[suizaide]

this final post is going to be more personal, more of a reflection than an explanation of sorts. this is also the first time that i’ve been open about myself as a person on here…

when i first started writing fanfiction i was around in 5th or 6th grade. and then i joined tumblr around 9th or 10th grade. it’s been a roller coaster ever since with more fond memories than icky ones, and i’m very grateful for the fun threads and cool people i’ve had the pleasure to write with. i used to have a very dark mindset, and writing was my escape. i got professional help, and slowly my activity on tumblr started to grew more and more distant. dazai was my last “disturbed” muse that i wrote, and that i could escape into. i’ve tried coming back a handful of times, to dazai or to my other muses, but i just can’t.

tumblr as a site has changed a lot since my teenage years, and i have as well. i don’t think about self harm anymore. i don’t need these characters to escape my hell irl anymore. even just typing all this out, being vulnerable, gives me anxiety. but, i don’t feel the need to hide away anymore, and mask with my favorite characters. i don’t have that same mindset as i did when i was a teenager/just becoming an adult to jump on, spend all day here, and rinse and repeat. i have bad days still, but now i have a group of very supportive friends that i can lean on. 

sometimes i do miss writing. and i’ve tried writing on here. but i don’t see it happening anymore. if i were to continue writing, it’d be on ao3. 

i won’t delete my blogs, because looking through them i actually felt proud of myself. there’s been a lot of shit that i’ve overcome, a lot of shit i’m still actively dealing with, but i can say that i did it all on my own. my blogs will be a reminder to myself that i came a very long way. and they’ll be archived into a little corner that’s very personal to me.

happy new year~

[blackcatrph]

☞☞ quotes i found on pinterest sentence starters pt. one ☜☜

“  i’ve polished this anger and now it’s a knife.  ” 

“  i’m fine, i’ve had worse.  ”

“  death too must be earned.  ”

“  how do you destroy a monster without becoming one ?  ”

“  am i a bad person ?  ”

“  family isn’t who you’re born with, it’s who you’d die for.  ” 

“  are you flirting or starting a fight ?  ”

“  i’ll survive, somehow i always do.  ”

“  um.. that’s my emotional support knife collection.  ”

“  tell me; would you kill to save a life ?  ”

“  i am someone who did not die when they should of.  ”

“  i’ve never been good at emotional stuff. except anger. i’m good at anger.  ”

“  you can’t protect everyone !  ”

“  i have to try.  ”

“  turn the pain into power.  ” 

“  what doesn’t kill me better run.  ”

“  are monster born or created ?  ”

“  chin up kid, they’d kill to see you fall.  ”

“  if he puts his hands on you, cut them off.  ”

“  i could keep you safe. they’re all afraid of me.  ”

“  don’t play games with me. don’t ever think you’re capable of that.  ”

“  the question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.  ”

“  something had made your eyes go cold.  ”

“  you haven’t even seen my bad side yet.  ”

“  everybody knows that i’m a mess.  ”

“  i’m sorry i let you down.  ”

“  well, if it isn’t the feeling i was trying to avoid.  ”

“  you are not your father.  ”

“  even on your bad days, be kind.  ”

“  you don’t want me and i need to accept that.  ”

“  stay gentle. everyone is at war.  ”

“  the risk i took was calculated. but clearly i am bad at maths.  ”

“  i wonder which will get you killed faster, your loyalty or your stubbornness ?  ”

“  always be a little kinder than necessary.  ”

“  kind words cost nothing.  ”

“  i am being perfectly fucking civil.  ”

“  we’ll never be those kids again.  ”

“  i’m the original family disappointment.  ”

“  if karma doesn’t hit you, i fucking will.  ”

“  if you can’t be happy, at least you can be drunk.  ”

“  you can talk to me, or not talk to me, but i’m here.  ”

“  guess you’ll just have to fight me.  ”

“  i never asked to be like this.  ”

“  wow.  you’re a dick.  ”

