best damn you

[kimberly-mahr]

Boom. That pretty much sums up my intentions for 2019. It’s all about health boundaries, saying enthusiastic YESSES to only those things that set my soul on fire, embracing people and opportunities that are in alignment with my highest intent and purpose, saying NO to shit that doesn’t serve me, and walking away from all forms of negativity and drama! . . . . #intentions #intentionsetting #beatdamnyou #advicefromatherapist #healthyboundaries (at Scottsdale, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/BsUT_N0lLR0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=676h0p2j6860

[kimberly-mahr]

According to the World Health Organization (WHO) half of all mental illness begins by the age of 14, but most cases go undetected and untreated. In terms of the burden of the disease among adolescents, depression is the third leading cause. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among 15-29-year-olds. Harmful use of alcohol and illicit drugs among adolescents is a major issue in many countries and can lead to risky behaviors such as unsafe sex or dangerous driving. Eating disorders are also of concern.⠀ .⠀ Fortunately, there is a growing recognition of the importance of helping young people build mental resilience, from the earliest ages, in order to cope with the challenges of today’s world. Evidence is growing that promoting and protecting adolescent health brings benefits not just to adolescents’ health, both in the short- and the long-term, but also to economies and society, with healthy young adults able to make greater contributions to the workforce, their families and communities and society as a whole.⠀ .⠀ The more we know, the more we can help! Check the link in my bio for more .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #bestdamnyou #perspective #thegrowingedges #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #instainsight #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels #worldmentalhealthday #mentalhealth #mentalresilience ⠀ (at Scottsdale, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/BowwEikBbvI/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1k558lkhulf7a

[kimberly-mahr]

As a psychotherapist specializing in complex trauma, every day I sit with people who have had 1...2...20+ sexual assaults throughout their lives. ⠀ .⠀ Because the human spirit is strong and the mind is marvelous at protecting itself from further injury, many survivors (if not most) minimize and stuff their experiences, swallow their pain and rage....and then years later wonder why they struggle in relationships, they struggle with employment, they have mood disorders, they have trust issues, they can't sleep. Sadly, in in many cases, they also turn to addictive behaviors, eating disorders, self-harming, or suicide to cope with overwhelming feelings. ⠀ .⠀ Abuse and assault more often than not have NO physical evidence, but the emotional damage is every bit as real and devastating as if there was physical evidence. In fact, abuses that have no physical signs or fall short of rape are often more insidious, because the survivors are re-victimized when they finally DO share, and are then blamed, shamed, and again told their story isn't real or doesn't matter.⠀ .⠀ I for one, believe them. I believe you. You and your story are important and I will always listen with an open heart, treat your wounds tenderly, and help you find whatever support you need to find your healing. ⠀ .⠀ If you are need support, please call 800-656-HOPE or visit www.rainn.org⠀ .⠀ If someone shares their story of sexual assault or abuse, click the link in my profile for a powerful video that will help you learn how to respond. <3⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #sexualassault #sexualabuse #SurvivorsOf SexualAbuse #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #instainsight #metoo #ibelieveher (at Scottsdale, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoP8mQ2hty8/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=165k0s6vongr2

[kimberly-mahr]

You are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere. Why did you spill the coffee? ⠀ .⠀ "Well because someone bumped into me, of course!"⠀ .⠀ Wrong.⠀ .⠀ You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup. Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea. Here's a tip: whatever is inside the cup, is what will spill out.⠀ .⠀ Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out. It's easy to fake it, until you get rattled.⠀ You are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere. Why did you spill the coffee? ⠀ .⠀ "Well because someone bumped into me, of course!"⠀ .⠀ Wrong.⠀ .⠀ You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup. Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea. Here's a tip: whatever is inside the cup, is what will spill out.⠀ .⠀ Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out. It's easy to fake it, until you get rattled.⠀ . So we have to ask ourselves... “what's in my cup?"⠀ .⠀ When life gets tough, what spills over? Joy, gratefulness, peace and humility? Or anger, bitterness, harsh words and reactions? ⠀ .⠀ You choose! ⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #whatsinyourcup #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #entrepreneur #instainsight #ilovemyjob #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels ⠀ So we have to ask ourselves... “what's in my cup?"⠀ .⠀ When life gets tough, what spills over? Joy, gratefulness, peace and humility? Or anger, bitterness, harsh words and reactions? ⠀ .⠀ You choose! ⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #whatsinyourcup #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #entrepreneur #instainsight #ilovemyjob #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels ⠀ (at Scottsdale, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnpWbsshwfC/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=z3wnnjcoo62e

[kimberly-mahr]

