The devil, but it’s all the same to me @killianjackson - Tumblr Blog

griffinholloway‌:

What had he done to have to change his name? Griffin’s concerns were mounting, but they weren’t concerns for himself- they were for Killian. Griffin was not an outwardly emotional person, but he could easily recall the worry that knotted in his stomach on the mornings he awoke to find Liam had left to do work. He had always been very conscious of the fact that Liam’s work was dangerous.

It was a relief to hear that Killian wasn’t working in that field anymore. When he spoke those words there was a visible relaxation that passed over Griffin. His shoulders fell like a guitar string being loosened. Tension slipped away and he was left looking at Killian with genuine openness in his eyes. “A bar…” Griffin smiled a little. “That sounds more my speed.” Was it too obvious of a self-invitation? Maybe the time for subtlety had passed. “Maybe,.” He started after a second’s silence. “I should come by some time.” His posture straightened up a bit. “It would be nice to see what you’ve been up to.”

Honestly, there was still a lot he wanted to say that he knew he couldn’t. Maybe at some point he would, but this all seemed like too much to tell him in one go. Least Griffin finally knew the truth about what had happened all those years ago. He’d do more, get the truth finally out there about all of it one day, but this wasn’t the right time.

Even seeing the change in the man’s posture seemed to be getting to him. He had never wanted to hurt him, but back then... there hadn’t been anything else he could have done. “You should... Legends” he agreed, even if part of him knew it was a bad idea. With what he had done... with his own emotional state. He couldn’t read more into this then what it was. “I’m almost always in there” he had to be. Work was work, nothing was more important than that right now... if only because it was the only thing he had, other than Willow.

#griffinholloway

nxtehunter‌:

NATE had left the house a little grumpily that morning; still never being too happy about leaving Jenna and Maia’s sides, but the dog still needed to be walked. Charlie tugged on the leash in excitement as they made their way to the park, Nathaniel trying and failing to tug him back to walk by his side. He’d all but given up when a voice called out to him and he turned, “Huh?” Nate began, taking a moment to take the mans words in and glancing down to his dropped wallet, quickly leaning down to pick it up as Charlie immediately diverted to inspect the stranger, “Shit, thank you.”

He shrugged, knowing he could easily have been more helpful, but that would have been making an effort, something he didn’t much feel like doing for anyone. He was too tired of it all. Not that he wasn’t getting sleep, it was just... life. There was nothing that could be done about it now, he just had to keep going, one way or another. “Need deeper pockets... literally” he replied, before leaning forward to scratch behind the dog’s ears. “You need caffeine”.

#nxtehunter

Killian sighed, running a hand through his hair as he sat down on the bench. He was trying to keep it all together and he was failing miserably. He needed to do better, he knew he needed to, but right now he was failing. He just didn’t know how he got his life back on track after everything had gone so horrendously wrong. Seeing the man walk past, he also saw the wallet fall out of his pocket. “Might wanna pick that up” he called out. Sure he could move, but that was effort. @nxtehunter

#nxtehunter

griffinholloway‌:

Griffin felt calm, almost too calm, as he looked at his ex and let the reality of Killian’s abandonment wash over him. He felt justified in knowing that it hadn’t been something that he’d done that drove the man away, but he wasn’t quite sure how he felt now that Killian was in Edens. Was this going to be a repeat of before? Could he really trust Killian again? We would have been finished anyway. True or not, it didn’t sound like Killian had very much trust in Griffin.

The model’s eyebrows raised as he learned Liam’s new name. Killian… suited the man. “That’ll take some getting used to.” He admitted, “But if that’s what you want, I’ll call you Killian.” Killian Jackson… It sounded like such a normal name. He wondered how happily oblivious Edens was to the fact that Killian wasn’t who he claimed to be. “And you’re…. still working for the service?” Griffin asked with a slight hush to his words. He bit the inside of his cheek as he tried to keep his words from sounding like are you going to leave again?

“Are you still on the job?”

“Please. It’s the name I have to go by now” even if it did feel weird hearing Griffin saying it. But he knew what he had done, and if it meant he had to be Killian now, then there was no other option. Still, it was the difference between staying alive, or dying, he’d take it. The name itself wasn’t so bad, and really at this point what did he have to lose? Liam had nothing left, Killian at least had a bar. That was something he supposed.

He was silent for a moment, trying to figure out what the real question was. Worst case it was a will I have to see you. He could understand why that was being asked, he just didn’t know how to answer it. Or even if he was reading too much into it. “I’m not undercover if that’s what you mean. I’m here... for as long as I need to be” it seemed the easiest way to answer, because the simple truth was he didn’t know how long he was here for. “Even own a bar now”.

