Lords of Iron and Kings of Stone

Independent Tolkien Rp Blog for Dáin II Ironfoot & Thorin III Stonehelm Semi-Selective Rper Please read Guidelines

[trcshymemes]

GAME GRUMPS SENTENCE STARTERS. 

❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞

❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞

❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞

❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞

❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞

❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞

❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞

❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞

❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 

❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞

❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞

❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞

❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞

❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞

❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞

❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞

❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞

❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS. ❞

❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞

❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞

❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞

❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞

❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞

❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞

❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞

❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞

❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞

❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞

❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞

❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 

❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 

❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞

❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 

❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 

❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 

❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞

❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞

❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞

❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 

❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞

❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 

❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞

❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 

❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞

❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞

❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞

❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   

❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞

❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 

❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 

❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞

❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞

❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞

❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞

❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 

❝ Could you imagine if you unlocked outfits in real life? Like, “Congratulations you wiped your ass, here’s a new shirt.” ❞

[wandamaxlmoffs]

field and fountain, moor and mountain, following yonder star

[kingofiron]

And one Queen!

[thearkenstone-ck]

🎂 Happy Birthday 🎂 Billy Connolly! (24 November 1942)

[curiousitykilledthelady-blog]

Reblog if your muse has a nice butt.

[lesbianrey]

hi i’m tolkien here are my ocs. i call them Elves (not elfs!!! if you call them elfs i will block you) they look like humans but they’re tall, live forever, and have pointy ears. that’s it bye

[meattunic-deactivated20171126]

cs lewis: are you alright with constructive criticism? i dont want to sound mean

tolkien: no go ahead i want to hear it

cs lewis: they fucking suck

tolkien: thats not constructive criticism

[lazytechsupport]

cs lewis: here’s my OC, it’s jesus but he’s a lion tolkien: Furry cs lewis: blocked

[peacocksandpearls]

@redeaddie

[nocluesleft]

tolkien: elves are not gay i won’t a whole thing about it that says no homo

[forestofstarlight-blog]

“You didn’t start the rumour that when Thranduil, King of Mirkwood…” He had to pause to find the right words. “… that when I pass wind, it smells like daisies and produces clouds of fine sparkling diamond dust? Is that the rumour that you didn’t start and would like confirmed, your Majesty?”

Of course Thranduil suspected that Daín had started the rumour. He had heard dwarves whispering and snickering all through his stay in Erebor, but only when one of his advisors had spent time with them had he found out the truth about this foul story.

[kingofiron]

There was just a second of silence where you could only hear the fire crackling in Dáin’s study. Honestly, it was only a second long because soon the room was filled with the dwarf’s boisterous laughing. He clutch his belly as he tried to settle himself. “Ha ha! No...heh, that’s not the rumor I was speakin’ of.” He wiped a stray tear from his eye as he regained his composure.

“Although that is quite an imaginative one, I shall tell my kin to behave themselves with that talk.” It was probably one of the younger dwarrows that started the rumor, that’s usually were ridiculously silly ones like that start. Well,  Dáin might’ve been the bad influence to start such inappropriate talk. His first meeting with Thranduil was nothing but name calling.

“I’m speakin’ of another rumor, a bit more ‘bout yer personal life. Though if ya haven’t heard it yet, perhaps it’ll die down.” He hummed to himself while stroking his beard, thinking.

[sigrfridr-archive]

      you take care of everyone,                      my love,              but who is taking care of you?

[kingofiron]

@sigrfridr

“Would you like to borrow him for another month or so?” Stonehelm announced his presence with an out of the blue question. The dwarrow prince seemed to be a tad off when it came to making the first initial interaction with someone.

“My adad---my father that is.” He corrected himself to using the common tongue. “Bet he’d love to stay in Dale a bit longer if he had you or your siblings convincing him to do so.” He situated himself to sit next to the Sigrid.

[kingofiron]

“You live like a pig.” - queenofiron

Arranged Marriage Sentence Starters (x)

@thequeenofiron

When Dáin first met his betrothed, he didn’t show up with grandeur and dressed in the typical lordly fashion. In fact, he had forgotten she was to arrive that day and hastily barged into the hall covered in grim and his battered training gear. Didn’t help matters she had arrived there before him. Not the best first impression. He had felt so guilty about it, he couldn’t look at her much less speak to her the whole first day.

