How An Exceptional Dom Is Distinguished
The world is full of kind people. And full of strong people. It’s full of authoritative people. Of moral people. Of gentle people. Of confident people. Of keen people. Of ethical people. Of people who are good at reading others. But it is a rare person indeed who is kind and strong and authoritative, moral, gentle, confident, keen, ethical, good at reading others…. all of these things and more.
When I first joined the task/auction group where I really began my growth as a sub, made some dear friends, and, of course, met my Master, I barely knew what “submission” was, much less BDSM. I didn’t know the difference between D/s and kink… my ignorance was so vast, it might have been named for a mighty desolate desert were it worthy of such. I’m thankful for the amazing friends I made who helped me along the way, who trained me, mentored me, befriended me or even just listened. If not for people like my Master, Dolly, Ash, Matt, CK, Nina and countless others, I might not be here still. I certainly wouldn’t have grown as I have.
There was one particular event early on that was a critical turning point for me. Much of what followed, I think, I can trace back to that week. I’ve written previously of my auction and in particular about the drawing for my second (and incidentally, my last) auction. I have never written about that auction week and what it was like.
My Mother passed away over the weekend, at the tail end of my previous auction. She doesn’t live locally, the circumstances of her death were… extreme, tragic, heartwrenching. I was forced to call the police/fire department to perform a wellness check to see if she was okay. It was nothing less than traumatic. Throughout that process, the Dom with whom I was auctioning was truly amazing. He stayed present with me, albeit on Kik, waiting to see what the police, and subsequently, fire department found. When it became clear that the news was not good at all, He provided endless support. Both in terms of presence, but also in silence.
That’s the thing about grief and death – many think platitudes are the best way to handle someone who is suffering the death of someone close. Sometimes just being present and silent is what’s called for. Giving the person room to grieve… but knowing they are not alone. Someone is near and ready to jump in at the slightest flutter of an eye. My auction Dom was one of these people… He was there, but not overbearing. I felt supported. Not alone. I had some tough calls to make that night. He was there every step of the way, checking on me throughout. And the next day.
Now the way the auctions worked, you could still be in an auction while submitting your name for the next one. I had done so, actually at His encouragement. Then, my mom’s death was discovered less than 48 hours before the draw for the next auction. I briefly wrestled with whether to pull out. Certainly no one would have blamed me. But with a trip back home scheduled only a couple of days later, I figured a distraction might be just what I needed most. And so I remained in.
Throughout the next couple of days, I waffled, wondering whether I was making the right choice. Minutes before the draw, I panicked, texting my first auction Dom, crying, terrified. I am a terribly reserved and private person and I simply couldn’t fathom the concept of trying to open up to someone new right at that that point. My first auction Dom, reassured me, reiterated His advice on setting limits and encouraged me to just safeword if I had to. Then it was time for the drawing.
When the pairing announcements began, anyone who saw me would have thought they were announcing beheadings! As I sat watching, I saw my name come up and I was gripped by sheer terror, too afraid to look. But as I have already written this story in Auction, I will simply say, my first auction Dom became my second (and only) auction Dom. I was flooded with relief and gratitude. Somehow, I now knew everything was going to be okay.
My arrival in my mother’s town the next day began the most amazing week, with this magnificent person supporting me throughout. There were many people who helped me that week, far too many to list. The subs of that group, who really barely knew me, completely adopted me. But this Dom, whom I had known little more than a week or two…
Anyone who experiences the death of a parent has quite a lot to deal with, emotionally, as well as potentially in other ways. But to truly understand the level of support and guidance that I received, you have to understand what I was facing. An only child, my father had passed away years before, and though I spoke with my mom on the phone, we were in many ways estranged, partially as a result of things that happened when I went away to college, but primarily by her choice . I tried many times to reach out to her and to this day it will haunt me that I was unsuccessful in fully rebuilding those bridges. Ultimately I have to accept that it was her choice that kept us apart; it was her choice to make, and there was nothing I could do about it.
But now, after twenty five years, I was faced with the reality that her choice was now solely my problem – a condemned house full of stuff in a town 2000 miles away. The girl who hates to make decisions. And the decisions facing me were endless. It seemed half the people in this small town wanted to talk to me about something or other – an unpaid bill, what to do with the mail, what to do about the utilities, what to do about the body, what to do with the house, what was I going to do about getting it emptied, the questions just didn’t stop.
I’m sure even your average person would have been overwhelmed, but for a submissive, a brand new one at that, one who particularly hates decisions, the outlook becomes discouraging indeed. But add to that mix a Dom of exceptional character, who is selfless, kind, attentive… the result changes.
Now this particular Dom, who has an extremely demanding job, took great pains to check on me throughout the day, despite pressures from work . He texted to ensure I was okay even if, in the task group’s Kik channel, I said I was. (He understood my highly reserved nature, as He Himself is quite private). When I met with the funeral director, He texted to see if I was okay. When I met with the county assessor to pay my mom’s taxes, He checked on me. When I visited her bank and was unjustly denied access to the safe deposit box, He checked on me and encouraged me. When I spent a day in the chaos in which she lived, trying to empty it of perishables before I had to leave town, He checked on me almost every hour. When He couldn’t, He had others checking on me. He insisted I have a safety call in place (good thing too… I got trapped in the family room, had a panic attack… well, it was good to have a safety call).
In the evenings, He called and we would talk, about what I had been dealing with, what I had left to do. He affirmed decisions I had made, helped me to manage those I had yet to make. He gave me the courage to face each day. To try. We were supposed to be “in auction” together, experiencing what a dynamic together might be like….
Odd, I just this moment realized that’s exactly what He showed me. He protected me, comforted me, encouraged me, guided me, dommed me… all as if we were in a D/s together. He was nothing short of amazing. I never in my life could have been or could be more grateful. Having had, not one, but two auctions with this Dom was fantastic already, but the opportunity to get to know Him on such a level is a treasure incomparable to any other!
If you haven’t yet guessed, that this auction Dom later became my Mentor, then my Protector and eventually my Master. Yes, my fantastic, humble, creative, hard- working (He’s at work even today, sadly), selfless Master. He’s written some of the poetry shared publicly on this blog (My Poet) (plus a whole lot more!) a Master’s Creed and more tasks than I can count! By the way, He’s the most creative tasker I’ve ever met!
Besides what you’ve seen written here today, you’ve seen Him all over the pages of this blog. He’s in nearly every story of a Dom or Master that you would want as your own (or that you would want to be), He’s the inspiration behind nearly every reflection and poem written from the end of November onward (the more overt ones are tagged #mymaster). He is not perfect, I know this. But neither am I. And thankfully, He accepts me as I am. He’s perfect for me.
So on this day, as I celebrate my Master, I hope that now you too have at least a small appreciation for this fabulous and talented man!
Happy anniversary, Master!
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