This is what I would do if I was Count Binface and I actually won:
Resign from office on the grounds that I only ran for the bants, triggering a further by-election
Immediately announce my candidacy for the by-election.
Noah Kahan

@theartofmadeline
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@mylordshesacactus
This is what I would do if I was Count Binface and I actually won:
Resign from office on the grounds that I only ran for the bants, triggering a further by-election
Immediately announce my candidacy for the by-election.
Once In A Lifetime
"I know it could never⊠Were we not Kindred. I mean! The timelines alone. ButâŠitâs not so impossible, is it?â she asked wistfully. âTo think that we might have found each other in life? Somehow...? Maybe I had a...a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I would cross an ocean for that. It would be unlikely, but...perhaps, just plausible?" âWell,â said Gideon, deeply charmed. âSo long as it doesnât break the immersion.â Or: Safia's late-morning attempts at a self-indulgent fantasy keep getting derailed by heckling from her romantic lead.
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. I'VE BEEN IN A FUGUE STATE FOR THREE DAYS. Please enjoy this affectionate pastiche of "human AUs" as much as I enjoyed writing it--which, despite my bitching, was a lot.
Because I feel like kids of color donât hear it enough: domestic abuse is not a part of your culture.Â
A lot of us were raised with the idea that âits normal for wives/children to get hit! it helps them learnâ only white folk donât get beaten when they misbehaveâ. Thatâs not true, white people arenât the only ones who deserve a safe and abuse free environment. Black and brown people can and do have loving families.Â
If youâre in a situation where you are enduring abuse and people use your culture to justify it, I want you to know that what theyâre telling you are lies.
as someone who studies this: statistically speaking, child abuse (including âspankingâ, because all forms of hitting children are abusive) is pretty much equally prevalent in households of all racial, ethnic, and cultural backgrounds. so yeah, donât let people use the âcultureâ excuse on you, but also, donât believe others are experiencing it less just because itâs less normalized in their culture to talk about it. we all gotta work together to fix this shit.
All the black & latino ppl who joked about Miles Morales saying âWhateverâ to his parents, saying that he should âknow he cant get away with that like white kids canâ and âlmao did he forget that heâs black/has a latina mom???â
You arenât better behaved because your parents beat you. âKnowing your placeâ did not make you more dignified than white children, you were being needlessly abused.
the more i talk w/ leftist friends the more i start to realize that they think culture is only defined by food or "traditional" (i.e. "ethnic") garb and nothing else
mentioned how white americans do in fact have a common culture and they genuinely thought i was joking. culture isnt something only granted to the Cool People of Color. just feels like among progressive groups there's this dichotomy created in which only the virtuous oppressed minorities have culture and anyone who is privileged some sort of void cultureless being
When I visited Chicago, the very first thing to weird me out from the airport was⊠how almost everywhere had revolving doors.
Iâm Australian. Sure, we do have those doors, but the vast majority of places in Sydney are automatic sliding doors or old-fashioned manual push/pulls because we donât need to block out the cold and wind the same way here.
So every day I experienced a culture clash with something as basic as what doors were normal for me.
Americans who say they donât have a culture are plagued with defaultism beyond belief. Culture isnât just made up of costumes and language and the largest stuff, itâs constructed of a billion small things you do every day that you never even consider could be different because thatâs just ânormalâ to your daily life. No one has no culture just because theyâre not adhering to the biggest markers they can consciously recognise.
Yes, I have these saved for exactly this reason.
SIMPLE GUIDE:
Body Horror: Things that cannot happen in real life. EX: The Thing, stomach mouths, eyes on hands, etc
Gore: Fresh injuries, often severe. EX: Severed leg, gutspill, deep gashes, etc
NEITHER: Healed injuries and burns, congenital differences, missing appendages, etc. If I could theoretically go to the store and see that character browsing the isles- It isn't body horror or gore. That's just a person. *AND the amount of people that tag, not just fictional characters, but real human beings as body horror is staggering. Its not solely a fandom issue, ableism and bigotry against anyone that looks sufficiently "different" is prevalent in real life and has devastating consequences.
(Modified) from my comment left on this post.
and, look, Iâm not complaining, not at all, but this is why itâs very important to be abundantly clear and specific with your Etsy witch.
NOT THE CRABS WE EXPECTED BUT STILL SOME CRABS WE DESERVE!!!
Once In A Lifetime
"I know it could never⊠Were we not Kindred. I mean! The timelines alone. ButâŠitâs not so impossible, is it?â she asked wistfully. âTo think that we might have found each other in life? Somehow...? Maybe I had a...a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I would cross an ocean for that. It would be unlikely, but...perhaps, just plausible?" âWell,â said Gideon, deeply charmed. âSo long as it doesnât break the immersion.â Or: Safia's late-morning attempts at a self-indulgent fantasy keep getting derailed by heckling from her romantic lead.
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. I'VE BEEN IN A FUGUE STATE FOR THREE DAYS. Please enjoy this affectionate pastiche of "human AUs" as much as I enjoyed writing it--which, despite my bitching, was a lot.
do yâall remember usernames??? from back when every fuckin website didnât need your email phone number home address social security number just to join/sign up for something?? when you could make website-specific accounts that werenât linked to literally anything else??? they tried to boil us like a frog slowly switching to âusername/emailâ and then just asking for your email. but I remember. I remember usernames.
idk guys sometimes you just have to accept a ship dynamic is unhealthy, insane, and sometimes abusive. and its not real people so those factors just make it interesting
please stop unfolding the origami crane and smoothing it out bc you got worried the paper was hurting from the bends
LINDSEY GRAHAM RANDOMLY DYING OUT OF NOWHERE WHILE WE'RE ALL WAITING ON MITCH MCCONNELL TO GO FROM MOSTLY DEAD TO ALL DEAD IS AN INCREDIBLE FUCKING BIT I'M NOT GONNA LIE
The crabs got lost and ended up at the wrong rave?
