Should I stay? Should I go? Should I run far away
To the point where I canât even see the universe?
I know Iâm killing time
And baby thatâs not fine
Iâll pack it in, pack it in, never smoke anything
Never eat anything that will compromise my health
And, baby that means you, too
That means you
Give it up, give it up, give it up for lent
Take a break, pack it in, take it out to the bin
Isnât it counterfeit? Take a hit a little bit
Wasnât it not worth it?
All that Zara was accomplishing was worth celebrating. She'd battled too much to get to where she was, and Javier continued to stand by her side to praise her hard work and undeniable talent. âYou know, I won't confirm or deny that accusation,â the writer replied with a smirk, leaning down to kiss her shoulder after helping her out of her coat. Zara looked stunning, but when didn't she? He also had in mind another way of celebrating her success once they returned to their place, an idea he was sure she also shared. She stole a kiss in turn and Javier draped an arm around her for a moment, enjoying the closeness.
âOh, it's my fault then? Who knew all it took was a Mexican dude to distract the great Zara Mayfield from her craft,â he joked as he took his seat across from her. âSorry, Zara Silva,â he corrected himself with special emphasis, raising a finger. A playful grin spread across his lips then, and he looked at her the same way he did at that Halloween party years ago. Even now, he still looked at Zara with the same quiet attraction of two people who flirted like they were just getting to know each other. She still kept him on his toes like that. She still made him fall a little more each day. Her next words made him smile again, amused, endeared. Chasing her on her tour was a no-brainer, really. âI know, right? I really got into some trouble when I said I'd go anywhere with you,â he chuckled. Despite the humor in his voice, there was some undeniable truth. He reached for her hand across the table and brought it to his lips, kissing the inside of her wrist. âI can write anywhere. So wherever you go to succeed, I'll follow, amorâ.
Zara cranes her neck downward and to the side so her chin is against her shoulder, eyes looking up at Javier in a rather coy manner. âIâll consider that a, âyes,â then,â she teases him; enjoying the sensation of his lips against the exposed part of her shoulder. How they still manage to flirt and taunt each other like they did when they first admitted to having feelings for one another is beyond Zara. Being as happy as she is now, she tends not to question things between them, and why theyâre still as good as they are. Waiting for the other shoe to drop simply isnât necessary anymore; not when heâs seen every part of her, good and bad, and decided to stay. The waiter comes by to introduce himself and fill their waters, mentioning heâll be back to take their drink orders once theyâve had a chance to look over the menu.Â
Even as she picks up and opens the menu to look at it, Zara knows she wonât actually need to because she already knows what she wants. Javierâs comment has her snickering behind it, and she lets out a small snort in amusement as she sets the menu back down. âHm, well, to be fair, the Mexican dude who's thrown off her game is pretty sexy, and awfully temptingâŠâ she muses aloud, biting down on her lower lip as her brow arches up. âAnd thatâs Mrs. Silva, to you. Better start correcting yourself now before itâs too late, babe. Wonât be long now before Zara Mayfield is a thing of the pastâŠy casada con el amor de su vidaâŠâ Zara points out as she leans in closer towards Javier. Their hands arenât too far away from one anotherâs on the table, so itâs easy for Zara to absentmindedly begin toying with his fingers. Thereâs a familiarity to it, an unspoken comfortability that two people get from being around one another for so long.Â
The waiter comes back around a little while later, and they order their drinks, and Parmesan bread to start. When he leaves, Zara turns her attention back to Javier as he speaks, and laughs. âYeah you really should have thought about the word, âanywhere,â a little more carefully before you agreed to itâŠluckily for you, Iâm only dragging you around the States, and not across EuropeâŠyet.â They still have their honeymoon to look forward to, after all. But it seems like a helluva lot in such a short period of timeâŠis it too much? An engagement, a tour, a wedding, and a honeymoon, all in the span of five months? Christ, thatâs a lot of change. And itâs not that she doesnât welcome it, itâs justâŠa lot with what theyâve already both got going on, and can feel a bit overwhelming when she thinks about it all at once. Javierâs hand in hers serves as a lovely distraction; as does the kiss he places on the inside of her wrist. âYou mean that though?â She breathes out, looking him over with slight nerves. âAnywhere? You'll follow me?â Yeah, it still amazes her to this day that heâs willing to commit to this thing long term. But sheâs selfish enough to accept it for as long as heâs willing to give himself to her. Now sheâs looking down at their hands, fiddling with them again. âAnd this isn't... too much, right now? The engagement, the wedding, the tour, our honeymoonâŠyou donât think with all the shit happening with the group, and Kishan, that we shouldnâtâŠI dunno...postpone, or something?âÂ
Date: January 16th, 2022
Time: 11:47 am
Location: Junoâs Bakery & Cafe, Boston, MA
Zaraâs getting married. Yes, hard to believe; and her siblings probably wonât believe it when she tells them either, but well, itâs happening. And soon. Now thereâs just the matter of actually telling them. She wants to do it in person, not over the phone. But hereâs the deal. Itâs hard to get all three of the younger Mayfield siblings together in one place at the same time. Theyâre busy people; all adults with lives to cater to.
