anyway god bless big, huge, bear-coded men who’s whole body can blanket you in the winter to keep you warm and also easily press you hard into the mattress with every push of their heavy hips YEY
A/N; You guys haven’t forgotten about this one right 🧍I am so sorry for the diabolically long wait between each chapter, my motivation comes and goes faster than I can get a handle on :’D The next chapter will be at last bringing this story to a close ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ Thank you for reading/sticking around, I hope you enjoy!!
⇦ Part 4
Part 6 ⇨
Summary; With something wild in your veins clawing to get out, you cling to Kylo for his help and guidance.
Content; NSFW 18+, AFAB reader, werewolf AU, modern AU, werewolf Kylo Ren, werewolf reader, scientist reader, soulmates, fluff, being on the run, full moon behavior, transformations, wolf form Kylo and reader, hunting, talk of dead animals, omegaverse aspects, scenting, scent kink, fingering, piv sex, mating bites, knotting
[Every chapter has specific content warnings]
Wc; 9k
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*
The sun dappling your face through the leaves, pressing against your eyelids, is what finally wakes you.
That, and the solid weight on your abdomen that’s keeping you from taking a deep breath. You groan, propping yourself up to see Kylo’s big, wolf-shaped head nestled between his huge paws lying on your stomach. You have to admit he looks cute, his fluffy face serene in his sleep, which is why you regret disturbing him. Alas, you need to be able to breathe. “Kylo,” You say, lightly shoving his muzzle. “Kylo, get off. You’re suffocating me.”
There’s an annoyed grumble that comes from his chest and a huff from his nose as he rolls over, lying on your thighs instead with his belly up and legs dangling in the air. His eyes remain closed and it’s possibly the laziest thing you’ve ever seen him do in all the time you’ve spent with him. It’s nice to see how relaxed he is like this, in the form he had to grow up in. Looking at him taking in the warmth of the sun, perfectly content, you realize that you can’t help yourself; you reach forward and sate the desire to run your fingers through his fur. You watch your hands disappear within the midnight-black strands which are unbelievably silky and pass between your fingers like water. You get lost in it, ruffling all his fur with a stupid smile on your face before Kylo rumbles, displeased, and kicks his legs to make you stop.
He pushes himself to his paws and shakes himself off, undoing all of your messy work. “Aw, I was enjoying that,” You tease, earning yourself a side eye and a flick of an ear.
I’m glad to see you in a better state of mind, He tells you, his deep, formless voice echoing in your head. He can tell how much calmer you are after getting a proper sleep, your hands no longer shaking and your thoughts not muddled by exhaustion.
You hum. “I definitely feel a lot better.” You reach forward to affectionately scratch the edge of his face, unable to resist this wonderful opportunity. His eyes close and you don’t miss the subtle lean into your touch. “Thank you for keeping me safe last night.”
It was nothing, He murmurs, the tip of his tail twitching.
You flinch when you feel his body start to shift under your fingers, the muscles bunching together and joints popping in uncanny ways, fur receding into human skin until Kylo is sitting beside you in the way you know him best. His toned, scarred body seems to bask in the sunlight peeking through the branches, bathing every plane of his naked, powerful form. You avert your gaze instinctually; you should’ve figured he’d be bare when changing between wolf and man. You hear rustling, and once it goes quiet, you look and see him thankfully dressed in the clothes you’d gotten him yesterday. His black tail pokes out from under his hoodie, the matching wolf ears perking up from his hair.
“Should we go get breakfast?” You ask, already feeling the pit of hunger in your stomach, unable to recall the last time you had a proper meal. Kylo agrees, being in a similar state.
You both make the trek back to your car, undisturbed in its spot on the tree line. You can’t help looking along the road, listening for anyone who may be coming your way, but this path is so often unused that there seems to be no one at this time of day. You dig through the bags of food you’d purchased, pulling out a box of cereal and a granola bar for yourself before letting Kylo pick whatever he wants, which ends up being the dried meat sticks you got him and two apples. You then head back to your little camp in the clearing, settling down and spreading the map out before you while eating handfuls of cereal from the box.
“Which way are we heading?” You ask Kylo, who looks over your shoulder at the map. You try to ignore the way your skin buzzes at the proximity, something foreign in the back of your mind delighted by it.
Kylo points at the circle you drew to show your current location and then drags his finger up the paper. “We still go north. I know it’s the right way,” He says, pure resolve strengthening his words. “There’s something there waiting for me.”
“That gives me an idea,” You say. “I have a friend with a cabin up that way, and since he and his family only use it in the winter, maybe we can stay there for a day or two to recollect ourselves.”
“That would be good. By the time we reach it, I believe it’ll be aligning with the full moon, and it’ll be beneficial to have somewhere safe to stay.” He responds.
You look at him curiously. “Full moon? Does that actually affect you?” You read about it during your research, about the moon cycles messing with lycanthropes, but it still seems hard to believe that it’s something real and not just a trope you’d read in a fantasy novel.
He nods. “Yes, it does. It becomes very difficult to stay in my human form, and my instincts turn into something beyond me.”
You get the feeling that there’s more he wants to say, that there’s something on the tip of his tongue that he’s decided to hold back for whatever reason he deems necessary. It’s like a crackle in the air between you, one that you let fizzle out because you know better than to press him. You trust him enough to believe he’d tell you when the time is right. So instead, you make a noncommittal noise in your throat. “Okay, there’s our plan then.”
You both finish your meager, less-than-stellar breakfasts before gathering your things and heading to the car. You settle into the front seat, turning the ignition once Kylo has himself situated beside you. In dismay, you realize you’ll have to stop at a gas station the next time you find one—your tank is about a quarter to empty. Just the thought of it makes you uneasy; having to be in a public place with cameras and people who could recognize you, who might see the man you tote along with you and know he’s not something normal. You push down your nerves in favor of fishing out your burner phone, dialing a familiar number that you could put in with your eyes closed. You listen to it ring while you steer your car out of the forested edge.
