surviving is a talent

it's like i'm your lover, or more like your ghost Kitty | 22 | I Want You

[kittykatbreak-blog]

I gotta say it; I miss Saturday nights with beer on the beach. Even when I didn’t have the guarantee of sex.

[adkinsdisease-blog]

Strangeness And Charm | Kitty & Nora.

[adkinsdisease-blog]

kittykatbreak:

Kitty smiled, taking a breath and shaking her head in return. “It’s not different,” she muttered back, just as quiet - not a real argument, just what she believed to be the truth. As far as she was concerned, Nora was still Nora; killer smile, killer legs, killer personality - charming and quick-witted and sharp and soft at the same time; angled in ways Kitty was learning to fit. She was still Nora, and Kitty was still Kitty - however Nora saw her was because of stories like the one she’d just given, even if Nora didn’t know it. All that was different was that, maybe, they weren’t quite strangers anymore. But she didn’t say that; she pressed her lips together and fought the urge to talk because she knew Nora didn’t like it - and she knew that she tended to talk just to talk; just because sometimes it was easier to say things aloud than to stay silent, in her own head. It was her way of avoiding herself; but there wasn’t anything to avoid, here.

And she could focus on Nora, anyway; it was easy enough to relax, weight still propped on her elbows, letting her head fall back as the girl ran fingers over her skin - nails grazing thighs, making contact to places she had before; places that, Kitty thought, she was probably familiar with. It was an odd thought; and odd idea, that there could be any sort of familiarity when it came to sex in a place like this; when the encouragement was to be with as many different people as you could in as many different ways - and she knew that, really, she and Nora hadn’t been together that many times; not in comparison to how many times Kitty had been with Parker, or, she knew, Nora with Harvey - but there were still things that were becoming predictable; the way Nora tugged her underwear off, quick and without concern - and how the girl kissed her, the way lips felt against her skin; kisses were kisses and bodies were bodies, but everyone was different, and there was something outstandingly reckless about the way Nora kissed her - and Kitty lifted her head again to watch the girl move down her body, tilting her head a little to the side and offering a smile when the blonde looked back up at her, not missing the way Nora glanced at the cameras. “Okay,” Kitty agreed softly, giving a nod at the request and dropping from her elbows to lie flat on the floor, breaking into a grin with eyes closed when Nora found her hand and giving it a squeeze. Despite their desperations, there was nothing particularly demanding or hard about the way Nora moved her mouth - and Kitty continued to do as she was asked, keeping her eyes closed even when her breath came faster; when an arch caught itself in the base of her spine and pulled up through the length of it.

Nora was someone Kitty had never bothered to be embarrassed with; she never really bothered to be embarrassed with anyone at all, truthfully, but generally she at least tried to be - well, for lack of a better word, courteous. Trying to keep her hips down and such and so forth. There was something about Nora that made Kitty care less; it was easier to give up full control of her body, especially with Nora’s hand flatted so comfortably against her abdomen, almost like she’d expected it, almost like she was as familiar with the way Kitty moved as Kitty felt she was with Nora, keeping her body down even as Kitty’s hips tried to lift of their own accord. “Fuck,” she gave, soft, but sharp, digging her fingertips into the back of Nora’s hand and pressing harder against her. Her legs were still against the girl’s torso, and the tension had her pressing harder - like her body thought the pressure might leave and wanted to keep the other in place, and Kitty cried out, quiet and still overwhelmed, the rush of friction bringing up the barely suppressed emotions of before. She didn’t want to cry - and genuinely, she didn’t think she would - but it sort of felt like she would with the rush of things, Nora touching her and wanting her and wanting Nora back and the fear and trepidation that came along with all of it; it was a lot, it was too much by far - and when she came it was full body, pulling tense and rigid and holding her breath against all of it; breaking physically first, hips rocking erratically and of their own accord, and then relaxing to short spasms as she tried to catch her breath. “Told you,” she gave, half smiling, eyes still closed and air coming faster than was comfortable. “Nothing is different,”

Kitty’s climax echoed inside of Nora, in her mind more so than her body — there was something utterly satisfying in seeing her lips part and exhale with relief, something empowering about the way her face quickly reddened and how her pale knuckles held on to her own hand. In a moment, Nora felt relieved — ‘cause well, she was giving her something beautiful, something blissful, so she couldn’t be that dangerous to her. At least, she hoped. But as much as Kitty tried to deny it, things were different now — whether she wanted to admit it or not. Usually, Nora would have sought relief to her own arousal, would have crawled on top of Kitty to find the hidden pleasure she could give her. But as much as it pained her body to leave, as much as she wanted her, a thousand voices inside her mind screamed that it was enough. This has been enough, and she couldn’t ask anymore — from now on, it was a dangerous territory she was bound to wander on, and she was too much of a coward to take the risk.

The risks, actually — the risk of hurting Kitty, the risk of letting too much out, the risk of Kitty hurting her. The risk of forgetting this was all a game, this was supposed to be just an act for national television, a farce, a competition. People weren’t meant to develop bonds, they weren’t meant to show each other their scars and their tragedies. And she knew, she could feel it, that every other second she spent with Kitty she was one step closer to relying on her, the one thing she’d promised herself she wouldn’t do anymore. It hurt too much to let go of people; she became addicted to them too easily, too deeply. And it hurt all the more when she was the reason they left. So the answer was leaving before they did — leaving before Kitty wanted to give back that little bit of pleasure, leaving before she got hooked on another sort of drug. As soon as Kitty had come, Nora pulled back — still on her knees, she looked down at Kitty and tried to make sense of the words in her head.

“I know you think it isn’t, but it is. It’s different. It’s different for me. And it’s — it’s hard. For me. I’m not like you, I’m —”, a laugh, a scoff of sorts, bittersweet and embarrassed, ran out of her lips. “I’m not brave enough for this. And you can say I am, you can say I’m wrong, but I just — I need a little time.” She was probably gonna hate her now; despite her cleverness, she would read too much into her words and this could potentially turn into a disaster. But either way, a disaster was all anyone was ever gonna get out of Nora, and at least it was better now than later, when things got too complicated. With one last sigh, Nora stood up and retrieved her shirt, quickly throwing it on and carefully avoiding Kitty. “I’m sorry. I am”. Just like that, she left.

THE END.

[adkinsdisease-blog]

Strangeness And Charm | Kitty & Nora.

