Homura and Sayaka are both just so anger issues. That's how I relate to them, because they are both those extremes of not being able to express being angry and being too quick to anger without you even fully connecting where it comes from. And just like with people in real life, they are two sides of the same coin and one person doesn't just have one side.
Sayaka, who blames herself for having feelings, internalises her anger, doesn't express it until it bubbles over in dramatic ways. She does this because she believes that her emotions are selfish in the face of other people's suffering, just like how many people through childhood trauma are lead to believe that they are wrong for feeling angry or expressing it. She is also highly intune with the injustices of the world which is something people with more explosive anger issues can relate to (me).
And Homura who is also in this state where she can only blame herself for what is going on, she speaks calmly and matter of factly but it comes out sideways- she has lost touch with her own emotions to the point where nobody understands where she is coming from, a lot like someone who is stuck repressing their anger. Homura herself doesn't want to blame anyone, not even Kyubey really, for what is going on. She lets bygones be bygones until it's something she can't ignore, something that influences Madoka's fate. Even Kyubey she forgives and lets live in a world where Madoka doesn't exist. And still that anger bubbles up when she interacts with Sayaka, whom she tries to act neutrally towards, whom she offers to help by giving her a griefseed, but who turns her down regardless, calling her a fake bitch in the process. And it is fake, dear reader, but as someone who has lost touch with their own feelings, has locked them away, the mask is the only way to know yourself.
Both of them are so angry. So angry that, to people like me who might relate, them bringing out that anger with eachother feels like the sweetest confession of who they are. Sayaka, who desperately wants to be a heroine, doing the wrong thing with Homura. Homura, who can't be herself, drifting at the bottom of the ocean, gains the will to struggle and swim again when Sayaka is with her.
I love them deeply, and I think since I've joined this fandom again because of them, I think this might be the purest reason for how I love them. Seeing these two people with similar struggle to me loving eachother and themselves in the ways nobody could teach them. Ways that they had to teach themselves, and eachother.
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