You think he’s not going to pick up until there’s a click on the other end and a gruff voice answers. “Y’ello?”
Your body sags in relief. “Hey, Poe.”
Poe exclaims your name in surprise and with a comforting warmth. Kylo can hear it, and it makes him bristle. “What’s up? I haven’t heard from you in- God, I don’t know how long. Are you doing okay?”
You hesitate on your response, looking from your tense grip on the steering wheel to the fugitive werewolf in your passenger seat. “Yeah, yeah, I’m doing great. Listen, I need to ask you for a massive favor.”
“Alright…” He drawls with suspicion. “You’re using one of those burner phones, aren’t you? You’re lucky I answered and didn’t assume you were some telemarketer. Seriously, is everything okay?”
You sigh. “Poe just- ignore that for right now. I really need to use your family’s cabin for a few days. I’ll pay you back for everything that I use plus extra, I’ll leave the money for you. Please, Poe.”
“I mean… sure, but it’s all the way-“
“I know, I’m already halfway there.”
Poe says your name again, startled. “What is going on? Are you in danger? Are you running from something? I told you that you shouldn’t have taken that job-“
”If I can ever explain this to you in safety, I will, I promise. But for right now, if anyone asks you anything about me, you say that you don’t know. Deny everything. Thank you, Poe, I owe you my life.” You end the call before Poe can finish whatever sentence he was stuttering out. You hand the phone to Kylo to break just like you did with your original device, listening as it cracks and splinters beneath his inhuman strength.
You feel the grip on your lungs loosen a little, allowing you to take a deep breath. You glance at Kylo, who was already looking at you. Always looking. You give him the best reassuring smile you can manage, even if it quakes at the corners. “The cabin is a go.”
» ☆ «
You make it to a gas station by 9:25 AM, the pumps and parking lot blissfully empty this early in the middle of nowhere. “Since I only have cash I’ll have to go inside to get gas. Stay in the car, alright? I’ll only be a minute,” You tell Kylo while unbuckling and pulling your baseball cap down to cover your face.
You can sense his hesitation, his absolute disapproval at the thought of having you out of his sight. You can’t say that you feel much different, but it’s your best option in order to avoid a possible disguise mishap or him getting aggressive towards the attendant like he did to the other gas station clerk back home. “Fine,” He says, practically through gritted teeth, his ears pointed back against his head.
You give a reassuring squeeze to his arm before hopping out and jogging towards the building, Kylo’s eyes on you for as long as possible from the rear view mirror. Just like you promised, you’re quick. You tell the employee how much gas and which pump, grab an extra map with more detailed roadways, and then dig money from your pocket to pay. You’re hurrying back to the car in under two minutes and whipping out of the lot with a full tank in under five. It’s reassuring to be on the road, to be driving away from the last place you felt you stayed too long at.
Once you’ve gotten some distance, you pull over to study the map you bought, to better discern which roads to take so you don’t get lost. You figure out how to avoid the toll stops, and you trace the general idea of your path, with a big circle around the small town nestled two states away that you need to reach. You mentally brace yourself for the distance you’ll have to cover before getting back on the path.
Hours pass. The sun climbs higher in the sky, and the gray asphalt stretches on for hundreds and hundreds of miles. Stops are limited as much as possible, made only when absolutely necessary, like when you thought your leg was about to fall off from an oncoming cramp. With the radio as background noise, you fill the time with idle chatter, enjoying when Kylo adds on or has his own small story to tell. He can’t speak of regular life as you can, but he listens intently to every word you say, soaking in the details you give him about utterly mundane things he’s never experienced. So many of his years were spent as something else, something that was pure animal, something that he never got a say in. With you, he realizes he’s never been this calm before, this in control and sure of himself. You’ve granted him the peace he’s been pining after, the peace that no one else bothered to try and give, that they instead ripped from him.
You watch the sky steadily change, bathed in the oranges and pinks of sunset, the deep blue of night starting to eat away at the top of it. Stars climb high amongst the clouds, settling into their darkened backdrop, the moon at their center. You can tell that Kylo was right, that you’re only a night away from it being full, and just looking at it creates something like an itch beneath your skin. It makes you fidget in your seat, your hands gripping the wheel a little tighter, your teeth chewing the inside of your cheek in an attempt to make yourself focus. You don’t know what’s wrong with you.
You’re grateful when you turn onto a back road that you recognize, one that leads you up a hill and through the forest. Your car’s headlights illuminate the cabin in front of you, with its beautiful, polished wood exterior that makes it look like it was pulled from a magazine. It’s spacious, well-furnished, and hidden away from civilization, the only people nearby being in the town twenty miles back down the trail; it’s the perfect hideout.
“I have to go switch the breaker and the water valve and then we can head inside,” You tell Kylo who nods and moves to follow you. You’re glad to have him come along, his presence providing a bit of comfort as you traipse through the slightly overgrown bushes by the side of the cabin in this dark, heavily secluded wooded area with just your flashlight. You find the breaker box, squint at it for a second, and then flip the right switch. You can hear the hum of electricity as it starts flowing again inside, the heater kicking on and the outside light flickering to life. Kylo helps you gather all your things from the car—all your personal belongings, and then the extra clothes and food you’d gotten. You head up the porch steps, lifting the loose board right by the door that hides the spare key.
The stale air that hits you when you step inside the cabin is an odd comfort, immediately reminding you of the winter months you’d spend with Poe’s family. You flick the lights on, the rustic chandelier in the living room bathing everything in a soft orange glow. You sigh with relief when you drop your bags onto the rug and let the door shut firmly behind you, your body able to let go of some of its tension for the first time in days. The thought of being able to sleep in a bed greatly excites you.
