Joshua Rosfield

“Even in darkness, there is light.” Independent FFXVI blog for Joshua Rosfield ~ Written by Nessa, 32, she/her ~

[kindledgrace]

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.

Independent Joshua Rosfield from FFXVI

Penned by Nessa, 32, she/her

Clive Rosfield sideblog: @forgedinruin

Affiliates: @phantasiiae

Usual rules apply! 21+ Slow activity Be nice, we're all here to have fun <3

[kindledgrace]

~ @phantasiiae || “Why do you keep risking yourself like this? Do you not care whether you live or die?” from dion hehe ~

---

"What does it matter?" Joshua winces as he tries to move, blood seeping through the bandages. Jote had done her best to patch him up, but his failing strength means that it's taking a little longer than usual to heal.

"My life is not important in this." He has long resigned himself to the fact that his sole purpose is to prevent Ultima's influence, to stop him however he can - Even if that means sacrificing himself.

Joshua tries to stand, but feels a piercing through his chest, his hand grasping at the bedframe. "Tell me -" The words hiss out through gritted teeth as he works through the pain. "What would you have me do? Just abandon my research and cede Clive to Ultima?"

[phantasiiae]

Dion takes a deep breath and smiles, feeling a warmth spreading through him. Yes, he loves Joshua and Joshua loves him. Everything feels right with the world...if only things weren't going so wrong so fast. He doesn't know if he's going to see the end of this, nor did he really intend to until now. Part of him wonders what could've been, had things not turned out this way, but there's no sense in mourning hypotheticals. All they can do now is make the most of the life they may yet get to live.

So he laughs, leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to Joshua's lips. "Of course Torgal can visit. Clive and Jill, too." He presses their foreheads together and closes his eyes, just basking in the moment. Just for a moment, he can pretend that everything is fine, that the end of everything doesn't loom over them so imminently. "Even if we only get this time together, I am glad we were able to have it at all."

[kindledgrace]

There's a heaviness that settles in Joshua's stomach. They can speak about happiness and life after this - But he knows those are only words. There is no guarantee that they'll ever come to fruition. The world has seemed destined to keep them apart. Perhaps a happy ending does not exist for them in this lifetime.

Joshua feels emotion building in his throat, turning away from Dion to look out over the water in an attempt to hold back the tears. He has long been prepared to give up his life to protect Valisthea. But now he finds himself reluctant - Fearful, even. He, selfishly, does not want to leave Dion. "You are right. And I know I should focus on the time we have now -" His hand comes up to rub at his jaw. "I just wish we had more. It still feels like we have so much to learn about each other. We missed out on all those years apart." He takes a breath to calm himself. "If we die, we'll never have danced together. Or had quiet evenings without fear where we just fell asleep in each other's arms. We'll never have bickered about whether we should get a dog or a cat. Or which music we should listen to. All those small moments. The domesticity - We'll never have that." He rubs at his eyes, embarrassed for the way the words have tumbled out of him. "I am sorry. I know those are small complaints in the grand scheme of the problems we face." Joshua looks to Dion. "I just think that I would have enjoyed an ordinary life with you."

[rpmemes-galore]

angsty sentences for your angsty needs … sentence starters

“You left me.”

“I only wanted to help.”

“You never cared, did you?”

“I wasn’t made to be the hero.”

“Did this mean nothing to you?”

“I used to care what you thought.”

“Please, don’t. Please, don’t leave.”

“I don’t want you here, not anymore.”

“I don’t need anyone else. Not even you.”

“You keep hurting me. I just want to know why.”

”You’ve done nothing but lie to me from the start.”

“I don’t know how to tell you what’s wrong with me.”

“You break my heart. And I don’t know why I let you.”

“If you keep doing this, you’re going to end up dead.”

“Look me in the eye and tell me, again, you don’t care.”

“I just want to help you, but you clearly don’t want me to.”

“You don’t have to do everything on your own, you know.”

“You won’t survive if you stay here… you know that, right?”

“You might not be a villain, but you sure as hell aren’t a hero.”

“Why won’t you let me in? Why do you keep pushing me away?”

“I love you, but I can’t stay here and watch you do this to yourself.”

“Leave if you want. But, if you do, don’t come back. Don’t ever come back.”

“Because I still think you could be a good person, I just think you choose not to.”

“You don’t have to love me, you don’t even have to like me, but I need you here.”

“Why do you keep risking yourself like this? Do you not care whether you live or die?”

“You keep breaking yourself down for them, but you know they wouldn’t do the same.”

