everything golden dies.

fill to me the parting glass

[zara-mayfield-silva]

“Don’t be so modest, you can just admit you’re better than her. And cooler. And a lot more badass,” Zara teases, obviously poking fun at her friend and Sera. As Zara walks around the exact replica of their old apartment, she can’t help but look at and touch everything that’s in the room like she’s seeing it for the first time. To some extent it does feel that way, since it’s been…well, years since she’s stepped foot in this place. She pauses to look up at Kishan; to examine him a moment. Touch him. He’s so real when she’s here. Easy to forget… “Hm…” Zara hums, nodding. “Very, distinguished. It’s giving college professor…or maybe a man in his PhD era?” She slips in casually while eyeing him. Yeah, she knows where he’d been headed the day he died. They haven’t talked about it yet, but she knows. Tara told her, she doesn’t need him to say anything. It hurts all the same. Then he goes ahead and asks her if she still lives here…ah. Yeah. Well, they were going to get around to questions like this, right? Sooner rather than later, she supposes. Zara shakes her head, “no, Javier and I lived separate for a bit, for like a year or two, and then we moved in together someplace new entirely. We needed more space; a fresh start. Both of us did. It needed to feel like ours, not one of ours, y’know?”

His smile is mirrored on her face almost instantaneously as they reminisce about Zara’s lack of cooking utensils and skills in the kitchen. “I never needed a fucking spatula, dickhead, what was I gonna use it for? To flip the imaginary eggs sitting in my fridge? To go along with the invisible bacon and cheese? Why not make a nonexistent omelet, while I’m at it?” It’s actually fucking insane she doesn’t have anything other than the essential bowls, silverware, plates, and water glasses, but she’s more of a takeout gal. Always has been, still is. Though now Javier’s cooking could rival that notion. Zara slides onto the top of the counter, easily falling into an old routine the two of them have in the kitchen as she sets the pot down. “I miss your words of wisdom,” she admits, leaning forward on her hands as she looks at Kishan. There’s definitely something there with Bailey, Zara knows Kishan. The way he looks down when he mentions she hasn’t been in in a while pretty much says it all. Something is up with them. “Seems like it, but, okay…I’ll go first because it is pretty damn exciting,” Zara takes a deep breath in, releasing it. Their friendship used to be so damn effortless, she could tell him anything. Now…she hesitates. There’s a part of her, rationally, that wants to keep reminding herself that this isn’t really Kishan. This is an AI. It’s a computer. Her friend is dead outside of this place, and it’s only here she has him. Forever code. But also…there’s a part of her that wants to let go, to tell him everything. What’s the real harm in letting go? Of talking to this version of Kishan, even if he isn’t really real? Right now, in here, he sure feels like it. What real harm can it bring, other than to help her heal and process, in talking to an AI version of one of her best friends? “Javier proposed, and I said yes,” Zara finally blurts out loudly, eyes wide and surprised by her own outburst. She tries to backpedal, or at least explain better, “we’re getting married in April. I’m…I’m sorry, that I didn’t tell you sooner. It all happened so quickly, and I’ve been in planning mode ever since. I’m sad you don’t get to be there. I want you to be there. You should be there.”

[kishan-ahuja]

"Ah, thank you," Kishan said, grinning. "I don't think Sera will be offended, but I wouldn't tell her that," he joked. He shoved his hands into his pockets as Zara examined his handiwork at recreating their old apartment. He ran a hand along his beard and shrugged his shoulders. "You know...gotta have a new look every now and then. Plus a beard is like contouring for guys." His smile faltered for a second when she mentioned PhD. Why did he have to go and sneak off? Why didn't he tell anyone his plan to leave Turing? He was such a coward and it was probably what got him killed in the end. He didn't want to hurt the group and he didn't want to abandon them either. He smiled at her again, happy in a way to know that she left their old apartment so she could get away from the ghosts in their old place. And it would be a fresh start for Zara and Javier.