”Who was he?” Kylo asks, head tilted to look curiously at the high, high ceiling.
“Poe?” You ask while pulling the curtains over the windows, to which Kylo grunts in response. “A very old friend. I’ve known him since childhood. Once I started my job at the Agency, we stopped talking as much until we didn’t talk at all. It was my fault, I ignored all of his texts and calls. Just got so paranoid about keeping everything secret, about the stuff I’d seen.” Regret lingers in your memories with Poe, a desire to go back to when times were simple and you could say you still had friends. You recall his bedroom full of the action figures he’d prided himself on collecting, the amount of model planes he had because he wanted to be a pilot just like his father, the treehouse you and Poe had helped build, the number of holidays and camping trips you’d shared.
You break yourself out of your reminiscing, knowing there’s no point lamenting over things that can’t be changed, your focus instead shifting back to Kylo. His deep brown eyes meet yours expectantly, alight with an emotion you can’t name, your skin feeling like it’s begun to simmer. You clear your throat and look away, trying to disregard the weird pull you feel towards him, like there’s a rope between you with one of you tied at either end. There have been so many unexplained sensations within your body ever since you met him, ones you’ve attempted to brush off as simple exhaustion and imagination, but the foreboding that’s been building in the back of your mind is telling you that it isn’t, that something more is coming, and that Kylo is well aware of it.
“Let’s get washed off and head to bed, alright? It’ll be good to get a proper night’s rest,” You say, quick to head upstairs after setting the groceries on the kitchen counter. With each step it seems your limbs grow heavier, the tiredness finally settling into your bones, the bedroom just down the hall calling your name—but you’ll be damned if you soil fresh sheets with your body that still has blood under your nails and dirt from the forest on your arms.
“Want to join me?” You ask without really thinking, deciding it would be more efficient and giving in to the part of you that wants to be clingy and doesn’t like the idea of being separated from Kylo by more than five feet. Before you can take it back, he agrees.
”Yes, I’d like that,” He says, and you don’t miss the little excited twitch of his tail.
You head into the bathroom, twisting the knob in the shower to get the hot water started, knowing it’ll need some time after going unused for so long. You peel off your clothes, leaving them in a dirty heap in the corner just as steam starts to rise. When Kylo does the same as you, it’s a jarring reminder of how big he is without baggy clothes obscuring the thick cords of muscle. Even though you’ve seen them before, even though you spent weeks staring at his shirtless body, you’re still awed by the scars laced through his skin. You can barely go more than a few inches without seeing a different one; it’s impossible to imagine all of the terrible things he’s gone through to give him each scar.
You take his hand and bring him under the spray, groaning when the water hits you, a welcome balm for the soreness that’s been causing aches in your joints. The space is a little tight for both of you, but you discover that you don’t mind, instead enjoying how you’ll accidentally brush each other when turning, or your chests nearly touching when taking too big a breath. You use the shampoo and body wash you’re grateful you remembered to buy at the store, smiling when Kylo bends down a little so you can scrub his hair, making sure to be careful of his ears. He lets you help with his back too, and you can see the trail of black fur that starts halfway down his spine and feeds into his beautiful tail. You give in to temptation and run your finger down it, making him shudder. “Sorry, I forgot you said it’s sensitive,” You mumble, although you don’t really feel sorry at all.
“It’s fine,” He mutters.
He washes you as well, with you unable to say no when you saw how he was looking at you with hopeful, pleading eyes. His touch is rough and warm, and you find yourself instinctually leaning into it, something about it so soothing that you could fall asleep where you stand. You’re in there for long enough that the water starts to go cold, and you’re eager to hop out and into a fresh towel. With all the grime off of you and a cozy heat making you feel like jelly, you feel more ready to sleep than ever. You pull on the comfortable clothes you’d hurriedly shoved into your bag while Kylo changes into the sweats and a t-shirt you’d gotten him. You flop onto the bed and burrow under the sheets, cool against your skin. You think you could easily stay here for the next year, sleeping off all the stress that’s been bogging you down.
You look up at Kylo who’s lingering by the door, obviously unsure. It’s then that you realize how oddly clear he is in the dark, how well you can see his face, the flick of his right ear, the twitch of his fingers. You can’t recall your vision ever being this good before, but you decide to ignore it in favor of reaching out towards Kylo. “Come on,” You say. “Please?”
There’s a split second of hesitation before he joins you, his movements careful as the mattress sinks under his weight. You can tell that this is the first time he’s been in a proper bed in years, maybe ever, and he’s not entirely certain about how to react to the softness of the blankets. You tug him down, crossing whatever imaginary boundaries you may have come up with in your mind, needing instead to have him close to you. It calms whatever primal thing was unsettled within you when his body heat becomes yours, when his arms tighten around your middle because nothing else has ever been this right. His tail curls up around your leg, and you’re practically molded to him; it’s exactly where you want to be.
“Don’t go anywhere,” You mumble, words slurring, and you don’t hear his reply before you’re fast asleep.
» ☆ «
You wake to an empty bed.
It takes you only a moment to notice, to come out of your blissfully drowsy state and realize the sheets beside you are cold. You sit up in a panic, a pit steadily growing in your stomach, your breath quickening. You see Kylo’s clothes—the same ones he’d been wearing the night before—strewn across the bed haphazardly, but otherwise there’s no sign of him. You rip the covers back, you hurry through the cabin, looking in every room, your dread growing bigger as you find each one barren. “Kylo?” You call. No response. “Kylo!”