[glowing-starlight]

Final Fantasy XVI (2023) | Clive Rosfield and Joshua Rosfield

[kindledgrace]

~ @phantasiiae || liked for a starter || Going for post game verse! ~

Joshua fusses over the buttons on his tunic before eventually letting out a defeated sigh. He has never considered himself particularly stylish, but now? He is determined to be more presentable. He doesn't want to embarrass Dion in front of the court. It is remarkable how quickly it all returns - The etiquette, the propriety. The dress sense, however? Well, that had been all his mother. He hadn't figured out for himself what looked nice now.

He turns, adjusting the sleeves and jumping a little when he sees Dion standing there. "Forgive me, I did not hear you come in."

[kindledgrace]

//Consider this a general starter call for this blog and @forgedinruin ❤️ Pls specify who you'd like! Going solely on vibes, I have no real plots in mind currently

[kindledgrace]

[100493503004422]

“flirting” aka staring at u and when u look back at me i look away very fast so u wont see that i was staring at u

[kindledgrace]

Modern AU where Joshua works as a researcher and listens to Hozier on repeat

[phantasiiae]

Dion listens to Joshua intently, rubbing his thumb along the back of his hand. He understands his concerns, well and truly. Learning how to be emperor without Bahamut by his side has been more difficult than he ever imagined. The silence is the worst of it all, but it's just one more thing he's added to the list of things to adapt to. "...I understand your concerns, but I also disagree. I think you are very capable, Joshua. I don't just say this because I'm biased..." He grins a little, squeezing his hand. "But I truly believe in your capabilities. I know that the world is quite different now, especially without our eikons. All we can do is take it one day at a time."

He lets go of Joshua's hand, moving back over to the throne just so he can sit. These days it's hard for him to stand for too long. "If you truly do not want Rosaria, I cannot force you to take it. I just implore you to think on it a little longer." He absently rubs at his legs, gesturing for Joshua to come closer. "Enough of that, however. I have missed you. How are you faring?"

[kindledgrace]

A gentle smile forms at the squeeze of his hand, eyes flicking back up to Dion. Joshua finds it truly remarkable that one person can inspire such calm in him. How he feels bolstered by the words, strengthened - It's a testament to the wonderful leader that Dion has become. Eyes follow him as he returns to the throne, a flicker of concern crossing his features. He tries not to hover, instead waiting a moment before moving to kneel down by him, hands resting on his legs. "Here, let me rub them for you. You have had a long day." Whilst the Phoenix no longer resides in him, he's grateful for the fact that his body still runs warm. He likes to think it makes him a more desirable masseuse.

"I have missed you too." Fingers massage in gentle circles as he looks up at Dion. "I am fine. I spent most of today reading in the gardens, so I have little to complain about." Head tilts. "How are you? How were the aristocracy today? As argumentative as usual?"

[kindledgrace]

~ @phantasiiae || cont'd from x ~

It's a moment of silence, a heaviness having settled over the Hideaway. They all know what lies ahead of them, how precious these moments together are. Joshua wishes he could freeze time, even just for a few extra minutes with Dion.

"I do not want to lose you either." He cannot bear the thought of it. The thought of the loss is too profound, too suffocating. Eyes fix onto Dion, finding calm in the safety of his gaze. "I love you too." He now regrets not saying it more, not declaring it every waking second. A soft smile forms. "Nothing would make me happier." He can imagine a lift with Dion, a reason to push through. It feels happy and peaceful, a long-awaited rest. "It will keep me going through the trials we face ahead." His head tilts into the touch, eyes fluttering softly closed as he enjoys the moment. "I look forward to making up lost time with you. To seeing the world through happiness and love, rather than hardship and survival." He turns his head slightly, pressing a kiss to the palm of Dion's hand. "As long as Torgal can come and visit."

[lockescoles]

FINAL FANTASY XVI (2023) dev. Square Enix

[mistress-light]

You knew damn well she'd never refuse you!

[sephaeroth]

@kindledgrace said : " you deserve to be happy. "

HE LOOKS AT JOSHUA: another borrowed body, another soul counting down 'til the final plunge, another person trying to pretend there's meaning in the time between now and the inevitable devouring. sephiroth opens his mouth, then stops, catching himself before he starts, mid-thought, mid-lie because that's what this is, isn't it? a lie he was taught so thoroughly that it became doctrine. 

sephiroth's hand presses against where ultima coils beneath skin and bone.

" i appreciate the sentiment, " he says, politely. " unfortunately, it's taking more time than i realized to learn how to exist outside of the ashen kingdom. " and my own expiration date, as well as the certainty that everything i build will eventually crumble once ultima decides i've had enough autonomy. he frowns.

great greagor, at least waloed was honest about this kind of terror. at least no one pretended he had a future, or asked him to hope for things.

