kkapkwonnie @kkapkwonnie1 - Tumblr Blog

here i am once again self isolating instead of telling friends that i'm having a hard time but if i told people every single time i was sad or something happened at home, then it would be literally every day and they'd get tired of listening and i would lose everyone

missvha

idk who to tell but last night i learned thru random convo that the mother of a girl in my class is my old doctor

i didn't tell her but i was trying to be friendly and ask her about her family and things started connecting and i checked her facebook and yes in fact my old dr is this person's mother

and i'm so so uncomfortable with this knowledge

because that dr invalidated my feelings so many effing times - when i used to be on antidepressants (i stopped bc they made me feel worse), that dr would say things like "just be happy and the "depression" will go away like ma'am what???

when i said i was in pain, she would be like "just lose weight" (stupid af bc she would never adjust my thyroid meds) or "it'll go away with time" like jokes on fnkin her bc it's been over three years and i still have chronic pain and regularly have to go to physical therapy and chiro

i couldn't breathe thru my nose+had recurring tonsillitis&tonsil stones (i had very enlarged tonsils with lots of crypts) and she fully ignored me saying it would be fine and i went to a specialist who immediately was like "yeah you gotta get your nose fixed and tonsils out asap, when is the earliest you can come in for surgery"

i switched doctors because going to her gave me so much anxiety and i would reschedule over and over to avoid her

but now i'm anxious bc i thought i got away from her/would never see her again but her cHILD is in my class and we will be in every class together for the next 3.5 years and we're both in our grad school's student gov team and we'll have events with family members and what if i have to see her and what if she doesn't respect hipaa like i'm so fnking anxious about this i could not sleep and i can't stop stressing over this

ultrakdramamama

My favorite guys on the planet? Is and always will be these 5 idiots right here 🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺✨ 5HINee FOREVER

vid cr: @bumkai3231

#this made my heart happy and sad #5HINee

so there’s someone who had become a big part of my life and i had previously thought that i could not imagine my life without their constant presence. but events occurred and my feelings were hurt and i realized i could not continue to feel the pain or be taken advantage of any longer. so the friendship was over and i had come to accept that these past months. my thoughts and efforts went towards work, school, and friends who i felt held me (physically and/or figuratively) with genuine love and care as opposed to the friendship that ended some time before. looking back i don’t think that i did any of that conciously, i didn’t force myself to not think about the person who i felt had wronged me multiple times, who caused my sadness, it just happened. i didn’t say their name, i didn’t speak about them, they were no longer attached to my name when others spoke. it just happened and fell into place that way. i thought nothing of it. and today i recieved messages from someone i hold close to my heart, to my feelings and thoughts, who i trust. messages telling me that the person i had let go should be given a chance back into my life so what do i say. then i get messages from the person whose name i had forgotten used to hold weight in my words, trying to meet and talk. but what do i say. i don’t know how i feel, if i even feel anything. i don’t want to pretend that it’s okay. i don’t know what to do.