However, there is one saving grace they have, and have always seemed to uphold. And that is their every third Sunday of the month sibling brunch. Sonya had invited herself to a few of these brunches, on occasion. In fact, when she first found out the younger Mayfieldâs all went to something without her, she would come out of spite. Though Sonya has always loved to pretend to play the part of the, âolder, far more eloquent and mature,â Mayfield sibling, whoâs, âabove it all,â she actually hates being excluded. Especially when it involves all of them. The FOMO gets the better of her.
Still, despite Sonyaâs occasional intrusions, itâs been about a year since any of them have actually properly seen or talked to her, let alone at their sibling brunches. But sheâs got three kids now, two of which are rather young, so maybe sheâs got other things to worry aboutâŠTwo out of four of the siblings live in Boston, so that makes things easier.
Sonya stayed in New York, and lives with her husband and three children in Greenwich Village. She still works for the New York Times; one of their top editors, so Zara and the family have heard.
Heath moved to Boston right before Zara did when he started playing for the Boston Red Sox right out of college. Heâs been with them ever since, and is now getting towards the end of his career, thinking about retiring. Heathâs a photographer, though, and a damn good one at that. So at least he has something to fall back on if he wants to.
Beth moves around a lot for her job, depending on where thereâs a gallery in need of an art curator. Right now, sheâs living in New Jersey visiting Boston for the long weekend. Sheâs staying with Zara and Javier, and quite frankly, itâs been hard to hide the exciting new news she wants to share with the both of them.
The three of them have always been close. Growing up, they did a lot for each other, and basically raised one another. Heath used to braid his younger sisterâs hair for them before school, and beat up their bullies. He even taught them how to beat up their own bullies when he couldnât be around to do it anymore. Zara served as a wingman for both Heath and Beth, as well as taught Heath how to talk to girls. She also taught Beth how to play the guitar.
Beth would help Heath pick out outfits to wear on his dates, likeâŠsheâs the only reason he has style. And she taught Zara how to be patient, and kind. Itâs because of them, she didnât completely go, âoff the deep end,â when things always seemed to go south for her, or their family. They always have each other, even if one of them (particularly Zara) pushes the other away. They donât leave the other behind.
So itâs nice that today, at their sibling brunch, Zara can share good news with them rather than bad. Thereâs been a lot of sibling brunchâs of them sitting down to bad news, particularly on Zaraâs end. Today though, today she gets to share that sheâs engaged to her favorite person.
As they sit down, the host gives them their menus and fills their waters. Heathâs just come from practice, so his hair is wet from a quick shower, and heâs thrown on a forest green polo, a pair of black slacks, and some nice looking green velvet loafers for their sake. He doesnât have to, but something in all of them feels the need to be presentable when going out in public even still, all these years later. Can take the kid out of politics, but you canât take the politics out of the kidâŠ
Beth, of course, is dressed to perfection. Out of all of them, sheâs always taken the award of best dressed. Sheâs got these cute strappy peach sandals on, paired with a floral v-neck sundress, and a floppy sun hat that matches her shoes. Her sunglasses match her dress, and they're big and round, much like her eyes when she takes them off. Zaraâs a bit more muted with her all black attire; going for her classic Doc Martens, a ripped Van Halen tank top, a pair of black jean shorts, and brown visors covering her eyes.
