[noortherndownpoour]

“I can’t exactly describe how I feel but it’s not quite right. And it leaves me cold.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald (via bnmxfld)

[avtavr]

Karman Verdi, Untitled, 2020

[killingiiit]

[killingiiit]

I wanna tell you something I haven’t told you and maybe I should of awhile ago instead of texting you my feelings 110 times in a row. I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you this too…. I will never not think of you. When the sun rises, or when it sets and everything in between that… when i say everything i mean everything. There’s not a day that goes by where you do not cross my mind. With that being said, I want to apologize for the things i’ve said and done this past year while I was hurting. Pain changes people for the worst sometimes and the amount of pain I was in was unbearable. I didn’t know how to handle it at the time so I was mean, hurtful, unreasonable, childish… etc. If I could go back and change how I acted, or even how i reacted to everything that happened a year and a half ago I would. But I can’t. That’s part of growing though. This is the point of my text really…. I’m happy for you. You’re alive, happy, thriving, living, becoming, growing, and learning. I am happy you are happy. I want you out living your life to the best of your ability. I want you to never stop learning and growing as time passes by. I know you’re becoming the best version of yourself every single day and I couldn’t be happier about that. Honest to god. I hope @ some point in our lives we end up back together so I can re learn all about you. I wanna know who you’ve become, I wanna know what makes you wake up in the morning and what helps you fall asleep at night. I wanna hear about the times you’ve failed and the times you’ve felt like you were on top of the world. I’m so incredibly happy for you and this journey you’re on right now. I hope you always find what you are looking for and I hope so day I get to hear all about it while laying next to you in bed w our kid snuggled up between us. If that doesn’t happen though, just know that I’ll never stop loving you. Our love was the best love i could of asked for. You gave me the best gift anyone could ever give me and I’m so thankful I got to share that with you once. I hope every choice you make, every step you take is the right direction towards what you want in life. You deserve nothing but happiness and love. You’re alive. You’re breathing. You’re becoming you and that’s all I could ever ask for. As long as you are happy, I’m happy too. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come and how much you’ve grown. I wish I could see more of it. You’re beautiful inside and out. You deserve the world and nothing less. keep striving and if you ever need a reminder here it is: no matter where you go in life, you will always be loved. No matter how hard it gets or how much your heart hurts. I will always, 110%, love you for you, the person you were, and the person you have yet to become.

[killingiiit]

For the longest time I prayed that one day you’d come knock on my door and apologize. Then I realized life isn’t a fairytale and you’re not that kind of person.

[killingiiit]

know what I hate? When you try really hard with a person and they just don’t fucking see it. Whether it’s a friend, significant other, parent, etc…. like u could literally rip ur heart out of your chest, give them ur last breath, AND cut a limb off for them, but it goes unnoticed. it’s the fact that I care about people that do not give a shit about me. My heart is too big and that shit’s the worst.

[killingiiit]

Dear Universe,

hold her when I can’t.

[killingiiit]

you should be kissing me

[killingiiit]

Dear Universe,

be good to her please.

[killingiiit]

fuck your girlfriend before work so that’s all she thinks about

[killingiiit]

It’s a fucking miracle that I’m not dead yet, lol.

[killingiiit]

concept: I’m in bed listening to how steady your breathing is. You’re passed out and I’m here left in your warm embrace. You rest your body against mine as I trace my fingers against your skin. I kiss your forehead and think back to how it all began. Nothing but happiness radiates off me as I fall sound asleep with you. My darkness found the purest light.

[killingiiit]

concept: we grow together continually, find strength in each other, and push each other to be the best version of ourselves.

[killingiiit]

Tangled up in you is where I belong

[killingiiit]

concept: I come home to you making brownies, you’re in my sweatshirt and boxers flashing me that devilish smile of yours. You make your way over to me, put brownie batter on my lips, and kiss me. My mind goes fuzzy. I’m happy, life is ok, and I want nothing more.

[killingiiit]

I would take your pain and put it upon myself if it meant you’d be happy for the rest of time

[killingiiit]

that sinking feeling inside your chest when shit doesn’t feel right