[kitsufu]

kitsufu​:

ideas

aight, so ultimately i wanna have established backgrounds between our characters, but we don’t have to start right at the beginning. we can start dabbling in the middle where they know each other enough to hold a lasting conversation, we can start right as they’re running for dear life, we can start in the middle of an argument - you get the gist. if you’re in it for the long run, so am i.

the more cozy go-to is, of course, wholesome shit. shopping together, dinner, picnics, letting yusuke school your muse and rant on about works at a museum - either in person or looking at work online – maybe working on a research assignment together – board game night (teach yusuke how to play a video game please), baking goodies, the list can go on.

if you’re more into the horror aspect like i am, then 100% i’m down for murder au’s, ghost au’s, mythical creatures au’s, last of us au, zombie au, apocalype au, diverging from a point in canon to create a whole other scenario featuring all the ugly. i’m down for yusuke being at the wrong place wrong time and is now roped up in some shit where he can’t confide to his friends out of risking their safety and his. just hit me with it, and we can try making something work.

mentioning au’s, my favorite idea is the hanahaki disease. a fictional disease where one is throwing up flowers when they’re in love with someone. bonus: that person isn’t exactly the best morally speaking. either yusuke is infected or the other character is, doesn’t matter to me. i should also mention that if feelings are not reciprocated to an extent, then the one with the disease dies.

i’m game for a lot of shit, so don’t be shy.

[kitsufu]

yusuke: let’s go on a date

akira: :)

akira: yusuke... this is an art store

yusuke: yes, it’s romantic to help your partner decide which art supplies to gather

@tricksheart

[kitsufu]

i

[kitsufu]

damn one surge of creativity and i start choking on the dust this blog has gathered

[angelprompts]

❣️                             SOFT   INTERACTIONS  !

send  one  of  these  in  to  see  my  muse’s  reaction  (  add “ +reverse”  for  my  muse  to  do  the  action  to  yours ) .

[ crawl ]  for  your  muse  to  crawl  into  bed  with  mine .

[ flower ]  for  your  muse  to  offer  my  muse  their  favourite  flower .

[ slow dance ]  for  your  muse  to  ask  my  muse  to  slow  dance .

[ gift ]  for  your  muse  to  surprise  my muse  with  a  gift  ( & bonus if you add what the fit is ) .

[ homemade gift ]  for  your  muse  to  make  my  muse  a  gift    ( & bonus if you add what the fit is ) .

[ serenade ]  for  your  muse  to  sing  to  my  muse .

[ embrace ]  for  your  muse  to  pull  my  muse  into  a  tight  embrace .

[ caress ]  for  your  muse  to  gently  run  their  hand  down  my  muse’s  face .

[ caught ]  for  your  muse  to  catch  my  muse  wearing  their  shirt .

[ love letter ]  for  your  muse  to  give  my  muse  a  love  letter  they  wrote  for  them

[ boop ]  for  your  muse  to  boop  my  muse  on  the  nose .

[ date? ]  for  your  muse  to  ask  my  muse  to  go  on  a  date .

[ confess ]  for  your  muse  to  confess  their  feelings  to  my  muse .

[ sleepy ]  for  your  muse  to  slowly  fall  alseep  on  my  muse’s  lap .

[asaphira]

Kyoto Date ☺️

[kitsufu]

@tricksheart

[kitsufu]

yusuke’s the type to fantasize a whole future with his boyfriend, and then choose a point in which he feels he’s ready to be married... to get crushed cuz he’s a romantic fantsizer and his boyfriend would say no

[kitsufu]

this is gonna turn into a dual-muse blog, feat. the addition of akechi

[kitsufu]

this is gonna turn into a dual-muse blog, feat. the addition of akechi

[kitsufu]

    selective --- private --- chenna can’t get enough of this guy

[kitsufu]

also what’s everyone using to cope with tumblr’s ugly? cuz my eyes deserve prettier sights gijigfdjiog

[kitsufu]

if anyone does the icon labor and is open for business that’d be swell info

[itisntapityparty]

send me five times kissed for a drabble about five times our muses kissed

[kitsufu]

i’ve missed being on here :c

[nemirutami]

But I don’t wanna.

[kitsufu]

@tricksheart