It had been 3 days since the worst shift of Robby’s career, bar…well he didn’t like to dwell on that..other day. But 3 days, and everyone seemed to be doing okay or at least okay as they could be. Robby did his due diligence, being sure to keep an eye on all his newbies. Which is why he noticed Whitaker was doing less okay than the rest.
He was even jumpier than his first day, his confidence lost as he stuttered over words and hung back more. His hands always seemed to have a tremble to them that always made him avoid Robby’s eyes when he caught the older man staring at them. Something about it all was making Robby itch, he knew Whitaker was built to endure. The man’s first patient on his first day died. Then he got pissed and bled on, even covered in Mylanta all before stepping up and dealing with mass casualties for fuck sake. Robby had faith, he knew Whitaker had game and was not ready to let him slip between the cracks before he got to prove it.
That's how Robby ended up in the abandoned wing of the hospital. At first he was planning to pull Whitaker aside when the shift ended but the mousy man was quick and slipped away like he could tell Robby wanted to talk to him. Robby thought he had been more subtle in his concern, but maybe getting caught in lingering stares by the younger man didn’t help his case. He was more careful in his approach when he watched as Whitaker slipped through the doors to the East Wing instead of the main exits and didn’t resist the pull in his chest that told him to follow. This was his job, Whitaker was his. HIS STAFF! Just his staff not like.. His like that..like to keep. It was his job to make sure the younger man was okay, was coping well. He was just doing his job, Fuck he needed to focus. Robby kept his steps light but quick as he tried not to lose Whitaker.
Lucky for Robby it seemed Whitaker had a set of lungs on him when he felt comfortable. Crowing singing reverberated down the hall leading Robby to the only room with a light on. Robby still kept his steps deliberate, unable to help his smile when he caught the sight of the aforementioned man spinning in a circle before striking a dramatic pose. Whitaker was holding a comb like a microphone, lipsyncing his heart out in the mirror, hips rolling and snapping side to side to the beat of whatever song was playing through his airpods.
“You got some pretty good moves there Whitaker.” Robby said as Whitaker turned around, finally able to see the older man leaning against the doorframe casually. “I’m sure the ghosts appreciate the show.” He couldn’t help but add.
“Oh! Oh God!” Whitaker immediately tripped over himself, stumbling back before stabilizing himself on the hospital bed behind him. “What are you- What are you doing here?” He asked, frenzied, a hand over his presumably racing heart.
“I should be asking you the same,” Robby crossed his arms, his brows raising as he looked at Whitaker expectantly.
“I- well um, Occasionally,” Whitaker began hesitantly, his eyes racing over the features of Robby’s face as he tried to read the older man's expression. “Ocasionally.” He prefaced again, holding his hands out, “I’ll crash here after a long shift. But not- not like all the time or anything.” Whitaker rushed to explain himself.
It was Robby’s turn to hold his hand out, silencing the nervous man before him. “It's okay Whitaker, I’m not mad.” He ventured a step into the room, not missing the way Whitaker took a step back. “Do you have a place to stay?”
Whitaker looked away, a hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck, “Not uh, not yet. But I am looking, I swear!” He finally returned his gaze to Robby, his eyes desperate.
“Whitaker…residency started 3 months ago. Have you been staying here the whole time?” Robby asked. He spoke again when he was met with silence and the look on Whitaker's face that made him look like a trapped prey animal. “Again not mad, you aren’t in trouble. I’m trying to understand so I can help.”
“Why?” it seemed like the words left the younger man's mouth without his permission with the way his hand flew up and slapped over his mouth. “I mean, thank you…for not being mad. I uh, yeah I’ve been staying here since I got to Pittsburgh. Student loans and non-paid work am I right?” Whitaker tried to joke, it fell flat in the tense air between the two men.
