WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT ME TO PUT HERE?

I'M PRETTY SURE I'M JUST GOING TO END UP HATING MYSELF BY OH, JUST AN EXPONENTIAL EXPONENT OF SELF DISGUSTED MORE BEFORE THE END OF THIS. OH LOOK, IT'S KARKAT FUCKING VANTAS, DOUCHE BAG EXTRAORDINAIRE, FINDING YET MORE WAYS TO ADD TO THE SCORGE OF HATRED...

[kkisnotmyname]

wow.  Can’t believe this blog still exists.  Its been years.

Dude, the shit I did to karkat.  That was some fucked up stuff that resulted in a fucked up karkat.  Oh man you can just see freshman year of college happening to me, until I finally implode and just stop posting.

Kinda wanna reboot it now that I’m in a mostly better place.  A more controlled, experienced place at least.  Does anyone still even rp homestuck anymore?  idk man, idk.  Do I have time to rp homestuck?  Honestly, probably.  Enough for two or three partners at least.

And I do love this url. 

Its not like I’m out of practice writing kk either, with all the fic writing I’ve been doing.  Hell, I should turn this into IA karkat and use it as a character study.

That could be hella fun.

but that might mess with my writing.

hm.

this is all assuming that homestuck still has a roleplay community.  literally all the blogs I follow have been dead for at least a year.

we’ll see, we’ll see

[thespiritofbreath]

RESTART ->YES

[kkisnotmyname]

thespiritofbreath:

“hate-crush… sounds like a ride.” You roll upside down, floating a bit as you wait for Karkat to finish evaluating the relationship you have. You are very glad you are not another John. You are a spirit of breath, not a meat bag. “but i could totally be your rival. i’d win every fight though so… maybe?’

…

You burst out in a huge grin and the wind sweeps your physical self the right way round in joy.

“bros sounds good. bros with karkat!”

High five!

“It is.  Its pretty great, and--” you cut yourself off before you get to dreamy and spade-eyed.  Aw fuck, what is this kid doing now?  Can’t he sit still for like five seconds?

You snort.  “Black romance isn’t about physical fighting doofus.  Its a serious of one upmanships in the sexiest way imaginable.”

Annnd, there he goes again.  Damn this kid is fidgety.  Its halfway endearing and half way annoying.  You stand up and try to wipe the brain juice off your ass.  Its no use though, that shit has set in.  You sigh and concentrate  on hovering a little above the ground.

“Dude, cool your fucking jets, I said we’re bros not quad-mates, fucking shit man.”

You give him the high five he goes for anyway.

[thespiritofbreath]

RESTART ->YES

[kkisnotmyname]

thespiritofbreath:

“okay… fair enough then…” Troll culture sounded so interesting and incredibly diverse. You really don’t have a lot to say because you’re actually thinking on how to be appropriate right now. You really like touching and contact but Karkat doesn’t like this.

This is truly tough and you don’t know what to do. Fortunately, you’re good at asking questions. Questions are wonderful.

“so ignoring humans altogether, where do I sit on your relationship scale to you, karkat? an acquaintance? enemy?” Serious business calls for a serious face, yes.

“Fuck, I don’t know.  It’s not like I corner everyone into little tiny boxes to tick off all nice and neat like some kind of obsessive shit stain.”  That’s a lie.  You totally do.  Grids and charts are kind of your thing, but you’ve learned the hard way that people don’t like that very much. 

“We’re only just met, but I don’t have this burning desire to kill or maim you.  No hate here, which is kind of weird I guess.”  You look at him sideways.  “I usually kind of hate-crush on Johns at first.  That’s another troll romance thing,” you add in a hurry.  “But that shit isn’t going on here.  You’re too fucking dumb to be a good rival.”

You want to say that you liked all the snuggles and cuddles and real talk, that you wouldn’t mind doing more of that.  But you also know you’re a bit attention starved, and that’s probably where you’re pale feelings are coming from.

“I don’t know man.  I guess acquaintances?  Bros?”