Theyâre all so different, yet they get along so wellâŠitâs interesting to see. Maybe theyâre bonded by trauma, maybe they actually do just have personalities that mesh well and get along. Maybe itâs both; who knows. At the very least theyâre trying, unlike some of their other family membersâŠ
When the host walks away to give them time with the menus and they wait for the waiter, Beth is the first one to pipe up, taking off her sunglasses now that they're in the comfort of a shaded table outside.
âWhat the fuck is up with you two, huh? Itâs been like, a month, since Iâve talked to you, Heath. And three weeks for you, Zara. That might be my fault because I just moved and Iâm working a lotâŠâ she pauses, finger raised, eyeing her siblings.
Zara raises her brow and sips her water, looking at Heath. He does the same, near perfectly mirroring his sisterâs actions.
âOkay stop, I have a good excuse! Iâm grinding!â
âOh, sheâs grinding, Zara did you hear that?â
âI heard her say she has a good excuse, Heath, but I hardly think grinding, is an excuse-â
âOkay, alright, losers, so whatâs your excuse then, hm? You helped me move to Jersey, and then you totally bailed!â
âYeah, because you moved to Jersey City.â
Zara nearly spits out her water, leaning over to smack her brother's arm as she stifles back laughter and ducks her younger sisterâs eyesight. Heâs sitting right next to her, so itâs not hard for him to smack her back. Now theyâre in a smacking fight, while Beth rolls her eyes at them, and hits them both from across the table.
âHa, fucking ha, assholes. Itâs not even that bad, and itâs a train ride from New York, so. Whoâre the real losers here, yah Bostonites, orâŠwhatever the hell yâall are called,â Beth snorts, sipping her water and looking over the menu.
âIâm not married to this place like you are, so,â Zara puts up her hands, looking towards Heath.
He rolls his eyes, and flicks water from his glass towards Beth. âItâs great here, and you just donât know it yet.â
âHey!â Beth flicks water back at him and laughs.
âWell the people arenât any nicer, and it certainly isnât, and canât be more diverse than New York, so. She has you there,â Zara points out, shrugging towards her brother.
He gasps, âwhoâs side are you on, dude?â
âDefinitely not Bostonâs, I donât give a shit, dude,â Zara chuckles, and Beth snorts, covering her mouth when Heath looks put out.
âI mean, I donât even know if Iâm gonna live here in a year. Javier and I might wanna move somewhere else,â she points out.
Beth and Heath both look at each other with raised brows. âWhy, you got something to say, Z?â Heath asks, leaning back in his chair.
Well shit. Boston has always been Heath and Zaraâs thing. They both live here, and their mom tasked Heath with taking care of Zara when she first enrolled at Turning as, âpunishment,â for bad behavior. Heath was the only person Zara knew in Boston for a long time, so they spent a lot of time together here, getting to know the place.
But, wellâŠitâs Heathâs place. Not hers. He was here first, and she just showed up for the time being until the next adventure came along. NowâŠwell, now that next adventure is here, and it may be time for a change. Who knows. Javier and Zara havenât really talked about that yet. They both have lives here, soâŠwhy change any of that just yet? And besides, they have some loose ends to take care of before they want to even think about leaving. Like The Grid, for exampleâŠ
âIâm not moving, itâs not that,â Zara starts, pausing when she sees the waiter approaching.
They all order drinks, and some bread appetizer that they know theyâll all eat. Once the waiter is gone, Zara turns back to her siblings and waves her hand in the air.
âIâm not moving,â she says again, and Beth flicks her to go on.
âIâm getting married. Iâm engaged. To Javier, obviously,â she adds, as if it isnât obvious. Heath nearly chokes in his water, and Beth gasps, and puts her hands on either side of the table to brace it.