#griffinholloway

griffinholloway‌:

Griffin’s teeth grit as the sharp prick of emotion began welling up in his eyes. He stubbornly tamped it down and ground his molars together until the muscles on his jaw were visible. I was in love with you. Those words brought him so much happiness that he was angry with himself for giving in to it. Why was he still soft enough to let those words effect him like this?

Undercover… that word had colored so much of what the two men had been able to do. Liam was the the only name that Griffin had ever known his ex-lover by, and yet he knew in his gut that that had just been the name he’d wanted Griffin to know. Too dangerous otherwise, he supposed. Liam’s job stood like an imposing wall between the two of them. “You loved me… and you didn’t want us to spend our time lying to each other.” The words were quiet, and wiser than one might’ve expected from the ex-model and party boy. Griffin had lived enough lies to know how tiring it was. Liam had decided that leaving was better than lying and that was something Griffin could sympathize with. “I…understand.” Griffin breathed. A heavy feeling settled upon him. “It was better that way. You were right to go.” He looked at Liam softly. “But…if you’re in town for some time, no more lies, Liam. Starting with your name. If you want to see me again after today… it can’t be built on something temporary.”

Of all the ways that he had envisioned the conversation going, this hadn’t been one of them. But then he had always expected the worst now, it saved time in the long run if he did. He might have been the one who sabotaged things between them, but since then he seemed to be the laughing stock of life’s joke. He could admit his mistakes, own up to them, but sometimes... sometimes it was just too hard. “The moment that started happening we would have been finished anyway” he wasn’t sure if he was right, he wanted to believe he was wrong about this, part of him even wanted to believe he had done the wrong thing, and instead they could have bad it work, but given what had happened and what came after, he knew he was deluding himself. “Liam is my name, biological anyway, always has been, just easier to go undercover using a real name, saves getting confused” he replied with a shrug. “But... things happened, that’s a whole other complicated matter. But now I go by Killian... Killian Jackson”.

#griffinholloway

kenzietxylor‌:

MACKENZIE shrugged, unable to really dignify that with a response. She knew Jacob loved her, could go back to the moment where she’d fallen in love with him, but she wouldn’t pretend that she thought she was special. Still, that wasn’t what the conversation was about. Kenzie leaned her elbows on the bar as he started to speak again, a twist of a smile pulling at her lips. She could resonate with that, having felt like she was carrying around a dead part of herself for the better part of two years now. “Yeah, I know what it’s like to have part of you die.” She murmured, more to herself than to him, but something that she had to get off of her chest nonetheless. She tilted her head slightly as he spoke about his niece, offering a sympathetic smile before she started to speak again, “Know a fair bit about trauma but… A lot of grief just seems to be time. Hard enough for adults, never mind for kids. I don’t know how much help I can be but - I’m here if you, or her, need anything.”

“I didn’t say it was part of me” at this point he felt like he was dead and just going through the motions of living. He was trying, all the time he was trying, but he wasn’t getting anywhere. What little had been left of him before he moved here was long gone and he was just so tired. He knew he would have to try and pull himself out of this situation, but he didn’t know how to do that either. All of it was too much. But asking for help... that was something he couldn’t do either, knowing too well that could just cause further issues when he could barely even admit to what was going on. “Time is about all I can offer her. But doesn’t make the acting out easier”.

#kenzietxylor

griffinholloway‌:

With Liam’s permission, Griffin led the two of them into the quiet reading room and shut the door behind them. Griffin’s heart was hammering in his chest. The thought of being alone again with his old flame was nerve-wracking. He felt entirely unprepared to face this part of his past. The feelings of abandonment and resentment were toxic in his gut. “I know about your work…” Griffin sighed, avoiding eye contact. “I’m not going to ask you about your work.” His voice was a deep grumbling murmur. He took a breath and looked up at Liam. “But you left me so suddenly, Liam. I thought- I mean, maybe it was just a fling to you, but I didn’t think you’d leave like that, you know?” His voice raised slightly as the old feelings of anger came flooding back to him. “Tell me why you left, Liam. You owe me that much.”

“You can’t honestly believe I ever thought it was just a fling” or maybe he did. That would hurt more. Though really, there was very little about the whole thing that didn’t hurt. “Griffin... I was in love with you. It’s as simple and as complicated as that” but he couldn’t change it now, the past was the past. But explaining it? That was proving to be harder. “Look, you know I was undercover at the time. Things there got... complicated. I was only going to be able to do my job by sleeping with the enemy... literally. In the end it came down to doing it behind your back, telling you and watching things fall apart either because you weren’t ok with it or you’d claim you were but really weren’t, or doing what I did. None were good options, but there wasn’t an alternative”.