[thespiritofbreath]

RESTART ->YES

[kkisnotmyname]

thespiritofbreath:

“i’m old as fuck! old as fuck!” as if that’s something to cheer about, you start waving your hands out, grinning happily. However, you know you’re being an idiot and you burst out into giggles

You don’t mind the brain gook. It’s nice. You lie in it and get yourself coated in it before you phase out into the wind and the stuff just passes through you. You give Karkat time to stall. You’re patient when you feel like it.

“yeah… i have. but like…. i wanted to know.” you look at him and appear so he faces you. “how do i comfort touch you without it being romantic? i don’t think you can be romantic with me, but i want to be a comforting friend!’

“Oh my fucking god, you have got to be shitting me right now.”  You crack a grin anyway, and join his giggling fit when he sinks into it. 

Wow, that is just disgusting.  You just kind of...stare and shake your head.

“You don’t.  Trolls don’t do that kind of thing.  Unless you’re trying to kill each-other, any sort of prolonged contact is generally reserved for romantic partners.  We’re not like humans.  Being a comforting friend doesn’t happen.  Friend and enemy are the same word on Alternia--being a friends as a troll means tolerating another person and not killing them.  At least not usually.  You might kill a couple of your friends, but not like, all of them.  Just the ones that piss you off in the wrong way.”  You pause for a second to let that sink in.  “In my culture, wanting to be a quote unquote comforting friend is romantic.  Its nothing like human romance at all--like, you wouldn't have sloppy make outs with your moirail--that’s what we call it--you’d talk about fears and insecurities, calm them down, snuggle and watch movies, shit like that.  Its kind of like a human best bro, only more.”

You run a hand through your hair.  “So that whole display before was kind of really fucking romance coded for me, on like, a biological level.  But I’ve also been forcibly fucking socialized in human culture, enough so that I get that you probably think that’s a totally normal and appropriate thing to do.”

You shrug.  “I just figured that is was best for you to get troll 101, why Karkat is getting kind of touchy about seemingly insignificant shit.  Like, not saying that it wasn’t nice and all just--fuck--yeah, thought you ought to know and crap.”

[thespiritofbreath]

RESTART ->YES

[kkisnotmyname]

thespiritofbreath:

“no! the whole body thing is actually a recent development! i live forever but the whole becoming like this and talking is new. you should have seen me when i figured this out… it was great! i could only sing in hurricanes!”

That was terrible.

“alright… but what’s past flirting?” you let go of him and just sit in front of him. 

“alright… fair enough. you’re okay. totally okay. do what you want!”

That sounds horrifying.  You fight down a shiver, because John singing is probably pretty fucking horrible, and equating it to hurricanes just has you imagining John doing screamo.

“You...never crease to fucking amaze me.  Everytime you say you live forever, and then immediately follow with some bullshit wriggler dream fantasy.  But,” you hold up a hand, “I don’t doubt its true.  Somehow its more bewildering to think of you as a functioning person than some kind of, man I don’t even fucking know what you are.  Old as fuck, that’s what you are.”

You scoot a little away from him and try to hover-sit so you don’t get your pants covered in brain gook.  You wobble in the air for a second and then fall right down on your ass.  You grimace.  “This is fucking nasty.”  You’re stalling.

You sigh and sit back a little.  “I’m guessing you’ve mostly observed humans, right?  Holy shit, I can’t believe I’m going to be explaining this a-fucking-gain.  Whatever, you know what, I don’t even care.  All the comforting touching we were just doing, you know,” you huff and look away, “That shit is kind of romantic to trolls.”

[kkisnotmyname]

+ ONE FOLLOWER

WELCOME, THECLOWNISOUT.  THINGS ARE PRETTY SLOW AND SLEEPY AROUND HERE, BUT I GUESS THAT’S KIND OF YOUR THING, RIGHT?  OR ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE FUCKED UP RAGE MODE GAMZEES?