You reach the kitchen with hot tears stinging your eyes. He’s gone. He left you. He used you to get out of the facility and then he used you to get all the way up north so he could abandon you here, no longer needing your deadweight holding him back. You don’t know what you’ll do, you have no home to go back to, and there are definitely warrants out for your arrest. Your tears fall more heavily, and you don’t exactly know why. You shouldn’t be surprised, he’s a werewolf after all, and he barely knows you—but the pain you feel caving in your chest is so deep that it seems unnatural.
You wrench open the door to the covered back porch that leads into the forest, wondering, hoping that you’ll see him out there. Instead, you see the rain steadily falling, the smell of wet soil and bark heavy in the air, and none of the paw/footprints you wanted to see. “Fuck,” You hiss, wiping furiously at your face, even though your crying won’t stop despite how much you want it to.
You startle when there’s a loud rustling in the underbrush to your left, with enough twigs snapping to tell you it’s something big. Just your luck, Kylo leaves you and now you’re going to get mauled by some other beast of the woods. You’re about to make a mad dash back inside when you see a familiar black tail shuffling out of the bushes, followed by the rest of the massive wolf, dragging a dead stag behind him that he has securely in his jaws. Kylo notices you immediately, his body language becoming alert when he notices your tears, when he hears you sniffling. He hurries over, shaking the water from his fur and shifting as he goes so he stands before you as a man, gripping your arms.
“What happened? What’s wrong?” He demands, scanning your face, trying to see if you're hurt, if there’s danger.
You smack his chest. “You idiot! I thought you left!”
“Why would I leave?” He asks, genuinely puzzled, brows furrowing.
”I don’t know- I just- I didn’t see you anywhere this morning and I freaked out,” You say, shrugging in defeat. “You could’ve told me you were going out.”
“I didn’t want to wake you. You needed sleep,” He responds. “I wanted to get something fresh for-“
You don’t let him finish, instead lifting yourself onto your toes and anchoring yourself on his strong shoulders to kiss him. You couldn’t resist the sudden urge, spurred by being so scared you’d lost him, your lips on his a solid reassurance that he’s still here. He tenses at the initial contact, but quickly relaxes into your body pressed against him. His heavy hands go to your waist, and there’s a pleased rumble in the back of his throat. He chases your mouth when you separate before he decides to let you go, preferring to press his nose to the underside of your chin, nuzzling your skin.
You tilt your head for him, and that’s when you’re hit with a strange scent you’ve never gotten previously. It’s inexplicably soothing, an intoxicating mixture of smoked wood and charred cinnamon maple, reminding you of a camping trip you’d taken when the leaves were just starting to turn brown. It instantly calms your nerves, and it only gets stronger the longer that Kylo’s by your neck. You push him away in confusion, giving him a once-over. “Did you put something on?”
His head tilts. “What?”
“You smell… different,” You say, although you think you sound crazy.
“You can smell me?” He asks, his hold tightening on your hips, his excitement making his tail wag before he gets it under control.
“Yes? Why wouldn’t I be able to- never mind, it doesn’t matter.” You remove yourself from him, getting flustered. You motion to the stag he brought with him. “We need to do something about this. I’ll have to cut it up since I can’t eat it raw like you. Be grateful my dad showed me how when I was younger.”
You send Kylo inside to get dry and put clothes on while you drag the deer into the garage where there’s a steel counter Poe’s dad would use for the same purpose during hunting seasons. You do your best to follow the instructions you can remember while Kylo watches, and you let him eat some of the meat while you work. When you’ve gotten as much as you can from the stag, you have Kylo take it back into the forest so some other animal can finish it off. You store some of it in the fridge for lunch and dinner and then the rest in the freezer, already thinking about how you should pair it with the limited groceries you have.
Much of the day is spent languidly, recollecting yourselves after everything the two of you have been through. There’s also a subtle tension in the air, knowing that tonight is the full moon. You can see the way it’s already affecting Kylo, in the moments where he seems not entirely within himself, his gaze wandering to the trees beyond the windows. After a filling lunch of venison sandwiches with some chopped vegetables on the side, you collapse onto the couch, a satiated appetite and the warmth of a quilt draped over you lulling you to sleep.
The sun has begun to set when you wake with a start and a choked breath. You toss back the quilt as you sit up in a panic, your heart beating frantically within the confines of your ribcage, your hands shaking and limbs sticky with sweat. Your mind is all over the place, as though a heavy fog had settled over it while you slept and made it impossible to think. You can’t make sense of the tightness beneath your skin, the fire scorching through your blood, making your body feel like it’s something you need to tear yourself out of. Terrible cramps twist your stomach, and in your disorientation and pain, you slip off the couch, struggling to prop yourself up on your hands and knees from the floor. Did you get food poisoning? Did you catch some sort of virus? It’ll be awful for your traveling if you did.
In your haze, you feel someone touching you, strong hands helping you up while you sway on your feet. That smell hits you again, the one that’s all burnt wood and spice, the one that makes everything appear alright, the one you’ve started craving. “It’s okay, you’re okay. This is normal,” Kylo says, close to your ear.
Those words ignite a small spark of anger in your gut and you push him away. When you do you’re able to see your fingers, the sharp claws now adorning the ends of them, and your tongue runs along your teeth sharpening in your mouth. What the fuck is happening to you? “What do you mean this is normal? What have you been hiding from me, Kylo?” You snap, though your voice is weak and trembles at the edges.
With each step he takes towards you, you take another back, needing to keep the distance, to try and make sense of whatever’s ravaging your system. “Your parents never told you. They hid it from you to protect you,” Kylo starts, his honey brown eyes boring into yours. “You know what this is, you’ve just been denying it. You’re the same as I am, it’s why we’re drawn to one another, why we’re made to be together.”
You wince as your headache pounds against your skull. “No, that can’t- that doesn’t make any- why now? Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“It was too dangerous. You would’ve panicked, and I knew we had to be somewhere safe first. I’ve known this is what you are ever since I met you. There’s no reason to be afraid,” He tells you, still closing the distance between you. When you hit the wall, you lash out at him instead, but he catches your wrists easily, his touch burning. “Stop trying to fight me, I’m here to help you. Breathe.”
