Okay hey ya guys! It’s me! Cinbunli or more known as Mod Lea, and it’s been awhile. A month technically in not posting, but then again I didn’t really do that in the month before as well, excluding the drawing request I did, which is something I will talk about within this PSA, which I should point out the main thing about this PSA is to tell you that I am refreshing this blog for myself, as in redecorating the way my blog looks and resetting my requests to have a fresh start, though everything I have posted beforehand will still be up.
The reason why I am doing that is because I need a new refresh on this blog, as I haven’t been up to date with it, since the moment I had got this and I only really did actual requests once in a blue moon, whether it be because of my course or my own dyslexia and other reasons, and this blog now gives me anxiety at times when I look at the requests given to me, and even though looks actually quite little, I can look and see that some of them mostly the scenarios have been there for almost a whole year since I started and haven’t got around to them, and I didn't want to feel that way anymore and start fresh. I want to reset so I can focus more on actually fulfilling the requests given to me instead of not worrying about ones I haven’t done yet, which holds me back. While I say that though if there was a request you were looking forward to or still want please request it again, as one of the reasons I am doing it is because seeing as some of them are requested about a year ago, I don’t know if the person requesting it is still around or still want it. Also, I say this refresh includes all requests, even the 100 followers drawing request (which I didn’t get much response off and I am planning to re-post it for next month instead, starting from the first of September.) and match-ups, not just scenarios and headcanons.
That was my main point and I hope you understood what I wrote above, but it is something that I need to do for myself, the reason it caused me anxiety and for other reasons. My life has been quite eventful recently since Canada, and I decided to become a hermit for the past month because of it, just listening to music or wanting to sleep, not really leaving my house unless I had to, and if you don’t want to know then you can ignore the next paragraph about it, but it is something that has affected me and I have kept in for a long time, and I need to let it out and it seems this is how I am doing it, and I know many will not care or if a bunch of strangers see it, but I’ll put it under a cut.
Okay so if you read the posts that I made in Canada (Excluding my Amino app I was planning on creating, which I did, but found I can’t do anything with, which is not the point.) I have made post about being homesick or being sad, and it is nothing to do with Canada, Canada was lovely and amazing and I was so happy to see my friends over there, but during that trip I was sad and there were a couple of reasons for it, such as my mental illness, but there was one that made a bigger impact on me. Now some may not believe it or think I am crazy for believing this way for what I am going to write about it, but it is what I believe. First things first I am a Christian, I have always been and I officially chose myself to be Christened, due to an event that happened, which people make fun off and don’t believe, which is in there right to, but it was one of the deciding factor of my life, which in fact got me closer to my dad, as something spiritual happened to him as well, but I won’t get into that, but religion and in fact supernatural stuff (though not directly at me, so I can’t really say.) has happened to our lives. For example my family had a fire, the moment my father decided to try and take a religious course to become a priest, and it was in the space where my dad had all his bibles, which ended up burning in the fire and a cross was etched into a wall, which we believed was attack from the devil, and the only reason it didn’t go further was because was because of God setting it up for it to happen on the day all of us was at home, so we could stop it from burning our house down and killing our dog, but anyway… I am a religious and superstitious person and while I was in Canada (And I was in Canada for 20 days) whenever I went to sleep, almost and I mean almost every night I dreamed I dreamt of my dad dying and not be there for my return. Now before Canada and during my the last two months of my BA Honours course, my mum had been trying to get my Dad to go and see a Doctor, but seeing as he was afraid of them, he mostly always refused, and it got to the point that actually once I was in Canada. Mum finally forced him to go, but I didn’t know till until after a couple of nights, when I began having these dream, and that I found out that while I was gone they had diagnosed him with Cancer, he wasn’t producing any blood, and his heart had gotten weak, but my mother said that everything would be fine, until three days before I left, and I got a skype call saying that my dad might die that night, luckily in the end it wasn’t the case, but during my dreams I felt like it was God trying to tell me that this was going to happen, and I quickly got a flight back to see him. (Doing so finding out more about my family that I never knew about before, which made me write the post that my family now seemed like the family tree of once upon a time, because now it has, but to simply put it I thought I was the youngest of four children, only to find out it’s now seven and it could of been ten if three didn’t die.) He’s at home now, but we’ve found out he has months to a year to live, which is better seeing that he could have died on that day and I could not have been there, but because of that it caused me to become a hermit and hide away from the rest of the world for a while, but I am slowly coming back, and it’s one of the reasons I want to do a refresh on this blog, so I have somewhere I can go to and occupy myself, but not feeling the anxiety of the requests I believed I failed in doing, while I try and look for a job, while also taking care of my father. Anyway sorry for me venting in this part, but thank you to anyone who reads this, I just needed to get it out. I don’t know if any of this is readable, so yeah. Anyway I am know gonna finish talking.