[thespiritofbreath]

RESTART ->YES

[kkisnotmyname]

thespiritofbreath:

“yep! i can speak to you, so it’s a good start!” You say, nodding wisely. Yes, very, very good. At least you let go soon enough… you can’t hug for too long but soon you will have a full on hug session with karkat some day!

“right… that does make sense though. bad decisions in the past, future mistakes… living in the moment is the best form of you you can be!”

“...You couldn’t do that before?”  Wow you would probably die if you couldn’t blow off steam at people.  ha fucking ha.  You thinking he’s starting to waver in and out of existence a little, but you’re not really sure.You’re probably just imagining it.  Anyway, you squirm and try to get away from him in honesty.  “And I think this is enough of this.  I’ve said it before, but you don’t get what you’re doing, and I’m not ready for this kind of thing, so kindly get the fuck of me.  This is all way past flirtatious now.”

“Now I’m convinced.  I’m crazy.  I need to stop arguing with other mes, it probably bad for my mental health anyway.  I can not be shithive maggots, I’ve got shit to do.” That’s a lie, but you like to tell yourself that anyway.

[thespiritofbreath]

RESTART ->YES

[kkisnotmyname]

thespiritofbreath:

“i don’t mind! really!” he smiles and shakes his head. “i’ve only been trying for five years! don’t worry!” Your long tail wags slowly and you feel the mood lift, maybe just a bit.

Sorry, you like hugging him.

“well, if past you is stupid, that means you now is smart. so you can vomit if you need and get smarter!”

Five years.  That’s like, what, 10 weeks?  Yeah, that’s got to be right, because 1=2 so, yeah, yeah.  That’s not that long.  “That’s not that bad.  You’ve probably gotten at least a tiny, insignificant unit of alien measurement better, right?”  More comfortable territory.  Thank fuck.

This kind of prolonged hug is kind of verging on your definition of cuddling.  Which might be a little bit more intimate than you’re ready for.  But you’ll let it slide a little bit longer.  He’s probably having fun being solid, you’ll let him have it.

“That...is exactly how it fucking works.  Future me is an idiot, past me is an even bigger idiot, and only present me is smart.  The fact that you’re the only one that gets that kind of finally has me questioning the legitimacy of logic.”  You pause.  “But no.  I think I’ve spewed enough over emotional, tragic back story.”

[thespiritofbreath]

RESTART ->YES

[thespiritofbreath]

“yeah… but when people talk about… things, I don’t get it. i miss out on experiencing so much of these worlds. it’s one thing to watch someone splash in the water, but to feel it myself, or to hug for longer or anything. Dancing and kissing and jumping… i wanna be normal so i can at least try.” 

Too bad Karkat, you’re looking at him. 

“… um… you vomit out words?”

[kkisnotmyname]

“Well.  I could teach you shit if you want.  I mean, if you’re not afraid of some angry walls of gray shouty text, I’m pretty good at explaining shit.”  Wait, that’s not what he means.  You feel your ears go red.  “Oh...uh.”  Fuck, why did you open your mouth.  “Yeah, you’ll get there though, right?  How long have you been trying this real boy shit?”

Ugh, yep, he doesn’t get it.  You wriggle a little in the hug, not quite trying to get away, but not content at staying put either.  You sigh, “Yeah, always, until everything is a big mess and I spend ten more minutes vomiting about how stupid past me is.  Rinse and repeat.”

[kkisnotmyname]

 [s] Karkat: Suddenly remember you have a wand that undoes magic anons.

... ...

You could be alive again.

[thespiritofbreath]

RESTART ->YES

[thespiritofbreath]

Don’t get yourself wrong, you love being the wind. You love being yourself. You love being different, and you want everyone to know that you’re not sad about it, but you really want to take a proper solid form so you can pretend for a while. Meet all your friends in a new way.

“normal… like… not a spirit. i could learn so much more and be so much more if i could be different for a short time.” You can’t help but look at his eyes. Sorry Karkat.

You try really hard to stay as solid as long as you can, and Karkat at least feels you when he pats you.

“… are you sure? we can force all of it out and then it’ll make you feel less sick.”