You try to do as he says, even though each inhale is like attempting to gasp underwater. Every joint is ablaze, and there’s something unknown to you clawing at the center of your mind, so close to breaking through the door you had it locked behind all your life. “I’m scared,” You manage to whisper.
”I know. You don’t have to be afraid, you’re not alone,” He says. “This is what you are, this is what you’re meant to be. It won’t hurt much longer.”
He brings you to the back door, he takes you out to the forest’s edge, the trees casting long shadows as the sun disappears further and further into the horizon. The smell of the outdoors immediately calms you, the mulch and branches and abundant vegetation swirling around you in a way it never has before. You can scent that a rabbit passed through here an hour ago, and that half a mile into the forest there’s a herd of deer grazing. You hunger for the wilderness, it opens its arms to you and beckons you inside.
“Give in to it. Follow the creature inside of you,” Kylo murmurs, able to see the change in your body language. He knows exactly what you’re going through, having been through it himself years ago. He understands the inner turmoil, the battle between man and beast, and the fear that comes from one’s first transformation. He knows it must be worse for you after you’ve spent so long with it hidden away, subdued into something unnoticeable until Kylo’s presence woke it. Most have their first shift when they’re a child and it becomes second nature to them, but you were never given that luxury.
Kylo helps you slip your clothing from your body when your hands are shaking too much to do it yourself. The cold air is a refreshing kiss against the feverish heat of your flesh, and you’re surprised at the sudden freedom that being bare gives you. You can feel the urge in the tips of your fingers and toes, similar to when you would desperately need to stretch. You let that lead you, you let the cage you’d subconsciously built crumble, you let the beast that is your other half run from its confines. You gasp, half in pain and half in shock, hunching over as your entire being is overtaken in a quick burst, as your tendons and ligaments start to shuffle and rearrange themselves.
You didn’t realize you shut your eyes until you open them again and discover how much lower to the ground you are, and that your feet have turned to paws and you’re covered in fur. You stumble backwards, whatever words you were coming up with leaving you instead in a startled yelp. Having transformed with you, Kylo keeps you from falling, taking the brunt of your weight on his side and pushing at your shoulder with his muzzle. Easy. It’s okay. His voice echoes inside your head, settling along the perimeter, helping to ease your fright. Go slow.
It takes you a moment until you can stand on your own, until you feel like your limbs can support your new body. You swivel your fluffy ears, testing how different the sounds of the world seem, and how much clearer. Despite the darkness, you’re still able to see perfectly, and your nose acts like a second pair of eyes on its own. Even in wolf form, Kylo is much bigger than you, with you only coming up to his shoulder. His night-black fur is sleek over his muscles, parted in spots by his scars. Glancing down at yourself, you can see that your fur color matches your hair, and it’s a bit scruffier than Kylo’s. His tail is wagging behind him, like he for once can’t hide his enjoyment, happy to finally have someone to share this with.
You’re beautiful, He says with an appreciative depth to his voice and nuzzles your jaw.
Th-thank you, You respond, your tail flicking abashedly.
He walks away from you until pausing right at the forest border, looking back at you expectantly, nodding towards the trees. You can’t deny the excitement that surges in your veins, and so you take one steady step after another until you’re running, until the wind is coursing through your fur and Kylo is right there next to you, a glint you’ve never seen before in his eyes. With the moon shining high and full above you, it’s so easy to surrender to the wild, to realize nothing in your life before this moment could ever compare. You’ve never felt such power, such connection to the earth around you; you howl to the stars and watch them twinkle in reply.
The night is spent in a joyous blur—claiming the forest as your own, sprinting through the streams, tumbling over one another with playful yips and barks. There was a point where Kylo caught another deer to share, a young doe that probably strayed too far from the herd. You were quite useless during the hunt, plenty content to just watch the way Kylo did it, slinking through the bushes on silent paws, blending entirely into the darkness. He let you take the first bite, though he had to coax you into it, promising it wasn’t going to hurt you with your wolf’s stomach.
You don’t head back until the sky begins to turn pink with sunrise, and the craze of the full moon has waned. The buzzing in your paws and the feeling that you could run another twelve laps make the adrenaline still rampant in your system obvious, but you’re ultimately glad to see the cabin peeking past the tree line. Your body naturally shifts once more until you’re standing at full height on human legs, seemingly devoid of all the tension they once held. You feel like an entirely new person, and you know that your counterpart is now settled just behind your heart, waiting for the next time it’s able to be unleashed.
“God that was- that was amazing! I can’t believe I’ve gone so long having no idea-“ You ramble, your emotions a thrilling, buzzing mess. “Everything seems so different, my eyes are so much better and all the smells- it’s incredible…”
You trail off when you notice Kylo looking at you, tracing the outline of your face with his eyes, his hands clenched at his sides. There’s a spark hidden within the soft brown of his irises, and it only flares when he cups your cheek in a rough palm, tilting his head so he can kiss you. You lean into it instinctively, already so attuned to his touch, enjoying when he crowds your space. A different kind of heat is simmering behind this kiss, one that you can smell in his perfuming scent, the cinnamon and maple undertones taking on a smokier note, surrounding you and clinging to your skin. Your mouth opens with the smallest gasp, and he takes his chance, your tongues twisting around one another as your back hits the cabin wall.
With nowhere else to go, your arms sling across Kylo’s broad shoulders, one leg hiking up his waist and his bruising hold on your thighs urging you to hop up so you’re fully wrapped around him. He’s careful with his claws, having long since sheathed them so he doesn’t accidentally prick you. You let him carry you inside while your fingers crawl up the back of his neck and into the silky strands of black hair, running through them in the way you’ve wanted to ever since you met him. He kicks open the door to the bedroom and then you’re being laid roughly onto the soft sheets, your heart hammering in your chest when he hovers over you, muscled arms caging you in on either side, his pupils expanded with desire.
