sad boy scholar

⭐⭐⭐ Blue/benji, 28, they/he | kpts, aftg, white collar | I have a thing for mafia brats | pro-fiction, anti-censorship | ao3 & Twitter: kimkhimhant https://ko-fi.com/kimkhimhant

[kimkhimhant]

the instinctual gravitation toward warmth

Chapters: 36/36 COMPLETE

Word Count: ~140k

Fandom: KinnPorsche: The Series (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence

Relationships: Porchay Pichaya Kittisawat/Kim Khimhant Theerapanyakun 

Characters: Porchay Pichaya Kittisawat, Kim Khimhant Theerapanyakun, kinnporsche ensemble, original characters

Additional Tags: semi canon compliant, postcanon, angst with a happy ending, drug use/addiction, getting back together, (check ao3 for others)

Summary: Kim’s heart is stuttering in his chest. It is such a familiar feeling, like the moment in freefall just before impact. In a moment, it will hurt. In a moment, the breath will be knocked from his lungs, and his ribcage will shatter, and –

Chay is watching him in anticipation, from the stool he’s perched on behind the glass of the recording studio, the nervous smile on his lips growing smaller and smaller, weaker and weaker. 

~~~

Here are all the pieces of Kim that he lets no one see.

Read on ao3!

[estrellasrojas]

Young people are too invested in the comically unreasonable dream of having a full time job, making enough money to not waste their life thinking about budgeting for necessities, living in something other than a cardboard shoebox, and having like 3-4 friends who they actually like and who care about them. Instead they should be thinking about networking, producing content, optimizing workflows, and training their body into the perfect commodity

[max-worm]

andrew literally had a crush on neil so bad and he won!!!! he got his crush!! the highly unlikely occurred and this impossible, pretty boy showed up and andrew had the biggest fattest crush on him and less than a year later he was kissing that pretty boy over and over again!!!!

[stuckinapril]

“Do it scared” “do it alone” are all great tips, but my biggest takeaway from therapy is do it messy. This is especially true if you’re getting out of a burnout, which I experience often. Literally just do it messy. You don’t need to pick the perfect trail to walk, the perfect playlist to listen to, whatever the fuck it is. You don’t need to have a meticulous to do list and wake up at the exact time you planned and drink the exact amount of water you planned to drink. Like the biggest thing for people like me to remember is sometimes it’s okay to do it messy. Put on a random yt workout and just get it done in sweats. Do 5 minutes of a daunting task and go from there. Sometimes just getting up is a win during intense burnouts or depressive funks. Literally just do it messy.

[vani-satur]

Jeffs old twitter account got suspended 😔 have some of his old tweets 😭

[vani-satur]

saw someone on twitter retweeting the lost texts so have more fghdfghgfghd😭

[max-worm]

andrew & bee mean everything in the world ever to me and i need more of them

&

&

^ andrew behaving a bit more childishly around bee, specifically after thanksgiving :( that is his mom. he trusts her so much

&

&

^bee reading him and being kind to him and taking care of him and showing that she cares about him and his life, and andrew accepting it

&

^aaron realizing just how much bee means to andrew—finding out that andrew hadn't come out to bee because he truly cared about her opinion of him and needed her acceptance (& bee's instant acceptance and support!!

^andrew being annoyed that aaron called betsy 'bee' because that's his bee and aaron cannot and will not call her that mockingly. also andrew just being relaxed in bee's office

^ HER MOST PRECIOUS CHARGE ☹️☹️☹️

[despazito]

[adonischildsupportcase]

[ghostlyarchaeologist]

[therrunaway]

My beautiful girl

[kimkhimhant]

substance use

i took. 4 ? 5? times my regular dose of klonopin and now iam a litlee. yeah. soup brain soup body

[wheelie-sick]

when people tag posts "unreality" it's a signal to people who struggle with discerning reality that a (likely scary if believed to be true) post is not real even though it's written as if it was. it's also a filter tag so those people can opt out of seeing posts like that entirely. many people who rely on the unreality tag are psychotic and struggle with paranoia alongside (or because of) the struggles discerning what's real. posts that these people interpret to be real can lead to incredible distress and compulsions.

when someone tags your post "#unreality" and you screenshot the tags and say "what are you talking about? this is real" because you consider the post easy to discern as not real and find this joke funny you're actually just causing paranoia for people who now feel like they can't trust the unreality tag. not everyone has the same reality discernment skills as you. what's "obviously" a fictional story to you may not be obvious to other people.

I don't think most people make this joke maliciously. I think most people making this joke don't even realize why the unreality tag exists. anyways, if you've made this joke or have the urge to make this joke then consider not doing that.

[kimkhimhant]

random notes on my ocs will just be like "he knows it's too much to ask of people to love him. the most he can ask of them is not to hurt him." and anyway. don't read into it too much

[kimkhimhant]

writing essays for grad school applications and like all these applications ask for slightly different things whcih is a little diffiicult to keep track of especially in my current state of mind but anyway. it's so hard to decide which things are actually worth talking about. Most of these applications ask for a personal/biological type essay and a separate academic statement of purpose and statement of purpose is a little easier because. well. my purpose is just really one thing in this context and i can embellish on that pretty easily. but personal essays. they ask me to talk about what makes me me or about my "aesthetic" or why i write the kind of things i write and like. the honest answer for a lot of this is dangerously close to trauma dumping. how much do i actually wanna talk about abuse and trauma and drugs and the year i spent not quite homeless but only because i had couches to sleep on like do graduate school admissions really wanna know that i'm clinically kinda crazy and that i do drugs sometimes and like... i can write a beautiful essay about this shit. i can make it compelling! do they wanna know about how the uncle i never met is in everything i write and how my parents were scared i'd become him — because i'm like a reborn version, in some ways, born a day after him, mentally ill and queer like him and how all i was every told about him were the tragic parts and i was told these things like they were prophetic warnigns about my future. i don't want my application essays to be about my ex because i don't want him and his abuse to continue defining me even as i try to go into a new stage in my life but like, how do i talk about what shapes my writing if i don't talk about what shaped me so irreparably?

[kimkhimhant]

oof

you can literally see the mania in the first pic (today) compared to last week. humiliating

[elithemiar-blog]

Self aware enough that I know I will never be this pretty. Self aware enough to know that it doesn't matter.

[kimkhimhant]

oh friend beauty is almost never an objective and definable thing and body dysmorphia just makes it all that much more subjective <333 i appreciate that you consider me pretty. i don't know if i am. i also don't know if it matters. but <33

[kimkhimhant]

oof

you can literally see the mania in the first pic (today) compared to last week. humiliating

[kimkhimhant]

autistic fight club

[kimkhimhant]