Douchecanoe @ki-tastrophe - Tumblr Blog

My heart feels like you are hiding something, that you fall in love so easily. Out of love with me and in love with someone else. I’m stupid and I don’t know, it’s been two years. I don’t know, you say she is just a friend but I keep hearing and hearing about her. Her name spews out of your mouth at least once everytime we hang out... I heard her voice... she sounds so intriguing... her personality and everything seems to match yours....................... but you say she is just a friend, like how that girl with long locks and a mouth full of metal was a friend until she called you multiple times and you said she and you had chemistry... that’s why I question your love for me now and of this girl is just really your “friend”.....

I'm bewildered my forever changing environments, my mind loses pieces along the way so my heart does too, losing myself, you said I could count on you to be my gravity with no strings or catches, yet you threw me back even harder, my soul whip lashed, my faith in loyalty and trust faded away as you let go with a smile on your face, tears stream down my face making my heart as cold as ice and deeper than a black hole, everything is going and I'm trying so hard to stand back up

My heart beats with anger, yet sheds tears of brokenness, my love is starved and so is my body, wondering if this is truly what I deserve, so deprived that anything, even if it is less than nothing, I grately accept with open arms and a smile on my face, greeting an old friend that stabbed my heart a million times but molds it back together, through a looking glass, curious of where you go when you don't answer back, I see more life in messages to another soul, and yet again my heart shaders into a million pieces, everytime more and more mismatched pieces of me fall every where, I was hoping you'd catch me and hug me with everything you have........ but you were to busy connecting with another soul, as my last tear of love, anger, depression, brokenness, I am forever forgotten to you...

Phone call

The only phone calls I get are from telemarketers, I am the person who will talk to anyone if they talk to me first, It can be a very lonely existence, I'm in a relationship and he doesn't even call me, He is too worried that me might hear something that he wish he hadn't, As if my contact with the world is bare minimum, I have come to the conclusion that I don't wish to speak to anyone, Not to get attached, Not to do anything, I like it that way, Because the only phone calls I get are from telemarketers, Not people who call me for shoulders to cry on, When I call them they wish not to hear it, The only phone calls I get are from telemarketers, Not friends that want to do stuff but cancel last minute, losing hope on people, I get a cat, So the only phone calls I get are from telemarketers.

#depression #sadness #poem #lonely #loner

Beautiful

I just wish that I was different, That I could be another person that is better, more beautiful, That my soul can shed this decrepit body of mine, So that my wings will spread wider than mother natures hips, That people will admire and respect what they feel from my presence, I wish that I was different, A beautiful butterfly from a hideous caterpillar, I wish I could be different.

#poem #different #sadness

Disappear

I wish nobody knew or needed me, That way I could disappear into infinity.

#sadness #depression

Why do I hate myself..

My heart belows with grief and sorrow, As depression sinks it's claws in to my ankles and drags me to my nightmares, My nails try to hang on the floor, but nails rip off from my nail bed, and pieces of wood pierce my fragile fingers, I hate myself, I hate the fact that I fuck everything up, I hate that I can't keep a conversation, I hate the fact I can't have fun with my boyfriend, I hate the fact I want to kill myself every day, So that I couldn't hurt anyone anymore, Or fuck anything up, I hate myself.

#depressed #depression #feeling #sorry #for #myself #why #am #i #like #why am i like this

Higher than clouds

I want to be higher than the clouds that touch the heavens, I wish that no body knew me, so when I fade away I wouldn’t be missed, I wouldn’t have to worry about leaving people behind, or disappointing anyone anymore than I have already, Life has made me so fucked up, when I just want to be happy, I have to make myself happy, But it’s a life long struggle when no body wants to talk to me, and if they do it’s not for long, Living in isolation has made me an alien to everyone else on this earth, …I just want to be higher than the clouds, The clouds that touch the heavens,

#poem #depressed #literature #isolated #isolation #high #heartbroken

ki-tastrophe

her

you said she didnt matter.

you said that you didnt want to lose me, but your actions revealed the lies that spewed out of your delicate mouth,

you said she broke your heart and you dont talk to her,

in fact you said you hated her,

its funny how your definitions are akwardly wrong,

i saw your messages,

the look in your eyes said everything.

you still had feelings for her,

she is everything you want, but she didnt want you.

you cant stand the thought a girl turned you down that you move on quickly wounding innocent souls who grew to love you,

you turned into

her

the lies you say tell me you still want

her

not me im not her, im not fashionable, im not confident, im not preppy

im not her.

ki-tastrophe

I am me

I can't get you out of my head and it is killing me, I need to let you go

Just leave like you always do...

I'm stupid, to let old Cupid stick an arrow into my heart for you, for I give you everything love and all, yet you make me feel crazy and always unsure what holds for us in the future, leave me hanging like a desperate love stricken fool, you leave and leave when things get the slightest hard, continuously cracking my heart and leaving my skin colder than you can be, so now is the time where you actually leave but I'm not going to stop you or tell you how much I care about you and that you mean so much to me, because you use that against me every time you leave

#leave me alone

culturenlifestyle

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I need to be more social tbh