You feel his hardening cock against your abdomen, both of you still naked from your transformations so there’s nothing between you but your labored breaths. There’s a whisper of anxiety in the back of your mind from how long it’s been since you’ve bedded someone—your job never allowed much freedom for that—but you try to squash it down and instead focus on how badly you want this. You pull him down again to capture his mouth, basking in the way he melts into it, and you can hear his tail swishing back and forth in the air. However, you can’t help the brief flash of panic when your legs are opened, kept there by his hands, and his hips shift lower.
“Wait, wait!” You say, grabbing his wrist desperately. He does so immediately, his brows furrowing with concern. You already know how badly you must be blushing now based on how hot your cheeks are. “S-stretch me out first. With your fingers. Please.” One glance at his length made it clear you’d need the extra help, the idea of fitting that weight and girth inside of you slightly daunting.
You hide your face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in, letting the charred wood and cinnamon ease your nerves and embarrassment. “Right. Sorry,” He murmurs, the huskiness of his voice right next to your ear sending a shiver down your spine. “Tell me if I hurt you.”
You manage to nod, clinging to him hard enough to leave marks as he straightens just slightly. You flinch when he first runs two fingers through the wetness of your pussy, so unused to being touched in this way, and Kylo waits for you to relax before he continues. He places a kiss on your hairline, shushing your whimpers as he sinks his index and middle into the plush heat of your cunt. His groan vibrates in his chest, feeling the way you suck him in, gripping his fingers, and imagining you around his dick instead. He’s fully erect now, dribbles of precum smearing along your thigh with each subconscious rut of his hips.
He sinks in to the knuckle continuously, listening to your sounds to guide him, his ears perking whenever your pitch gets higher, leading him to press against a gummy spot that makes you wail. His thumb grazes your clit and you jolt, pleasure sparking like lightning in your veins. “Yes, yes there!” You plead, your back beginning to arch off the bed. He easily maneuvers his hand to keep his thumb where you want it, pressing the bundle of nerves, swiping it with quick, sure motions. While you moan your enjoyment, he tucks his nose into the conjecture of your neck and shoulder, inhaling the newfound scent you’ve begun to emit ever since shifting for the first time.
It’s totally and undeniably you, a smell that feels akin to coming home, to only being complete whenever you’re nearby. It manages to calm the beast within him that has never known a day of peace in its life before you found him locked in that facility, and he could spend the rest of time right here by your gland, simply breathing you in. There’s an unshakeable certainty in his mind that this scent, your scent, is the scent of his mate, the one fated to him by some otherworldly force. His teeth ache to claim you right this second as you cum around his fingers, but he holds himself back, deciding to wait for the perfect moment.
Your smell becomes sweeter after your release oozes out around his knuckles, your skin beautifully flushed and your eyes a little glassy. His next swallow is thick, your scent coating the roof of his mouth, his cock aching to be inside you, to keep you on his knot that’s been threatening to swell prematurely at the base. Your legs twitch with aftershocks as Kylo takes one in each hand, practically folding you in half, spreading you wide. With your pussy glistening in the morning light coming through the window, he craves to get on his knees and lick every drop, but he thinks if he doesn’t fuck you in the next five seconds then he’s going to wind up spilling all over your stomach instead.
He hisses out a curse when he draws the head of his cock through your folds, collecting your cum, using it to coat himself, basking in how heavy your scent is, and the fact that it won’t be coming out for days. He pushes in slowly, watching himself disappear into your pussy, engraving every breathy whine that comes from you into his mind. You’ve never been stretched this much, to the point that it feels difficult to take a breath, and you’re shocked that all of him was able to fit. He bottoms out with a broken sound and curves himself over you so he can kiss along your collarbone, then moves up to your scent gland where he stays. Nothing has ever felt this divine, and he has to take deep inhales to keep his knot down, even though you running your fingers through his hair and over his sensitive ears is not helping matters.
Kylo manages to collect himself enough to pull out halfway before easing back in, and then he’s finding his pace, thrusting in earnest. His muscles flex with each movement, your sharpened nails that have shifted downwards to instead claw at his back acting as his motivator. He releases your legs to better hold himself up, his fingers clutching at the sheets on either side of you while you lock your ankles at the end of his spine, ensuring he can do little but continue to slam into you. The room is filled with obscene noises; the slap of skin on skin, his desperate panting and groaning, and your pleading moans.
“I want to mate you.” The words are punched from his chest, so difficult to get out over the pleasure radiating in his bones.
“H-huh?” You say, barely understanding what he said through your own orgasmic fog.
“I want to bite you. Mark you. Make you mine forever,” He says, propping himself up to look you in your eyes.
It’s hard to think, but what he’s saying sounds right, sounds like what you’re meant to do. The primal part of you is going wild at the idea, chanting mate, mate, mate, over and over in your mind. You still have so much to learn about all of this, but you know you want to do it with him, you know you don’t want to be separated from him again, you know you want him to be yours and you to be his. “Yes- yes, I want that too. Please, Kylo,” You gasp, taking his face in your hands, kissing him with all the passion you have.
His scent explodes with his relief and happiness at your response, fucking you harder, nudging your cervix with each inward stroke. His pelvis taps against your clit every time he moves, and it’s not long before you're overtaken by your second orgasm with a cry, clinging to him like he’s an anchor amid a sea of ecstasy. Your cunt grips him like a vice, fluttering around his cock, and that’s when he understands he’s not going to last much longer. He feels dizzy from how fast his knot starts to inflate, and it steadily gets more and more difficult to pull out.