“Okay just-” Robby sighed, running his hands down his face and back up again. They settled in his hair, fingers crossing at the nape of his neck. “You can’t stay here-”
“Please Dr. Robby I know it probably breaks like a million rules and Gloria would kill you if she found out but I need to stay here I have nowhere else, not even a car. And I swear you won't even know I’m here. I’m quite and clean and I’ll even be early all the time because I’m so close and-”
Robby his hand up in the same placating motion as before, he waited as Whitaker's words died on his tongue before he spoke. “I’m not gonna kick you out with nowhere to go. Pack you things I have a spare room, you're staying with me.”
“Oh I can’t, that is so generous but I couldn't pay you rent or anything I’ll-”
“You were right before.” Robby cut off Whitaker’s rambling once again.
“You staying here does break ‘like a million rules’” Robby put air quotes as he recited Whitaker from moments ago. “So grab your things and come with me before you get me in any more trouble with that woman.” Robby clapped a hand on Whitaker’s shoulder before pulling the younger man into his side.
Whitaker looked up at him with those big sad eyes that stirred up things in Robby he was still believing he could ignore out of existence. “Okay.”
Robby was just doing his job, that's all this was. Whitaker is his responsibility. It was his job to look after him, and that's what he was doing,he was a good man, just doing his job.
It took Robby a week to realize Whitaker was living like a ghost in his apartment instead of a guest. The first 4 days they both had off and Robby barely saw him. To be fair he was pretty sure they were both catching up on some much needed sleep after pulling 3 12-15 hour days in a row. But even on nights they both worked it stayed the same. Most of the time Whitaker got back before Robby did, and by the time the older man made it home there were already clean dishes drying by the sink and Whitaker nowhere to be seen. Robby never even heard the guy, not getting ready in the morning before work or at night before bed. They never even left the apartment at the same time despite being on the same schedule, Whitaker was always there before him.
Everything came to a head on the 7th night of their cohabitation. Robby once again found himself silently observing Whitaker, seeking answers to questions he knew he could not ask for fear of scaring away the younger man. He was jumpy, Robby was coming to learn in the few moments they did interact. Whitaker was always avoiding his eyes and apologising all the time. Robby felt that same itch as he did a week ago. He was just a really good boss taking extra care for a staff member who was going through a tough time, he was a good man doing a good thing. It definitely wasn’t because something unknown and much larger than his self control lived in his chest and burned at the thought of Whitaker and his big sad eyes.
“You know you’re allowed to be here right?” Robby asked when he finally realized why he never heard Whitaker. The man was tip toeing literally physically tip toeing around the apartment.
“Jesus!” Whitaker whipped around at the sound of Robby’s voice, the mug in his hand clattering to the floor and smashing. “Fuck sorry!” He immediately dropped to his knees without thinking, ignoring Robby’s statement completely in favour of picking up broken shards of ceramic. “I’ll get you a new one tomorrow I promise-”
“You are kneeling in broken glass.” Robby’s voice was gentle and calm, he crouched down to Dennis’s level and held out his hand. “I need you to stand up and go sit on the couch so I can check your legs.”
“It's technically ceramic,” it seemed Dennis’s mouth spoke before his mind could catch up once again. His focus was aimed solely at Robby and the older man could see how his cheeks reddened.
“Right, sorry, yes getting up.” Dennis took the hand offered to him, his eyes darting to the floor the minute their skin touched.
He let Robby man handle him away from the shards of broken mug until he was plopped on the couch. He looked down at his attending, kneeling on the floor between his spread legs and his cheeks grew red again, this time his gaze going to the ceiling. Robby caught on to the compromising position and cleared his throat, willing away his blush.
“Let me see.” He said instead, hands intentional as they settled just above Dennis’s knee. He looked up at the younger man waiting until he got a nod before slowly pushing his blue pyjama pant leg up, pointedly not commenting on the fact that they were covered with pictures of snoopy. “No cuts,” Robby sighed in relief, “No glass cut through the pants either.” His body sagged, pulling the phone flashlight he used to check away.”
“That’s good.” Dennis nodded, seemingly laser focused on Robby now, his cheeks just still as red as before. “I’m sorry about your mug, I promise I will replace it.”