[kkisnotmyname]

“You seem to interact just fucking fine to me.  Y’know, apart from shit falling through you and the breeze bending to your every emotion, but that second one is pretty common among Johns.”  You blink and look try not to look at him.

Oh fuck, he didn’t take the out.  What the fuck are you going to do.  The dumb thing, probably.  You lean back a little bit and look up at him.  “I don’t think you understand the social implications of playing along with that metaphor.”

[thespiritofbreath]

RESTART ->YES

[thespiritofbreath]

A feelings jam actually sounds really good… and maybe you’ll inadvertently start one now. 

“well… being like you can’t be all bad, at least for a little while, and i can pretend i’m normal.” You go really quiet though. Yes, this is perfectly feeling jam temperature but it’s less fun than you thought it would be. You look at his eyes and tilt your head, trying to imagine karkat with eyes that are more normal. you momentarily wish you were another spirit, so you could like… project the eyes on to karkat. that would be cool.

…

“k-karkat…” Dying in his sleep… the humans say it’s the best way to go, but it sounds horrifying the way that Karkat describes it. “…” You don’t make him look at you, but you make yourself solid for a little while so you can hug him from behind.

[kkisnotmyname]

Wait, what?  He wants to be...normal?  You thought he got a kick out of being a dumb, free spirited wind being.  But then, why would he be trying to manifest a body?  Shit, maybe you should stop pointing out how different he is from you.  “What do you mean by normal?” you say, before realizing this all might be getting a bit to personal.  Fuck, he’s staring.  You’re really self-conscious about your eyes.  Still, you try not to blink or look away.

Fuck, he stuttered, you ruined the mood, why do you always do this?  Just--fuck.  You’re not going to cry. 

But you do jump when he hugs you.  You sniff hard, pull yourself together, and rub the last traces of tears out of your eyes.  You want to lean back into him, because physical contact is nice, but you’re kind of afraid to, because he’ll probably go back to being wind and you’ll fall on your ass.

This is all kind of really intimate though, and its making you a little nervous.  You’re pretty sure he doesn’t understand the social implications of this kind of touching.  So you pat his hands and let out out a nervous laugh.  “I just kind of vomited all my shit onto you in one spectacular discharge.  Do me a favor and just discard all of it and pretend it didn’t happen.”

[thespiritofbreath]

RESTART ->YES

[thespiritofbreath]

“then how do i age up in sweeps, karkat? being like… a baby’s age sounds boring and restrictive.” Sounds like. You know nothing at restricts you because you are the actual wind. You wiggle the fiery moustache and bust a non-corpreal gut laughing. 

“but what if i wanted a troll form, karkat. i’m flexible. i should be able to make any form i want! so i need to learn all of the anatomy.” that’s a damn lie and you know it. You just like arguing with Karkat. It’s fun. You hold your hands above your head, spreading it out and pretending they’re moose antlers… or troll horns. Whatever works. It gets you to laugh anyway.

but you sober up talking about the death. it’s actually eery how the wind just stops.

“… dead? but… you don’t seem dead. you’re just…” you frown. he’s a… ghost? a spirit? whatever… but… “ummm… so… a creature possessed you and killed you? or did you kill yourself trying to get the creature out.” Holy fuck he… kinda gets it? Not really but he looks worried as he sits on the brain.

[kkisnotmyname]

“For you, I don’t fucking know.  Considering you’ve been around for more sweeps than I can probably count, I can’t advise that.  Unless that was a serious question, then I would need to think about it a little then have a serious feeling jam with you.”  Wait fuck.  “But not like that, just like, as a way of me helping you be less brain numbing stupid so I won’t be walking around with like, permanent brain freeze when ever I’m around you.”  You are avoiding everything that has to do with that thought.  Time for a topic change, while he’s still distracted with making facial hair out of fire.