Since I've had to remain "reclined" for this span of time while in recovery from my hamstring surgery, I have been pouring through books. ⠀ .⠀ I've always been a book lover...but am now looking for your recommendations:⠀ .⠀ Current great fiction?⠀ Your fave business/entrepreneurship tomes?⠀ Any must-read memoirs or biographies?⠀ Inspirational stories?⠀ .⠀ Help a sister out?⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #booklover #booknerd #insightgram #entrepreneur #instainsight #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #reading #bookstagram #bookish #instabook #bookaddict #bookaholic #bookstagrammer #literature #booksofinstagram #library #lovetoread (at Scottsdale, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnl3gyah0FI/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1vu9b6xtnxvqx

[kimberly-mahr]

Vulnerability.⠀ Helplessness.⠀ The need to ask for help.⠀ And...the willingness to accept help when it's offered.⠀ .⠀ Taking a momentary break form being wonder woman and admitting that am being tested on all these fronts this week. It sucks big time and it is dredging up all my old shit. ⠀ .⠀ On the 29th I had hamstring reattachment surgery that went very well, but was a bit more involved that we anticipated. We knew the recovery was gonna be rough, but oh my buddha it has challenged me to the very core of my being..(Continued in comments)⠀ ⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #vulneraibility #helplessness #askforhelp #humanbeing #notahumandoing #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #instainsight #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels ⠀ (at Scottsdale, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnZ6q1Uh8BA/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=11ckqezg5tzol

[kimberly-mahr]

Character Strengths are the positive parts of your personality that impact how you think, feel and behave and are the keys to you being your best self. They are different than your other strengths, such as your unique skills, talents, interests and resources, because character strengths reflect the "real" you — who you are at your core. When understood and applied they can be beneficial both to you and society as a whole. ⠀ .⠀ Dr. Martin Seligman, one of the founders of the positive psychology movement, suggests knowing and utilizing our character strengths can lead to improved "feel good" emotions, improved engagement, improved relationships, more "meaning" in our lives, and more/better accomplishments.⠀ .⠀ There are 24 core character strengths. My top ten are: Honesty, Perspective, Hope, Social Intelligence, Creativity, Leadership, Love of Learning, Curiosity, Fairness, and Gratitude. ⠀ .⠀ Hop on over to the link in my bio and take the test yourself! I'd love to hear yours and your thoughts on how you could use this information to your advantage!⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #characterstrengths #positivepsychology #martinseligman #viacharacter #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #entrepreneur #instainsight #ilovemyjob #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels ⠀ (at Scottsdale, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnXXIN0Bqi2/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=j3yudta2o3xf

[kimberly-mahr]

Change is difficult, therefore ambivalence to change is common.⠀ .⠀ Motivational interviewing was developed as a way to help people work through ambivalence and commit to change. It combines a supportive and empathic counseling style with a consciously directive method for resolving ambivalence in the direction of change. Drawing on the theory that people tend to become more committed to that which they hear themselves defend, motivational interviewing explores and reinforces the client’s own arguments for change.⠀ .⠀ When skillfully used, this technique helps evoke expressions of the desire, ability, reasons, and need for change. By "repeating back" these expressions of motivation, Individuals often "hear" themselves explaining their own motivations for change which typically inreases likelihood of change.⠀ .⠀ In sales situations, one of our most common challenges is getting people "off the fence" and ready to make a purchasing decision. What if we shifted away from expounding on selling features of whatever we're peddling, and instead ask questions about our customer's desires, reasons, and underlying need to change? Might that help us better position how we provide education and resources? How might we then be better able help our customers understand the importance of their need while simultaneously reframing our products or services to meet those needs?⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #motivation #motivtiongram #motivationalinterviewing #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #entrepreneur #instainsight #ilovemyjob #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels ⠀ #womeninbusiness #creativeentrepreneur #womenwhohustle #success #beingboss (at Scottsdale, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnKVtsXBTnb/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1rhfdvmegvdd7

[kimberly-mahr]

As a therapist, one of the first lessons we learn is to always ask open-ended questions. In simplest terms, open-ended questions do not have a single, one or two word, straightforward answer. For instance, “How long have you been smoking?” versus “Tell me about what led you to start smoking?” Closed questions are conversation stoppers; open-ended questions are conversation continuers. And when someone responds to an ope-ended question it helps the speaker clarify their personal narrative and uncover their truth. Additionally, open-ended questions allow the asker to learn more details about the respondent's motivators, objectives, and needs.⠀ .⠀ When skillfully used, open-ended questions can also help respondents define their own ideas and motivation for change and illuminate what they may need in order to make change: more information, more time, a clearer picture of the benefits of change, or reassurance that they'll receive support.⠀ .⠀ The skill of asking open-ended questions is equally useful in business/sales situations as it is in therapeutic settings and can naturally support moving along the continnum of change from pre-contemplation to contemplation, or even onto action.⠀ .⠀ What examples can you think of in your professional life where using open-ended questions might be be helpful?⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #motivation #motivtiongram #motivationalinterviewing #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #entrepreneur #instainsight #ilovemyjob #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels #openendedquestions #womeninbusiness #creativeentrepreneur #womenwhohustle #success (at Scottsdale, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnFTcfhhIrc/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=17ew2ghpdrouy

