Khalehla

I like football. Lots of ramblings and blah-blah

[khalehla]

One day, Ilya, Shane and a group of their nearest and dearest are sitting around talking about how Ilya’s fans are so unhinged that there is no ad that Ilya can do that they won’t turn into a ridiculous thirst trap.

So as a game, they take turns coming up with something that could not possibly get deranged. These include:

Bank or local credit union. Mortgages, savings accounts, very beige branding. Ilya sits at a desk, fully dressed in a suit, talking about compound interest.

Response: No chance. Competent man explaining finances? In a suit? That’s an entire kink category. And you know they’ll put him in a vest with the jacket off halfway through, rolled‑up sleeves. Forearms…

Gut‑health campaign. Fibre. ‘Take care of your insides so you can play like Rozanov.’ Very grown‑up, very serious.

Response: COngratulations, you just invented ‘thirsty for probiotic daddy,’

City of Ottawa Municipal recycling. ‘Please sort your plastics.’ Safety vest over a hoodie. No suits, no jeans, just reflective neon.

Response: have you seen his legs in work boots? You’re just giving them ‘hot dad taking out the trash’ energy. There will be fanfic. There will be slow‑motion shots of him lifting the bin. There will be whole essays about how he respects the planet and also definitely knows how to fix a broken sink.

Transit safety. Don’t stand too close to the tracks. Bright orange safety posters.

Response: Imagine: long coat, cold breath in the air, camera catches him from behind as the train rushes past… That’s ‘mysterious stranger you see on your commute and accidentally fall in love with’ AO3 tag. And then they’ll Photoshop Shane sitting at the window of the passing train.

Pest control. ‘Hi, I’m Ilya Rozanov, and I want to talk to you about rats.’

Response: There will be edits of him saying ‘I can take out anything that invades your home’… which will lead to people who call themselves the Infestation.

Ottawa Public Library. ‘Read a book, kids.’

Response: All the “daddy” comments the internet can shake a stick at. Bonus unhinged points of someone saying “Rozanov can caress my spine anyday”

Orthopaedic shoes

Response: classic, older man/silver fox thirsting, with the additional bonus of Romantic thinkpieces about how Ilya takes care of his joints so he can still pick Shane up in his fifties.

Voice‑over only. Cartoons. Animated safety mascot. No face, no body, just the voice.

Response: deep, sexy Russian accent? Internet has no chance. And they’re probably gonna draw the mascot hot.

Tax filings: The Canada Revenue Agency. Literally just him saying, ‘Do your taxes.’ No visuals, no mascot. Just a PDF link.

Response: the PDF will get leaked. People will zoom in on his digital signature. Unhinged comment: ‘rozanov.pdf ruined my life’.

-.-

Later, someone in the group will post on their social media: “Okay, internet, hit me: ‘Least Thirstable Possible Ilya Rozanov Campaigns That Are Still Somehow Horny.’ Round One. Go.”

Within three minutes, the first meme arrives: a mock‑up of Ilya in a high‑visibility vest, thigh crop and all, with the caption I’M JUST HERE TO TAKE OUT YOUR TRASH, BABY.

[khalehla]

Ask, and you shall receive!

Ottawa Public Library✅ @ OttawaLibrary Need something new to read? 📚 Former Ottawa Centaurs captain Ilya Rozanov dropped by to show you how easy it is to place a hold and pick up your books from our self‑serve shelves. @IlyaRozanov81

[📹 Ilya in a soft grey cardigan and jeans, reusable tote over one shoulder, running a finger along the spine labels, then sliding a book free and smiling at the camera.

Caption: Read a book, kids. Your brain deserves a good workout too.]