#griffinholloway

eliclxrk‌:

ELLIOT chuckled, having a few ideas in mind that would answer that request, but not being brave enough to spit any of them out. At least, not in such a public environment. He run a hand through his hair briefly as he waited for his drink, biting back another laugh, “Hey, I’ve been out of town for almost six years, I’m behind on the news. Catchin’ up slowly - but considering that I’m already right on that assumption, I’d say your reputation does precede you. Not that I’m particularly prone to judging on reputations,” He added, shrugging. “But I don’t get the impression Edens has been particularly kind to ya in that year.”

Maybe not so innocent, interesting. Still, he didn’t much feel like pushing it right now. It would be fun to figure out, but he was going to try and see if he could see any points. “And you decided to come back? Damn... there is some choices made there” not that he’d understand it, the town just seemed boring to him, not something anyone would chose. “Edens... nah, it’s just a town. Most of the shit happened long before I cam here, just trying to make sense of it all now” and failing so badly. “Besides a town can’t do anything, but people can”.

#eliclxrk

forrestholloway‌:

He wasn’t expecting the harsh response, as quiet as the other intended it to be. However, if he hadn’t wanted to be heard, then he wouldn’t have said it at all. Though, Forrest supposed he had a point, being the owner of the place. It couldn’t be good to hear that he had no interest in further investing in it for that night. Had he expected to get called out on it? No, but since he had, it was enough for a sigh to fall from his lips. “Okay, Killian, you sold me. I’ll take another beer.” And, if he were to keep drinking, “And how about an order of fries, too?”

“You know I’m not actually going to force anyone to drink right?” well just because it wasn’t what he might want to hear, didn’t mean he was going to basically force alcohol down others throats. Although the money was good, he wouldn’t deny that. “You don’t want kids coming in who don’t want to learn, same goes here. Only difference is, addicted to education is good, to alcohol... not so much”.

#forrestholloway #alcohol tw

magdalenasanticgo‌:

“So you’re the one who prompted the show the neighborhood had the other day? Let me tell you, it was something,” the thing about living in a neighborhood surrounded mostly by families was that if something was odd, it would be found out soon, kids were snoopy. However, what Mrs Evans had done wasn’t odd— she had just plainly thrown her husband’s belongings in the middle of the street, in the middle of the day, for everyone and their father to see. It was quite a spectacle and Magdalena and Andy watched it from their porch, tea mugs in their hands. “I don’t live too close to her, though her house can be seen from mine— don’t worry though, her husband always had wandering eyes and I’ve heard about his wandering hands, as well. Just never confirmed it, until now.”

“I was, though not intentionally. Not a home wrecker by choice, but he wasn’t wearing a ring, and said he was single. Oh I am aware, was still there when it went down. Just decided it was better to slip out one of the side roads before she turned her anger onto me” had been entertaining though. But a reminder to not do booty calls from people in the bar again. Least when they said middle of the day, apparently she was meant to be at work. He wasn’t sure who was more surprised, him or her. “I’m not worried, didn’t do anything wrong. But think she doesn’t see it that way. Anger and pain do strange things to a person, and I’m a good target for it”.

#magdalenasanticgo

carolineclcrk‌:

“You can keep up the ante of the guy who prefers to be left alone, but everyone needs someone they can trust in, Killian, load is too much to handle of our own, ‘sides, human beings are not lonesome beings, we were created to be in packs, almost like wolves, it is in our nature,” she didn’t know why she was saying anything if it seemed that Killian had an excuse for everything. Nevertheless, she truly believed in it, she believed that people were not meant to be alone in this world and being alone was something truly horrifying that could happen to someone. This is why she was thankful for Ella, who just about never allowed most of her bad thoughts to truly creep inside her mind. “No— not a friend who turned into a relationship, but an actual friendship…without the added benefits. People rely so much on their partners that they completely forget about their friends, friends are the ones who see you through the demons, relationships are just fickle, anything can rip you from them,” she shrugged, speaking from experience. “Dude, stop— it all seems like a bunch of excuses to me, kids rebel, please,” she scoffed and rolled her eyes, “roll your fuckin’ sleeves my dude, she has a whole lotta anger in her she doesn’t know how to deal with if you don’t show her the way, who do you expect to do it? Sucks that it fell all on your lap, but trust me, the system would be no better,” Caroline crossed her hands in front of her chest. “It really doesn’t. Parents are not supposed to be assholes.”