He laughed as Zara picked through all the utensils and pots within the kitchen. She eventually settled on the counter and set one of the pots aside. He missed cooking. He missed eating food at new restaurants that would pop up. He was a foodie when he was alive and it was something he couldn't experience here in the digital world. He'd buy a few dishes from a new restaurant and bring it home to Zara for them to try and judge. They kept a binder full of menus of their favorite places, organized and color coded by Kishan of course. It was strangely nice when Zara admitted that she missed talking to him. Missed his words of wisdom. "Maybe now is a good time to tell you that I got all my words of wisdom from a collection of fortune cookies I kept hidden in my room," Kishan joked. He always liked helping his friends and giving advice. It filled that void of being a big brother since he couldn't be a big brother to his younger sister for so long.

Kishan's blood ran cold...or at least it would if he had blood. It wasn't a bad thing that Zara was getting married. In fact, he was quite thrilled that she was and to Javier, one of their friends. He was happy. Elated. He knew they were going to end up together forever from the way Zara would talk about him when they were drunk and on the couch late at night. God, he missed those drunken heart to heart talks. There was a pang in his chest at the realization of what this all meant. It meant Zara was finally moving on and Kishan was not going to be a part of her life for much longer. He wasn't going to be in any of their lives much longer. They were going to move on and he was going to be a memory. A friend they used to have in college. He wondered if over time he'd more code than human, more like Sera. Sera, while empathetic to the group, was still very much a program. He wondered if the group would eventually get tired of talking to a dead man. Quite literally a ghost in the machine.

"Oh my god, Zara," Kishan exclaimed, "that's fucking amazing. That's so great. I'm...God...I'm so happy for you. Congratulations!" His cheeks hurt from smiling so big, but it was a real genuine smile. He was ecstatic for Zara and no one deserved to be happier than her. "Wow. That's amazing. April...A spring wedding!" He had no real idea how far or close that date was, but it was another reminder he wasn't going to be there. "No, no. It's okay. Don't feel bad about not telling me sooner." He took Zara's hand and squeezed it to reassure her that his feelings were not hurt. But, his face fell at her last words. He wanted to give the moment some levity though, so he put on a big smile again. "I wish I could be there for you. Be your maid of honor, because I know you would have asked and I totally would have said yes...I would have been like Patrick Dempsey in that one rom com. I would have been the best damn maid of honor anyone has ever seen." He laughed at the thought of planning a bachelorette weekend for her, planning a bridal shower, and coming up with terrible punny cocktail names. Zara wouldn't have wanted anything wild, but Kishan knew what she would and wouldn't like.

[zara-mayfield-silva]

“Honestly?” She sighs, shaking her head. Tell him the truth? What else? Lie? Seems silly to do that, he’s programming...though he may or may not take it personally, neither gain anything from her lying. “It’s been about seven, maybe eight months, for me. I...got a bit busy.” They’d have time to talk about it once they were away from prying eyes...Zara nods to Kishan, holding onto him tightly when they take off. She watches with wide eyes as her friend fends off more programs that approach, surprised by how aggressive they seem to be getting. Have they always been like that? June and Shadia mention things about The Grid offhand, as do the rest of the members she’s stayed in touch with here and there, but no one’s gone into full detail. Maybe that’s her own fault more than their’s. She separated herself from this place more and more, because...well, there’s a lot of different reasons. For starters, Kishan’s death. Once he died, it became harder to come back without him. Now that he is here...it’s hard in a different way. At first as a distraction, she wanted to finish school, but then she actually did. When that was over, she kept DJing and writing music, and made a name for herself in the music scene, which doubled as a great distraction from coming here as often. Then things with Javier progressed, even more so than she thought they ever would. In The Grid Kishan won’t see it, but she has a wedding ring on her left hand now. She’s someone’s wife. She’s married.