âWhat?! WaitâŠwhat?!â Beth nearly shakes the table.
âWhen did that happen? Do Ri and Nat know?â Heath questions, picking up her left hand to examine it. âAnd where the fuck is the ring? He got you a ring, right?â
âDude, chill the fuck out; he gave me a ring. It's just around my neck right now because I was waiting to tell you guys. Eesh. Yâall are worse than mom,â Zara chuckles, reaching up to unclasp the metal chain the ring Javier gave her is hanging on for safe keeping.
âAnd yeah, Jav told them the other night over dinner. I think he and Ri called Nat to tell her the news.â She leans over to give it to Beth first, then obviously she can pass it around for show and tell. These frickinâ nerdsâŠ
âManâŠI kinda feel like he should have asked for my permission, or something.â
Zara snorts loudly and turns to Heath in an exaggerated way. âExcuse me? What am I, a piece of meat? Iâm not for sale, my guy.â
âYeah what the fuck, Heath? Thatâs like, so archaic of you? Youâve got three sisters, just⊠be better.â Beth muses without looking up from examining the ring.
âYo, this is actually gorgeous, though. Javier did good,â Beth says, handing the ring to Heath next. He takes it, gives it a look over, then whistles.
âAlright, I take back what I said before. My man Javier spent a pretty penny on this one. And he knows my sister well. Itâs black, just like her soul,â he jokes as he hands the ring back to Zara, who punches his shoulder a few times.
âAsshole,â Zara hisses at him while Beth laughs and Zara takes her ring back. Enough show and tell, now it can go where itâs supposed to. On her damn ring finger.
The waiter comes back with their drinks and the bread appetizer they ordered a few moments later. A Coke for Zara, an Arnold Palmer for Beth, and a Bloody Mary for Heath.
âHow longâs it been now?â Heath asks, pointing to Zaraâs Coke.
âTwo years in April,â Zara smiles proudly as she sips her Coke; having been referring to her sobriety. Itâs been almost two years since she decided to get sober after Kishanâs death. Crazy, how times flies, and how the anniversary of his death has managed to sneak up on them like this. It sort of makes sense, what with everything going on.
âCongrats, sis, thatâs great!â Heath puts his hand up for a high five, which Zara meets with her own.
âYeah, yeah, thatâs great, but whenâs the wedding?â Beth waves her hands in the air, musing aloud.
âDude,â Zara laughs, shaking her head.
âWhat?! I love love, and weddings, and I didnât think weâd get another one so soon after Heathâs.â
âHeathâs wedding was like, over a year ago!â
âIt was eight months ago, but, whoâs counting,â Heath shrugs.
âOkayâŠâ Zara rolls her eyes and shrugs her shoulders. âWhat do yâall want from me, huh? Itâs not my fault Heath and Willow literally took five billion years to finally get married, likeâŠyâall have been together since high school, and it tookâŠten, plus, years? Twelve, maybe?â Zaraâs kind of being mean, but whatever, Heath can take it. Heath rolls his eyes and Beth stifles a laugh.
âJav and I joked about marriage before, but then we actually started talking about things, likeâŠlike about being each otherâs family, or whatever, and you know how our family is,â Zara explains, looking at them.
They nod. âYeah,â they both say, grimacing a bit.
âI love yâall. Youâre my family. But with Jav, what we have isâŠI dunno, different? LikeâŠokay. When I go to his familyâs place with him in Mexico, itâs always like this big celebration. Everyoneâs happy to be there, to see each other; and thereâs kissing, and hugging, and everyoneâs talking over each other because theyâre all just so excited. Itâs been however long itâs been, and theyâre all justâŠhappy, to get to be in each otherâs presence. To cook, and eat food together. They dance, and sing, and watch soccer tournaments, andâŠtheyâre close. Thereâs lots of love there. Love, that I donât think weâve ever really experienced at homeâŠyou know?â
Beth looks sympathetic and nods, reaching out to grasp Zaraâs hand in hers, their fingers intertwining.