“A mug is a mug, I’m just glad you're okay.” Robby’s hands had not left Dennis’s thigh, instead they squeezed. “And you know, you don’t have to tip toe around right? Actually please don’t at all, if I didn’t want you here I would have pawned you off to someone else Whitaker…okay?”
Dennis just nodded, his gaze still not leaving Robby, his body was taut as a bowstring.
“I mean it. You are allowed to exist here. I want you too.”
“Okay” Dennis whispered, his hand inched to where Robby’s was still resting on his thigh.
He let their pinkies touch.
It had been a week since the night that changed everything between them. The moment Robby had uttered the name Dennis instead of Whitaker, something shifted, like tectonic plates sliding against one another silent and unseen but still happening none the less. They built a routine, Dennis always got home before Robby so he started to make dinner for the both of them, or at least order it when a shift was too grueling to consider domestic tasks doable. Robby would then do the dishes or throw away the takeout trash and usually by that point have to wake Dennis up. He’d send the younger man to bed with a gentle low voice and a guiding hand on his lower back. He always watched until Dennis’s door was shut before going to bed himself, ignoring the pull to follow the younger man to bed.
On good nights Robby was able to resist falling to sleep imagining his body curled protectively around the man's smaller frame. Imagining his hand in his hair, what the skin beneath his clothes felt like, how his mouth tasted. But most nights were not good, Robby was a good man but his will was wearing thin. How long was he supposed to resist the only thing that had made him feel alive in years? Dennis was a breath of fresh air that breathed new life into Robby’s passion for medicine. He got to relive the joy of discovering new techniques or new studies through Dennis, or the excitement of practicing a new technique and finally getting it right. He also got the satisfaction of Dennis’s proud smile looking at him after doing a stitch they had practiced together at the kitchen table on an orange on a real person instead.
It couldn’t be all in Robby’s head, he knew his desires came from a place not founded in only delusion and one sided feelings. He noticed the way Dennis’s gaze always seemed to be trained on him, and if it wasn’t he was searching for him. The younger man leaned into his touches, always smiling when Robby’s hand made contact with his shoulder or the nape of his neck. There was also of course their growing proximity outside of work. Brushing fingers and thighs pressed together on the couch. Dennis seemed more comfortable too, no longer tip toeing or keeping to himself. He sought out Robby when he came through the door each day, told him stories from childhood and asked Robby for his own.
What was growing between them was teetering on a very fine line Robby wasn’t sure he could balance much longer. He was a good man but if Dennis came to him he wasn’t sure he’d be able to deny him. His will was weak and he was selfish deep down, no matter how many lives he saved that part of him still lived in his chest. He was greedy and desperate, ready to take all he’d be given from the man who made him feel so alive.
Robby was tested much sooner than he thought he would be. 9 hours into a 12 hour shift he tweaked his back transferring an elderly woman in cardiac arrest from the stretcher to the bed. He worked through the pain, the adrenaline enough to keep it at bay or monitors beeped rapidly and people rushed around him in a dizzying dance as they all worked to save the woman's life. But the minute the chaos had ceased the pain returned with a vengeance, his back punishing him for ignoring his own pain.
“I’ll be fine, take her to CT and I'll check in later.” He waved off Dr. Mohan and the nurses as they began to roll the woman out of the room. He hoped the pinch to his brow and the grit in his voice didn’t betray him.
“You should really be resting or at least let Dana look at you.”
“Jesus!” Robby jumped, whipping around, “Ah Fuck!” He immediately regretted it when his back screamed in protest at the rapid movements. “Denni- Whitaker, I’ll be fine, go check on bay 6, the mom and her son in for the golf-T to the hand.”
“I will but-” Dennis stopped closer, his eyes rapidly scanning behind Robby before he stepped to the side behind the curtain and pulled the older man with him. “Please tell me you’ll at least let Dana look at you.” He kept his hands resting on Robby’s biceps, his sad eyes looking up at him. “I need- We need you here and you can't help us if you don’t help yourself.” Dennis quickly corrected himself, his eyes leaving Robby’s face for the first time since they stepped aside.