💬 2.7K 🔁 12.8K ❤️ 88.4K

↩️Thighs & Skates @ thighsandskates ok but WHY does he look like gentle library daddy who remembers your favourite genre and picks up your holds before you even get the email 💬 1.3K 🔁 9.2K ❤️ 71.6K

↩️DeskJob Disaster @ overworked_and_unhinged “read a book, kids” sir respectfully i am 29 years old and would like you to CHECK ME OUT instead 💬 984 🔁 6.7K ❤️ 49.3K

↩️Bookworm On Ice @ pucksandpaperbacks everyone else: wow i love literacy me, staring at that shot of him running his hand down the shelf: sir you can CARESS MY SPINE ANYDAY 💬 2.1K 🔁 11.6K ❤️ 96.8K

↩️↩️unhinged raccoon energy @ trashpandasupreme babe, please, go outside and look at a tree 💬 1.1K 🔁 7.6K ❤️ 61.2K

🔁BiConicSection @ biconicsection NOT US INVENTING LIBRARY DADDY OVER A PSA ABOUT HOLDS this was supposed to be about community access not “file me under adult fiction” 💬 817 🔁 5.3K ❤️ 42.0K

↩️call me Bree @ Breeyana__ discovering that my exact kink is responsible man in cardigan saying “read a book, kids” and then gently sliding a novel off the shelf is something i did not expect in 2026 💬 692 🔁 4.1K ❤️ 33.5K

🔁Ottawa Watch @ OttWatch today’s episode of local institutions vs the unhinged internet ottawa public library runs a perfectly normal campaign, comments invent the phrase “library daddy” and “check me out, captain” within 45 minutes 💬 643 🔁 3.9K ❤️ 29.7K

frog with a phd @ amphibianthesis Begging people to understand appropriate forum basics. You do NOT have to reply “caress my spine” to a municipal library account, please just say thank you and go borrow a book 💬 912 🔁 5.8K ❤️ 44.1K

Centaurs Meme @ memeingcens101 [📷image screencap of the PSA still, zoomed in on Ilya’s hand on the book, quote text “Rozanov can caress my spine anyday” over it] caption: lack of DECORUM has officially reached the stacks 💬 2.4K 🔁 16.7K ❤️ 120.3K

Hollanov R My Kids @ mrshollanov2481 imagine shane seeing “read a book, kids” and thinking wow thats so wholesome and then scrolling down three inches to “daddy check me out” and “caress my spine.” somewhere in westboro he is whispering act decorously at his phone 💬 1.9K 🔁 14.2K ❤️ 110.6K

🔁Ottawa Public Library ✅ @ OttawaLibrary We are delighted that so many of you are excited about reading. 📚 We gently remind everyone that our comments are a shared public space. Please keep things decorous and remember we are, in fact, talking about books. 💬 3.0K 🔁 18.5K ❤️ 92.1K

@haunted-hideaway

[khalehla]

Thoughts on being the "Prince of Ottawa"

When he was younger, Shane believed that to play hockey, he had hold himself in and make himself palatable to the game, despite being given the title of "Generational Talent" and "Highest IQ in the Game". He realised very early on, that he was different - in looks, in skills, in mannerisms - and that if he just tone himself down enough so that all people could see was his hockey talent, then he could play and would be loved and accepted.

He was quietly devasted when he found out how very conditional that love and acceptance was.

After being outed, after moving to the Centaurs and playing with Ilya, after becoming the First Husbands of Hockey, after realising he doesn’t have to hide who he is or waste precious energy being palatable, he becomes BETTER, he and Ilya become almost impossibly good, and hockey becomes his in a way it never was or could be if he stayed at Montreal. The resulting Empire becomes his testament.

And Ottawa loved him - how they loved him. They loved their Hometown Prince who came back and chose home rather than cross the border when he left the team that drafted him. And not only that, he was the reason why the other Generational Talent, the other half of the First Husbands of Hockey, the beloved Captain of the Centaurs, was also playing in Ottawa.

While he was playing, that title made something itch inside him, though, because it felt almost like a velvet cage, another title he needed to live by. But now that he's retired? He's learned to let the title settle like a worn jumper rather than the shackles he used to fear they were.