Once In A Lifetime
"I know it could never⊠Were we not Kindred. I mean! The timelines alone. ButâŠitâs not so impossible, is it?â she asked wistfully. âTo think that we might have found each other in life? Somehow...? Maybe I had a...a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I would cross an ocean for that. It would be unlikely, but...perhaps, just plausible?" âWell,â said Gideon, deeply charmed. âSo long as it doesnât break the immersion.â Or: Safia's late-morning attempts at a self-indulgent fantasy keep getting derailed by heckling from her romantic lead.
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. I'VE BEEN IN A FUGUE STATE FOR THREE DAYS. Please enjoy this affectionate pastiche of "human AUs" as much as I enjoyed writing it--which, despite my bitching, was a lot.
I wish there was a website where you could input a character's description (height, weight, sex, medical conditions, etc.) And a situation (car crash, falls, stabbing, etc.) And it would calculate for you from most to least likely the injuries that character would receive, potential complications, and how long it would take recover. This would make writing injuries SO MICH EASIER if I wasn't guessing at everything
This tool would be so fun and I would definitely use it.
But ALSO! The best thing about writing injuries is that there is so much variation.
I spent a few years as an EMT, and I saw people walk away from vehicle rollovers with nary a scratch... and also, I saw people break their knees because they sat down. I've seen a guy get lifelong impairments out of falling off something twelve feet high, but I know someone who survived being stabbed over a dozen times with no lasting (physical) injuries. There's range.
In nearly any given situation*, a realistic level of injury is anywhere from "Dies within five minutes" to "Dies 73 years later surrounded by grandchildren and great-grandchildren, having zero long-lasting repercussions from that incident."
*Not every situation, mind you; papercuts are generally exempt
If you don't mind a ramble (because I haven't done a fun character injury ramble in a while so I shall use this as an excuse)...
The key to writing realistic injuries is to start with what you want to happen. It's your character and your scenario, so start with what you want to happen for Plot Reasons.
Example:
You know your character gets in a car crash with a wall, and you want them laid up for a week, but able to move around with minimal pain soon after. Cool. Now that you have your desired outcome, you can run through the scenario. You won't want your character ejected or to have a major head impact with the windshield, so they were wearing their seatbelt. You want them to still be able to walk, so the dashboard probably didn't crumple in on them. That means they were either in a car with good safety ratings, or they weren't going super fast, or a combination thereof. But you do want them a little bit injured, enough so they don't want to go on that hiking trip for another week, so make sure they were going fast enough to get some good ol' whiplash.
Another example:
You want your character to make a dramatic exit out the window, and you want them to be limping a little for dramatic effect as they head off into the forest surrounding the castle. Nice, we love a good dramatic window exit. But you want to make sure the character won't be out of commission for the battle in a fortnight's time. This could totally be a first-floor window, or even a second-floor one. But what if it really needs to be the fourth floor, for pre-existing scenario reasons? Well, maybe there's a balcony halfway down. Or maybe there's a nice slanted roof underneath that broke their fall. Or maybe the castle is built into a cliff so the windows on that side of the castle are only ten feet up. Or maybe they clung onto ivy outside, which ripped out of the wall a bit but was enough to slow them down. There's all sorts of ways you can play this off!
Rather than trying to make a scenario and then fitting the injury into it, come up with the injury (or at least, level of injury) and plan out the details of your scenario around it.
The only caution is to make sure to build scenarios realisticallyâlike, I could totally see a character being able to keep going after being stabbed because it was a shallow wound. But if they get a shallow stab wound... and they only get âšgrazedâš by a bullet... and they happen to survive a terrible car accident because they were in the best possible seat... AND they were pushed out of an airplane but their BFF managed to skydive right out after them and caught them... that's getting to be a little much. XD Any of those is realistic except maybe the last; IDK, I know injuries, not skydiving, but too many near-misses in a single story starts to feel like plot armor.
But yeah. The range of possible injuries from any given scenario is immense. But if you figure out how much you want to injure the character (or how quickly you want to kill them, you evil author you), you can then build out the scenario so it makes sense, and research gets a little easier too because it narrows down what you're looking for.
No for real this is just great writing advice on principal. Decide on what you want your outcome to be first, and then craft the events so that you end up with what you want in a realistic or believed way.
If you get caught up in all the nitty gritties first, then your story will be realistic, but maybe not so compelling.
Hey imagine how amazing it would have been if in Mass Effect 3 (Citadel DLC), Miranda and Jack subtly yet conspicuously had the 'Warp Ammo' and Biotic 'Slam' powers respectively?
"Hey Miranda, Jack, why do you two have each other's Loyalty Powers from the last game?"
"How about we stop talking?"
"Because go fuck yourself."
Idk if your situation was urgent but were the evasive menuvers in a residential area necessary
"It rules in ways I have trouble putting into words how deeply John Oliver commits in these scenes, just buying in completely and going Full Soap in a way he didnât really have to..."
It's nice to sit back and watch a man have the time of his life.