she wasn’t trying to win, she was trying to prove something | spencer hastings
everyone loves spencer hastings because she’s brilliant. because she’s intense. because she’s always ten steps ahead. but what no one talks about enough is how exhausting it is to live like that, to be the best, all the time, because it feels like if you’re not winning, you’re nothing.
you don’t just wake up one day addicted to achievement. it’s a defense mechanism. it’s the result of being told, either directly or indirectly, that love is something you earn. approval, security, pride... they’re all made into things you chase, not things you deserve by default. and for girls like spencer (and girls like us), the chase becomes your whole personality.
this post is for that version of you: the one who doesn’t know how to slow down. who feels guilty for resting. who is so busy proving she’s good enough that she doesn’t even know what she wants anymore, only that she has to win.
but glowettee girls don’t just burn out. we decode the burnout. and we build something better from the pieces.
✧ step one: admit that your ambition isn’t always healthy (and that’s okay)
spencer’s ambition was her superpower, but also her coping mechanism. it was how she kept her identity intact in a family that prioritized image over emotion. it was how she filled the silence when she didn’t feel seen. and that’s the thing no one tells you: you can be extremely high-functioning and still deeply emotionally neglected.
if you recognize yourself in that, it doesn’t mean you’re broken or dramatic. it means you learned to survive in a way that made you successful but not necessarily fulfilled. and that awareness? that’s your power now.
start asking yourself: › what part of my ambition is actually a response to fear? › am i working towards something real. or just running from feeling “not enough”? › if i stopped being productive for a while, would i still feel like i mattered?
this isn’t about throwing away your drive. it’s about reclaiming it. so that your success stops being a trauma response and starts becoming a conscious, joyful path.
✧ step two: stop tying your worth to how well you’re doing
this is one of the hardest lessons for spencer-coded girls to learn. you’ve spent so long being “the smart one,” “the responsible one,” “the one who gets things done,” that the idea of being average... or even just not ahead, feels terrifying.
but the truth is, your value doesn’t fluctuate based on how impressive you are today. you are allowed to be exhausted. to take breaks. to not know what’s next. to be unsure and still deserving of kindness.
practical reframes that help:
› “i am not only worthy when i am productive.” › “it’s not my job to be exceptional every single day.” › “i do not have to earn rest, i’m already allowed to feel okay.” › “getting ahead means nothing if i don’t feel like myself at the end of it.”
your worth is not your grades, your resume, your discipline. your worth is how gently you treat yourself when things don’t go according to plan. and how brave you are for trying again, but this time, with love.
✧ step three: identify where the pressure is really coming from
one of spencer’s most iconic traits is her constant pressure to be better, to prove herself to her parents, to compete with melissa, to always be right. and a lot of girls pick up this energy without even realizing it.
so let’s break it down.
when you’re pushing yourself too hard, ask:
› who am i trying to impress right now? › what am i trying to prove, and to who? › would i still want this if no one else saw it?
sometimes the answer is “my parents.” sometimes it’s “my younger self who was bullied.” sometimes it’s “the girl who made me feel small in 10th grade.” whatever it is... naming it gives you control back. it turns a subconscious obsession into a choice.
glowettee tip: start tracking your academic or glow-up goals with intention journals. write down why you want each thing. if the answer is rooted in love, curiosity, or your dream life. it stays. if it’s rooted in shame or needing to prove yourself, you rewrite it.
✧ step four: build a version of success that doesn’t destroy you
ambition doesn’t have to hurt. it doesn’t have to cost your health, your sleep, or your identity. but to get to that place, you need to reimagine what success actually looks like.
spencer's biggest downfall was never that she worked hard, it was that she never let herself pause. she never believed she was enough without the accomplishments. so let’s fix that.
your version of success should include:
› slow mornings with your journal and a matcha › deep focus sessions that leave you proud, not drained › goals that light you up instead of haunting you › people who see you beyond your output › a sense of peace when you're doing “nothing”
you deserve a version of success that feels like coming home to yourself, not escaping who you are.
✧ step five: learn how to forgive yourself for not being ahead
this is the softest, hardest part. if you’ve ever stared at someone else's instagram story or grades or glow-up and felt that sinking feeling of “i’m so behind,” this part is for you.
glowettee girls don’t pretend they’re immune to comparison. we just reframe it.
spencer always felt like she was playing catch-up, even if it was to melissa, to her parents' expectations, or to some imaginary version of perfection. but she was always enough. the problem was never her ability. it was her belief.
if you’re feeling behind:
› remember you are living your own plotline, not anyone else’s › take inventory of how far you’ve come, even if it’s invisible to others › allow yourself to grieve the time you lost to stress, fear, or self-doubt › forgive yourself for surviving the only way you knew how, even if it meant overworking
being “ahead” means nothing if you don’t feel grounded in your body, your heart, your softness. you’re allowed to pause. you’re allowed to rest. and you’re still powerful even when you do nothing but exist.
♡ mindy’s personal tip:
i used to think that if i didn’t get everything right, i’d disappoint everyone, my family, my future self, the version of me that’s supposed to be a doctor-ceo-academic-goddess. but slowly, i realized the pressure was inside me. and that i could be ambitious and gentle at the same time.
now i schedule in breaks like i schedule study sessions. i romanticize rest like i romanticize hustle. and i remind myself every day: i am not just a girl chasing goals... i am a girl creating a life.
so are you.
xoxo mindy
⋆ this post was inspired by my free workbook on trauma-coded ambition, it's for the overachiever girls who can't rest without guilt. grab it here:
for the girls who were always “the smart one.”for the gifted kids who became burnout adults.for the ones who can’t stop striving, even when