“Not an ante. Maybe you do, maybe others do. But everyone wants different things, and personally I want to be left alone. I’m aloud my opinion on that, I’m the one who lives with it” and he could explain it, explain why he’d never trust humans again if he could help it. But he could see her belief in it was too deep for him to change her mind, but that didn’t mean he could change his either. How could he? His parents had been awful, his relationships all crumbled around him, his sister wouldn’t talk to him, and any friends he had in the past all walked away when it got complicated. Alone was better, he could rebuild himself if he was alone, get back to a place where he was ok without having to rely on anyone else. No one had ever given him reason to. “Yeah well aware of what friends are. But you didn’t specify friend, you asked if I had anyone to rely on. Nice thought, but also bullshit, friends can be ripped away just as easily. People take the easy path every time, human nature” he wasn’t mad over that. He rolled his eyes at that, “yeah see... all of that would be convincing if you actually had kids, or custody of kids. Otherwise... you what? Read it in a book or something. She bites and lashes out at therapists because she hates it. Forcing her to do something she hates that much is just going to make matters worse. There’s other ways then therapy. That is what I am doing, so don’t preach at me something you don’t understand” and he was tired of everyone having an opinion, when the only opinion that mattered in this was Willow’s. “No, but a lot of things happen in this world that aren’t supposed to. Life isn’t a fairytale”.

#carolineclcrk

kitaylr‌:

“Well… Harper sounds like a fuckin’ bitch.” Two sisters… Fuck. With that news, Kit waved over the bartender and ordered something a hell of a lot stronger because now he had three sisters and a brother. “So why are you here huh? Did you intentionally move to the town where your half brother and sister live or were we just a surprise?” Kit asked because he was genuinely curious about Killian’s circumstances. “Listen man, we’ve all got problems. As long as you’ve got yours under control then we’ve got no issues here. All I will say is, hurt Kenzie or any of my nieces or nephew and I will personally destroy your life.” Kit’s gaze remained steady upon Killian’s to emphasise the sincerity of his words.

“She is but... she gets all of it from mum, she is... fucking awful human being” and maybe that was insensitive, he knew he had apparently been the lucky one having his mother around, and yet he almost wished he hadn’t. He had anger issues, Harper was a bitch, and Layla... she had rebelled so much she had lost her life. Their father was too much of a pushover for him to blame that man. “That’s...” he glanced up, relieved at least to see the bar was fairly empty and unlikely anyone should hear their conversation. “Witness protection. Something happened at work, and I upset a lot of people I should not have upset... as in actual money on my head right now. They asked if I had preferences, and it was the same week I had found out, so yeah... I said Edens but wasn’t thinking all that straight at the time” if he had he’d never have brought that risk here. Not that he thought anyone would come looking for him. “Not a lot to destroy. But if I hurt any of them... or anyone... just put a bullet in my brain, because hurting someone again is my biggest fear”.

#kitaylr

griffinholloway‌:

Liam looked upset in a way that Griffin didn’t expect. He’d never thought that he’d run into the man again, but if he ever did, he figured Liam would be defensive and ashamed of what he’d done. Instead, the man just look pained, like seeing Griffin was a knife in his gut. Griffin didn’t understand the wince or the desire to move their conversation elsewhere. “Yeah… never thought I’d see you in Edens of all places.” Griffin spoke slowly as his brain raced to process everything. He glanced at one of the quiet reading rooms along one wall of the library. “Y-yeah, I mean, we could go in there.” He gestured. “More or less soundproof I think.” Thankfully also with a small window in the door so patrons could peek inside to see if it was occupied. He wasn’t sure he wanted to be entirely alone with Liam. “Why? Are you, like, actually going to give me some answers?”

“Small world it seems” or had Griffin talked about Edens before? Possibly, it had sounded familiar when he heard the name. But at the time he was more in complete shock over what he had just learnt and trying to somehow process what his mother had done, and what she had kept from all of them. He wasn’t sure he would ever be able to ever understand that. He nodded, that was better than nothing, and at least meant he could explain what had happened... or a toned down version, maybe skipping over the part where he had shot a man. He doubted that would be well received if he did share it. “Lead the way” well he wasn’t going to try and do it, not when he knew he had always been in the wrong. What he’d done had been the lesser of two evils though, he knew that. “Depends on the questions... come on, you know my... line of work, you know somethings I legally can’t talk about”.

#griffinholloway

chasemmccoy‌:

“Trust me, I’ve noticed,” Chase replied with a small snort of laughter. He’d known Killian a decent amount of time and after their last conversation, there didn’t seem to be a whole lot that Chase didn’t know about the other man now, though he was still wary about the possibility of him harboring secrets. After all, that’s what his life had been up until he was thrown into this town under witness protection. “No such thing as normal, especially not around here, man. Besides, more people drink than you realize, even if it’s social drinkin’. Basically a society of alcoholics who make it seem like it’s normal to drink an entire bottle of wine every night or those huge glasses count as one and not three.”

