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Queer Joy

Queer joy is radical self-expression.

Queer joy is being able to identify as we are– to dress as we are, to live as we want, to love the ones we are drawn to (the ones that light us up) regardless of gender identity or birth-assigned sex.

Queer joy is being able to be authentically ourselves in every way without judgement.

Queer joy is a mysterious force.

It’s a feeling that sneaks up on you when you least expect it when you’re doing what you want that brings you joy or listening to someone else do the same.

Queer joy is feeling free from shame and societally-imposed or self-imposed restrictions.

Queer joy is feeling welcome– in a space, in a group of people, in family and in the world, welcome as we are, our sparkling and real selves, and not some projection.

Queer joy is being welcome.

Queer joy is welcome.

Hold onto the hate

Let it sink in

So that you can feel sad

And sorry for yourself

For the rest of your life

Kansas Gurl

A text came through

A dream deferred

Casually asking who you preferred

You said I don’t know

This is all new

I said cool.

Kuala Lumpur

Singapore

Los Angeles

How I wanna hold hands with ya

And a lot more

Cosmic jewelry design

Telling me what’s your sign

Listening thoroughly

And then the pics come through

Oh how I wanna try with you

Why are you so kind

And pretty and brave

Now I really wanna misbehave

Come on in

The water’s warm

This is unreal

I wanna steal

A kiss

I can’t resist

Why so far away?

Meanwhile

Reinspire

You’re at ground zero

Reincarnate

I want to know what you’re talking about when you say love

Suspend your disbelief willingly

I want more next times

Why not today?

Vegetables and sins,

too much to atone for.

The village people said it best when they said

“young man.”

Clean up your act

then I’ll screw around with you.

I am something.

Don’t say gay

Four thousand euros

K cups

Potpourri

Dandelions

Mazeh

Mazel tov

Running in circles

No longer

Tu eres malo.

Tu eres una barista.

No se nada.

Tengo una problema.

Te amo.

Turning closeness into distance overnight,

that’s my specialty.

Soy barista. Diecicies años.

Pick something.

Umber Vine Conspiracy Chapters 8-9 available!

Comment or message me for the next couple of EMOTIONAL and exciting chapters of the Umber Vine Conspiracy which are now ready! They are available for purchase, $1.50/chapter. I take venmo. :)

Personal guidelines for the self (for now until they change in scope):

1. Use your language wisely. Speak with clarity and purpose.

2. Manage your opinions. Share them thoughtfully and sparingly.

3. Step aside with kindness. Make space for others.

4. Cultivate curiosity. Explore, question, and learn.

5. Balance your drive. Avoid over-motivation—repeat no blunders.

6. Grow intentionally. Read, reflect, and embrace new insights.

7. Exist wisely. Align actions with your values and long-term well-being.

Give yourself time to grow—you got this!

West

With you I drive west,

into the introspection,

into the setting sun,

into the dark.

Into the west we flow like water,

snaking like a river

over the rugged earth.

Into the west, into the autumn,

where all things fade

and fall into nothingness

perfection.

I am the bear, the wolf.

With you I am the serpent.

Together we walk west;

together we transform.

Into something new, together,

together,

we become.

From the author: I have had a long standing obsession with the four cardinal directions. They all contain symbolism and myth. If I embodied a direction, it must be west.

Un-frienemy

Closeted homosexual

Purpose-driven life

Careful

Don’t go there no more

Try harder

Do more

Shred everyday

Take your time on everything

You can be yourself

You can kiss on the internet

You can take up space

You count

You are not antisocial

Be allowed

I love you more than words can express.

Seven Minutes Under the Canopy of Stars

First lines from “How Do I Love You?” by Marion Dane Bauer

“How do I love you? Let me count the ways.

I love you as the sun loves the bright, blue days…”

I stepped outside briefly as Tony was putting the little ones to bed. Usually I do it but tonight John was asking for him. I have been reading In the Absence of Ordinary by Francis Weller. The reflective and soothing nature of the writing goes to a deep place of resonance in my soul as it talks about functions of the soul through grief, change and other experiences in a melodic writing style that feels like soothing medicine.

There are a few places in the book that encourage certain challenges called “soul work.” I enjoy challenges like this and try to complete them whenever possible. With the children being put to bed not by me this time, I thought I could complete Mr. Weller’s challenge to “take some time under the canopy of stars” and reflect on it. I set my timer for 15 minutes. I only made it through seven before I got interrupted with the kids wanting me to take over bedtime but oh well, seven minutes of bliss was enough for me (not really, I’m just pretending to be happy.)

During the seven minutes (before I got interrupted), I laid out my yoga mat under the nearly full moon and laid down on my back. The moon itself seemed to twinkle and move and the air was cool, almost to the point of me desiring a blanket. It doesn’t take long for me to receive impressions– from God, universe, self, it’s not always clear. Deep intuition maybe. Sometimes I just wish there would be nothing and no thoughts, completely silent and still state of being but that is rarely the case for me. A meditation practice has been great for training mindfulness and dealing with a highly active mind but it certainly doesn’t make all the thoughts go away.

“How do I love you? Let me count the ways. I love you as the sun loves the bright blue days.” These lines from a beloved children’s book I have enjoyed reading to my kids came to me immediately. Being said to me? By God? Or maybe myself to myself. It seems like someone wanted to wrap me up in a hug.

There were more specific impressions that unfolded into my consciousness that I wrote down in my notes app during my brief time outside that I’m going to process privately, but I wanted to share this practice with anyone who is out there reading. Maybe you’ll try it; maybe you’ll get something out of it.

Maybe you’ll get more than seven minutes.

I’m so sublime

Tiger tiger burning bright

IMDB

You’re parenthetical

Candle

I’m hard to kill

We dedicate this song to you

Zinnia

I’m Alexander Hamilton

And I’m not throwing away my shot

Yoga mat

Glossolalia

Respect is contagious

Respect is earned

Albino pumpkins

Love is here and it’s got your number.

Whooperwhill

Taco sauce

From the author: words, phrases and images that were standing out to me a few days ago

No One Is

Shefali Tsebari

Nadia es un

Instagram model.

author's intent: going to start posting my intent behind the poems I write so when they are ambiguous others will be able to see where I was going with it. That said, if they mean something else to you, you can have that too.

Shefali Tsebari wrote Conscious Parenting, my favorite parenting book I have read to date. She advocates attunement with children and ourselves as we parent. So I am recommending her as well as speaking as a parent to those "older kids" out there who are comparing their bodies to others they may see on social media. Not one of your friends is likely an Instagram model. We all come in different shapes and sizes.

hi jk lm no p

Feelings

Like the most misunderstood person.

Like I can never say the right thing.

Like there is nowhere I belong.

Like I’m confused.

Like I am the ultimate cause of cringe.

Like I don’t have what it takes.

Like I am a faux pas.

Like a runaway.

Like I’m in middle school, filled with angst.

May Day

May day

Incoming

Bombs are exploding everywhere

I’m going to punish you for what you did

and you’re gonna like it.

Put your head in my mouth

See if I bite it

See if I touch it the way you want me to

See if you’re into me

For a little while.

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