Robby sighed, tearing his eyes away from the face of the man below him. The worry on Dennis’ face made something in his heart squeeze, he couldn't stand making Dennis look even sadder than he usually did. “Alright, okay I’ll let Dana take a look I promise.” He brought hand hand up, taking Dennis’s in it and gave it a reassuring squeeze, “Now go to bay 6, I’ll be over in a few.” He let the hand go and took a few steps back still facing Dennis’s before finally turning around and leaving.
Dana sent him home like the Hardass he knew she was. She also got him prescribed a few Gabapentins to get him through the next few days.
Robby could sense Dennis’s worry before the younger man even spoke a word. He watched as Dennis came through the door brow furrowed worrying his lip between his teeth. His eyes darted around the room finally losing some of their sad down turn when he was Robby resting on the couch.
“You doing okay?” He left his bag by the door, abandoning everything to kneel beside Robby instead.
Robby huffed, willing away the red that overtook his cheeks at the younger mans devoted actions. “I’ll be fine,” he sighed trying not to wince as he attempted to shift his position. “Dana gave me some Gaby’s just haven’t taken one yet ‘cus I haven’t eaten, I just crashed when I got home.”
Dennis’s eyes lit as he jumped up, “you stay right there i’ll make some food.” He was already headed to the kitchen.
“No no its fine.” Robby started moving to get up ignoring the pain shooting up his back. “I’ll get up and make something right away.” He knew his pinched face and tight voice were doing nothing to convince Dennis.
Robby froze at the feeling of a hand on his shoulder gently pushing him to lay back down. He let himself be led but refused to look up and make eye contact with the man standing above him.
“You give and you give until you have nothing left all day everyday, I’ve been watching you do it for weeks now.” Dennis sat beside him as he settled. “It’s your turn to be taken care of, let me help you.”
Robby stared at where Dennis’s hand was still resting gently on his shoulder, he gave a small nod. “Okay.” It was spoken barley above a whisper, he finally looked up at Dennis. He couldn’t look for more than a few seconds the other mans face was too sincere for him to bear.
Dennis only stayed for a few moments after that before silently getting up and heading to the kitchen. He was quiet as he cooked, happy to see about 15 minutes in that Robby had fallen asleep. Even while resting the older man looked serious, a small line still carved in the skin between his eyebrows. Dennis let him rest, bringing up the food as well as a big bottle of water and the medication up to Robby’s room. He hoped it wasn’t seen as over stepping.
“Robby,” Dennis kept his voice gentle and his touches light. “Food is ready.” He tried again, gently shaking the sleeping form below him.
“Mmhmrph” Robby mumbled, attempting to roll over. The pain that shot through his spine at the action had him cracking an eye open to look up Dennis who was standing there awkwardly.
“Let’s get you to bed, I made chicken noodle so you can take your meds and get some rest.” The speed at which the younger man spoke contrasting the gentle cadence of his voice.
Robby, too tired and too sore to protest, took the hand offered. He let Dennis haul him off the couch and keep his arm around his waist as they made their way down the hall to his room.
“I wasn’t snooping or anything I swear.” Dennis broke the heavy silence that sat between them. “But I saw you had some Menthol rub…I could..put some on your back if you like?” His voice pitched up higher by the time he finished his sentence.
“Dennis-“ Robby knew that tonight that had already crossed a line, but a massage in his bed? That would push them far enough they couldn’t come back.
“You’re right i’m sorry. That was- that was an insane thing to offer ill uh go, let you rest.” Dennis had already begun to back out of the room head bowed as he scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck.
“No- thank you, for all of this.” Robby stepped forward. “I just don’t want you to feel like you have to because of our ahem… professional relationship.” He was trying he really was.
“Oh.” That made Dennis pause on the spot “Oh- no, no no. Its not like that at all I swear! I’m not like sucking up or anything either for special treatment or good scores!” His hands waved in front of him like the action would placate Robby.
“I’m not saying that Dennis, just-“ Robby sighed heavily, he knew he was fighting a losing battle “help me get this off and lay down.” He began shuffling back to the bed.
