Im 6
My mom only eats “special food”, it comes in plastic tuppers, just for her
Im 10
Ive grown used to my mom complaining about her body constantly, i never see the fat she sees everywhere
Im 12
I start cooking but she never eats what I make, she wont even try it
Im 13
She makes fun of fat people, calls them disgusting, useless, pathetic
Im 13
I get made fun of at school, called disgusting, useless, pathetic
Im 13
My doctor says im overweight by a few kilos, my mother asks what i could do, he just says “Eat half the food” as he starts laughing
I dont cry until im alone in my room
Im 13 My mom constantly finds excuses to tell me to do more physical excersice, any complaint results in her yelling Im 14
My mom takes me to a nutritionist so I can start a diet, she says she cant believe how big I look in a picture she took.
I hear a list of things I cant eat anymore and say nothing.
Im 14
I tell my friends im on a diet, their only response is how they all should get on diets too
Im 14
They laugh when they see me eating a hot dog
Im 14
My mom gets mad whenever she sees me eating something she didn’t tell me I could eat
I stop eating around her
Im 14
She starts ranting about the calories of a sweet after I ask if I can have one
I stop asking
Im 14
Im at a party, crying in a bathroom because i found out the coke I had been drinking wasnt diet one
Im 14
Ive lost weight, I cant see it but everyone else keeps telling me how skinny I’ve gotten
My reply is always “Thank you”
Im 14
At a dinner my mom keeps showing everyone she sees the picture she took of me, comparing it to how i am now, talking about how beautiful I look, I’m used to it by this point.
I dont eat anything that night
Im 14
We talk about anorexia at school, for some reason I keep expecting someone to look at me
Im 14
Im cold, even in warm rooms, even under the blankets, even next to the heater
My fingers start going blue in the winter
Im 14
I faint in front of the whole school, while theyre getting ready for a picture
People make fun of it for the rest of the year
Im 14
I throw up, food comes out where I was hoping to see my guts
Im 15
I drink alcohol for the first time and it hits my empty stomach immediately
Everyone thinks its funny
I just keep drinking
Im 15
I think my mom notices I’m not eating but she doesn’t say anything
She keeps buying me dietary products
Im 15
Weighting myself I realize that I’m under what the nutritionist said was my ideal weight
I realize its not enough
Im 15
I look at a picture of an anorexic girl, skin and bones
I think shes beautiful
Im 15
People at school know, even though I still eat sometimes
A couple of girls pull my skirt down during lunch to see if I’ve really gotten skinny
Im 15
The headmaster calls me into her office, she asks me if im not eating, I lie
She tells me that I’m not the first person to do this and that they know how to handle people like me
She never talks about it again
Im 15
I got locked up in a bathroom with a senior touching me, I’m too drunk to process whats going on but I hear him say “You dont look that skinny”
People make fun of it for the rest of the school year
I try to kill myself just a week later
Im 16
Ive changed schools, I feel better but I still avoid lunch as much as possible
Im 16
Im still afraid to eat in front of people, I never go to the kitchen if my mother is there
Im 16
I need to be drunk and in the dark to have sex for the first time
Im 16
After she leaves me for someone else I throw up again, for the first time in almost a year
Im 17
I eat but I cant help but hate myself every time I do it
Im 17
I still need to be drunk before i can take my clothes off in front of someone
Im 18
My mom still makes fun of fat people I try my best to ignore her but I feel sick every time she says it
Im 18
I fall back again, it lasts about a month or a month and a half
I cry for hours in my bed when I realize I dont have the energy to do the things I love
Im 19
A man next to me in the train is reading the newspaper, it says there have been reported cases of anorexia in 8 and 9 year old kids
I try to keep calm but I start crying in the middle of the street
Im 19
Im still not calm
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