It had been maybe a week or so now since Solveig had come to the Iron Hills, and he thought he’d never be able to impress her. At this point, he just was losing hope and feared she may request to call off their engagement.

“Well, our boars are the pride and joy of my people.” The young lord gave a sheepish smile. “I suppose I picked up their traits. Sorry that’s really not a…um..a decent quality trait for a noble, is it?” He’s heard his advisers tell him this multiple times before.

Arranged Marriage Sentence Starters

justrpmemes:

“So…this is your place?”

“This is your room.”

“I’m not sleeping with you?”

“I’m not sleeping with you!”

“Well…I…uhh…I figured you wouldn’t want to sleep in the same bed just yet.”

“Do I have to change my name?”

“You don’t have to change your name.”

“I like your mom.”

“So your mom’s a real bitch.”

“I like your dad.”

“So your dad’s a real dick.”

“You live here alone?”

“Who else lives with you?”

“I’m a little nervous.”

“You don’t have to be nervous.”

“Do you know how to cook?”

“I’m your wife.”

“I’m your husband.”

“You live like a pig.”

“Uh…not you.”

“I’m glad it’s you.”

“You’re paying for the wedding.”

“I’m paying for the wedding.”

“My parents are paying for the wedding.”

“Your parents are paying for the wedding.”

“I like you.”

“I don’t like you.”

“I love you.”

“I’ll take the couch, you can have the bed.”

[kingofiron]

FOR THORIN III STONEHELM ONLY (unless your Dáin’s headcanon wife)

[kingofiron]

@forestofstarlight (It wouldn’t let me tag you! Sorry!)

"I didn't start the rumor. I'm just curious if ya can confirm if it's true or not."

Dáin doesn't spread whispers and gossip, honestly he doesn't. He just gathers them into a basket and tries to sort out which are facts and which are false. Curious king he was. "You can trust me!" He offered the elven king a goofy grin from behind his bushy beard.

[ofdaggers]

She lightly knocked on the door to Dain’s office, frowning when nothing but strange noises answered her. They were basically on even ground now, so she slide the door open and had to stop herself from smiling. While his beard was still a mess, he still appeared as a King to her eyes. 

A King with the weight of rebuilding a kingdom.

“You should see Bard, he’s quite the mess when he wakes up himself.” She laughed with him, hand still on the handle. “Besides, I only came to visit. One of the dwarves working with us spoke of slight concern for you.”

[kingofiron]

His bushy brows perked at thought of Bard in such a state, which caused the dwarven king to let out an even louder laugh.

"I bet that is quite a vision to see. Where are my manners?" He gave a gesture of a bow as he step aside to allow her to enter. "Come have a seat m'lady. I am honored to 'ave ya come and check my well being." The king scratched his messy beard in thought. "That dwarf didn't happen to be my son, did it? Blonde lad, scruff of a beard compared to my own?"

[kingofiron]

((CRYING CAUSE I LOVE YOU ALL! I shall shower each of you with starters and more!♡♡))

[kingofiron]

@ofdaggers

The sounds that Dáin sputters when he awakes abruptly are quite similar to his boars grunts. After hastily wiping drool from his mouth, he attempted to make himself some what proper from his disheveled state. He made a “bwah” after his efforts to comb a few knots out of his beard with his fingers failed.

“Ah! M’lady!” Dáin moved from behind the desk that was too tall for him and went right up to greet Sigrun. “Pardon my state. I’m afraid I don’t look a bit decent unless I’ve ‘ad my full beauty sleep.” He laughed.

[kingofiron]

If you’d like a Dáin starter, clap your hands!

If you’d like a Stonehelm starter, stomp your feet!

[kingofiron]

Life update! Actually, more like what my excuse is for abandoning my rp blogs for nearly a year.

Within the last year, I moved a number of three times. Also, I was jobless from November 2015 until April 2016. Good news is I finally moved in with a friend of nines years and now at the highest paying job I've ever had. I've also been distracted with attempting to become an amateur drag king, so that took a lot of time and money. Anyways, happy to be back Tolkien family!

[kingofiron]

Hey hey guess what? I'm going to be logging on soon.