That’s what she wants to tell him now, actually. That’s why she hasn’t been around. When they finally stop moving, and Zara follows Kishan inside, where they enter a white room with nothing in it; Limbo. Slowly, probably by Kishan’s doing, it soon becomes a space she’s all too familiar with. Their apartment, outside of The Grid. In the real world. “How...?” She begins to question, but then she catches a glimpse of herself in a nearby reflection. Zara gasps. How the fuck is he doing...how does she look like herself?  And he...when she turns back towards him, still touching her own face in shock, he looks like him. Like Kishan. But a little older, and...scruffier. Zara reaches up to touch his face, her fingers threading through his beard hair as she frowns. “Well when the fuck did this happen? And...aw, you have graying hair! So wise,” she teases, chuckling gently. But then...it hits her. This place, the way it is now, doesn’t exist anymore. Just like Kishan standing before her, this place is just a memory. She’s frowning again, shaking her head at him. “You know this place is…it’s…” Zara trails off, not knowing how to tell him, or what to say. Instead, she switches gears; “how are you doing this, Kishan? Like...I don’t get it. And maybe I don’t need to, but it’s...this is really cool,” she manages another chuckle, still shaking her head in disbelief as she begins to explore around the room. Zara remembers Bailey mentioning something like this before with Kishan, but she never thought...Everything looks so much like their apartment back in the real world. Or...what it looked like before he passed away. Before she moved out, and into a new place with Javier. The place now, well...she’s not sure what it looks like. But this is nice, like a memory frozen in time. Zara snorts seeing all the pots and pans in the kitchen. She picks one up and holds it out towards him, “you definitely bought all the kitchen supplies, I didn’t own a single pot or pan when you showed up,” she snorts. Takeout for days. Zara smiles up at her friend and pokes his chest once they pull away from their hug. “I’m doing great. A little too great…I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know how I am.” And he does know how she is. Programming or not, it’s the same. “I actually wanted to tell you about something. A big something. And I don’t know if Bailey told you already, because, you know, y’all have been hanging out so much. You forgot to mention to me, back in the real world, how much of a thing you had for Princess, by the way...” She nods to him and folds her arms over her chest. “Maybe you have something to tell me too?”

[kishan-ahuja]

Kishan smiled at Zara as she started to realize what was happening to the space they were in. One of the last memories he had were him packing some of his belongings and leaving this apartment behind. He hadn't quite gotten around to explaining to Zara that he was leaving Turing and going to a PhD program in New York, but the weekend he died, he had planned to tell her. To tell everyone. "Technically Sera can do this too, but I can do it a little better because I have memories of the outside world," he explained. "Makes it feel more real when I do it since I've seen it and experienced it before versus what Sera has seen through pictures and whatnot." He laughed lightly as Zara reached up to touch his face, messing with his beard and touching his hair. "I definitely think it makes me look more distinguished," he joked. He shoved his hands in his pockets and trailed behind her as she looked around the apartment, comparing it to what it actually used to be like. "Do you still live here? Or did...did Javier move in?" He figured the apartment had changed some since he died, but he was curious to know if she was still there or not.

Kishan grinned when Zara held out one of the many pots he'd brought to her apartment when he'd moved in. He was the chef in their roommate situation and he never minded cooking for her. Cooking was one of the ways he'd expressed his love for his friends and he hated that he could no longer do that for them. This was as close as he could really get to showing them how much he loved them. A grand gesture as Bailey would call it. "You didn't even have a spatula. I was honestly amazed you had real silverware and not a drawer full of plastic ware from takeout," he said, laughing lightly. He tilted his head to the side as Zara said how she was doing. "Yeah, I remember. But, if there's anything I've learned, it's not usually one big crisis. It's usually a bunch of small ones. Just waves. Ebbs and flows." He took a step back and put his back against the counter. "Bailey hasn't been in in a while, so no, she hasn't updated me on what's going on out there." He hung his head and smiled as his former roommate brought up his relationship with Bailey. The last time he'd seen Bailey, they finally kissed and said how much they'd loved each other, at least in their way. But it was all in the Grid and he was afraid he'd hurt Bailey more than provide any sense of closure. It was probably why she hadn't been in for so long. "Yeah, it's...a long story. Which I will tell you, but after you tell me your thing. Your thing seems much more exciting and interesting."