It still surprises him that he’s still considered the Prince of Hockey-Ottawa, and that his fans adore him and his family, long after his and Ilya's numbers have been raised to the rafters. And it's not so bad, being their Prince. The obligations aren't burdensome and the fans for the most part are respectful; as long as they remember that he isn’t a lonely isolated prince - he has Ilya, and now the boys - he doesn’t mind anymore being called Prince.

[you can read more of my official stories on AO3: My Hollanov-GC/HR Empire universe]

[khalehla]

One day, Ilya, Shane and a group of their nearest and dearest are sitting around talking about how Ilya’s fans are so unhinged that there is no ad that Ilya can do that they won’t turn into a ridiculous thirst trap.

So as a game, they take turns coming up with something that could not possibly get deranged. These include:

Bank or local credit union. Mortgages, savings accounts, very beige branding. Ilya sits at a desk, fully dressed in a suit, talking about compound interest.

Response: No chance. Competent man explaining finances? In a suit? That’s an entire kink category. And you know they’ll put him in a vest with the jacket off halfway through, rolled‑up sleeves. Forearms…

Gut‑health campaign. Fibre. ‘Take care of your insides so you can play like Rozanov.’ Very grown‑up, very serious.

Response: COngratulations, you just invented ‘thirsty for probiotic daddy,’

City of Ottawa Municipal recycling. ‘Please sort your plastics.’ Safety vest over a hoodie. No suits, no jeans, just reflective neon.

Response: have you seen his legs in work boots? You’re just giving them ‘hot dad taking out the trash’ energy. There will be fanfic. There will be slow‑motion shots of him lifting the bin. There will be whole essays about how he respects the planet and also definitely knows how to fix a broken sink.

Transit safety. Don’t stand too close to the tracks. Bright orange safety posters.

Response: Imagine: long coat, cold breath in the air, camera catches him from behind as the train rushes past… That’s ‘mysterious stranger you see on your commute and accidentally fall in love with’ AO3 tag. And then they’ll Photoshop Shane sitting at the window of the passing train.

Pest control. ‘Hi, I’m Ilya Rozanov, and I want to talk to you about rats.’

Response: There will be edits of him saying ‘I can take out anything that invades your home’… which will lead to people who call themselves the Infestation.

Ottawa Public Library. ‘Read a book, kids.’

Response: All the “daddy” comments the internet can shake a stick at. Bonus unhinged points of someone saying “Rozanov can caress my spine anyday”

Orthopaedic shoes

Response: classic, older man/silver fox thirsting, with the additional bonus of Romantic thinkpieces about how Ilya takes care of his joints so he can still pick Shane up in his fifties.

Voice‑over only. Cartoons. Animated safety mascot. No face, no body, just the voice.

Response: deep, sexy Russian accent? Internet has no chance. And they’re probably gonna draw the mascot hot.

Tax filings: The Canada Revenue Agency. Literally just him saying, ‘Do your taxes.’ No visuals, no mascot. Just a PDF link.

Response: the PDF will get leaked. People will zoom in on his digital signature. Unhinged comment: ‘rozanov.pdf ruined my life’.

-.-

Later, someone in the group will post on their social media: “Okay, internet, hit me: ‘Least Thirstable Possible Ilya Rozanov Campaigns That Are Still Somehow Horny.’ Round One. Go.”

Within three minutes, the first meme arrives: a mock‑up of Ilya in a high‑visibility vest, thigh crop and all, with the caption I’M JUST HERE TO TAKE OUT YOUR TRASH, BABY.

[khalehla]

I received a (now deleted) comment that said “DNF - USES REAL PEOPLE” on a cross over fic, and let me tell you, i *scrambled* to make sure I had all the RPF tags and made sure I had RPF in the fandom… the trauma from previously writing RPF is real 😂

[khalehla]

Ilya doesn’t actually get into many fights on the ice - this is a misconception born from the fact that he really *is* one of the most hated players on ice. But that’s coz a) he is genuinely hella better than them, and b) that he is a top-grade rage-baiter and has perfected The Art of The Chirp. Ilya prefers to destroy people on ice, and that means being able to annoy them enough so that they play worse.