[adkinsdisease-blog]

An exhausted sigh left her lips. She didn’t want to speak, she really did not want to. She wasn’t sure what sort of things would fly out of her mouth if she even opened it; “I’m sorry”, probably, or even “You don’t deserve this”, “I wish I could change things”, and other sort of things she never would have wanted to say. Not because she didn’t mean them, but because all of them were potential avalanches, potential disasters just waiting to wreak havoc — but Kitty was speaking, words unfolding from her lips as naturally as breathing, and as much as she tried to ignore her, she couldn’t help but stop and listen, careful as a child, looking for truth in her words and denying it once she found it. “It’s not that”, she shook her head, waving her own thoughts away, not wanting to give in any further to a conversation that she was having with her own mind. “It’s just — I don’t know. It’s different now”. She couldn’t word her thoughts; they were a tangled mess of verbs and chemical reactions she couldn’t voice, they were clouds potentially breeding a storm, and they were better off where they were. She preferred speaking in other ways.

“Body language” was as abused an expression as any, but it was exactly Nora’s language; she couldn’t tell Kitty that she wanted to give her whatever sort of fleeting bliss she could gift her with, but she could let her fingers trace invisible patterns on her skin, she could let her hands slither beneath her skirt and graze the soft skin of her thighs. She couldn’t tell her she wanted in a raw, primal way, but she could hook the hem of her panties and pull them down with no trace of delicacy, wanting them gone, sliding them down her legs with a speed that spoke of desperation. She couldn’t tell her there were things she couldn’t speak of, she couldn’t word — she could just throw her a quick glance, knowing she would read every single thought of hers in it. Nora wet her lips, raising her head to look at Kitty, turning it to briefly acknowledge the cameras (it was so easy to forget about them, sometimes); “Just close your eyes”, she whispered, before raising the hem of Kitty’s skirt and pressing her body to the floor, her head just inches from Kitty’s sex. One hand pressed flat on her abdomen, the other tangled in Kitty’s own hand, Nora leaned over her pelvis and let her lips touch Kitty’s folds, slowly, alternating the touch of lips and tongue, tongue and lips, working expertly to heat her up just enough to stop the flow of words and questions she couldn’t make sense of.

[kittykatbreak-blog]

Kitty smiled, taking a breath and shaking her head in return. “It’s not different,” she muttered back, just as quiet - not a real argument, just what she believed to be the truth. As far as she was concerned, Nora was still Nora; killer smile, killer legs, killer personality - charming and quick-witted and sharp and soft at the same time; angled in ways Kitty was learning to fit. She was still Nora, and Kitty was still Kitty - however Nora saw her was because of stories like the one she’d just given, even if Nora didn’t know it. All that was different was that, maybe, they weren’t quite strangers anymore. But she didn’t say that; she pressed her lips together and fought the urge to talk because she knew Nora didn’t like it - and she knew that she tended to talk just to talk; just because sometimes it was easier to say things aloud than to stay silent, in her own head. It was her way of avoiding herself; but there wasn’t anything to avoid, here.

And she could focus on Nora, anyway; it was easy enough to relax, weight still propped on her elbows, letting her head fall back as the girl ran fingers over her skin - nails grazing thighs, making contact to places she had before; places that, Kitty thought, she was probably familiar with. It was an odd thought; and odd idea, that there could be any sort of familiarity when it came to sex in a place like this; when the encouragement was to be with as many different people as you could in as many different ways - and she knew that, really, she and Nora hadn’t been together that many times; not in comparison to how many times Kitty had been with Parker, or, she knew, Nora with Harvey - but there were still things that were becoming predictable; the way Nora tugged her underwear off, quick and without concern - and how the girl kissed her, the way lips felt against her skin; kisses were kisses and bodies were bodies, but everyone was different, and there was something outstandingly reckless about the way Nora kissed her - and Kitty lifted her head again to watch the girl move down her body, tilting her head a little to the side and offering a smile when the blonde looked back up at her, not missing the way Nora glanced at the cameras. “Okay,” Kitty agreed softly, giving a nod at the request and dropping from her elbows to lie flat on the floor, breaking into a grin with eyes closed when Nora found her hand and giving it a squeeze. Despite their desperations, there was nothing particularly demanding or hard about the way Nora moved her mouth - and Kitty continued to do as she was asked, keeping her eyes closed even when her breath came faster; when an arch caught itself in the base of her spine and pulled up through the length of it.

Nora was someone Kitty had never bothered to be embarrassed with; she never really bothered to be embarrassed with anyone at all, truthfully, but generally she at least tried to be - well, for lack of a better word, courteous. Trying to keep her hips down and such and so forth. There was something about Nora that made Kitty care less; it was easier to give up full control of her body, especially with Nora’s hand flatted so comfortably against her abdomen, almost like she’d expected it, almost like she was as familiar with the way Kitty moved as Kitty felt she was with Nora, keeping her body down even as Kitty’s hips tried to lift of their own accord. “Fuck,” she gave, soft, but sharp, digging her fingertips into the back of Nora’s hand and pressing harder against her. Her legs were still against the girl’s torso, and the tension had her pressing harder - like her body thought the pressure might leave and wanted to keep the other in place, and Kitty cried out, quiet and still overwhelmed, the rush of friction bringing up the barely suppressed emotions of before. She didn’t want to cry - and genuinely, she didn’t think she would - but it sort of felt like she would with the rush of things, Nora touching her and wanting her and wanting Nora back and the fear and trepidation that came along with all of it; it was a lot, it was too much by far - and when she came it was full body, pulling tense and rigid and holding her breath against all of it; breaking physically first, hips rocking erratically and of their own accord, and then relaxing to short spasms as she tried to catch her breath. “Told you,” she gave, half smiling, eyes still closed and air coming faster than was comfortable. “Nothing is different,”

[adkinsdisease-blog]

Strangeness And Charm | Kitty & Nora.

[adkinsdisease-blog]

It felt desperate, not the ways it had felt with her before. It felt messy and incoherent, it felt like meeting a stranger and knowing, just knowing they had the cure to her disease, hidden there, somewhere behind her lips, in the folds of their skin, inside the scars they’d so skillfully hidden all this time. Somehow it reminded Nora of the way she had been letting others consume her body for a lifetime; in dirty bathroom stalls, in blind alleys, somewhere in the back of a truck. She’d let them tug at her skin without so much as a care, and she’d scratch, and pull, and turn, always looking for some sort of answer, for some sort of comfort from strangers that would leave after ten minutes and leave her just as empty as before. But it also felt different now — like Kitty could never leave her empty, like she was a first step towards healing. She didn’t feel like the cure, exactly, but that burning pain when bones are fixed and readjusted in their place, or when needles cut the skin and close the wound. Maybe, one day, she would realize it wasn’t just a feeling — maybe Kitty would be the first of a long series of stitches to pull herself back together again.

