Armand

I write short essays about psychosis. I'm the Head Organizer of Crazy Nice People www.CrazyNicePeople.org Feel free to message me at any time .

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Panic and Anxiety Gets Undertreated Due to the Stigma surrounding Benzodiazepines

While it is true that some patients develop addictions to the drugs, doctors tend to greatly overcompensate for this. Many doctors refuse to prescribe them for any reason.

They instead prescribe far less effective medications such as Buspar. Sometimes they prescribe SSRIs which have the potential to worsen panic attacks.

The bottom line is that, if there is an effective medication to solve panic attacks, it should be administered as long as the patient is warned of the potential side effects. That way the doctor and patient can make the best decision about the optimal course of treatment.

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When Lightning Strikes a Schizo Twice

It's a cliche meant to refer to a stroke of astronomically bad luck. Most people use it when they chance upon getting two flat tires or some other terribly inconvenient occurrence. They get frustrated. They move on. Something far far worse happens to those on the schizo spec.

Schizophrenics are constantly making loose connections which force them to conclude that something suspicious is afoot. Over time, they may learn to turn off the portion of their brains which make these associations. However, no level of discipline allows for the writing off of the proverbial double lightning strike.

Let's say that, in a moment of brief instability, that a nearby tv perfectly syncs up with the schizo's thoughts. Faster than any reality checking can occur, a passing car radio proceeds to do exactly the same. Incontrovertible proof of thought broadcasting.

In the face of such strong empirical data, many a schizo could understandably spend the remainder of the day in deep thought as to what this signifies. At worst, it could send them spiraling back into the delusional state which they fought so hard to escape from.

A set of coincidences is entertaining to the average person. To those caught up in the endless battle with psychosis, it amounts to their foe unleashing a WMD. There are no winners

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That One Unexplainable Event

Throughout the life of a psychotic person, they experience a myriad of symptoms. Some Terrifying. Some mania inducing. Some are even comical. Over time we learn to put those symptoms behind us and do not incorporate those notions into our way of thinking. That's true for most. For an unlucky few, there are events experienced within their personal reality refuse to fade away. That one piece of iron clad proof that your unshared beliefs are true.

This type of proof I speak of is air tight beyond all reasonable doubt. This would hold as proof in the schizo court of law. It often takes the form of an astronomical coincidence. It's if you won too unfortunate lotteries or were struck by lightning twice.

You can't write it off as coincidence. To do so would feel as though you were gaslighting yourself. The feeling of doing so while people in your life agree for reasons you can't fathom puts a beyond-uncomfortable pit in your stomach. It's psych torture. There is no therapy that can contend with your irrefutable proof. The best you can hope for is to allow so much time to pass such that the proof isn't thought about anymore.

One would think that a wacky notion conjured from nothing would be the most disorienting. In truth, it's the delusions that you have proof for in your mind.

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On Fake Memories

There is a heavy emphasis on treating the hallucinations and delusions of psychotic patients. While they do deserve that recognition, there is a very significant symptom that psychiatrists rarely even inquire about. False memories.

There are a number of reasons why this should be considered a severe symptom. The foremost being that they can be the root cause of delusional narratives. People who experience delusions often have a false memory as evidence that their delusions are true.

False memories can also mimic the symptoms of command hallucinations. If the memory in question is that of receiving instructions on how to go about performing a certain mission, it's every bit as influential as a commanding voice. Perhaps more so.

Memories also shape who we are. False memories create a false sense of identity. A person may believe they've accomplished grandiose feats which lead them to believe that they are far more important than others perceive them to be in shared reality.

Far from bring an obscure symptom that should receive little to no recognition. False memories should be treated like the very severe symptom that they are.

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The Worst Narrative That a Delusion Can Have is to Force You to Keep it a Secret

The reasons for the secrecy are limited only by the limitless reasons that your brain can conjure. Perhaps revealing your secret will result in your death. A loved one may be harmed. All of existence could come to an end. Anything to prevent you from uttering a word.

So why is this the worst narrative? There are multiple reasons. It can make your condition impossible for others to recognize. Keeping your delusion a secret at any and all costs is akin to masking throughout every waking moment.