[kimberly-mahr]

You've got skills and talents that I don't possess.⠀ I have insights and understandings that you don't have.⠀ Together we are more than the sum of our parts.⠀ .⠀ Who are the people in your life who help you level up? ⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ ⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #kenblanchard #togetherwerise #teamwork #girlssupportinggirls #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #entrepreneur #instainsight #ilovemyjob #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels ⠀ https://www.instagram.com/p/BnAIir9Bu-O/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=132g380r7mybq

[kimberly-mahr]

Just as one instrument doesn't make an orchestra, one person does not create massive success by themselves. The quickest path to success is to lock arms with others and together all can rise. (And...it's a helluva lot more fun that way, too!)⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #successfulwomen #successmindset #thegrowingedges #togetherwerise #togetherrising #lockarms #girlssupportinggirls #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #entrepreneur #instainsight #ilovemyjob #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #napoleanhill #thinkandgrowrich #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels ⠀ (at Scottsdale, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bm6vm6GBcLk/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1q85r6d4ktbro

[kimberly-mahr]

Anyone who aspires to help others change will quickly discover that people are often less than “ready, willing, and able” to do so. In the mental health world, behavioral specialists are there to help with the "able" part; teaching and practicing skills, but it is much more difficult to impact the readiness and willingness components. ⠀ .⠀ There is an understanding that at any given time, individuals exist on a continuum of change and it is our job, as therapists, to help engage them in such a way that helps them move along this path of change. The natural trajectory of this continuum begins with precontemplation (not really thinking about change), contemplation (thinking about change), preparation, action, and maintenance. ⠀ .⠀ Why am I sharing this with you?? This theory is not just applicable to helping someone make life changes or to replace unhealthy patterns with good; this theory is widely applicable to BUSINESS as well!⠀ .⠀ Think about it: If you want people (employees, co-workers, prospects, customers...the marketplace) to take action, you'd be well served to not only understand where they lie along this continuum, but how to move them to the next stages, right??⠀ .⠀ How interested are you in learning more??⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ ⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #motivation #motivtiongram #motivationalinterviewing #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #entrepreneur #instainsight #ilovemyjob #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels ⠀ #womeninbusiness #creativeentrepreneur #womenwhohustle #success #beingboss (at Scottsdale, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bm4Ucgqh-zp/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=appn9i7s867v

[kimberly-mahr]

The average human experiences anywhere between 60,000 to 90,000 thoughts each day. Crazy, right?!? These thoughts (cognitions) are influenced by our beliefs, judgments, external influences and expectations. In other words, they're subject to a barrage of influence, many of which may not be helpful or valid.⠀ .⠀ On the flip side, we also have internal processes that are not typically influenced or corrupted by external factors. We call it gut instinct, and it's often that niggling little discomfort or uneasiness in the puts of our stomachs that tells us something is "off." ⠀ .⠀ Gut instinct is a real thing and many of us spend incredible energy trying to disprove what our "gut" tells us is real. When I look over the path of my life, I can't even begin to tell you the number of times I wish I had trusted my gut when something felt off...it would have likely spared me considerable pain.⠀ .⠀ What if we just stopped ignoring that niggling feeling and chose to begin trusting these instincts? What would happen if we listened to them in combination with mounting evidence and observations, and allowed them to inform and guide right action?⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #instainsight #ilovemyjob #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels ⠀ #trustyourgut #instinct #trustyourinstinct https://www.instagram.com/p/Bm13uJ2Bz6E/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=3juhj1onhczg

[kimberly-mahr]

When we experience physical pain, what do we instinctually do? Typically there is some sort of guttural cry, moan, or even words we use to describe it: OUCH!⠀ .⠀ Why then, when we experience emotional pain, do so many of us clam up, suck it up, and suffer silently, alone? Is it that we weren't taught how to adaptively process emotional pain? Is it that we grew up in homes where we were told to "suck it up" or "stop crying?" Or is it that we've had experiences where we gave voice to emotional pain and then had our experience minimized, delegitimized, or learned it was "unsafe" to express ourselves in that manner?⠀ .⠀ Give some thought to how YOU process emotional pain. And if you've developed a habit of internalizing and not "speaking it," consider how you can acknowledge your reality and take back your power by expressing and owning your pain. If you don't have a support system to process this with verbally, try expressive art or writing...both can be wonderfully liberating and healing.⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #emotionalpain #talkitout #expression #expressyourpain #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #instainsight #ilovemyjob #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels ⠀ (at Scottsdale, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/BmzQTQfhfSz/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ze4j8n7munmo