But future didn’t belong to her, not to her thoughts at least; it was distant and unsure and she couldn’t care less about it. What she cared for were Kitty’s gasps like vapors surrounding the both of them — her hands pulling her shirt up (she followed her lead and raised her arms so her shirt could slip over her head, then tossed it aside without too much thought). She cared about the other girl’s hips, bucking against her, and about the tickling fire that was now starting to spread through her body. Nora pressed one hand against Kitty’s breast, cupping it softly but still firmly, two fingers grazing her nipple; the other hand was still holding her head as she kept kissing her feverishly, but it started moving south, trailing down her neck, her chest, brushing against the invisible path to her scars and resting on her hip. Nora pulled away, straightening her back as she caught her breath. Kitty looked different now — not as fragile as she’d thought she looked (and wrongfully so), not as terrifying, either. She looked magnificent, in the way mountains or century-old redwood trees are; Nora was absolutely astonished. The way she leaned over her abdomen, the way her lips touched the skin around her navel in shaky hesitation, it was almost reverent — it felt like devotion, and it felt like something being fixed. Like a hole, somewhere inside of her, was starting to be filled.

[kittykatbreak-blog]

Kitty’s attraction to sex had always been at a base level; she liked knowing how it worked. She liked to understand the mechanics of it in the bluntest of ways - intercourse, at the end of the day, was the build up of muscle tension due to friction against areas of the body with high nerve density - and an orgasm was the simple release of that tension, coupled with the release of various brain chemicals. Really, sex was sort of a lie; a trick your mind played on you about feelings and contact. It was all mother nature’s way of continuing the species; giving incentive for procreation - allowing for genetic diversity and evolution. It was all science, and Kitty had never bothered trying to make it out as anything but - it could be awesome, sure; it could be fun, it could be earth-shattering - and being in love was not something she was unfamiliar with; but she’d never been someone who tried to make out sex as some spiritual experience, she’d never been able to connect it to higher powers or anything life changing. Not, at least, when she thought about it logically.

But that didn’t mean she wasn’t breathless - that didn’t mean that, with Nora pressed against her and the back to the floor, she didn’t feel like they were important; special, somehow, if only to each other. It didn’t mean she didn’t try to block out the cameras; because as much as sex was sex, this was about her and Nora - and she made a point of it, running her hands flat over bare skin as soon as the girl tugged her shirt away and pressing her lips, low as she could get, caught between the other’s body and the ground. It was unorganized; badly executed and a little bit messy - but all in a way that Kitty wanted; all in a way that, she thought, made her who she was, made Nora who she was - and made them, together, what they were; something not quite whole, broken in spots, wounds held open and scars stitched over skin. “God, I love the library,” Kitty muttered softly; if only because she had to say something - she was who she was and she couldn’t help herself - as fingers spanned her chest, ran over her breasts. Her breathing picked up, air catching in her throat with something like anticipation as the girl’s hand ran down her body, and it was mostly involuntary, the way Kitty spread her legs farther - that, and the disgruntled groan she made when Nora stopped, hand catching at her hip. She laughed, then, soft, and mostly at her own impatience, reaching up tuck Nora’s hair back behind her ear, and then pressing up on her elbows, pressing her lips - light and chaste- against the others, pulling apart only far enough to speak, her forehead pressed to the other girl’s. “Hey; I’m the same me I was ten minutes ago. Nothing is different, you just know more,” she gave, quiet, the way the other girl was looking at her pricking along her spine. “The same me who loves how you touch her,” she added in a mutter, tilting her head up again to catch Nora’s lips, shifting her weight to bring a hand up behind the other’s head, fingers catching hair, encouraging as she shifted her hips a little, trying to move the girl’s hand on her body.

[adkinsdisease-blog]

Strangeness And Charm | Kitty & Nora.

[adkinsdisease-blog]

She sat there, listening, and the more she listened the more she wanted to disappear. It wasn’t because of too much unbearable pain, it wasn’t because she didn’t want to know. It was exactly the opposite — because she wanted to know, because she wanted to feel that exact kind of pain and realize it was just like hers, if not worse. And it scared the shit out of her. She felt disgusting — she felt like a coward, much more than she’d ever felt before. All this time she’d been thinking of herself as an alien, a scarlet letter on someone’s forehead, something so different and wrong it would justify the regular feeling of distaste she felt for life itself. All this time, she’d thought herself special in her own wretchedness, like her pain was some special sort of pain, like it had been cast upon her like a curse. She’d never once stopped to think of other people’s pain, of their stories, of their scars — she’d never once thought grief comes in mysterious ways, and breaks and shapes people with track marks as well as the scars from a broken bottle.

Her fingers followed Kitty’s lead without hesitation, resting now on her chest, now on her abdomen, trailing some sort of biblical journey through different forms of abuse. It made her feel sick. It made her want to go look for a needle right in that very moment and forget about this, all of this, about the world, and the people in it. Her lips parted, a voiceless protest trapped in her lungs, her eyes fixed on Kitty’s scars as she tried to find the words to voice some sort of comfort she didn’t know, and didn’t know how to give. It wasn’t the story itself, that was making her way through her armor to leave just discomfort; it was the way her voice was breaking, it was the way her lashes started shimmering with tears she stubbornly kept swallowing. It was the way she could feel her chest heave beneath her touch, it was the way she could see her coming undone beneath her. She felt horrible, absolutely devious. As Kitty set an end to her story, as she scoffed, and smiled, and waved away her tragedy like it wasn’t that big of a deal after all, Nora’s mind started racing. First it was looking for answers to questions that ran around her mind too rapidly to be made sense of; was it all true? How had she been able to not break down after this? Did she hate her, now, for being just as much of a junkie as her father was? Was this gonna change everything? Had she been an insensitive bitch to think her story was too heavy to share? Could she even open up anymore?. When it was clear that no answers, to any of those questions, would arrive, she started looking for ways; ways to atone for her behaviour and ways to apologize, ways to make sure she was safe now, ways to prove her she was a junkie, yes, but she would never hurt her.

The only way she could think of involved touch and short gasps, and before she could stop herself, Nora’s hand was firmly placed on the back of Kitty’s head, pulling her closer. She slipped to the floor, squeezing herself in the small gap between Kitty and the couch, and as her fingers slithered between the strands of Kitty’s hair, Nora kissed her — kissed her slowly, not as violently as she’d done before, but her kisses were fierce, undeniable, there could be no escape from them. Her thumbs brushed the side of her face, grazed the wet skin where her tears had been, ran in circles to try and soothe her memories away. Oddly, she wasn’t even thinking of Kitty’s bare breasts, pressing against her own chest; all she could think of was scarred skin, and a silent prayer she wouldn’t hurt the skin that was still unscathed. She heard Kitty’s words — heard them, but refused to acknowledge them. What was she supposed to tell her, that a small part of her understood her father? That the first days in the clinic she’d almost attacked a nurse just to have another dose? That that same small part of her had wanted to drive straight into the ocean? No — kissing was better. Touching, and feeling, and not daring to say a word. Words were Kitty’s territory — to her, they had always been inconvenient obstacles.

