Maybe Not

[khannnnnnnnnn]

WHY IN THE ACTUAL FUCK DOES NO ONE LOOK OIT FOR ME LIKE I DO FOR THEM?! LIVING IS A FUCKING SCAM

[khannnnnnnnnn]

If to be loved is to be seen, then consider me hidden.

[khannnnnnnnnn]

I just want to be seen.

[khannnnnnnnnn]

It actually shocks me that so many people think I’m this “cool, calm, and collected person.” Am I *really* that good at hiding how I feel, or do the people around me not see it or care?

[khannnnnnnnnn]

Oh, to be the first and last thought of their day.

To be the one that takes their breath away.

To be the ray of sunshine in the middle of a storm.

To be the only one that keeps their heart warm.

Oh, to walk to the rhythm of their heartbeat.

To be the one they need more than they need to eat.

To be on their mind like they need you to breathe.

But that’s all a dream because that will never be me.

[khannnnnnnnnn]

Me: *puts on an outfit I think is cute*

Me: *looks in mirror*

Brain: oh wow, you’re really fat and ugly and you should kill your self lmaooooo

Me: well, time for a new outfit!

[khannnnnnnnnn]

Why do I find myself apologising for how I feel?

[khannnnnnnnnn]

It’s tough to watch life around you move forward while you feel like you’re moving backwards and sometimes, it’s even harder to feel happy for others for their success.

[khannnnnnnnnn]

Me: *puts other people before myself*

Brain: you’re tiring yourself out. do something for yourself!

Me: *does something for myself*

Brain: you selfish bitch-

[khannnnnnnnnn]

I’m exhausted from trying so hard but I feel like I’m running in place. I just want to rest.

[khannnnnnnnnn]

You know it’s getting bad when you have to figure out If your last $15 will be going towards throat lozenges or your antidepressant refills.

[khannnnnnnnnn]

This might be it for me.

[khannnnnnnnnn]

You know the feeling when you realise you’re never anyone’s first choice to talk to or to hang out with so you distance yourself from everyone to see if anyone will message you first and no one does so you just isolate yourself completely?

Because same lmao.

[khannnnnnnnnn]

You ever feel like a guest inside your own house?

[khannnnnnnnnn]

I hate it when people say I “should be thankful you were adopted because it means your parents chose you.”

What they fail to realise is that the only reason my parents got to choose me was because someone else gave me up.

[khannnnnnnnnn]

It’s a circle. I’m upset because I’m lonely but I don’t want to attach myself to anyone because they’ll realise I’m useless and leave me and I’ll end up upset because I’m lonely.

[khannnnnnnnnn]

What do you do when your friend always plays the victim card and has to be right all the time?

Obviously pretend to ignore it so they don’t abandon you ✨