Lacking the option to speak of what is often the most profound belief in your head causes perpetual suffering in silence. Talking your thoughts out with others is one of the best forms of therapy. Conversely, bottling up your problems is one of the worst ways to react to what troubles you. What other option does one have when the fate of the universe is at stake? You must stay silent.

Suffering in solitude. Help just out of arms reach. People who would care being oblivious to it. All because of that one little aspect of your delusion that you don't even realize is causing you the most harm.

Don't tell a soul.

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One Internally Consistent Reaction to a Bad Decision on the Part of a Doctor Does not Make me Low Functioning

I had long since been approved for disability. My psychotic symptoms were a part of my existence as familiar to me as how I would react to the foods I consume. I could recognize the beginning and know what was soon on it's way.

With this level of understanding came with it a high level of functioning. Knowing the experiences would soon manifest as well as their duration allowed me to remain in control of my wits to the point where it didn't produce the tiresome effects of masking.

Unfortunately, the mercilessness of schizophrenia can, in the darkest moments, make a psych ward visit the best option available.

It began as a standard intake session. Questions asked. My answers were typed. Then schiz threw me a curve ball. Each time the doctor typed my reply to her inquiry, audible and articulate words would emerge from the key board. Threats. Death Threats. Statements suggesting the doctor was lying to me. I couldn't complete the intake procedure.

I clearly explained what was taking place as clearly as I typed it now. I told the doctor that I required immediate treatment. She refused, kept typing, and caused life threatening statements to chip away at my sanity. I gave a calm final warning that I required medication. She typed more death threats and I retaliated with an act of violence. I was placed in a low functioning unit as a result.

The behavior of the other patients only worsened my condition. The unit itself was funded by those who had no respect for basic needs. There were ways in which it was worse than television drama. I didn't belong there, I couldn't have been more civil upon requesting my needed meds. My placement in that unit was not a medical treatment. It was a punishment.

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Delusions of Surveillance Follow You

Delusions of surveillance are exactly what they sound like. It presents when the psychotic person knows, in their reality, that they are being spied upon. It isn't always as simple as stating that one feels as though they are being watched. It can be taken to such an extreme that the patient is driven crazy in the truest sense of the word.

Imagine that a psychotic person is so deep in this delusion that he believes their are thermal cameras in the surrounding homes being watched by body language experts and lip readers. The person will undoubtedly spend his time in what should be his private safe space watching every movement he makes. Making sure not to mouth any words. Doing so would give away secrets he's trying to hide from the mysterious "they" that spies upon him.

The most bizarre extremes can even make a reader unsettled. The psychotic person can believe that there are hidden devices tracking his eye movements. Eye movements that can reveal information about his truthfulness and state of mind. Spending all of one's energy controlling eye movements for the purpose of not giving away secret information is enough to cause a breakdown in those with no mental illness. Think not? Let it last years. Years is too cruel. Give one a go.

The wild examples of surveillance are endless. They can dominate a psychotic person's life for as long as the delusion is held. At the very least it will create a life of misery. At worst? It's not hard to imagine it causing a full on break down. Not hard at all. It's happened.

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You'll Die if You Ever Become Too Happy

It's a delusional narrative I've struggled with since the onset of my condition. It's my understanding that other schizophrenics have had similar delusions, but I'll describe how it works for me.

The people who control my life. The unnamed "they", if you will. They aim to end my life at a moment when I'm extremely happy. The idea behind this is that I'm suffering so continuously that ending my life in a moment of great happiness is a sort of mercy killing. They'd simply switch off my simulated reality. You know, the reality that I live in. Here is the awful part.

I don't want to die. Suffering or not. This means, at any time I notice myself feeling great joy, I immediately snuff the feeling out to avoid putting an end to my life.

This delusion that I've never quite been able to shake has made it impossible to feel happy in but anything longer than a short burst. It's truly terrible.

Still, I live for the short bursts.

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Doctors Should Not be so Reluctant to Prescribe Benzodiazepines

Not every patient that wants to try a benzo is a drug seeker. Sometimes benzos are the only thing preventing a patient from experiencing a living hell each and every day.

