June 8th - Frustration
Frustrated is my feeling for the day.
I am disappointed that Daddy and Sissy have pretty much given up on quitting smoking already. I am frustrated that Sissy constantly doesn’t follow the rules, I feel like I am the one that is being the Domme but I am having to do it through Daddy.
I have been questioned myself a lot lately. Perhaps I am not a submissive, perhaps I am a switch. Should I let loose my Mistress side? Domme Lea but be dommed by Daddy? How would I even bring that up, and how would that dynamic even work? (side note - because I feel like I want sissy and daddy to read this - this is nothing set I just need to get my thoughts out of my head)
I feel like I could be a Mistress again (I used to do it all the time in RP) Anarane was a Switch, she dommed many people, but only the truly strong males could dom her ... and it was pretty hot. Their hand wrapping around her throat and forcing her to submit .... mmph.... just remembering it makes me tingle.
(Might have to make a seperate post for Daddy and Sissy to read and leave out the trip down memory lane lol)
I am also frustrated because I feel like Daddy needs to be a stronger dom, but Im not sure if he can be. He is a sweet, soft, caring Daddy - which don’t get me wrong I love - but sometimes I want more, and sometimes I feel like Lea needs more. I don’t want to force Daddy into being something he is not. So I have also contemplated perhaps seeking out another more Dominate Dom to join our family .... not that I ever would without talking to everyone first, but it is a thought that crosses my mind quite often.
I havent been feeling very little lately, and I miss having my little days ... that is something I dont ever want to give up, but if Im going to have to take control and be the one who decides on discipline, pain or pleasure, then lets just do that.
For starters, I’d limit them both to 4 smokes a day and if they use them all up early. Too bad, deal with it until the next day and try to ration it better. Or I’d st certain times, you get one when you wake up. One more around lunch, one in the afternoon and one after dinner. Not only would it help their health, it would save us all money - which we are all rather short on. It makes me feel guilty about going out for dinner, when I know were struggling and going to be out of money again come Monday and just barely hanging on until my payday.
As it is, I did a cash advance for Ottawa, paid it back then borrowed again because I didnt have any cash left. And will probably have to do it again this pay. Hoping come the first when I get my double pay I can pay it off and then leave it alone.
Sissy is even worse off, she’s living off her overdraft, which is causing friction in her and Kirstens relationship, and I was rather annoyed when Daddy said she could buy some toys at Walmart. Managed to convince her to buy something that was more useful and less money at least, but she was rather mad when I took her toys and said not unless daddy says .... and then he goes and says yes.
I feel like I have to remind him to check in on Sissy, to make sure she’s wearing her glasses, or drinking water (which I dont think she has done in days) yet he doesnt really check in with me and there is no one to remind him that I need help too.
Perhaps our dynamic should shift. I need a Master, I would then be a MIstress to Lea ... but would still be Daddys girl and Sissy would be daddys brat. I dunno, Im just trying to figure everything out.
Im also frustrated with the pets. I hate that Loki is always in my face. His humping the bed bothers me as does his gross penis. I dunno it just makes me uncomfortable. I am not a dog person by any means, and Id never ask sissy to give up her dog, I hate that Boba and Loki dont get along, but I also like that hes not in the living room and constantly in my face. I feel like if he was, I’d end up sequestering myself to the bedroom a lot, just to be away from him and with my kitties. Dogs are fun once in a while, but Im not a huge fan of living with one. *This part I would never tell Lea though, as I know it would really upset her*
I am worried about when Kirsten comes to live here. The way Lea gets annoyed with her antics makes me upset, I still feel a bit awkward and uncomfortable around her, especially when we are alone. And even on the Ottawa trip I foud myself saying “Shut up” In my head when she would start going on about certain things, and just wanting to get away from her. She tries to get it on the play time and it seems to only bother Lea, which in turn bothers me, but also makes me feel bad that Kirsten is often left out.
I love Lea, and I love having her here, but every once in a while I wonder .... did we jump into this too fast? If it was just Lea, no dog, no Kirsten, I feel like things would be fine - we could just deal with the Dominance issue, but it’s not and I need to find a way to deal with everything all at once.
*Slight side note - Im annoyed that Sissy stays up all night and then naps all day. I again feel like this is something Daddy needs to address as her Dom, but I get tired of being the one to have to point these things out.
Think I got enough off my mind to have a nap before I have to go to my doctors appointment - another thing that annoys me - why am I always the one that has to sleep on the couch? I was looking forward to having the bed to myself for a bit after Daddy left for work but she came in right away and I was frustrated so I ended up just getting up - took care of my cats and her dog because of course she went to bed late so shes sleeping through his whining. I think this family really needs to figure out a routine.


