[kittykatbreak-blog]

It was probably the wrong story to tell; Kitty didn’t want Nora to feel guilty - drawing similiarities wasn’t the point; at least, not between her parents and the girl in front of her. The point was similiarities between the two of them; the point was pain being relative and belonging to everyone as much as it belonged to no one at all. Really, Kitty had meant it to be a bargaining chip; she wanted to know about Nora - and if Kitty was good at anything, it was giving away parts of herself without giving away anything at all. This was different - she’d rambled, she’d gotten caught up in herself - and it had all come out differently than she’d wanted it to; she couldn’t figure out who had the upper hand, now, and wouldn’t have been surprised if Nora had up and left - uncomfortable with tears, or honesty, or what have you. “Nora -” Kitty started, broke off as the girl pressed to meet her, slid from the couch to the floor - perhaps giving real, physical proof that neither of them had the upper hand, here - and Kitty let her, meeting the rush of kisses with a desperate sort of fervor she hadn’t felt, yet, in the house.

It almost made her want to cry more, the way Nora’s fingers brushed her cheek, spread salt, wetting skin - but she just kissed the girl harder, shifting to lie back on the floor, pulling Nora on top of her. It probably wasn’t elegant, or graceful - she felt desperate, not in control, and brought her knees up to Nora’s sides, fitting the girl between her thighs and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She felt like she should say something - she wanted to say something - but there wasn’t really anything left to say, so instead she moved her hands, flatting one down Nora’s torso to catch the bottom of her shirt and pull it up, fingers spanning the girl’s ribcage as the other hand drifted to her forearm again, running up to her elbow so she could press, light, the pad of her thumb to the marks, wordlessly trying to convey an acceptance - an appreciation, even. Kitty couldn’t hate the girl for her addictions - she wouldn’t even dream of it; trying to draw similiarities past base facts wasn’t of any interest to her. Nora was Nora, and Kitty wanted her - and kissed her harder, teeth tugging at her lower lip with a soft sound in an attempt to convey that as she rocked up, hips meeting the other’s.

[adkinsdisease-blog]

Strangeness And Charm | Kitty & Nora.

[adkinsdisease-blog]

Nora sat, still as a deer caught in a car’s headlights, hypnotized by the words that kept flowing from Kitty’s mouth like an endless river. It was amazing, seeing how easily she could weave words and sounds and just keep her still there, tie her to the ground with the simple touch of syllables poured directly into her ear. Nora’s lips were slightly parted as she listened, slow, frayed breaths slithering out of them. She didn’t exactly understand all of Kitty’s words; all the compliments she threw at her seemed wasted, or at least directed at the wrong person. Funny, sexy, beautiful — they were all things she’d thought of Kitty at some point or another. A smile (though it looked more like an involuntary twitch of her lip, a nervous tick coming out of some sort of quiet discomfort) crossed her mouth, and once again Nora’s eyes drifted away from Kitty and on the tea bags in her hands. She pulled one out of its envelope, not paying too much attention to its name or flavor, and let it hover upon the water in the mug, only letting it touch the water lightly, teasing, never fully committing. It lingered above the surface, her fingers wouldn’t let it fall - who knew what sort of dangers could be hiding in a mug of hot water? Who knew if there were sharks, or a deep, dark abyss no human would ever be allowed to uncover?

Once more, Kitty brought her back to reality. Nora felt her hands upon her knees, and her eyes shot upwards, away from the tea bag, into Kitty’s eyes. For a second, she was breathless; it was always somehow upsetting to see the contrast between Kitty’s sweet,  delicate appearance and the boldness of acts such as this, but she had no other choice but to follow. Nora gave in to her lead, spreading her legs slightly, letting down her arms and placing her hands on the couch, as if she somehow needed to gain some more balance. She listened carefully to Kitty’s words, and wanted to apologize and run, or fight back somehow; she wanted to stop her words, tell her she was wrong, she would hate her, and think of her as one of nature’s freaks, except her deformities were inner mistakes and they didn’t exactly translate into physical ones. But she couldn’t. She didn’t really want to, anyway. A sigh left her lips as she closed her eyes for just a second, somehow trying to gather a courage she wasn’t sure she owned. “Alright. I tell you one thing, you tell me one thing. Deal?”. It was a weak attempt at setting some sort of ground rule, but one that had to be made nonetheless. Then her eyes drifted away once more, as she tried to recollect exactly when and how she’d started making bad decisions. “I was — uh, thirteen, I think, when I started drinking. With Derek, he was, uh, sort of my boyfriend, best friend, I don’t know. We started trying weed one year later, and by the time we were sixteen, we were both hooked on pills and shit like that. Heroin only came into the picture when I was seventeen, maybe eighteen, I can’t really remember. After that, it’s all — it’s just a blur, really. It only stopped when I almost killed myself, you know, drove my car into the ocean. With another person inside it, too. So they, like, locked me up in this rehab clinic and I was sort of forced to get cleaned up.” It didn’t come out in a great, steady river, like Kitty’s words; it was more the ramblings of a mad man and it came out in a series of sighs and gasps, and by the end there was some sort of twisted, bittersweet smile on her lips. “Alright, your turn. What happened?”

[kittykatbreak-blog]

Kitty nodded in agreement to the deal; it was what she had already offered, but if feeling in control was what Nora needed to be honest, then she could do that. She pressed her tongue between her lips with a breath, inhaling and tilting her head to the side as Nora started. It was like a superhero origin story; somewhat predictable, but settling painfully in her chest nonetheless - uncomfortable and heavy with the weight of it. None of it was a surprise; the slow build was a familiar explanation that Kitty had heard from others before; had seen in others before - she’d watched it end a life, and curled her fingers harder into Nora’s hips with the thought of it, her shoulders dropping as she bent, forehead to the girl’s abdomen. It was an odd positioning, probably, but as much as Kitty wanted to know - it was hard to look at Nora as she told her own story, stilted and vague and short as it was, and she gave an involuntary sound of pain with the end of it, Nora driving herself into the water. She gave a soft sigh to the girl’s thigh, then lifted her head, looking up at the other with what she hoped was a relatively schooled expression, and nodded. Kitty sat back a little, crossing her arms over her waist and tugging her shirt up, over her head, and dropping it on the floor. Maybe there should have been a beat more hesitation; in true fashion, she’d forgone a bra - but it wasn’t like Nora hadn’t seen her naked before, and it wasn’t like Kitty wasn’t used to being naked - but it was being naked without a definitively sexual element that sat a little oddly, made her pause once she was free of the fabric before giving herself a shake and continuing on.