“Oh please. Everyone likes to say normal doesn’t exist... it does. I don’t mean that people all live the same life. I mean in the sense that you go to school, you get a job, you have a family... that is normal. Not normal is... I don’t know, going to space or some shit” or maybe how he had been living, but for him that had just been normal. “You realise I own a bar... I literally see that every night. Oh there is definitely a problem with alcohol being normalised. But given what we both know is out there, I’d say that one is fairly harmless”.

#chasemmccoy

kenzietxylor‌:

"YEAH, I’m not that special. I just don’t give up easily,” She replied, shoulders shrugging softly. At least, she didn’t see anything too special about herself. All that Kenzie knew was that she hadn’t been expecting, or planning, to fall in love with anyone until Jacob had come tumbling into her life. She supposed it had all been more of a right time, right place scenario, but there was little that she would change about it. “Look, you can stand here and tell me you’re an arsehole til the sun sets, it doesn’t matter,” Mackenzie knew that was her own stubbornness but as far as she was concerned, their shared parent made them family, and if there was one thing she’d always stuck by, it was the fact that she’d do anything for her family. She nodded at his words, falling quiet as she listened to him, a slight frown coming to her face at the mention of their mother. God, Mackenzie had spent so long wishing that situation had been different, wishing that she’d had a mother, spent hours dismayed at the relationship her friends had with their own mothers - but perhaps it was possible that after all, she hadn’t really been missing out on much. “That’s a big responsibility,” She mused, pausing for a moment before offering another olive branch of sorts, “We’ve got four kids. If, y’know, you need any help, I think I’ve got at least a little bit of advice.”

“Special to him” he replied with a shrug. Wasn’t that what mattered? If you loved someone then they were special to them. That was how he had felt about the three people he had ever really been serious with. And what had happened? He had ruined all three relationships, clearly he was cursed... or just a terrible person. He didn’t much believe in luck, the latter seemed the better option. “Well aware, I just don’t want to give anyone false pretenses about me. Might have been decent once upon a time, but believe me, that died” he wasn’t going to pretend he hadn’t been. He had joined the CIA to try and help others, and he didn’t believe that came from a place of dislike for humans. But then being undercover for so long... it had hurt in the end. Easier not to care, when the alternative was caring too much, and everytime it had just brought him pain. So what if he was alone, no one could hurt him that way. “Yeah no shit... and one that shouldn’t have been given to me” he wanted it to be someone else, however awful that sounded, but she would have been safer that way. “So does most the town... least you actually have kids unlike most of them. Though unless you know what to do about extreme grief, there’s not a lot of advice that can help”.

#kenzietxylor

eliclxrk‌:

ELLIOT raised an eyebrow as he spoke, biting back a smirk that threatened to tug at the corners of his lips, “Like what?” He quipped, leaning back in his seat slightly. Legends had always been his preferred haunt in Edens; something that had clearly never changed in his return. “Rum and coke is fine,” Eli answered, moving to lean his elbows on the bar, “I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess you’re the new owner around here?”

“You know, if you have the ask that, then you definitely don’t want the answer” tempting as it was to give it to him, but he was almost certain the guy would turn into a tomato if he did. Or he had misread it, but he seemed pretty by the book, pretty wife, pretty marriage, pretty child... just a messy divorce, if he was remembering the stories correctly. “New? Been here a year, should I be worried my reputation doesn’t precede me?” he asked turning to make the drink.

#eliclxrk

kxtebronson‌:

“I only want a drink. I promise.” I mean when did Kate not want a drink? It was something that she always came to Legends for. It had been a long weekend of moving, and at this point Kate wanted to just sit and each fried pickles alone while she played Candy Crush on her phone. She was supposed to meet up with Dom later in the day, but she was debating on canceling on him or not. “How fresh are your pickles, because let me tell you. Moving all my furniture from my brothers was not fun - although I didn’t actually do any of the moving, but I did observe.”

“Mmm, pity” he replied, glancing at the girl. Evidently the lack of alcohol made him hornier then he’d been before, something he knew would cause him issues later on, but what was the worst thing that could happen? He was pretty sure he had ruined a few marriages already, but if they wanted to risk everything... that was their choice. “Isn’t the point of pickling something to keep it edible for later? So you weren’t moving you were supervising”.

#kxtebronson

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The devil, but it’s all the same to me