âShit,â Heath sighs, shaking his head. âI know Ri and Nat are cool, but I wanna go to Mexico and hang out with Javierâs extended family. They sound awesome.â
âThey are! Theyâre literally the best, and now theyâre my family, and I donât wanna fuck that up by being me,â Zara blurts out, surprising all of them with her candor.
âWhat the fuckâs wrong with who you are? Youâre kick ass, dude. You and Ri are like, inseparable,â Beth muses loud, squeezing her sisterâs hand.
âZara? Bethâs nicer than me, so sheâll sugarcoat. Iâll be honest with you, okay?â Heath pauses. âYouâre awful with peopleâs parents. You make the worst first impressions. Youâre like a walking talking parental unit nightmare,â he breaths out, obviously needing to get this off his chest.
Zara and Beth stare at him; Bethâs mouth agape, and Zaraâs sipping her Coke with a narrowed brow.
âHowever,â he continues, raising a finger; âif Javierâs parents havenât voiced their concerns by now, and havenât tried to stop their son from making the decision to marry you, let alone continue to date you, I think youâre in the clear, Z. I think they sufficiently see past your bullshit facades and like your ass. Your kind, generous, loyal, talented, fun, party loving ass.â
Zara leans over to kiss her brother's cheek once, but then fakes him out by thinking sheâs moving away from him, only to then bombard his face with kisses. Heath hisses at and bats her away like a cat, sufficiently causing a laughing fit from the two Mayfield sisters.
âThat was really sweet, Heath, thank you,â Zara says after theyâve calmed down, leaning over to punch her brotherâs arm gently.
âYeah, well just donât say I never did anything for yah, kid,â he chuckles, leaning over to ruffle Zaraâs hair. She swats at him while eating her bread. âI care about you losers, and want whatâs best for you. I want you to be happy, and I know Javier makes you really happy, Z. Iâm happy for you.â
âAwwwwwww!â Beth gushes loudly, leaning over everything on the table to try to threeway hug her siblings. âWeâre so cute!â
Heath and Zara both groan loudly, but let their younger sister pull them into a weird ass hug that nearly knocks everything over on the table. After about a minute, they detangle, and Zara and Heath try to look less pathetic than they feel for, âshowing emotion.â Bethâs the softy in the family.
âSo when is the wedding, anyway?â Heath asks while picking up his menu and turning it sideways in his hands on top to the table.
âI was just about to ask the same thing!â Beth exclaims, looking expectantly at Zara.
âIâŠdonât know?â She admits, looking at them sheepishly. âMaybeâŠin a couple of months?â Beth audibly gasps, and Heath looks unconvinced.
âLook this isnâtâŠthis isnât gonna be like yâallâs wedding, Heath. Or Sonyaâs. Or mom and dadâs. Or mom and Chrisâs,â Zara lists off, trying to let them know exactly what to expect. This wouldnât be a traditional wedding.
âItâs not a church wedding. Itâs not like uh, âletâs invite everyone and their mother to a wedding because we can, pack the place, and make it this whole production,â type of thing. We donât want that. We just want something simple. With you guys. With our immediate family.â Zara looks from Heath to Beth, who both look not stunned, not disappointed, justâŠwell, maybe they are a little disappointed. But what did they expect? This is Zara they're talking about. Zaraâs not the marrying type. Javierâs the exception.
âBut not like a shotgun weddingâŠright?â Beth insists after a moment of silence, eyeing her sister.
âI meanâŠnot not like a shotgun wedding, per sayâŠâ Zara shrugs, fiddling with the straw in her Coke. Suddenly this thing feels a little heavier, much like the set of eyes on her from both her siblings.
Luckily the appetizer comes and interrupts the awkward stretch of silence. Zara takes this opportunity to tell the waiter theyâre ready to order food, and to stuff her face with bread. Much easier to subvert expectations with your mouth fullâŠ
They order their meals, and hand their menus over to the waiter about five minutes later when theyâve finished. Both Beth and Heath are staring at Zara like sheâs got a third eye, and after a moment, sheâs the one who caves first, breaking the silence.