When he *does* get into fights, it’s because of something bad enough take he will NOT let slide. Which usually means that the Centaurs are hyper-aware when their captain does drop gloves, and they are READY when their captain calls.

[khalehla]

Shane and Ilya - even to their own surprise at first - don’t really do PDA. Outside of the “normal” couple affections like holding hands, affection touching and small kisses, they’ve found that they like to keep the “hot and heavy” for very special occasions and their private time.

Except when it comes to Shane’s freckles.

Ilya gets THE most intense cuteness aggression, and he can’t help himself from the occasional nibble, multiple kisses, or sometimes just running his fingers lightly over them in wonder.

the Centaurs have realised that the easiest way to distract Ilya is Shane - and the fastest way is for Ilya to fixate on his freckles.

[you can read more of my official stories on AO3: My Hollanov-GC/HR Empire universe]

[yadathings]

[argillaforma]

this is how i imagine ilya with the centaurs after a game btw

[khalehla]

What would be even funnier is if Shane loses a bet and he has to be the one giving the kisses. Shane Hollander is canonically 5’10, which is not usually a “problem”, but Ilya is not the only 6’3 tall hockey player on the team, and the reality is Shane is one of the shortest… so… imagine, ALL the Centaurs have to either bow their heads or literally bend down so that Shane can plant a large MWAH on their helmets…

Yeah now I have a fic idea d’oh

[themoonandmyman]

baby Ilya’s tiny angry Russian ranting when Irina won’t let him stay on the ice and his cheeks are all bright pink and his little nose is wet and he’s plopping down onto the ice and crossing his arms and yelling NYET NYET NYET.

Across the ocean at the exact same time, the exact same thing is happening to a very exhausted Yuna Hollander.

[littleewhitelotus]

i just HAD to draw this

[yadathings]

[potatomode]

Pls. do not re-post/reupload or use outside of tumblr without my permission.

[chemdoodles]

I'm late, but I wanted to draw this so...

Happy Birthday, Shane Hollander!

[khalehla]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/83908436/chapters/221874741

Chapter 4 of my fic Stanley Queer: A Guide to Winning the Cup (Badly) uses a very scientific coincidentally predictive algorithm that may or may not be able to predict the winner of a game depending on each team's QF. So if you want to read a fic that has:

Sidney Crosby breaking journalists and the internet then walking off into the sunset

"hot Russians" becoming a requirement for winning the Stanley cup

Alex Ovechkin being the chaos godmother the league never knew it needed

cursed algorithms that work 😦

... hope to see you in the fic!

---

Alex Ovechkin stands at the grill, spatula in one hand, beer in the other, shouting instructions in Russian and English interchangeably. A banner someone made as a joke hangs between two trees:

WELCOME TO OVI’S MATCHMAKER BBQ HOT RUSSIANS - NICE CANADIANS NORTH AMERICANS - CUPS GUARANTEED*

(*results not actually guaranteed, please consult your local GM)

---

[elishamanning]

[potatomode]

Pls. do not re-post/reupload or use outside of tumblr without my permission. Ilya: Is joke, Shane! I sowee Shaaaaannneeee 😭

[khalehla]

I'm back to writing, and being the type of writer who will do 2 weeks worth of research followed by another 2 weeks of world building before posting anything, i have So Much unposted work... mainly the socmed takes that didn't make it into the final cut.

So if you are NOT into Game Changers - Heated Rivalry, you might want to unfollow me now since it will be a lot 🤪

If you are, and would like to read my Empire universe, would love it if you could join me on AO3 as well 🥰

https://archiveofourown.org/series/5891921

This is how the Centaurs built an empire in seven years, and why they look ready for the seven after that

And here's chapter 2 of the main universe story for your reading pleasure 😊

(Will contain minor spoilers, but also hopefully intrigue you enough to keep reading 😉

POSTSCRIPT: A Thank‑You From a No‑Longer‑Long‑Suffering Fan

https://archiveofourown.org/works/81635076/chapters/214764611#workskin

There was a time when covering the Centaurs meant learning to write the same story 82 different ways. Another missed assignment, another 5–2 loss. Another night when the tickets were selling for half price and the loudest sound in the rink was the refrigeration.

