Peace In My Mind

Just a place where I can tell how I feel || She/Her || 🖤🤍💜

[kindastillme]

Live a good life

Thank you

- N

[kindastillme]

Death comes to my mind more often than not

[genericdre]

Do you ever like.. think your week is fine and then one day you come out of dissociating for a second and you’re like ???? Am I sad?????

[uriquotes]

"Right now, you feel like you're falling behind others. Even so, you should live. 'Because the weather is nice. Because it's cloudy. So I shouldn't die today.' Start from there. As you live, there will come a moment when you realize it was all for today."

[kindastillme]

I can’t do this anymore.

[kindastillme]

1:33 a.m.

Hello dear old friend

It’s been a while…maybe a year? Things’ been blurry since we stopped talking. How have you been? Are you healthy? Did you go to that restaurant you always wanted to go? Did you finish the book you started because of me? Are you still listening to those deep songs that I couldn’t always understand?

Are you happy?

…

I really hope you are.

I…I have not been feeling so good, you know?I’m still hoping that everything’s a stupid dream and I will receive a message from you in the morning.

I’ve been drowning. Why’s everything so foggy? Why is everyone leaving? Why am I still here? I don’t know why or how I’ve lived this long.

I still miss you.

I miss the way we could talk hours and hours, or when we watched movies together, or when you teach me that video game I became addicted to, and now hurts to play alone.

We were so alike and yet so different…but we worked together. Why did it stop? Why did you leave? Or did I leave?

Is it wrong of me to smile bittersweetly while remembering you?

I hope that when I’m finally gone you’ll go on with your life without knowing, and maybe some years from now you can remember me with a smile, the me that laughed at your jokes, the me that was once happy, and the one who foolishly loved you more than life itself.

With love,

-N

[shebloomedbutwontforgethepast]

And after a while you just stop. You stop watering your plants. You stop watching netflix. You stop reading. You stop replying to your friends as fast as you used to. You stop buying yourself nice things. You stop putting an effort into how you look. You stop taking care of yourself like you used to. You stop sleeping. You stop eating healthy foods. You stop petting your dog. You stop socializing.

You stop with everything. You find yourself sitting in your room for hours on end, without doing a single thing. Days feel like years. And you think you can’t do it for much longer.

[kindastillme]

None of this would’ve happened if I had just killed myself years ago

[kindastillme]

The emptiness in my chest just keep getting bigger and bigger and I can hardly breath anymore.

[kindastillme]

It’s getting harder to fall sleep, to wake up, to eat, to breathe... It’s just so damn exhausting to keep trying.

[asking-the-death]

“Just once I want to be hard to leave, just once I want someone to stay up at night thinking about me.”

— (via she-wants-the-eod)

[asking-the-death]

“Fuck you for leaving. Fuck you for lying. Fuck you for being so confusing. Fuck you for making me sad. Fuck you for making me think I meant something to you. Fuck you.”

— (via jowduk)

[kindastillme]

Sometimes I just like to imagine what would it be like when I’m gone. Who would miss me? Would anyone miss me?

My mom would probably cry, oblivious that she’s one of the reasons of why I took that decision.

My dad would like to seem strong in front of everybody, but would most likely cry when he’s alone.

But at the end of the day I was never their favourite. I was never their perfect child. I was the one who shame them by taking their own life. And they have my siblings to take my place, and they would have the perfect family they always wanted.

I would do it when the ones that were my best friends are not in the country, right when they leave. The won’t have to see my body, the won’t have to feel guilty for anything. They won’t have to pretend anymore. Maybe they won’t have to even know until years later when they come back and a mutual acquaintance mentions my name and my sad story.

But I can’t do it. I feel my willingness to live slip everyday, but the courage to end it never comes.

I can’t do it. I can’t hold the gun, swallow de pills, or put a rope around my neck. If there was a way I could just fall asleep and never wake up I’d do it.

[kindastillme]

Why does everyone leaves me?

[homisfaraway-deactivated2024022]

i wish i could go back in time and tell my younger self “hey just kill yourself now. there’s no hope and the future is worthless”.

[borderlineflower-deactivated202]

its crazy because i know i’m going to die young. i wont live up to be 30, get married, have kids, i know i won’t be alive to experience that...

so it makes me wonder, whats the fucking point?

[kindastillme]

What do you do when your heart is shattered?

What do you do when the people who are supposed to love you and stand by you leave you? What do you when your best friend finally starts getting tired of you? What do you do when they don’t show interest, even when they know you’re going down hill?

Was I even worth it to begin with? Why would you talk to me and promised me things when you would end up leaving? Why did I even try?

I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be better. I’m sorry for wasting your time. I’m so sorry.

Maybe now that you’ve started hating me it will be easier for you when I’m gone.