“Holy fuck, are you serious?  Because you as a troll...that would just be...really weird.”  His horns would be bigger than yours.  And sharper.  And that’s not fucking fair.  Ah, yeah, look, there he goes, miming his superior in theory head gear.  “Look man, you want to go there, fine, I’ll fucking go there.  I will read you my nastiest porn.  No, forget that, I’ll fucking voice act it for you.  Adapt it to stage and put on a one troll show.  Because obviously your a little stuck on this, despite not even HAVING legs.  I don’t know what you’re deal is, but I will--” fuck.  God damn it, why do you keep doing this?

You sigh, float a little closer to him and hug yourself a little.  “Look at my eyes.  See how they’re just white?  That’s not what my eyes really look like.  They’re like yours, only the white is yellow, and the blue is bright red.  But I’m dead, so they don’t get to look like that.  And yeah, I guess.  Like I said, I don’t really know what happened.  I just know I wasn’t me, and I woke up dead.  I didn’t kill myself trying to get it out, because I didn’t know it was there.  Everything just...” you shiver.  Theres are not fun memories for you.  “Everything was just.  Really nice.  It was like I was dreaming about all my favorite things, and then I wasn’t.  Then I was dead.  I...I”  Fuck, there are tears in your eyes, fuck damn it.  Damn it!  You’ve never talked about it before, and its hard, and you hate it.  You look away and rub at your eyes.

[thespiritofbreath]

RESTART ->YES

[thespiritofbreath]

“i’m not five and a half. i’m twice thousand your age, sonny.” you pull out some of the flame with the wind and make it like a funny moustache. you think you are utterly hilarious. “but okay. i’ll respect your wishes and i guess i’ll ask someone else about the talk and more other weirdo things.” you chuckle and the flames return back to the land.

you continue your bouncing, landing on your head and then on your back and you are now the best trampoline slash brain bouncer who ever didn’t conceptually exist.

“wait? you died? when? who killed you? what killed you? was it tetanus? it totally was. those meany little guys!”

[kkisnotmyname]

“Yeah, I fucking got that, age old wind spirit, riper than the dawn of time--some sort of first guardian reject, no doubt.  But the fact remains that you just said twice thousand in all seriousness--well, as close to all seriousness as you’re able to force your mind into getting-- which means you are like five an a half sweeps.  Not knowing the difference between actuality and metaphor seals the deal.”  You face palm.  What the actual fuck John, you’re going to burn your face, your hair is going to catch on fire--use your powers for good and not dumb parlor tricks that’ll end with you having no eyebrows.  Wait, no physical form, fuck damn it, that’s cheating.  You sigh.  “Look, that’s not what I said.  But anyway, why even come to me for quote unquote the talk?  You very obviously prefer a human form--fuck knows why, they’re obviously squishy meat bags made of inferiority--and I know all of jack shit about that.”  You gesture to your horns.  “Obviously troll.”  God you hope your horns are poking out of your hair enough.

What the fuck John, just, what the fuck.  How is this not gross to you?

You roll your eyes.  Then realize, for the millionth time, that no one can see you roll your eyes.  Didn’t you already go over this with him--wait fuck you don’t like those questions.  Cause of death is kind of a sore subject for you.

“Yeah.  I’ve been dead for as long as you’ve known me, genius.  And uh, oh god, uh.”  Come on, this is something you really should talk about, and who better than the guy who isn’t going to take it seriously?  This is just a game to him, you won’t ruin his mood, just go for it.  “I killed me.”  There you said it.  Wait fuck, that sounds bad.  “But not like that!  It wasn’t by choice!  I uh, I got possessed.  I went to sleep, and I woke up dead.  Friends saw me walking around and shit, and--uh--and found me right afterwards.  Took us awhile to figure out how it happened.  Still kind of foggy.  But yeah, some fuckwic took me for a joy ride, and I got shit canned for it.  Hope your nap was good, welcome to the afterlife.”  Fuck you probably shouldn’t have said any of that.  Did he even understand any of that?  “So not tetanus.  My sickles are in optimal condition, thank you very much.”