Then a few people made decisions, some seemingly small and inconsequential, but it was in those decisions that history was made.

Harris Drover got hired and walked into the building expected to shape the Centaurs' public image without having to pretend the rainbow pins on his jacket meant something it didn’t.

Ilya Rozanov chose Ottawa when he could have gone anywhere, talking about “wanting to build something” in a way that sounded like PR until he actually did it.

(Yes, now we know that he moved for romantic reasons, but at the time, nobody in Ottawa had a clue.)

Troy Barrett came out and was met, not with half‑hearted statements, but with an organisation that staked its own reputation on backing him, not just in his sexuality, but in his support for victims of abuse.

Shane Hollander, outed on fan video and worn down by subtler shifts in an old room, walked away from comfort and history and big‑market certainty to come home on a discount that made no spreadsheet sense.

A locker room that by and large decided that team was family, and they had each others' backs.

As fans, we got to see the dividends.

We watched Rozanov and Hollander pull off that jump shot and laughed, then realised no one else’s team had players who could do that. We watched the first Cup get raised and thought, “If it’s only this, it’s enough,” and then watched a second one go up a year later with half the roster taped together and other half running on fumes and a refusal to stay down.

We watched Haas go from the file name on a draft card to the kid every ten‑year‑old in the region pretends to be. We watched Karlsen, Lindholm, Park and Jónsson arrive and somehow never look lost for long. We watched LaPointe, Young and Holmberg go from “who? from Ottawa you said? Who cares?” to “oh no, we have to play against them now?” on other teams.

We watched a team that once felt like a waystation become a place players talked about retiring in. We watched stars take less money and less term at the end, not because they couldn’t get more, but because they didn’t want to put on another jersey.

If you strip it down, the Centaurs did all the hard, boring things right: they drafted well, they paid their stars when they could and rewarded them handsomely at a later date for their loyalty when they couldn't. They handled the cap creatively, they made smart bets on staff and systems. But they also did something harder to measure: they treated love and friendship as assets, not distractions; they assumed that if you built a room where people were safe and seen, they’d stay, and they’d play their best longer than the models predicted.

Some-die hard fans argue that you need systems, that you can’t build a team on the power of love and friendship; the younger fans joke that you can, however, do it with vibes and queer love. My opinion is an age-old wisdom: por qué no los dos? You still need talent, work, and ruthless decisions. You still have to trade friends and say hard goodbyes and block shots that break hands - but you also need what we’ve had here: a captain who uses his influence to widen the circle, a superstar who leaves one empire to build another in a place that will have him as he is, a front office willing to look at someone like Dan McLeod and see genius where other people saw “too much,” a fanbase that kept showing up through the bad years so they were here to make noise in the good ones.

The proof, they say, is in the pudding.

As someone who sat through the empty years, who wrote about seemingly endless losses in front of half a crowd, I don’t have anything sophisticated left to say. Just this: thank you. If this is the end of our only dynasty run, we'll still treasure it for the gift it is. But if, like I suspect it is, this is the start of something new, then thank you feels small, but it’s what I’ve got. Thank you for the Cups, for the late nights, for the ribs nobody talked about until the parade, for the rookies who stepped in when they had no business being ready, for the way the building sounds now compared to what it used to.

However this particular spring ends, those of us who were here at the beginning - and the middle, and the scary bits in between - will always know what we saw: an empire built in seven years, and the foundations of the next seven already laid.

As Ottawa's no longer long-suffering fans, we have become custodians of proof that in a league still suffering from bigoted traditions and designed for parity, an empire is still possible - and that you can build one without losing the parts of yourself that matter most.

Thank you

By Jenna Ritchie, Centaurs beat reporter, Ottawa Gazette

[sainzxcrosby]

no one does it like them.