Bacon @kittieslovewater - Tumblr Blog

We all deserve morning sex and pancakes

LMAOOOOOOOOO

no but seriously one time i ordered something from adam & eve (surprise a big ol dildo) and the order said discreet shipping and i was like cool ya know cause i lived with three dudes in an apartment and also had to go to the apartment office to pick up my package so discreet is dope and i got the package delivery notification like sick im about to dick myself so i walked my happy horny ass down to the office and told the lady my name and she went into the package delivery room to grab it and it took her a minute and she came out with a dick shaped bag just grasping the shaft of it and i looked at it mortified and had to grab the balls part of the package from the woman and she let go and it just wiggled and i could feel the squish through the bag and it was just horrible

anonbuddha

If it’s any consolation, I get it. I’m a trans guy who wears a packer. One day I was in the restroom and pulled my pants down. I really had to go so I did it fast and the magnet clip came undone and my dick flopped out of my boxers and bounced into the stall next to me.

The OCCUPIED stall next to me.

I wanted to die. There was this horrible forever silence moments. Then the dude just goes, “Uh, you dropped your dick man,” and nudges it over with his foot.

vaiitrii-deactivated20210105

“You dropped your dick man”

worthlessstreetrat

superbutterscotch

I just want them to bE HAPPY

kelleysroom-deactivated20180401

sex scene = the audience is uncomfortable and learns nothing

batgirlsoundsystem-deactivated2

Sax scene= the audience is impressed and learns love for the saxophone

paper-mario-wiki

when youre an anime villain about to kill the protagonist but suddenly the protagonist’s theme starts playing

pokemonblack2white2nintndods2k12

YOUVE HEARD OF POKEMON GO NOW GET READY FOR

pokemon sleep

pokemonblack2white2nintndods2k12

I WAS JOKING I DIDN’T THINK THAT WOULD BE ITS NAME

ankha85

arachnopus

punchodile-defunct

This was already funny without the translation, but now that I understand it’s even funnier

tdwhisperer

“Hello, good day”

“… TESTICLES”

hanajibu

emmettmccartycullen

#neverforget the time that Bella wore a full length khaki skirt to meet Edward’s family and he basically lost it because he thought she looked so sexy

rosaliesgay

the mormon really jumps out in this paragraph

shiny-haunters-deactivated20181

bisexualalicecullen

smeyer has a khaki fetish

floozys-deactivated20180908

me: this break i’m not gonna fall into a bad sleeping pattern

me at 4am the next morning watching a youtube video rating the top 10 canceled 90′s cartoons:

burymeinpink-remade-deactivated

i eat a lot of bread because it’s soft and i deserve it. also i am gorgeous

heavensickness

terrapincentury-deactivated2018

remember wgen the eggplant emoji meant …. well … *blushes and runs off* **a crow pecks at phone and sends this post**

jdjdicoockgkrkr <<crow message

ventrue

where am i

personsonable-deactivated201908

where you belong

noping-out-deactivated20241117

It costs you literally nothing to leave service dogs the fuck alone.

arcaneapologist

yall. this isn’t a joke. if i can tell a 5 yr old “my dog is working, please let her be” and they understand then you can too. those dogs ARE working. they have a job to do. and when we say ‘leave them alone’ that includes making faces at them and baby talking them. literally act like they are just someone’s bag or something. if you distract them they could fail to alert their owner to a seizure or blood sugar issue or allergen. you are literally jeopardizing someone’s life bc you can’t have basic decency, respect, and self control.