She took Nora’s hand again, pressing her fingers once more to the hard ridge of scar tissue, then sliding lower, around her chest, to her ribs around the side of her torso, finding the next slip of scar - and then lower, down her torso, and back up to her abdomen - nine in total that were definitive, one inside her forearm and another in the center of her ribcage. It wasn’t any sort of real pattern, but Kitty had laid in bed before, connecting all the spots with a pen - trying to make sense of something senseless; trying to make something beautiful out of something that was far from it. “I was sick - I used to get sick a lot; still do, I guess, but - it was a flu; pretty bad, one of the worst. I’d been vomiting for a week at least, probably - anyway, my mother had disappeared; she did that - and my dad was going through withdrawals pretty hard because he’d done his best not to leave me alone,” Kitty took a breath, blinking and shaking her head. She hadn’t told the story in a long time - and she’d done her best to make peace with it; all of it. Anger wasn’t an emotion she was familiar with - it wasn’t her go to; she didn’t know how to express it and it didn’t sit comfortably with her. Sadness, while not as alien, was not an emotion she tended to express in public - but found herself with it now, feeling ridiculous as she blinked against the tears pricking in her eyes. “I don’t know if it was because he wanted to look after me, or they didn’t want to have a dead kid on their hands... either way, he was pretty sick himself; you know what it’s like, I’m sure. He was on cocaine, not heroin, but...” she trailed off again, closing her eyes, confused by the sudden overwhelm of feeling. Usually, Kitty was pretty good at not feeling - at blocking it out; blocking herself out so she could focus on other people - but it was harder with Nora; perhaps because they didn’t really know each other - because at the end of the day they were strangers. “I was crying. I was dehydrated, and exhausted, and I should have been in the hospital, but we didn’t have money, of course -” she broke off, eyes squeezed tighter. “He lost his patience. I don’t remember, exactly; but he screamed at me, told me to shutup, told me to get out. He threw a beer bottle at me; it missed and hit the wall behind me, but then I just started crying more, of course, and screaming back at him - so he grabbed the broken bottle and started stabbing me with it.”

Kitty stopped, brow knitting together, eyes still closed as she relived the memory. It was oddly abrupt; sudden in her mind’s eyes - powerful and clear in a way it hadn’t been in a long time. When she blinked her eyes open, she couldn’t see Nora properly, gaze watery and distorted. “Sorry,” she coughed, dropping the girl’s hand to rub the heel of her palm under her eye and giving a shaky laugh. “I wanted to talk about you; not me. I was fine, obviously; the neighbours heard the screaming and called 911. It was a good thing, really; they searched the apartment, found my mom - brought them both to trial for posession and child endangerment. When they discharged me from the hospital I ended up with my siblings,” Kitty gave a breath, a shrug, shaking her head again and feeling ridiculous; not embarrassed, but irritated with herself for getting as upset as she had. “But I wanted you to know that you don’t have to be -” Kitty broke off, choosing her words carefully as she pushed up on her knees - not quite eye level with Nora, but getting closer. “Afraid to talk to me. Like, I get it; everyone has their... baggage, I guess. Everyone has stuff,” she elaborated, turning her head to press her lips to the underside of Nora’s jaw, trying to get her control of the situation back; trying to cover the overwhelm of feeling. “And I like you anyway. Because of it, even,” she added, soft, to the girl’s skin, pressing her lips lower, down Nora’s neck, to her collarbone.

[evelyndiwrites]

character aesthetics + kitchell venice moore

[evelyndiwrites]

‘”what i need is hell,” she told them, “and to pay for my sins,”’

[eastonmarcus-deactivated2015073]

Multiple places, some involve my face, lap, and various rooms in the house. – Not a little dirty, very is what I prefer. 

[kittykatbreak-blog]

Sounds like we’re in agreement.

Cheap hotel room, ten minutes?

[eastonmarcus-deactivated2015073]

Then you heard the most important part of the statement. – I am a man of my word and you appear to be a woman who will enjoy more than my word. 

[kittykatbreak-blog]

When, where, and how do you want me?

Please say hard, fast, and a little dirty.

[kittykatbreak-blog]

something new // kitty&julia

[subvioletxconnor-blog]

Even Julia had to admit that she was stunned by the other woman’s beauty, she had been able to tell online that she was gorgeous, but seeing her in person it took her back a little. While Julia didn’t always find women attractive or able to turn her on, she could appreciate their looks and how pretty they were. There was a big difference in Julia’s mind between beauty and attraction. And when it came to women, she needed to spend time with them to feel that attraction to them. With men, not so much. “You have a gorgeous smile,” She commented, smiling at the girl, whose name she still didn’t know but would by the time they left the room. Nodding her head slowly, she glanced around, letting her toes dig more into the warm send. “Definitely. There’s got to be parts that are real, but I mean, you would out that door and you in a hallway. It’s pretty insane,” She thought out loud, talking was what Julia did when she was nervous, that and biting her lip, which she would do when she wasn’t talking. “Yeah, of course. I’ll let you know. Promise. You just…do what you do and we’ll see how it goes? I’m open to trying this,” Julia told her, deciding that she needed to give things a chance if she was ever going to be able to leave at the end of the season feeling like she had given it her all.

As the woman moved in closer, Julia sat there, letting her make the first move. Not sure what to do with her hands, she kept them pressing into the sand. The first kiss was harmless, soft and closed lip, not pushing Julia too far from what she had experienced before. And then the other woman’s mouth moved down to her neck, sending a shiver across her skin that was unexpected when she felt teeth nipping just under her jaw. Julia sighed, closing her eyes as their lips met again, this time harder, but repetitive of the first chaste kiss. Letting Kitty kiss her over and over again, Julia slowly relaxed into it, lifting a hand up to rest on the woman’s side, sliding herself a little closer to her. Her free hand lifted up to settle on Kitty’s neck as well, feeling herself get more into kissing this stranger to her. With an almost inaudible hum, Julia’s lips parted slightly, running her lips over her own and pushing gently between Kitty’s to let her know she was ready for a deeper kiss. Her finger lightly curled into the brunette’s hair, sliding her hand back to cradle the back of her head while the kiss grew more passionate.

[kittykatbreak-blog]

“Good,” Kitty gave, because she meant it. The last thing she wanted to do was make Julia uncomfortable; she knew the show was about getting out of your comfort zone, doing things that frightened you - she knew that was the main reason a lot of people had joined the show; but if there was one thing Kitty didn’t want, it was to be a regret. She never wanted to be something people looked back on as a mistake, with distaste. She sensed the other’s hesitation as she pressed in - but it wasn’t a surprise; not really. Kitty was something new to the blonde, she knew - and it was probably nerve-wracking to be in a space that felt as public as the beach did, with a complete stranger - ‘probably’, she thought, because Kitty knew her own barometers when it came to comfort zones and basic normalities weren’t particularly conventional. For her, this was a basic Tuesday.