His teeth align with the gland on your neck, and pure instinct drives you to do the same. He bites down in tandem with his knot locking into place, his hot spend gushing straight to your womb, his hips stuttering as rope after rope of cum fills your pussy to the point some of it manages to leak out and onto the sheets. Your pleasure is a shared thing as your bond ties you both together in a way you never thought possible, your emotions becoming his emotions, his thoughts becoming your thoughts. It feels like the world finally righted itself on its axis, everything coming together for this very moment where two wayward souls become one.
The intensity of it and his knot stretching you to capacity is enough to send you tumbling through another orgasm, clenching and flexing around his dick, your sounds blending together as more cum manages to spurt from Kylo’s tip, forced out of him in the euphoric haze. His limbs tremble with it, and he maneuvers the two of you onto your sides after unlatching from your shoulder.
“Fuck, Kylo, what is that?” You choke out, feeling too stuffed and sensitive to move anymore. You fear that if you do, your cunt will get split down the middle.
“It’s a knot. It’s meant to keep my cum inside you,” He answers simply, heat flaring in your face. His hand runs down the softness of your belly idly, as if imagining it swollen with his offspring. “I should’ve better prepared you. It’ll go down in about twenty minutes.”
You tense as there’s another release of cum from him, seemingly intent on filling you until you can’t take any more. You whimper, trying to curl into yourself before Kylo stops you, keeping you in place. “Try not to move so much,” He says, then taking your right leg in his hand and suspending it in the air. It relieves a lot of the pressure on his knot, making it feel more bearable. “You’ll get used to it. It’ll be easier once your body better adjusts, since it was made to take knots.”
The implications make you shiver. “Just- stop talking,” You say through a clenched jaw. Kylo obliges you, busying himself with licking over your mating bite instead, soothing the ache that his fangs left behind.
» ☆ «
Five days pass in the blink of an eye.
They’re spent either in the forest or within the cabin, having sex on nearly any surface available. It’s the kind of escape you didn’t know you needed, spending the time with your mate, waiting out the moon until you’d feel within yourself enough to continue the journey. In the meantime, Kylo taught you many of the basics about what you are and coached you through the moments when your instincts got the better of you and you needed him to bring you back. He showed you how to make a nest, which could also be called a den if it were bigger, and it was shameful how easily you fell prey to the comfort of it, falling asleep in a pile of Kylo’s small clothing collection within ten minutes. It’s not like he wears it anyway, both of you now naked more often than not to make shifting and… other things much easier. Your food supply comes from Kylo’s hunting, and even though he tries to hide it, your bond betrays how delighted it makes him when you praise him for a job well done. You have yet to catch anything yourself, but you’re perfectly fine with sitting aside and letting him take the kill.
Without the panic of being chased consuming your every waking moment, you’re able to ponder over your family’s history, to wonder how your werewolf genes were hidden for so long. It leads to the realization that you truly knew nothing about your parents, and they died before you could think to ask. It frustrates you, having no idea which of them was a lycanthrope, or if maybe they both were. It also frustrates you that they never considered telling you when you were old enough, taking the secret to their graves instead. You assume the traits lying dormant for so long are why you retain a fully human form after shifting, rather than keeping the wolf ears and tail like Kylo, your body already used to concealing it entirely. The only things that consistently remain are the nails, sharpened teeth, and slit pupils—easy enough to cover up if no one is looking too closely.
It’s on day five that you decide to finally keep moving. You can’t stay in Poe’s cabin forever, and you need to discover whatever is waiting for you and Kylo up north. You try to deep clean as best you can, and you fold up all of your belongings to put neatly back into your two small bags. You have to ignore how grating clothing feels after going so long without it.
You’ll be leaving your car behind, since Kylo convinced you it’d be easier and safer to travel through the forest. You’ll alternate between transforming and not so that you don’t exhaust yourselves without the full moon to give you extra energy. He’d told you that it wasn’t much farther, and now that you’re bonded, you can feel the same pull he’s experienced all this time, though it’s much more subtle. You gather your things, turn off the breaker, and make sure the front door is locked before slipping through the back and towards the safety of the trees.
You steel yourself before you follow Kylo past the forest line, excitement buzzing in your chest for the next, and hopefully, final leg of your journey. You make it about thirty feet away from the cabin before you gasp, startling Kylo and making him whip around in search of danger. “Shit! I forgot to leave the money for Poe,” You groan.
“Is it really necessary?” Kylo asks, a twinge of annoyance hitting you through the bond.
“Yes! I promised I’d pay him back for everything. It’s the least I can do,” You insist. “Stay right here. I’ll only be a minute, I swear.”
Before he can object, before he insists you forget about it or he joins you, you’re running back the way you came. You hurry in through the porch door, wrestling money out of your bag as you go and slapping a couple hundreds on the kitchen counter. You feel lighter when you step outside again, and by then, it’s already too late.
It’s too late when you smell something off on the wind, because as soon as you do, you hear a click and the cold end of a barrel against the back of your head.
Your hands go up on instinct, your breath pausing in your lungs, your throat constricting with fear. The attacker’s smell is vaguely familiar and when they speak, when you hear the accent and the sneer behind every word, it snaps into place. “I doubted I’d be able to actually get a hold of you again,” Hux says. He’s quick to take in the claws at the tips of your fingers, the noticeable difference in the way you carry yourself. He scoffs. “I can’t believe you turned into one of those monsters. I should’ve known there was something off about you.”
“Hux,” You say, trying to keep your voice even. “How did you find me?”
