May Your Memory Never Fade

Hi, I'm Kivrin, more or less. I'm a writer by trade, and frazzled mama to five wee kids with special needs. I disappear for weeks at a time without warning. If you read my book (All Past Years by K. Engle, find it at Amazon.com!), I'll love you forever. That's about as much as I could imagine wanting to know about me! :) 

[kivrinengle]

I HATE my brain. Nothing like having imposter syndrome and “your writing sucks” internal voices attack at once, paired with hyperfixation that won’t allow me to work on anything else, at the same time that the utter absurdity of ever writing fan fiction at all and what a colossal waste of time it is comes crashing in. Now I can’t write and I have to write and I hate writing and why the hell am I writing fanfic when the world is falling apart? It’s so stupid it’s physically painful and I want to fling my brain off a cliff.

[formerlyjannafaye]

posting your fic on AO3 like

[cooldog2014-deactivated20150105]

*meets u in dark alley wearing a trench coat* got any fic recs

[levynite]

*opens trench coat to reveal hundreds of fics*

[lexrhetoricae]

I just need one, man. I’ll stop after this. I can quit anytime. Don’t tell my family.

[kivrinengle]

You guys, I have all of the emotions today, because it’s our three-year anniversary of Baby Sunshine coming home to us. It feels like she’s been here forever, but the amount of trauma she still struggles with is evidence that she wasn’t. I adore this child, and I’m not the only one she has wrapped around her little finger! We finally were able to finalize her adoption this spring (over Zoom, naturally). She’s come so far, despite trauma and epilepsy and a genetic condition. She’s so brave, and strong, and vulnerable, and absolutely brilliant.

[thetaoofbetty]

very sexy indeed

[thewritingumbrellas]

I can’t write these scenes bro I just can’t

[randomslasher]

I get antsy when I haven’t produced content in awhile. I worry I’ll be forgotten. I feel like I have to keep buying my place in fandom with stuff like art and writing. Which makes it hard to produce content because that’s a lot of pressure to put on my creativity muses. So I sit here worrying instead. 

Bleh. 

[preludeinz]

HOLY SHIT THIS IS SUCH A MOOD

[solarrow-deactivated20180401]

To everyone in the fandom who has been posting this the last few days: You are not obligated to continuously produce content. You are valued within this community by others, no matter what. I promise you that. You will not be forgotten. Don’t feel pressured. Do things in your own time. You are awesome. You are talented and you are welcome here always.

[kivrinengle]

Ok so I honestly love the fact that I get to teach my kids at home and keep them safe right now, especially given all their special needs, and I am very very aware of our privilege to be able to do so, but dudes. It is HARD to teach five kids with special needs, especially all at once. I’m trying to teach phonics and long division and medieval history at the same time that one kid is painting and another wants help with Latin translations and it’s no wonder that I just feel frantic all the time! Life sometimes pulls you in a thousand directions at once.

[kayvsworld]

I know some fic writers get stressed about writing tropes they think are too popular or overdone, and I need you all to know that I just spent 4 hours reading every iteration of the same exact fic plot I could find, and they all brought me an indescribable amount of joy. Listen. Listen. Sometimes you want cakes of many flavours and sometimes you want Nine Carrot Cakes

[demonicvulcan]

person: but it’s canon

me: yes, but it’s very badly written, so we ignore it

[kedreeva]

I cannot believe I’m only 10k words away from writing the end of this 5k fic

[mylordshesacactus]

where’s that one “pakige” post bc like

AO3, Basic Logic, God, Everyone: You posted a chapter five minutes ago, and should get comments gradually over the next few hours! Me, .5 seconds after posting, sitting with my face pressed up against my AO3 inbox: commente

[imperialbogmonster]

Bóòkmärkê?

[edwardsjade-deactivated20210527]

KÜDÖSś?

[ninjaotta]

välidæshün???

[ilonga]

oH MOOD

[goodomen-deactivated20200107]

knowing that someone actively ENJOYS the things you create.. is an absolutely wild feeling. like, my entire chest is just full of warmth rn because i was able to make someone’s day just a teensy bit better ya know? catch me in the corner, gently crying

[yellow-deceit]

i want yall to know that my heart goes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! every time i see yall enjoy my shit

[kivrinengle]

Took the Youth of Tomorrow (that’s the group title for my kids now, as Tiny Nerds is no longer appropriate because they are HUGE) to the beach today for our annual end-of-summer day trip. Good times had by all, etc.

Except for me, who found myself totally roasted by my own five year old. I was trying to explain to Baby Sunshine that I was hoping to get a tiny bit of a tan, and she looked at me with the greatest disdain, and said, “You will not change to brown. You’re too white. You will turn pink, and then turn red.”

Friends, she was not wrong. I am so sunburned, and apparently I am also raising an absolute savage. My hat is off to her.

[gideonthe9]

[amuseoffyre]

[caffiend-queen-deactivated20260]

I’d laugh harder but this is uncomfortably accurate.

[insomniac-arrest]

a graph based on my observations

[samayla]

I would like to apply a Dolly Parton quote to this most excellent graph.

[teratomarty]

YES.