[zara-mayfield-silva]

It’s been a long time since Zara entered The Grid. Maybe with some others she’s gone in for the hell of it, for fun, but never alone. And especially never for the sole purpose of visiting a friend. It’s not that she’s been avoiding this copy of Kishan, per say, she just...doesn’t know where the begin. They haven’t really talk talked since the real Kishan passed away. Sure, Zara’s seen The Grid computer copy version here and there, when she’s come in with the rest of The Grid gang, and even talked to him then. But that doesn’t mean they’ve sat down together to play catch up, hug and cried it out, and decided to leave things right where they left off. She was just as surprised, if not more so than the rest of the gang, when Kishan appeared to them in the A.R.V.I.S. system, and no one could really explain it. Not that she needs it explained, either, but...well, it’s just weird. It’s weird talking to a version of her friend that’s so real when they’re here, in The Grid, but when they’re on the outside? Very much so doesn’t exist anymore. Kishan on the outside is still dead. Even if this one seems so, so real, and has all his memories, relationships, thoughts, and emotions programmed into him, something about their few interactions still feels...off. Zara can’t put her finger on it. But yet, here she is, back inside The Grid again, on level, ‘God knows what,’ trying to find the computer copy of her friend.

She’s about...ten minutes in? When he finally happens upon her fighting some cloaked men, obviously sent upon her by the system to be fucked with. It’s not really her intention to ‘play a level,’ or ‘fend off some bad guys for a totem,’ or whatever, but here she is. Fighting some guys. Who thinks she wants...a Peruvian Amethyst, is that what they said? God...was that even real? Zara rolls her eyes. Probably not; just some made up thing for the game. Just as her spear penetrates the torso of one of her last victims, Kishan calls out to her. Zara turns around and cracks a smile. “Kishan, there you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for your ass...long time no see. I feel like we have a lot to talk about...stuff to catch up on, y’know?” For starters, she’s getting fucking married and has a fiancee...Easily, she runs to catch up with him, taking his outstretched hand and hops on the bike that materializes in front of them. Her last victim is wounded and slow, but calling for his buddies...yeah, it probably is a good idea to get the hell out of there... “Let’s get the hell out of here first though...I’d rather be alive for the conversation, and it’s not like I’m trying to fight these assholes. I’m here for you, dude.”

[kishan-ahuja]

Kishan smiled under his helmet as Zara greeted him. It felt like old times for a split second as she called out before taking out one more program. "Yeah, long time no see," he agreed with a laugh. "What's it been? A few months?" He wasn't entirely sure since time seemed to move differently in the Grid than in the real world. He was looking forward to catching up with Zara and finding out what she was doing out in the real world. He wanted to know how everyone was doing, even though it hurt. He just wanted to keep supporting them as best as he could since he couldn't do much else for them. "I'd love nothing more than to catch up with you," he told her. If they weren't in danger, he would have hugged her so tightly right then and there, but getting to Limbo was his first priority. "Hold on tight!" He turned the bike around as the programs started charging after them. He took one of his disks, hitting a program with it and successfully taking it down. Kishan speed up on the bike, leaving the remaining programs and its friends in the dust behind them.