âCome on, itâs me. Me! Did you really think Iâd even have a wedding? The most Iâm willing to have is an exchange of vows, and a party afterwards, because those are the fun bits. Dresses, invitations, cake, venues; all that other bullshit doesnât matter to me. We want the piece of paper, and I wanna have a good time while doing itâŠokay?â She doesnât mean to sound as aggressive as she does; especially since Heath sits back in his chair from the impact, and Beth puts up her hands.
âOkay, Zara. Eesh. I didnât think you were the marrying type, but after meeting Javier, and seeing you together? I dunno. I kinda figured maybe at one point you would.â Heath admits, shrugging back.
Huh. Well, thatâs perplexing. Zara and Javier only jokingly started talking about marriage a year agoâŠit hasnât really occurred to her that other people can see something else they canât. Maybe looking from the outside in, itâs easy to see how the two of them ended up where they are now.
âSame, I second that. Iâve never seen you more googly eyed over anyone before in my life. In factâŠI think itâs the only time Iâve seen you like that,â she points out with a tilt of her head.
Zara snorts, âthatâs because my eyes donât google. Iâm not the mushy-gushy type. Jav isnât like that either though, and maybe thatâs why it works.â
Theyâre both writers, so they know what romance is; they know how to court another person. Javier has certainly proven that to Zara over the years, as he only seems to one up himself with surprises. Yet another reason theyâre getting married. The excitement hasnât died out like it has in past relationships, it just keeps growing. Javier keeps Zara on her toes, continuing to impress her and show off new parts of himself she so desperately wants to get to know.
âOkay,â Beth says after a moment, chewing the last bit of bread in her mouth from the appetizer plate. âSo to recap,â she waves her hands around in the air, âwedding is in a few months and itâsâŠnontraditional. You want the piece of paper and the vows, not the whole production, but you do want a party after. SoâŠa reception. And what about bridesmaids? Do you want those? And can I be one?â
Zara snorts, âdidnât really think about it, but I guess, yeah. Or something like them. You, and a couple friends maybe would be âbridesmaids.ââ She does air quotes around the word, âbridesmaids.â Sounds weird to say, and leaves a strange taste in her mouth. Itâs a little too traditional for her taste, but wellâŠitâll be fun to have her people around for a very important moment in her life. And besides, itâll make Beth happy.
âAnd what makes you think I also donât wanna be a bridesmaid, asshole?â Heath points out, quirking a brow.
Zara laughs so hard it nearly scares her. âYou wanna be a bridesmaid dude? You can be a bridesmaid. I thought youâd wanna be one of Javâs groomsmen, or whatever the fuck, but-â
âOh shit, I forgot about that! Okay, okayâŠyeah. I guess Iâll do like a half and half situation? Iâm team Zara, and team Javier.â
âYouâre literally insane, you had a wedding and had it the regular way. How do you not remember groomsmen exist, and this isnât- weâre not on teams!â Zara pinches the bridge of her nose and closes her eyes, while Beth chuckles under her breath and hides it with her elbow as she eats more food.
âI mean Iâm just fucking with you, Z,â Heath laughs, chucking a small piece of bread at his eldest younger sister.
Zara blinks at her brother, looking to the center of her forehead briefly where the bread just made contact with her skin. âDid you just hit me with bread?â
âHe hit you with bread.â
âI hit you with bread. And youâre the weirdo copying me after I just got married,â Heath continues to tease, flinching before Zara even winds up to hit him.
Beth cackles and eats more bread while watching her siblings go at one another. Zara pretends to strangle her brother, grabbing his neck and shaking it gently, as Heath pretends to choke and pass out on the table.
âYouâre so stupid, stop hitting me with bread when Iâm talking to you about my wedding!â Zara tries her hand at looking as serious as she possibly can, but ends up laughing and shoving her brother in the shoulder some more instead.
Yes, it feels cheesy to admit it, but sheâs happy. Zara is actually, for the first time in a really, really long time, feeling positive about her future. Sheâs not waiting for the other shoe to drop, or wondering why. It doesnât matter why, or how, she just is happy with Javier. And she wants to get married; to spend the rest of her life with her best friend. Her favorite person. Her person.