So you made a decision. Well, not one decision, several. Now as you watch on the news you realize what a horrible thing this has become, Every day seems to get more ludicrous and more dysfunctional. Still, when your friends and Co-workers look at you with disproving eyes and the “your fault” stares you can’t help but defend your decision. Anyone would do that right?
It’s wrong, but that's ok.
Then the time comes, the moment when you could change your mind, choose someone else. That moment when you could maybe see the possibility of trying a different path. Except, that's when it starts. The comments about not being stupid this time. The blaming of “maybe if you make the “right” decision this time. The stares and the threats. All of which make you feel like you have to defend your original decision. So what do you do? You double down, and make the same decision you did last time.
Why? Would it have hurt to try a new path? To see if someone else could do better? Was it the comfort of familiarity of the known vs the unknown? Or was it just the fact that they just had to stress you out with blaming you. Who knows, but you made your decision, you doubled down, and now? Well now you REALLY have to defend your decision. Once could surely be a mistake, but doing it again? That’s a deliberate choice.
Your friends and family stare at you in disbelief. How could you? How could you have made that decision yet again. The cycle repeats itself year after year, until you’ve convinced yourself that you’re truly doing the right thing. That you’re truly in favor of the results of your decisions. Every angry message, every friend who walks away just reinforces that feeling of defense and the need to double down again and justify yourself.
It’s still wrong... and that’s ok.
This is the reality of our political system these days. Our reality is our own to control, but is reinforced and molded at the borders by those around us. Most people when faced with opposition will lean towards the idea of defending themselves to the point of just being stubborn on obstinate. I should know, I often do it myself even on trivial things like whether or not something I heard on the new is true or not.
I was still wrong, and that's ok.
The problem right now is that not only are people making horrible decisions regarding political figures or even how to live their life and then doubling down on those decisions, even though they would never, ever consider supporting some of the decisions being made; but also that there are groups of people out there capitalizing on the fact that people are being ostracized and vilified for their incorrect choices. Our opinions of each other have become so polarized that we don’t leave room to try and figure out where the compromise is, or more importantly to have the ability to forgive people for their wrong.
There are people who have been making the same bad decisions over and over for decades because they don’t want to, or can’t admit that the choice was bad. It’s why we have had members of our government in office for decades even though they clearly are not acting in the best interest of the people. It’s why our government is as non-functional as it is at this point.
In 1945 the US government published a film called “Don’t be a Sucker” to warn the US public about the dangers of people who utilize their “Free Speech” to sow discord and division into our society. It was relevant then because of world war II. It’s more horrifyingly relevant now in 2018. Groups ranging from oligarchical businesses to white nationalist groups, to foreign powers want to see the United States become the Divided States. If we can’t stand together for what we believe in as a society, then we will surely stand apart as the vultures of modern day society pick us apart bit by bit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGAqYNFQdZ4
It doesn’t matter what your religious beliefs are, your societal beliefs are, or anything else. What matters is understanding that the other person has values, beliefs, and needs that must inevitably be accounted for in the process. Hostility, harassment, badgering or pressuring them to abandon or compromise their needs and values only leads them to double down on the things they feel are right. You’ve left no room for them to think otherwise. You’ve given them no opportunity to explore that other path.
It leaves that person feeling outside, unwelcome, hated, and hurt. It leads them to people who make them believe that what they value is important and reinforces the error of right. You inevitably play them right into the hands of the very people you don’t want them to be involved with. It gives groups like White Nationalist, neo-nazi, radical muslim, and radical christian groups the foothold into their psyche to be able to convert them into something even worse than they were before.
Once someone is involved with those groups the hatred and vitriol that is spewed by the public reinforces their position and gives the groups more ammunition to keep the person in place. Even when someone realizes that they made a horrible mistake, they find themselves unable to leave because people wont forgive them. So even when they step away from the wrong choice and try to make amends, they are met with hatred and the wrong choice goes “See, they will NEVER accept you, but we will”
We’re all wrong... and that’s ok.
The thing no one realizes, is that for every thing you feel is right, someone else feels its wrong. Obviously, there are some things that should be universally wrong, but until that can be acknowledged and understood by those who think they’re right, they wont change.
More importantly, until YOU can look at someone who has made a bad decision and made you angry and can say “It’s wrong, but thats ok.” You are part of the problem that reinforces whats wrong.
Hate cannot be fought with hate. Like a flood of water, sending your own flood will only multiply the problem into a larger flood. Instead, you must build a flood break. In order to break the flood of hate, you must combat it with love.
Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean that we should allow and tolerate things to go on the way they do. What it means is that instead of backing the other person into the corner with anger, hatred, badgering, harassment, and so on. We need to extend the olive branch and say “It’s wrong, but that's ok. Let’s talk about it”. Discuss with the person and explain to them your stance, your feelings, your decision and give them an opportunity to discuss theirs.
That doesn’t mean you have to accept them, but it means to give them the chance to find a new path. It also doesn’t mean that they will change their mind, but give them the opportunity. Even if someone else has, shine your own light and try. Belittling them because they chose one way or the other does not convince them that they should choose your way, it only reinforces WHY they were right to choose the way they did.
Telling someone they can never be redeemed when they realize their error only pushes them to stay within the error. We’ve all said it at some point. “If Im damned if I do, and damned if I don't; then screw it, I'm at least going to do things worthy of being damned.”
A recent meme said “If you have one nazi at a table and ten people talking to that nazi, then you have eleven nazis”. That is an incredibly fatalistic view, and I dispute it. What if one or more of the people at the table are trying to convince the one of their error and giving them the opportunity to change and make amends.
Our society has become so wrapped up in the paper cover on the book, that we fail to pull off the wrapper or read whats inside. We judge people on appearances instead of actions. We don’t give them the opportunity to explain WHY they are doing what they are doing or offer them alternatives as a way to change. We simply condemn them for all eternity with no chance to step off that path and pick a better one... ever.
That doesn't mean we have to tolerate the issues, hate and the people that choose to stay with those decisions. Nor do we have to tolerate the trolls who think its funny, comedic, or edgy to sit on that fringe trolling. It means to take a breath and talk to the individual before you pronounce sentence on them as the social judge, jury, and executioner.
Learn why they voted the way they did, why they joined that group thats clearly about hate and division, why they do what they do. Discuss with them how you feel, what your opinion is (nicely), and offer them a hand to step out of the mud and onto a better path. Discuss and find compromises. Although granted, some things can’t be compromised.
More importantly, if someone is seeking a way out. Help to light their way. Show them the way back onto the path of humanity, be the example and set the shining beacon of what it means in pretty much every religion ever conceived to treat someone else, as you would hope to be treated.
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