As soon as Kishan got them to safety, he entered Limbo with Zara behind him. Once they were locked in and safe from the rest of the Grid, Kishan turned the white space into something a little more familiar and comfortable. The endless white crumbled around pixel by pixel and was built back up as Kishan and Zara's apartment. It was an exact replica. Just as Kishan remembered it. Just as it was before he died in the real world and before his sister packed all of his things and took them out of the spare bedroom. Kishan turned around to face Zara and as he touched her shoulder, their avatars faded away and they looked just like themselves in the real world. He did the same for Bailey to make her more comfortable when she came to the Grid. He had more control here in the Grid as a program now than he did before, abilities along the same lines of Sera. "This is better, right?" he said with a smile. He made his avatar look a little different now. They were subtle changes but he looked older and his hair was longer. He didn't know if it'd be better or worse for his friends to see what he could have looked like as the years went by if he were still there, but it helped him. He hated that he was frozen in time as his friends were able to grow and change. "How have you been, Zara? I've missed you," he said, reaching out to hug her.

[kishan-ahuja]

@zara-mayfield-silva

Kishan hadn't seen Zara in...well, he wasn't sure how much time. Time in The Grid didn't feel the same as it did in the real world. This version of Kishan had slowly become accustomed to the Grid to the point where he called it his home, not because he had to but because it truly did feel like home now. He was still sad at times, but the grief of losing what he had in the real world had lessened. It was now a dull ache in his chest every now and then rather than a searing pain. Heartbreak. He had hoped everyone moved on, but he was still sad that his friends would move on and he'd be stuck in the computer and be the same. Sure, he was a copy of the real Kishan but he still shared the same thoughts, emotions, connections, and experiences. "Zara? Is that you?" he asked, seeing a familiar face. She hadn't been in the Grid for a long time and he was happy to see her. One of his best friends, his former roommate. A kindred spirit. "Come on. We should get to safety," he said, materializing his light cycle to take her with him. He held out his hand to her avatar.

[kishan-ahuja]

sometimes all i think about is you late nights in the middle of june

[kishan-ahuja]

baileyfuge​:

Bailey couldn’t help herself, even going to the fair she ended up in a skirt. Through she did manage to find a pair of sneakers that passed her rigorous test of style. The knock on her made her smile, he was right on time. Perfect. She pulled the door open throwing her bag over her shoulder. “I’m ready.”

"You look great. Totally suitable for a fair,” he said with a grin. He waited for Bailey to lock her door before leading her downstairs to the car with some of his non-Grid related friends. As strange as it was, Kishan did in fact have some friends outside of their little group. It was nice to be with them sometimes and not think about all the stresses from the Grid. Despite most of them getting along, there was always a bit of tension looming over the group whether they meant to or not. At the car, Kishan introduced Bailey to his friends: Nate, Hanna, and Nora.

“Nice to meet you, Bailey!” Nora said with a big smile. “How did you meet Kishan?” Nate asked as he pulled the car away from the curb. “I love your skirt,” Hanna said to Bailey as she signed. 

[kishan-ahuja]

Are we still friends?

[kishan-ahuja]

You chose the wrong side.

[thejackalhasarrived]

RAYMOND ABLACK in GINNY AND GEORGIA (SEASON 1)

[kishan-ahuja]

baileyfuge​:

“Of course, just got to be sure not to wear black.” Bailey said laughing with him. “Wow, I must be pretty important.” Bailey takes his hand and stands beside him. “I think I can dig up something more fair appropriate. Boston gets pretty muddy in the spring you’d be surprised what I can get through in heels.” Bailey nodded. “I’ll see you at six then.”

Kishan couldn’t help but smile at Bailey. “Excellent advice. You should embroider it on a pillow,” he joked. “Of course you’re important. Anyone who tells you anything different is a liar.” He picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “I’ll see you at six.” He smiled at Bailey again as he walked off to get ready.

Kishan showed up early to Bailey’s apartment, but waited around a few minutes to knock on her door. It wasn’t a date or anything like that, but it still felt like something special. He was still handling things with moving to New York and dealing with the fact that Wes, his best friend, wasn’t around to celebrate with him or even help. Kishan knocked on a door a couple of times and then stepped back to give Bailey some room. “Hey! You ready to go? Everyone is waiting downstairs in the car.”