In the event that a doctor does prescribe a benzo, it is often a short supply, and the patient is told to only take it for emergencies. The problem with that is, for some patients, every day is an emergency. Their anxiety and panic cripple them. They find themselves unable to perform everyday tasks such as simple phone calls. In extreme cases, some patients forget to take care of basic needs such as eating food and drinking water.

What about addiction? That is what doctor supervision is for. It's their job to not prescribe amounts great enough to cause a serious dependency. They can also administer drug tests to determine if the patient is running out of their prescription much too soon. Many precautions can be taken.

Benzodiazepines have the potential to greatly improve the quality of people's lives. They can help them stay motivated to exercise, socialize, perform self-care, maintain a positive life outlook, and take interest in activities that once seemed impossible.

Benzodiazepines don't deserve to be feared and demonized by both the medical community and the public in the way that they so often are. They can be miracle drugs.

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Hedonistic Baseline Adjustment as an Explanation for Imposter Syndrome

Hedonic Baseline Adjustment, put in very simplistic terms, is the human brain's tendency to accept new circumstances as the new normal. This is why you cannot remain permanently euphoric over a wonderful change to your life. It's why when you encounter a depressing turn of events that you ultimately view them as the way your life now is.

For the purpose of staying true to the topic in the title, we'll be focusing on the latter. When a schizophrenic begins to lose touch with reality, it is likely to be the most horrific experience of their life. They may require multiple hospitalizations, heavy medications, and/or intensive therapy. Not for long, though. Why?

Hedonic Baseline Adjustment. The psychotic existence is now considered by the patient to be a normal life and, while this may please their caregivers, it produces a rather crummy side effect. The patient doesn't feel justified in saying that they have a condition!

Imposter syndrome. It plagues so many psychotic patients. It causes them to stop seeing doctors. It causes them to cease their meds. It could even result in the patient wrongfully confessing that they made their condition up. A total lie.

Both patients and caregivers should be aware of this phenomenon. The problems it can potentially cause are numerous.

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The Fine Line Between Spirituality and Delusional Thought

A psychotic delusion is defined by having a fixed false belief in the face of all contrary evidence that isn't consistent with one's cultural practices.

That last part concerning cultural beliefs is important. It's what stops most conspiracy theorists from being considered delusional. There are those among us who consider the Earth to be flat. The evidence to the contrary is overwhelming. However, there is an online culture that teaches this belief. These people are not mentally ill. They've simply subscribed to a certain cultural belief system.

The former half of the definition is also key. "Fixed". You'll witness people speaking about their paranoia stating that they know their belief isn't true deep down, but they simply can't seem to shake it. A truly delusional person will hold to their "truth" as deeply as they are certain gravity is true.

Pointing out holes and inconsistencies in their thinking will do no good whatsoever. You're likely to become part of their delusion within their mind if you attempt this. After all, you're trying to convince them that an established fact is indeed false. They'd see it as gaslighting.

So when is one delusional? You're delusional when your mind pulls a belief right out of its proverbial butt. It didn't require the influence of outside sources. It's as if you had a sudden epiphany one day and believed it ever since.

Lasty, when one has a delusion, you're unlikely to bring it up to anyone in the context of having a delusion. It's not a delusion to the schizophrenic. It's a fact of life

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Thought Broadcasting is a Wicked Symptom

TB, if you have it severely enough, has the potential to drive you stir crazy. It's a specific form of experiencing synchronicities. You're observing people sync up with your thoughts so frequently that one has no other conclusion to draw apart from your thoughts must be being heard by others.

It's violating. Your thoughts are supposed to be a safe and secure realm. A fortress of solitude. This intrusion on your privacy can make it impossible to function.

Consider this. Thoughts are always popping in your head at random throughout the day. It happens when you're communicating with others. Now imagine those random thoughts, possibly rude ones, are able to be heard by those you are talking to. You'll feel the need to explain said thoughts as they occur. The conversation on your end will appear nonsensical. Communication is nearly impossible.

Though broadcasting appears to be so real to those experiencing it that a pill isn't going to be the solution to make it stop. After all, people are hearing your thoughts. What is a pill going to do?

It's difficult to treat. It causes you to behave irrationally. It's extremely violating. It is truly a wicked symptom.