Dennis followed his instructions wordlessly. He gripped the fabric hanging above Robby’s waist and pulled up slowly, untangling it from the older mans arms with patience. With gentle hands once again (god those hands Robby couldn’t get enough of how careful Dennis was with them) he guided Robby down, helping him turn over so he could lay on his back.
Robby sighed as the pressure was finally off his back, letting himself melt face first into his fluffy duvet. His eyes slid closed and he tracked Dennis around the room by sound, his soft shuffling steps, the mattress creaking under weight, the click of a bottle cap. He felt Dennis settle on the bed above him, knees on either side of his hips but still they remained not touching. Robby wished Dennis would settle his full weight down, just drape himself over him and stay there. Instead he took a deep breath and let Dennis work.
The minty gel was cool when it first touched his skin, but as Dennis spread it over him the heat from his palms warmed it up. Soon Robby felt boneless, barley able to hold back groans as Dennis’s hands worked over his skin. They were less gentle than before, moving with intention across the expanses of his back. They dipped low again, near his injury, they slid to the side basically gripping his hips. Robby couldn’t help but groan at being held like that, it had been so long.
“Robby…You okay?” Dennis’s voice was hesitant, he paused but his hands remained in place.
“Dont stop.” Robby sounded like he had swallowed a mouth full of gravel. His whole body was hot, he knew his cheeks were red.
“I won’t, not until you ask me too.” Dennis whispered, his voice dipping down.
Slowly Dennis settled his weight, he was fully sitting on Robby’s thighs as he worked his hands from the waistband of his sweats to the hairline at the back of his neck. His hands were firm, fingers nimble as he pressed into tight muscles, watching the man below him melt. Dennis knew the position he was in was compromising, but it also felt…right. Something in his gut stirred, his heart started racing, now was his moment. He took his hands off Robby.
“Hmm?” The older man instantly noticed the loss of his touch, facing turning to the side with an eye peaked open.
“Robby.” Dennis could barely look at him, he held his own hands instead, shuffling off the older man.
That got Robby moving, albeit slow but moving non the less. He looked like he was in less pain too, Dennis couldn’t help but smile a little at that.
“Dennis? Are you okay?.” Robby dipped his head down in an attempt to make their eyes meet. Then in an instant he lurched back, probably undoing all of Dennis’s work. “I’m sorry, I’ve made you uncomfortable haven’t I? I’ve been severely inappropriate I apologize, I should know better really-“
Dennis couldn’t take it anymore.
He shot forward, grabbing Robby’s face in his hands as he pressed their lips together. “Tell me to stop and I will.” He whispered, eyes closed, forehead resting against the older mans. “Tell me it’s all me and i’m crazy and being delusional. Tell me and I’ll stop and I’ll act like I was never dumb enough to think otherwise.”
Their lips met once again.
“I’m a good man, but god you make me weak.” Robby pulled back to whisper finally getting the younger man to meet his eye.
Dennis just smiled, shaking his head. “I want it, don’t make me chase you anymore than I already have. Please.”
All Robby could do was nod, their lips meeting again to communicate what words could not. His hands roamed over the younger man, pulling him closer, encouraging the desperate messy kiss.
Dennis crawled in Robby’s lap, no hesitation this time as he dropped his full weight down. He gripped his hands back down at Robby’s hips, finally taking what he has been waiting to be given. His hands roamed up the mans ribs and into his hair, taking in all he could now that he was finally allowed to touch. He lost himself in it a little too much, pulling Robby into him more with a hand at the nape of his neck and his lower back.
“Shit” Robby hissed against his lips, he didn’t move but Dennis did.
“Sorry!” Dennis pulled back his hands shooting up and rubbing over Robby’s face soothingly, “are you okay?” His voice was a whisper again.
“More than.” Robby smiled and dove back in, medicine and cooling food long forgotten.
Later than night they fall asleep in Robby’s bed, Dennis held in the older man’s arms as he lay there falling asleep. He was content finally knowing how the younger man felt and smelled, slipping away getting to feel it instead of imagining it.