[kishan-ahuja]

baileyfuge​:

“I think you’re right.” Bailey said with a small smile. She couldn’t recall the last time she’d been to fair. It had to been long before she enrolled here. Memories of the arcade filled her head and Bailey felt her cheeks flush a bit. There would be other’s there it wasn’t a date, she shouldn’t feel flustered. “I’m already think about fried dough.”

"Fried dough, really? That’s your go to fair food?” Kishan said with a laugh. “Alright. We’ll get you the best fried dough there is.” He stood up and held his hand out to her. “Now I know your usual go to outfit is business casual. Very chic and stylish, but the heels will not work at all for the fair. I’d hate for you to twist an ankle.” He shoved the rest of his things back into his bag. “I’ll come by and we’ll pick you up at six. Is that okay?”

[kishan-ahuja]

baileyfuge​:

She sat beside him just happy to share space with him. There was a brightness about him that Bailey felt pulled to. “I hadn’t heard of it.” Bailey was a bit surprised at the invite but found it almost impossible to say no to him when he smiled that way. “I-I yeah of course I’m free tonight actually.”

Kishan knew that Bailey’s reputation sometimes meant her getting excluded from gatherings. He hated to see anyone get excluded, so he figured it was only right to extend an invitation to her. Plus, he enjoyed her company and saw a side of her that others never saw. “I’m so glad you said that because we were going to head out tonight. Should be fun. Tons of games and rids. Also, don’t eat anything beforehand. There’s going to be lots of food trucks there and there’s one that I think you’ll really like.”

[kishan-ahuja]

baileyfuge​:

Hear her name called Bailey turned to look behind her. There Kishan sat in the sun waving to her. Bailey felt her heart beat a little faster and smile spread across her lips. Pulling the strap of her bag over her shoulder she wasted no time crossing the neatly cut grass of the court yard toward him. “You look busy.” She said her tone clearly joking, taking the seat beside him.

"Well, you know my philosophy,” he said, “work hard, play hard.” He closed his textbook and journal, shoving them into his bag to make more room for Bailey to sit down. “I don’t know if anyone told you about this, but there’s a fair just outside of Boston. A bunch of us are going. Would you want to come with me?” he asked her. “With us?” He smiled at her, hoping she could make time out of her busy schedule to have a little fun.

[kishan-ahuja]

#Flashback - February 2019 (one month before Kishan’s death) @baileyfuge​​

Kishan sat down on a bench in the courtyard with a journal and text book next to him. He leaned back, closing his eyes for a moment, a little tired of staring at code all day. He took a deep breath, opening his eyes again. He squinted though because of the harsh sunlight reflecting off the buildings and sidewalk. He needed something to ease his mind and relax a little. And as if his prayers had been answered, he noticed Bailey walking by. He waved to try and flag her down. “Hey! Bailey!” He called out when only waving didn’t work. Once he caught her eye, he grinned and waved to her, hoping she’d come over to his bench.

[kishan-ahuja]

[ give me a minute ] - a kishan + bailey playlist

1. “What A Man Gotta Do” - Jonas Brothers 2. “I Like Me Better” - Lauv 3. “Sober Up” - AJR 4. “Dancing In The Daylight” - Scouting For Girls 5. “How Can I Forget” - MKTO 6. “Lonely Eyes” - Lauv 7. “Automatic” - Fly By Midnight feat. Jake Miller 8. “Don’t Mind Me” - Walking On Cars 9. “If We Never Met” - john k 10. “Delicate (cover)” - James Bay 11. “Bright (cover)” - Ben Schuller 12. “Be Right There” - Fly By Midnight 13. “OMW” - Johnny Balik 14. “Lay By Me” - Ruben 15. “Outnumbered” - Dermot Kennedy 16. “Hold My Girl” - George Ezra 17. “Lost Without You” - Freya Ridings 18. “Till Forever Falls Apart” - Ashe & FINNEAS

[ and for a while you were all mine ]

[sharpcbjects-a]

[kishan-ahuja]

(insp.)