”Your friend was very informative. He told me everything I needed to know,” Hux responds, clearly taking enjoyment out of what it’ll do to you. Your eyes widen and your stomach drops when you think about Poe, about what Hux could’ve put him through to make him talk, to your best friend who really had no part in this. You never should’ve used his cabin, you know that it’s your fault, and all you want to do is tear into Hux until it’s impossible to tell who he used to be. “I’m sure that other one is around here somewhere, isn’t he? The one you stole from me?” He pauses, but you don’t answer.
“You’re bold, I’ll give you that. Bolder than I ever gave you credit for, perhaps,” Hux continues. He presses the gun harder against your skull. “You’re going to come with me. I don’t need him if I have you, considering you’re… one of them now. You’re not going to be the one to make a fool of me and ruin my career.”
“I’m not going anywhere with-“
You both startle when there’s rustling in the bushes nearby, and it’s so easy to smell him, to breathe in the smoky wood and cinnamon and maple and think that everything will be fine, but he has no idea what he’s walking into. Hux turns the gun on Kylo so fast that he doesn’t have a chance to shift, and you use every ounce of strength you have to sprint towards him. “Kylo!” You scream. You plead with the universe that you make it. Your hands connect with his body. You shove him as hard as you can.
A gunshot rings through the air.
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*
Tags (comment if you’d like to be tagged next time!); @coldheartedmar @hazydespair @bullet-clubs-bitch @paristheonewhoreads @s1eepy-bear @mangost33nlover @toraar @witchywannabe3263 @sokkigarden @rentaldarling @lixii00 @seventeen-x @hawkinsavclub1983 @kizishere @digitalzombiee @allycat4458 @carbonnite-copy @happygalaxymilkshake @blackholeofcreativity
Love thinking about an AU where the relationship reveal with Yuna and David happens because something overwhelms Shane into a panic attack/breakdown, maybe they're at some NHL show or event, maybe it's just been a really long fucking day, maybe suddenly Shane feels just completely overwhelmed by the lights and the noise and all the fucking people wanting to shake his hand or slap his back or tell him how much they like his fucking play.
Yuna notices something is wrong because of course she does and together with David they herd Shane into some private empty side room hoping it will help him calm down. But it doesn't. He wont stop shaking and his breathing is too fast and he flinches at their voices even tho nobody is speaking loudly. Won't let Yuna come close to hug him or rub his arm.
Maybe Yuna is starting to panic a little herself, her heart aching as she watches Shane wrap his own arms around himself, hates that she cant do anything when her son is so clearly in distress, hates that she can't seem to think of anything that will work-
When suddenly the door bangs open and Ilya Fucking Rozanov??? strides into the room with quick steps, makes a beeline directly for her son, eyes locked on him like he doesnt even register her and David in the room as well and Yuna opens her mouth to cuss him out, tell him to fuck off and not bother Shane right now, she can feel her body moving already to stand in front of Shane protectively when David grabs her arm because-
Because Rozanov is pulling Shane into his arms, one hand on the back of Shane's neck, guiding his head to press into the crook of Rozanov's neck and Shane isn't fighting it, doesn't flinch from his touch. He goes where Rozanov arranges him and let's himself be held and rocked back and forth gently as Rozanov presses his mouth to Shane's ear and starts whispering something so quietly that Yuna can't really make out the words but what she can see is Shane's shaking subsiding, hands fisting tightly into Rozanov's shirt, his breathing going slowly back to normal because - oh. oh - her son is syncing his breaths with Rozanov who, Yuna realises, is taking very exaggerated deep slow breaths of his own so Shane can match them. And then Rozanov turns slightly while still rocking them both back and forth and Yuna sees Shane's face where it's smushed into Rozanov's neck. Sees the look there.
And that's how Yuna realises her son is in love and the man - his years-long rival - he loves must have left in the middle of his award-winning show to come here and pull her son out of a panic attack like there was no place he'd rather be than right here with Yuna's overwhelmed panicked boy in his arms, soothing him until Shane's body relaxes completely into that hold, mumbling that he's fine yet not pulling away and Rozanov makes no move to let go either.
Oh, Yuna thinks again, gripping David's hand tightly. It's not just Shane. My baby is in love. And he's loved back.
I think we as a fandom don't talk about enough how Ilya is a lover but Shane is a protector! Like yes they both are Loverboys and carers but Shane is ferally protective of Ilya since day 1.
Ilya couldn’t understand what the reporter is saying, Shane stepped up to answer for him.
He felt something was off with Ilya in Sochi, kept checking up on him.
After Sochi when Shane realized how dangerous Russia is for Ilya, he tried to convince Ilya to not go back by asking if it's safe, if he has to go back.
When Ilya opened up about his father, Shane climbed up on his lap and hugged him. In that entire episode he kept checking up on Ilya to see if he is okay, if everything back home is okay.
When they get to the cottage, Shane is taking his bag, making his food, making sure he is taken care of. When Ilya talks about the danger of having a Russian passport and marrying Svetlana, Shane is the one who stays up all night to make them 10 years plan.
When his mom questions Ilya's loyalty to Boston Shane defends him.
This isnt the end. In TLG, Shane defends Ilya to Hayden and JJ.
When the near plane crash happens Shane proposes to show Ilya that he is 100% sure about them.
Most importantly when the Commissioner threatens Ilya and Shane to destroy their career, Shane snaps and says he chooses Ilya.
Shane is constantly making sure of Ilya's wellbeing, planning things for him, defending and choosing him everytime. Ilya is 100% Shane's baby and Shane is an overprotective mother hen which I think is beautiful.
i dont want 22 episode seasons back. i dont want 8 episode seasons. i dont actually want a prescriptive number of episodes per season
its the era of streaming. we dont need to fil x number of timeslots.
i want tv shows to be able to determine for themselves what their optimal number of episodes per season to tell the story they want at the pace they want. maybe thats a 3 episode season. maybe thats a 50 episode season. i dont care, i just want the decision to be made for practical and artistic reasons rather than corporate ones
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