but in actuality, i was heading to my next partying with my boss and other group of another dept’s coworkers. LOL. But I told her i’m home as I did pass through my home 1st so she would not be worried falling asleep.

[kgtom]

12/13/16 Phoebe

Today she threw me off guarded with this question below. Because we went out yesterday (to Costco gas for my car and pizza for her stomach) and didn’t expect her to ask me for the lunch agenda today. LOL. Plus, this morning I saw her tubberware of food assuming it’s her lunch, so going out was totally not in my world today.

So, i end up telling her “today's agenda will be to heat up our food and eat outside, i actually brought you something too“.

She must be having a great week and past wkend. Can feel how positive she is lately. Constant wanting to go out. I wonder what’s going on in her world....

[kgtom]

12.09.16 Phoebe

All i could say is awwwwww......

But she’s always this nice to everyone, so nothing special to her but it’s special to me since she was off yesteryday (12.08.16) and she went to lunch with her peeps (which i think is OIP dept) on 12.07.16. Plus, i know she said she doesn’t eat out much too and yet she’s eating out quite often with me.

PM hours UPdate:

I had coworkers’ bday dinner tonite close by. Phoebe didn’t drive today (bart then shuttle in) and we had a long lunch. So my dinner ended at 8:45pm and i was worried she wouldn’t make it to her last shuttle in this lil town that takes her to bart station. So, i quickly drove back to work and check and simultaneously txtd her too. Arrived back to work at 9pm, she replies at i went back to my work desk saying she just got home and had AN ADVENTURE WALKING TO BART STATION due to missing her last call on the shuttle. Sigh.... if only i could have finish the dinner quicker......

Phoebe might have enjoyed the walk but I still wanted to ensure her safety and drive her to bart station whenever I can. I would even go out of my way to take her to bart station but of course in reality, she doesn’t want me to even take her too often. She feels i’m doing too much and should not be obligated. I will still try my very best effort to ensure her safety without letting her know i’m trying really hard. Just don’t want her to feel bad about my kind gesture.

[kgtom]

12/07/16 Phoebe

Someone’s pushy now on getting food for me. But she’s heading out with some peeps of hers.... sad for me.... yeah, i can be possessive in a way lol.

She gave me and another teammate(s) an apple this morning. Thanks, Phoebe!

UPDATE: She told me she ended up not getting mexican, so no chips and tons of salsa, bummer.

[kgtom]

12/06/16 Phoebe

Cheesy highlight of my day with her.

[kgtom]

12/06/16 Phoebe

it’s been a long time since the last comment that made me smile

[kgtom]

11/18/16 Phoebe

Ive actually scored a few dinners with her. Im happy to be able to score a few dinners with her. Well, due to traffics of her going back to east bay. Still love her lots.

[kgtom]

7/08/16 Phoebe

Not much to look forward to anymore. I felt like the song "We Don't Talk Anymore". Only work related, even in IMs at work. I know she's going thru a lot of accumulated stress from home (she still won't tell and am reserved) and of course work. She officially taking the broker license exam with the white dude. I felt like she talks to him and probably tells him more things than telling me lately. Im slowly moving and falling out of the picture. Fate will do its job.