" but i'll work on it. thank you for your concern, joshua. "

[kindledgrace]

Joshua watches Sephiroth, gaze following his hand. He will never be able to relate to what he has been through, and would never assume to know someone's inner struggles - However, he does know from his own experience that learning to live, not just survive, can be difficult. Clive and Jill coming back into his life has shown him the importance of that. Looking to the future, making plans, taking a moment to enjoy the little things.

"See, unfortunately for you, we are on the path to becoming fast friends - Which does mean that my concern for you will become vocal and more persistent." Joshua's lips curve into a grin, his shoulder lifting into a half shrug. "You can take your time learning how to exist, but in the meantime, I thought you might perhaps like to help me with some gardening?" It is a very obvious ploy to try and coax Sephiroth into branching out in the hideaway. Not Joshua's most subtle work, but he's hoping that the promise of an afternoon tucked away in the backyard, sowing vegetables, might be enough to ignore his shoddy segue.

[sephaeroth]

SEPHIROTH'S GAZE FOLLOWS JOSHUA'S HAND, palm rising to rest over his heart as though to keep something caged within. what beginning? he wonders. there isn't one. or if there was, it had been devoured and swallowed whole in some drafty corridor of the badbach conservatory, where the doors only ever locked from the outside. the days often bled into each other; all regimen and ruin. the hum of the crystals, the smell of oil and dust, sometimes even blood. the way they'd lower the flame, as if darkness could soften anything.

" his majesty king barnabas, " he begins, " was a devout follower of lord ultima. as a child, i was waloed's weapon. he said i'd been chosen by the lord. " there is a felt pause, and when he speaks again, his voice is half-absent, half-alive. his mouth twists, faintly. " i was trained from birth to fight against bahamut and sanbreque. trained by lord commander cid telamon, at first, the very same who built this hideaway. except the day he defected was the same day he left me behind. i think he knew something about lord ultima that i didn't, and maybe still don't. now that i'm older, i hear him. ultima, i mean. in nightmares, sometimes even while awake. " 

[kindledgrace]

Joshua is intently trying to ignore his racing thoughts as he focuses on Sephiroth's words. Waloed's weapon. He wonders how much Clive knows. It is hard to figure out what to say. He has a multitude of questions to ask, but does not want to be too invasive, prodding and poking with his queries. "I appreciate you being open with me."

He should probably ask the more basic questions first, but he's immediately fixated on the Ultima of it all. FIngers curl over the wound on his chest absentmindedly. It has been difficult for him to describe the loneliness it brings, the quiet resistance of trying to suppress Ultima. He has only just realised how much he craves having someone understand. "What does he say to you? Is it becoming more frequent?"

[phantasiiae]

@kindledgrace

"Hello, Joshua. Have you thought about my proposal?"

Dion doesn't mean to sound so formal, but all these meetings and debates and arguments with the local aristocracy have his head spinning. He realizes that he probably should've given himself more time to heal before returning to take his place as emperor, but Sanbreque was leaderless, a power vacuum quickly overtaking any sensible thought. It's hard, some days feeling near impossible, but he gets through it. One day at a time. That's all he can do.

Still, he smiles a little, pushing himself off his throne and heavily leaning against his cane for a moment before limping his way over to meet Joshua. "I understand if you don't want Rosaria, but it is yours by right. I cannot imagine her in better hands." As he says this, he takes one of Joshua's hands into his own, lifting it to press a kiss to the knuckles. "If you wish to be Archduke, then it is yours. We can rebuild it together."

[kindledgrace]

Joshua smiles at the formality, dropping his head in a half bow as Dion approaches. He has watched with both pride and concern, never wanting to drift too far in case he is needed, and yet also understanding that he needs to give Dion space to find his footing as a leader. Expression softens at the kiss to his knuckles. "If this is how you greet everyone who visits you, then I think you will be a very popular leader indeed." His tone is playful, fingers turning to take Dion's hand.

"I have thought about it at length." It has consumed his thoughts since it was suggested. Part of him longs to restore Rosaria to how it had been, to bring the people back together. He knows that Dion will be a support and strength to make that desire come true. However, thoughts of weakness creep in; there's a concern that he's not strong enough. He worries that he does not have the leadership qualities suited to being an Archduke. That he could never be like Clive. So much of his existence has revolved around being the Phoenix - Now that it's not, he doesn't know if he - just Joshua - could step up to the task. "I do not want to let you down." He says eventually, eyes casting away from Dion's gaze. "It is very generous of you, but I fear I might not be as capable as you think I am. Not anymore."