[kimberly-mahr]

Revisiting our recent discussions about how to begin a practice of meditation, one of the questions I most often get is how to control a busy mind and make it slow down during meditation.⠀ .⠀ This question is absolutely brilliant in it's illumination of the core tenets of meditation: Meditation is the absence of controlling thoughts.⠀ .⠀ When thoughts, feelings or impressions cross our minds, the tendency is to grab onto them or push them away. We tend to either hook into them, perseverating about them, adding fuel to them, or going down the rabbit hole with them. Or, we feel uncomfortable so we try to shove them out of the way by ignoring them or forcibly putting another thought in their place to squeeze them out.⠀ .⠀ While meditating, try focusing on noticing and ALLOWING whatever comes up to simply come up. Don't push, don't pull. Just allow the thoughts to float in and float out. (I promise, if you don't engage them, they will float on...😉!)⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #meditation #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #instainsight #ilovemyjob #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels ⠀ #meditationtips #mindful #findyourbliss #quiettime #beginnermeditation #dontpush (at Scottsdale, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/BmuR3bwB81-/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=o1hpylx2zuvd

[kimberly-mahr]

We've been chatting about experiencing emotional pain, and by now I think we all agree that nobody escapes the human experience without getting hurt.⠀ .⠀ The challenge with emotional pain is that some of us choose, for a variety of reasons to hang onto it well past it's normal life span. Sometimes, holding onto pain helps us feel powerful; it's an emotional machete we can brandish to scare off potential harm and make us feel like we can protect ourselves. Sometimes holding onto emotional pain keeps others taking care of us... "Oh, take it easy on her...she had a terrible breakup last year and is fragile..." Sometimes hanging onto emotional pain gives us the illusion that we're victims; the bad or uncomfortable experiences weren't our fault.⠀ .⠀ Whatever the reason, choosing to allow emotional pain to linger unaddressed can cause a whole host of mental and physiological challenges and suffering: depression, anger, pain, and chronic fatigue (yes! hanging onto emotional pain can and DOES manifest itself in illness and dis-ease). ⠀ .⠀ Why not consider, after a reasonable bit of time in which you've done some honest reflection and really FELT your pain, choosing to let it go? How much deeper might you be able to breathe without the crushing weight of it on your shoulders every day? How much lighter might be your steps as you walk through your life? How much more authentic and vulnerable might you show up in your relationships?⠀ .⠀ Think about it. Letting go of emotional pain is a choice.⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ ⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #lettinggo #choosetoletgo #suffering #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #entrepreneur #instainsight #ilovemyjob #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels ⠀ https://www.instagram.com/p/Bmmc0rtBZYH/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=wlulluw00tm2

[kimberly-mahr]

When life kicks you to the ground, resist the urge to get right back up. ⠀ .⠀ Yes, I know that sounds contrary to most advice, but hear me out. ⠀ .⠀ With emotional pain, like the pain you'd experience by tripping and falling, you have the impulse to rise and start moving again. Recently, while taking a lovely sunset stroll down a jetty, I hopped down off a rock and landed poorly on the sand. I was immediately struck by searing pain and a popping sensation in high in my left buttock. I laid there curled in a ball whimpering, trying to be "brave" and almost immediately I forced my self to get up and "walk it off." Fast forward to about three weeks later and I've still not healed and now have a diagnosis of a full tear and detachment of my hamstring, along with a 2cm retraction. Ouch. Who knows how much worse I made the injury by "sucking it up" and minimizing the pain those few weeks?!⠀ .⠀ Just like with a physical injury, pain is a primal sign that something is wrong...something needs to experience a healing, which usually takes time and tenderness. If you ignore a serious physical injury you may make it worse, and the same is true of emotional injuries. ⠀ .⠀ Pain demands attention; it needs to acknowledged and embraced before you can move on. Take your time, feel it, and be gentle with yourself. Healing takes time.⠀ .⠀ 📷: @ornellabinni⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #bestdamnyou #success #perspective #thegrowingedges #timetoheal #advicefromatherapist #insightgram #entrepreneur #instainsight #ilovemyjob #lovewhatyoudo #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #feelings #allthefeels ⠀ #healing #guidance #emotions #awareness #selflovejourney #pain #takeyourtime (at Scottsdale, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/BmcLKJnBTq2/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1j3mrvy9ox5g3