It was easy, comfortable; a kiss was a kiss was a kiss, as far as Kitty was concerned. She kissed a lot of people. She also slept with a lot of people, admittedly - but kissing felt like more of a casual thing, in her world; it was just what she did with people she cared about, like hugging them. So this, the repetitive back and forth rhythm of it, was nothing; it was just contact - good contact, but simple contact nonetheless, and she broke into a half smile against Julia’s lips as she other pressed harder against her, hand finding the back of her skull and fingers tangling in her hair. She parted her own lips in tandem with the other’s, trying not to think too much about tongue, teeth and lips and bringing her own hand up to the girl’s neck, drifting her palm over her shoulder, down her arm, to her hip. Kitty broke a little bit - all they needed to do to not get in trouble for meeting up was done, but she figured she may as well see how much Julia was going to be okay with, and tilted her head to the side to press her lips back to the girl’s jaw. “Lay down,” she recommended softly, shifting her weight to one leg so she could move, straddling the other girl as soon as she’d laid back in the sand, the bare skin of her thighs pressed to the other’s torso. Kitty didn’t want to give the other time to panic, or think too much about the good and bad or pros and cons - she bent down again, pressing her lips to the girl’s collarbone and catching Julia’s hands, bringing them up to flat the girl’s palms against the sides of her own torso, encouraging as she pressed her lips back up Julia’s neck. She pulled away, then, pressing one hand into the sand to the side of Julia’s head, tilting hers and raising an eyebrow. “Do you want me to go down on you?” Kitty asked in true Kitchell fashion; blunt, perhaps inappropriate, and half smiling.

[adkinsdisease-blog]

Strangeness And Charm | Kitty & Nora.

[adkinsdisease-blog]

With parted lips, Nora inhaled softly, as she lingered in Kitty’s personal space. She didn’t have an exact scent, something she could recognize above everything — but Nora could swear she could smell something flowery, and something fresh, like a drizzle on a summer morning. It surely didn’t help her be any less fascinated by her, and want to give Kitty whatever she could ask of her. She looked like there was something hiding behind everything she saw, and she was determined to discover its true nature; Nora’s eyes were captivated by Kitty’s, by the way she seemed to be judging every possible consequence and twist of fate behind the actions that were being painted in her mind. In the back of her head, a voice was telling Nora she could still get out of this; she could take the cowardly way out, make her walk of shame back to her room and forget anything at all had ever been asked of her. But it would be hard to resist the soft temptation of Kitty’s lips, just inches from her, and forget of the mixed, light scent coming from her skin. She couldn’t quite make out the fragrances inside of it, but it reminded her of something flowery and something fresh, like a soft drizzle on a summer morning - it reminded her of the sort of days she used to love, when you feel like something bad’s about to happen but it’s still far away, still unreal as long as the sun keeps being lazy and slow on the horizon.

Her mind was wandering, lost in the contemplation of Kitty’s features, but once again she was the one to bring Nora back to reality. She raised a hand, and Nora almost flinched — hesitating, her breath stuck in her throat, she followed her movement until her fingers landed exactly where she had feared they would. She felt like a fool, for believing Kitty wasn’t going to go straight to the point; she had been a fool to think she’d even ignore the track marks. But something else happened - Nora’s fingers were placed on Kitty’s collarbone, and their tips brushed against something tougher, something that felt like a scar. Nora frowned, wary eyes staring into Kitty’s. So she had scars, too, and secrets — of course, how selfish of her to think she was the only one dragging skeletons around. Nora let out a sigh. This notion changed her condition slightly. The risk, if possible, was smaller, now that she could see both of them had something at stake. But it still wasn’t enough to make her confident. She took a step back, and then another, until she turned around and reached the couch. Sitting down, she grabbed the tea bags Kitty had brought for her and examined them, not really taking in anything she was reading on their labels. “Alright. What do you wanna know?”. Her eyes looked back at Kitty, trying as hard as she could to look tough, to look capable; no doubt Kitty would see right through that as well.

[kittykatbreak-blog]

It was a hover that would have been almost awkward - the way they hung in each other’s personal space; Kitty watched Nora’s lips, flicked down to look at her chest, watch the inhale, exhale as the girl’s still - closed eyes half fluttered. When she opened them, she didn’t look at Kitty - at least not at her eyes - and so Kitty continued to inspect her; tracing the line of her nose, the light blush of her cheekbone, the loose strands of blonde at her temple. She took a breath, settling a little back against the bookcase as she waited for the girl’s reaction; felt her posture shift and change against her, what was warm now stiffening awkwardly - like she wanted to pull away but wouldn’t. Whether that was a matter of pride or determination, Kitty wasn’t sure; but either way, she was glad. She caught Nora’s eyes and raised an eyebrow, taking a wary breath through her lips and then pressing them shut, holding the air in her lungs as she waited for a rejection - it wouldn’t surprise her if Nora walked away; it wouldn’t surprise her if Kitty had to spend the next week begging the girl to forgive her for potentially stepping over a boundary - and so she tried not to let her shoulders drop when Nora pulled away, backed up.

She let the breath out when the girl picked up the tea bags and dropped to the couch, her shoulders dropping, body relaxing against the bookcase again. “Everything,” she answered shortly, pressing her lips together and offering a single shouldered shrug. If there was ever a time to wax poetic, try and stay on Nora’s good side, it was now. “I want to know what makes you tick; what makes you smile, or upset, and what makes you hot. I want to know about your parents and your siblings and your favourite highschool teacher and your least favourite subject and how many bones you’ve broken,” she stopped, moving forwards to drop, cross legged, before the girl, settling on the floor and looking up at her. “Because I like you. I like you as a person; I think you’re fun, and I think you’re sexy, and beautiful - and I think you’re funny, and smart, too, and I want to know all those things because there’s nothing you can tell me that’s going to make me stop thinking any of those things, and there’s nothing you can tell me that’s going to make me want you less, okay?” Kitty shifted, moving up onto her knees and flatting her hands against Nora’s to spread her legs apart - just enough for Kitty to fit her hips between Nora’s knees. She ran her hands up her thighs, fitting them under Nora’s shirt to flat her palms against the girl’s abdomen. “So, I want to know when it started, and I want to know when it stopped,” she said finally, turning her hands to curl fingers around Nora’s hips.

[eastonmarcus-deactivated2015073]

I feel like we haven’t been properly introduced or is that the point – You play shy and reserved and I fuck my way onto your favorite people list. If that’s not your strategy we could change it.

[kittykatbreak-blog]

All I got out of that was a promise of you fucking your way onto my list of favourites.

