surviving

Instagram: @kirthanasastry

[reemillustrated]

[stay-close]

“If you don’t fight for what you want, don’t cry for what you lost.”

— Jan Jansen

[kirthanasastry]

I am a whore for Cinematography.

[kosmogrl]

[emotionalwords]

June will be filled with happiness. June will be filled with positivity. June will be filled with progress. June will be filled with opportunity. June will be filled with kindness. June will be filled with love.

[kirthanasastry]

You gave me the pain I did not deserve

Also showered me with the love I longed for

I'm still in denial 

That my heart wants you around

Living in the same four walls 

But I am not ready to suffer the guilt 

To be away from you either

[kirthanasastry]

rain during summer days

Fright runs down the spine

I shudder when your finger touches my skin

During days of bright sunshine

I feel I'm under pouring rain 

When my eyes see the evilness in yours

It is hard to stop myself from going sane

My heart is in my throat

Fingers tremble and feet are frozen

Only suffering is what I wrote

Are you just a phase

Or you are here to stay

I was not warned of your arrival 

But now I'm begging for my survival

[kirthanasastry]

My demons are my companions

Walking beside me 

Shadowing my next move

Before they used to haunt my dreams

Now they come in all types of bodies and sizes

Haunting me in real life

A constant reason to my heart aches

Something I can't get rid of

I have come this far bearing them

It is strange cause they started to feel 

A little like long lost soulmates

[kirthanasastry]

Observing the miracles created by the inner child inside me

Is the favorite chor of the adult me

[kirthanasastry]

What sabotaging fragile existence looks like

Painful?

Cruel?

There is plenty of air 

I’m still gasping to breath

I was not ready for this war

Yet the pain is absorbed into my skin

Just like water crawling into the roots

If there was only an option to refute

I wouldn't have to fake laughter

So now I know why caged birds sing

[kirthanasastry]

Glancing at old pictures

Feels like hallucination

Truth feels bitter

False promises fill the stomach

Lips hesitates to fake a smile

Pillows soaking up all the painful tears

Actions were the matchsticks

Words were the igniter

The fire spread gradually

We turned a blind eye

Now we survive in the ashes

Drenched in cruelty

Mastering the blame game

As we failed to tame the flame

[writing-official]

[zegalba]

Gab Bois: Film Collection (2022)

[kirthanasastry]

Self Decay

I gave a lot of time

To people who poured poison

With actions and words

Trying to tag along with their actions

I gave them complete control of me

I feared to be left out 

Trying to avoid being pulled into the dark space

A prey to manipulation 

A miserable soul filled with frustration

Is what I had become

Circled in the same path of pretended love

Now I can mimic the act to be completely alive

When everything inside me is dead              

[kirthanasastry]

Many brutal wars have been fought

To become this soft

A lot of god’s given light 

Has been used to heal other broken hearts

Turned into water

Unafraid to touch open wounds

Not expecting the same favor in return

But a small beg to not be scared

While I mend yours

[kirthanasastry]

The earth smiles through flowers

Clouds cry through the rain

Sun screams through the humid heat

When nature has the freedom to express

Why do we stitch our mouths tight

When we are given the chance 

To point out why we are hurting

[kirthanasastry]

Habits

Rip to all those 

Who has been buried 

Somewhere deep in my heart

Where I can't find them

Now I am on a hunt

To find someone new

Who break me completely

So I can dig a new grave