[kkisnotmyname]

You can float.  Holy shit, you can float.  How did you forget ghosts can float.  This is the best day of your afterlife by far.  Wait no, that’s a lie, the best was when John took you flying and you did a fucking loop de loop.  That was amazing, and it still makes your bloodpusher flutter.  Maybe a little more than you want to admit to yourself.  That’s not something you want to push anytime soon.  Probably.

Anyway, you are going to go practice flying, as right now you can only manage a wobbly 3 inch hover, and you want to fly with John again.  And maybe you’ll think about old, rash feelings, and figure out you’re new stance on them.

[thespiritofbreath]

RESTART ->YES

[thespiritofbreath]

it’ll be your bedtime story too, karkat. more of his. you fail to realise that you, as a wind spirit, do not sleep. you look at him confused before you nod, looking positively serious and determined, for some weird reason.

“yosh! um… kinda with the porn. the meaning is kinda humbly jumbledly for me. and it’s okay! i’m not good with the bro code either, so if we feign ignorance, we can get away with it!” what are you even talking about? this makes sense in your brain. “um… you to read to me?” if possible, there would be an arrow pointing to you saying ‘does not get it’. you don’t want to read it for the sexy reasons. you want it read because you’re curious! “and i can’t do that! i got no legs or the bits in between!”

bouncing is great. floating is great. therefore brain bouncing and floating is super and amazing and super great. you chuckle as karkat joins you, and you loop around, flopping backwards. 

“you totally joined me. even one bounce was a join in.” But your eyes light up and you giggle. You helped and it was great. “glad i could be of service, karkat! i didn’t even know you floated now!”

[kkisnotmyname]

“I am not explaining to you what porn is.  That is not going to happen, don’t even try.  I’m not being fucking troll google for your 5 and a half sweep ass.  And that, that is even higher on the not going to happen scale.  In fact, it is so fucking heavy with the weight of my sheer will to keep it from happening, that the scale has broken.  People are crying.  And it is all your fault.  So, summery for the idiot, that’s a nada on breaking the bro code, and an exnay on anymore talk of what is or is not happening between anyone’s legs.”

This is nasty.  This is why you never wanted to visit Sollux.  Its gross, you’ve got brain juice in your shoe, everything is terrible.  And fuck him for flying around so effortlessly. 

“I totally did not.  Remember that scale I talked about earlier?  If it wasn’t already broken, the amount of not I just did would have broken it.  As it stands, it weeps in agony just thinking about the added wait of how much I just did not participate in your jovial bouncing.  Also yes.  I fucking float.  Ghost do that.  I fucking forgot ghost do that.  I could have been doing that for like a sweep.  But no, Karkat Vantass, resident idiot, forgot that now, being dead, his one dream of flying could be realized.”  You pause.  “This is the part where you clap and make fun of my intelligence. “

[kkisnotmyname]

You pull yourself out of your ‘coon.  You’re still groggy, groggy enough that you tumble down the side an just kind of lay there, shivering and gooey, for you’re not sure how long.  That’s kind of a trend with you lately.  You have no idea how long anything has been.

After getting your ass in gear and making yourself presentable you stretch, meditate, and take a self inventory.  You actually...feel a lot better.  Hibernating did you well.  You still feel guilty about how you left...things with...people.  But you’re sure they have blown over by now, and left you a distant memory.  So you’ll keep your head tucked and ignore any tugs unless someone tells you that you shouldn’t.

You’re crabtop says its just past you’re wriggling day.  That means, if you had been alive, you would have been just short of eight an a half.  And yet you still look seven and half.  Death is weird.  You wonder what that means for your mindset.  You’re going to be a douche and go with the older age, because shit do you feel older. 

You suddenly realize that time stamp means you were out for a quarter sweep.  Shit. But who cares, death doesn’t have any real time flow.  All you now is you feel like you’re awake, and plan to stay that way.

You have no plans, but you go outside and walk through the bubble just for the hell of it.  Maybe you’ll meet someone and it’ll do you good.  Maybe you’ll see a familiar face.  Or maybe you’ll just have a nice stroll before going home and dicking around on your crabtop some more.  All these things sound great to you.