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Normal People Take Their Stability for Granted

It's not entirely their fault. If you've never had your whole reality turned inside out before your very eyes then you couldn't possibly picture your reality being any other way.

For those that have a psychotic disorder such as schizophrenia, stability is as precious as the rarest of diamonds. They'd trade anything for permanent stability.

This is why they both self medicate with THC, prescriptions, and alcohol as well as subject themselves to be treated with powerful side effect-ridden medications. They'll even try terrifying procedures such as ECT.

Stability is a gift. It should never be taken for granted.

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What is the Schizophrenia and What is Just Who You Are?

It's impossible to answer. Caregivers become frustrated when they can't answer this question. We as schizophrenics have to ask ourselves this question every single day. It's so far more frustrating for us.

We can usually identify our problems. We are well aware of them. The real problem is that we don't know if it is a result of our condition that we need to learn to accept as a fact about our lives or if it is an obstacle that we can work to overcome.

There is one thing that is certain. The struggle to answer this unanswerable question will haunt us for as long as we live.

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The Strikingly Similar Delusions of Psychotic People Who Are Complete Strangers

It's quite remarkable when you think about it. Unique minds from different cultures and upbringings. Dissimilar surroundings and experiences. Yet, while psychotic, they produce amazingly similar delusional narratives.

All one needs to do is talk to groups of psychotic people to see how true this really is. Nearly all psychotic people believe that the television or radio has been talking to them at some point in their life. Most have known that the people surrounding them are hearing their thoughts. There is always a conspiracy involving the people in their lives. With all of that, those are just the textbook examples.

There are countless people who believe that they are living in a simulated reality where all of the people around them are different aspects of their personality. They believe that certain advertisements contain coded messages needed to accomplish grandiose goals. One could fill a library with examples.

Why though? These people didn't live the same life. When their brains went cocoa puffs on them, it should have produced wildly different experiences for each person. Yet it did not. Fascinating doesn't begin to describe it. Maybe we'll learn the answer one day. There is an upside, though.

If you suffer from a psychotic disorder, you have a ton of people with a lot of things in common with which to form friendships.

Embrace your craziness and make some crazy friends.

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Recreational Drug Usage Can Make the Onset of Schizophrenia a Very Confusing Time

It's almost universally accepted that marijuana is a harmless substance at this point. Alcohol does little to no harm when used responsibly. Micro doses of hallucinogens such as psylocibin and MDMA aren't seen as scary as they once were. That is, until the onset of schizophrenia comes into play.

For starters, the person may be unaware that they're experiencing the onset of anything. They will simply write it off as a bad drug experience. That's nothing out of the ordinary. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop with one bad high. These bad drug experiences keep happening at a rate much higher than normal. It can reach a level where bad experiences are all that is gotten from their drug of choice. Sooner or later, the person is forced to cease their use.

For reasons they can't explain, the bad experiences continue to occur. This brings us to the next downside of using drugs as a schizo. When the person inevitably seeks medical attention to find out what the heck is wrong with them, professionals will write it off as being caused by drug use.

This unfortunate predicament may halt the course of much needed medical treatment. Professionals are just labeling the patient a junky rather than treat their mental illness. It's been known to take years of passing administered drug tests while reporting severe symptoms before doctors finally accept that the person is actually mentally ill.

Doctors would do well to remember this: Drug users can have mental illnesses too

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The High Priority Missions That Schizophrenics Get Sent on

It would be funny if you didn't know that the person was suffering internally. Scared. Panicked. Worried. Confused. All the while trying to complete a task of the utmost importance.

I've known of schizophrenics who would stand outside of gated communities with a camera collecting evidence for the government looking for people who were illegally in the country. Ironically enough, this was the polar opposite of what you'd expect given her political alignment.

Another schizophrenic who definitely wasn't me thought he was on a mission to take down the largest retail grocery chain in his state. He kept calling a major law firm every night with new evidence. Each time they told him that they weren't taking his case, he read in between the lines to receive instructions for the next piece of evidence they needed. That grocery store really needed to go.

The stories are endless and impossible to fully capture with words. There are too many contradictory narratives for a clear beginning to end story to be told.

There is one thing you can never say schizophrenics lack, though. Determination