You better make good on that; you look like a man of your word.

[poplockandparkit-blog]

I don’t even know who you are anymore! I don’t even know who I am anymore! I’ve darkened a heart! I didn’t even know I could do that!

I’m going to run into… so. many things. Do I have to wear said blindfold all the way to where ever you want to go.

[kittykatbreak-blog]

Who am I? Who are you? What are we? What is the world?

No, only once you get there. I’ll even tie it off for you.

[adkinsdisease-blog]

Strangeness And Charm | Kitty & Nora.

[adkinsdisease-blog]

Either one of two things was going to happen; they would enjoy a simple encounter, somewhat intimate but still harmless (though it would probably make for a weak Showcase), or Nora would come back to her room shaken and unsure what sort of natural disaster she’d just gone through, eyes wide open in the dark of the night. She couldn’t quite explain the fear that was taking a hold of her, leaving a lump in her throat that didn’t leave any room for the usual witty remarks that seemed to pour steadily out of her lips. Her mind kept comparing Kitty to things that no one in their right mind would ever associate to her; hungry beasts, powerful drugs, natural disasters wreaking havoc and settling every human in their mortal place once again. Something so beautiful and tempting despite its power, its danger; and it seemed heresy to think such thoughts, to compare the brunette’s soft features and sweet smiles to something that reaped victims and inspired terror. Yet it worked, in her mind, at least; because the fear that was making her run out of words was the same she’d felt other times in her life, before the stained nails of a dealer would offer her the latest trend in deadly games. As she stepped into the room, Nora struggled to pull the corners of her mouth up.

It didn’t mean, however, that she wasn’t happy to see Kitty. In fact, she was — she couldn’t quite make out the reason why the girl seemed to be so interested in her, but did not exactly care about it either. She wanted her company, needed it too; she needed her soft touch pouring firmness, her way of looking at her like she already knew what was best for her. When Kitty was around, Nora had no choice but to do whatever she asked of her; it was strange, and definitely dangerous, but needed. Her life was a pitiful necklace of bad decisions and regrets — Kitty was, to Nora’s still hazy mind, like some sort of Messiah showing her the way. She just wasn’t sure she had the guts to follow it, yet; all she knew was she had to take it slowly, and hope there weren’t snakes hiding below the rocks. Baby steps. Kind of like the ones that were taking her towards Kitty’s voice, to what looked like some sort of miniature tea room in the middle of the library.

Now she didn’t have to work too hard to smile; it just bloomed on her lips, at the sight of the small scene she had set up for them. She was failing to see how it could lead them into R-rated showcase scenarios, but if there was one thing she knew, it was that Kitty had everything planned, and under control. “Nice”, she commented, throwing the girl a quick glance. After all, she didn’t need any steamy set up to be attracted to her, to want to do filthy things with her — she looked so delightful and pristine it almost made her mouth water to think of the ways she could have her, of the ways they could get tangled up in each other and not part until both of them were panting and gasping for air. But the hesitation, it was still there, and it made her smile falter for just a second, as she approached the couch. “Tea? Wow. You’re gonna turn me into such a posh, proper lady, aren’t ya?”, she teased the girl, but ignored the hand Kitty was offering her. Instead, Nora stepped forward, hands quickly reaching the sides of Kitty’s head, leaning in to leave a soft, lingering kiss on her lips. A mechanism had been triggered; they said attack was the best defense, and maybe, just maybe, if she attacked Kitty with the right weapons, she wouldn’t be left too exposed in a matter of seconds. “It’s lovely. Thank you”.

[kittykatbreak-blog]

Kitty rolled her eyes, pressing her lips together on a reply at the single syllable tossed at her, knowing Nora was teasing. Sure, maybe she’d gone a little overboard - she just wanted them both to be comfortable, and Kitty was a nester; it was what she did. She wasn’t necessarily maternal - wasn’t really maternal at all - but liked to be comfortable; liked to make herself feel good, liked to make others feel good. She broke into a laugh at the girl’s quip, shaking her head. “If you think I’m a proper lady you obviously haven’t been paying attention, Adkins,” she teased, shooting her a sideways glance. “I just like tea,” she added, then smiled, wiggling her fingers in encouragement for the girl to take her hand - and then dropping it when Nora ducked in, her palm ending up flat to the girl’s abdomen as Nora tilted her head up, kissed her - light and hard, all at the same time. She inhaled, sharp through her nose, and slid her hand to catch the girl’s hip, taking a step back so her shoulders hit the bookcase behind her and pulling Nora with her, her free hand coming up to catch over the girl’s shoulder.

It wasn’t particularly aggressive; hard or pushy - but it was enough to leave Kitty next to breathless when she pulled away, ducking her head a little to kiss Nora’s cheek and then leaning back against the bookcase to offer a smile. “You’re welcome,” she gave back, settling to look up at the girl and tilt her head to the side, considering. She ran her hand down from Nora’s shoulder to her arm, tugging at the girl’s sleeve - doing her best not to break eye contact as she pulled it up her forearm and then fit her fingers under the fabric, against the blonde’s skin, sliding up to the crook of her elbow. “I want you to tell me about these,” she said softly, bringing her other hand up to catch Nora’s where it rested against her face, sliding it down her neck, her shoulder, under her shirt to fit Nora’s fingers against the line of raised skin that sat before her collarbone; visibly covered by her tattoo, the scar could still be felt, and Kitty pressed the girl’s fingertips to it. “And I’ll tell you about this,” she bargained, letting go of Nora’s hand to reach up and tuck her hair back, behind her ear. She knew it was a longshot; Nora, Kitty knew, was not someone willing to give away anything about herself. She liked to hold people at a distance; that much was glaringly obvious - but Kitty had never been someone who took no for an answer, whether it was the right thing to do or not; sheer determination and a lack of social graces had made her many a person's confidant - but she'd never wanted it from someone quite the way she did from Nora.

[kittykatbreak-blog]

so come a little closer // kitty&eli

eliamgroot

Eli was, in a word, endearing. His fascination with superheroes and comics was loud and bright and interesting; Kitty liked how unapologetic he was about it - and, on a level, understood. Being able to put faith in the idea that an ordinary person could become extraordinary was comforting; the idea that, when push came to shove, you would make the choice that benefited the greater good - that you would protect the people you loved, be the bigger person. There was something romantic about it; about how many superheroes were in love with someone who was in love with their alter ego - the idea that someone could want the best parts of you so unapologetically; and there was something enticing about the idea of an alter ego. About having a mask to hide behind. Kitty wasn’t someone who was easily embarrassed; she tried not to have many regrets and left the past in the past the best she possibly could - but it was definitely appealing, the idea of being someone else, for a while; creating an identity for herself, a different past, different parents.

Despite the philosophy of it all, Kitty also just like Eli; he was interesting, he was cute, and there was something ruggedly attractive about the line of his jaw and the mess of dark hair on his head; the half smiles, even the way he grinned wide. Really, if it were up to Kitty, she though she might cast Eli as a villian; there was nothing inherently dangerous or threatening about him, but she thought he definitely fit the prerequisite of tall, dark stranger.

She decided not to wear pants. She also decided not to not wear pants - opting for a sundress, purple and light and tied loose around the back of her neck. It was almost opaque, but the fabric caught against her nipple piercings in her forgoing of a bra; they weren’t visible, but it was obvious they were there, and, standing in front of the mirror, she tried to decide if she ought to wear underwear. She decided to, if only for the sake of watching him take it off, and forwent shoes as she left the room, stopping at the map before making her way to the padded cell. It wasn’t the sexiest room; she supposed it was practical, given there wasn’t any surface someone could injure themselves on, but the dim lighting and padded walls didn’t really make her want to get naked. Nonetheless, Kitty settled on the edge of the padded cot, tucking one leg up, under her knee and sitting back against the wall to wait, wondering if Eli himself would be wearing pants.

[kittykatbreak-blog]

real gods // kitty&ryan

ryan-bishop

So, it wasn’t exactly going to be face to face - really, it wouldn’t be face to face at all; but face to face sort of got in the way of anonymity; of strangeness and being strangers - which was the point of the episode. Besides, really, ‘face to face’ had definitely totally one hundred percent been a line to get Ryan in a room with her. He was cute, he seemed smart, he was a fun conversation and she was definitely attracted to him - she’d wanted to meet up with him before now but hadn’t had an opportunity, and wasn’t going to let it get away once she did have one. Point being, settling herself in the confessional booth, the other side open for Ryan once he arrived, wasn’t face to face - they would essentially be in separate boxes while they talked; unable to see each other much through the grating that sat in the wall between them.

Kitty had never been religious; her parents had found God in powder and plastic baggies and her siblings had never been able to put faith in anything but the force of their own determination. She’d spent plenty of time in various religious houses; synagogues, churches - she’d been to a mormon temple once, and sat outside a mosque, unsure of if it was impolite or not to go in - but she’d never found anything solid in any of those places; nothing of substance. The only place she’d ever found faith was outside; under the sun, or the rain or the snow - nature was what she relied; the ultimate wisdom of the universe - but that didn’t mean she didn’t have an appreciation for the beauty of religious houses - or the creepiness of them. They weren’t spaces that were supposed to be empty; and it felt odd, eerie, to be sitting in the dark box when there was no one else in the space; when all she could hear was the sound of her own breathing and the occasional whistle of a draft through the organ pipes. She jumped, despite herself, when she heard the door open, then grinned, shaking her head at herself and leaning forward to put her hand out of the curtain blocking her from the rest of the room, waving and hoping Ryan saw her. “Over here. I’ve got some sins to confess,” Kitty gave, blindly gesturing to the box next to hers and then pulling her hand back in, sitting back once more.

[kittykatbreak-blog]

something new // kitty&julia

[subvioletxconnor-blog]

There had only been a handful of girls that Julia had ever kissed, two that she made out with, on that she let touch her. It had been a one time thing that she didn’t hate, but she just found herself more attracted to men and turned on by them than other women. She wasn’t the type of girl who hooked up with other girls but still swore she was completely straight, she just hadn’t done it more than that one time. And even Julia didn’t come right out and say she was only into men, she just preferred them and never found a woman that could get her as turned on as the men she had been with. Maybe it was just that opportunities never came to her to explore with women, but whatever the reason, she had no idea what to expect or what to do if and when an opportunity with this girl who had invited her to the beach room would come up.

Stripping out of her clothes and putting on her yellow string bikini, Julia fluffed her blonde hair as she looked in the mirror in her room, giving herself one more quick look before she left. Julia had only been in one other room so far and it was not one that had simulation or anything that made it feel like you were in a completely different place, so she was excited to get to the beach room and experience it for the first time. Walking barefoot through the halls, it took her longer than she had expected to find the room, getting turn around a few times until she finally pushed the door open and the smell of the salty water hit her nose. A smile spread across her face as she stepped inside and shut the door behind her, her toes digging into the warm sand as she stood there, the breeze coming off the water blowing her hair back. Julia was entirely amazed, it really felt like she was at the beach and she couldn’t believe it.

Spotting the girl sitting on a towel, Julia went right towards her, practically skipping from how happy she was to be in the warm sunshine and breathe in what seemed like fresh air, even if in the back of her head she knew it was all fake. It still seemed so real. Plopping down beside the girl, she smiled brightly over at her. “Hey! This is freaking amazing…Like I can’t believe this isn’t real,” She was overly-excited as she spoke, the experience of being in a room like this taking over the way Julia was nervous about what may or may not be happening in the next hour. Taking a deep breath, the smile still playing her on her lips, she knew they needed to kiss right away. “We should probably kiss, right?”

[kittykatbreak-blog]

Kitty heard the door open, the sound of feet in the sand and could feel the extra presence against her back as Julia came into the room, but didn’t turn. She knew she was in clear view of the door, anyway, and dropped from her palms to her elbows in the sand, leaning back and dropping her head to the side as the blonde sat down next to her. “Hey,” she offered back, softly, probably unheard over Julia’s excitement over the room. That was fine; as far as Kitty was concerned, this was about the other girl, not her - and broke into a grin, giving a nod at the rush of energy from the blonde; somewhere between nerves and excitement and probably just being overwhelmed, Kitty smiled wider. “I think a lot of it is real - I mean obviously it’s not actually a beach, but...” she trailed off, curling her fingers in the sand, up into a fist, and letting it fall out. “You can’t really fake sand, you know? This show has to have a crazy budget, though,” Kitty continued, sitting up properly and smiling again, offering a nod. “Probably,” she agreed; “But, just so you know; this is totally on your terms, okay? If you want or need anything just let me know; deal?” She gave, raising an eyebrow in question to wait for confirmation.

Once she had that, she shifted - sitting up properly and adjusting her weight to face Julia better. She brought a hand up, and despite her natural instinct to prolong things; to make touch important and contact mean something - did her best not to make a big deal out of any of it, hand light against the girl’s neck, thumb to the base of her jaw. She kissed her carefully; light and chaste, at first, then broke away, tilting her head to press her lips to the base of Julia’s neck and move up, digging her teeth against the corner of her jaw and then kissing her again, harder this time, waiting for the other girl to make the first incentive to any sort of tongue; anything past basic touching. They had to, of course, or else they’d get in trouble - but Kitty left the ball in the other’s court, light and repetitive in the way she kissed the blonde. They had at least an hour, after all.