This story was written as part of the Klaine Secret Santa Gift Exchange 2022, and is gifted to @honeysucklepink. Merry Christmas, sweetie, and I hope this hits the spot for you!
The prompt can be found in the end notes.
Many thanks to my beta @hkvoyage, who was lightning-quick to review this for me so that it would still be in time for Christmas.
Critically Yours by @lilyvandersteen
Kurt let out a big yawn as he walked into the kitchen. The party after the premiere had been fun, but he’d had too short a night’s sleep because of it.
He was on his second mug of coffee when Rachel called him.
“Kurt, you were amazing yesterday, as I knew you would be!”
Kurt grinned and thanked her.
“And I know you always tell me not to read the reviews, but… There’s this one you really need to read. You’ll love it. I’m sending you the link.”
“Read it. This guy is so sweet, aww. Well, at least I think it’s a guy. He’s using a nickname. But the way he writes feels like a guy. Am I making sense? Maybe I’m still a bit drunk. One thing’s for sure, though, you have to read it. You just have to. I wish he’d say things like that about me. Anyway, got to go. Yoga tonight?”
“It’s a date!” Kurt promised her, and when she’d hung up, he clicked on the link.
It wasn’t a fan site that popped up. It was the New York Times website. The comments section, to be precise.
The commenter’s name was IconicWarbler, and unlike the other one-sentence commenters, he’d gone for the novel-like approach.
“I went to see Cabaret last night, and found myself totally enamoured of the MC, played by newcomer Kurt Hummel. I’ve never seen this actor on stage before, but I can assure you I will attend every play he’s in from now on. That’s how much he enchanted me. Such clear, strong vocals. Such a master at conveying emotions. And what a compelling personality! He draws you in, even pulling focus when he’s in the background. I could not keep my eyes off him. I urge you all to go see Cabaret and discover this promising fresh face.
Mr. Hummel, I’m calling it now: you will get a Tony nomination for this role. You are just THAT good.
Kurt covered his hand with his mouth and let out a happy squeak, smiling ear to ear.
Rachel was right, that was exactly the pick-up he’d needed this morning.
Thank you, IconicWarbler!
Blaine fist-pumped happily when he read the announcement that Kurt Hummel would have the title role in the Jesus Christ Superstar revival.
The actor had gotten a Tony nomination for his role in Cabaret, as Blaine had predicted, and though he hadn’t won the award, it had opened new doors for him.
By now, Kurt Hummel had played in Dear Evan Hansen, causing Blaine to rave over how high his vocal range was, and opposite Rachel Berry in West Side Story, after which performance Blaine had waxed lyrical over how convincing they had been as star-crossed lovers, defending Kurt in replies to other commenters who seemed to think he was too gay to pull off the role of Tony.
Blaine had gone to see both shows as many times as his budget would allow, and had waited at the stage door to get his playbill signed every single time, even when it was pouring rain or freezing.
Kurt was always courteous and kind to every fan, taking his time to greet and thank them.
Every encounter with Kurt had Blaine walking on sunshine for days, especially when Blaine’s praise coaxed a rare smile out of the handsome man.
But after West Side Story, Kurt had disappeared from Broadway, not even starring in smaller roles. He was just… gone.
It had made Blaine worry and wonder what had happened.
But now, a year later, Kurt was back, and Blaine was relieved and excited to see his favourite actor in a new role.
The anticipation that had been building inside of him rose to a fever point when the radio station he listened to every morning announced a contest.
“Good morning everyone! I have some exciting news to share with you! You’ve probably already heard it: Jesus Christ Superstar is coming back to Broadway. And with it crowd favourite Kurt Hummel, who’s going to play the title role, and who is with us right now to have a little chat.”
“On a scale of 1 to 10, how excited are you to see Kurt take on this role? Let us know through our app!”
Blaine grinned and opened the app, sending a quick message.
“Oh, lots of enthusiasm so early in the morning. Let’s see: Ruth says she’s missed you the past year and that she’s stoked you’re back, Blaine says you’re sure to be stellar in your new role, and David says he can’t wait to see you in the play, Kurt!”
“I hope I’ll do you guys proud,” Kurt said.
The ensuing interview cleared up why Kurt had been away for so long. Apparently, his father had fallen ill, and he’d moved back home to be with his family.
“But now he’s better, and he told me to stop fussing over him and get back to work. So here I am!”
Blaine chuckled and crossed his fingers that the radio presenters would coax Kurt into singing a fragment from his new show.
What he got was even better.
“When our family celebrated Thanksgiving a few weeks ago, it got me thinking about what I was most thankful for. Dad getting better, obviously, that’s a big one. He’s my rock, and I’m so grateful I get to keep him, hopefully for decades more. But apart from that, I’m so thankful for all my fans. You are the ones who brought me here. Who believed in me when I had doubts I could do this. Who have stood by me from the very beginning. Who have defended me when people tried to tear me down. And I don’t have enough words to tell you how much that has meant to me. So I’m going to show you instead.”
At this point, the radio presenter took over.
“Prick up your ears now, all you Broadway lovers out there! This is a contest you won’t want to miss! Kurt is offering not just tickets to Jesus Christ Superstar, but an extra special main prize. The overall winner will get a ticket to the premiere, a meet-and-greet with Kurt and the rest of the cast, and will get to attend the party with the cast and crew afterwards. Isn’t that something?”
Blaine’s heart started pumping double speed.
“Yes, you heard that right! Ever dream of getting the chance to chat with your fave actor over a glass or two? Well, for one lucky guy or girl, this dream will come true! And what do you have to do to win this, you ask?”
“Tell me, tell me,” Blaine muttered.
“Well, from now until the day of the premiere, we’ll be having a little quiz every morning, about Broadway topics. If you want to take part in it, sign up for the quiz in our app, and each morning, we’ll pick two listeners to compete against each other. The goal is to be the first to answer five questions correctly. The winner will go through to the next round, and then on the last day before the premiere, we’ll find out who wins the main prize.”
Blaine opened the app again and looked for the sign-up form.
There wasn’t much chance he’d be chosen, but it couldn’t hurt to try, right?
One day after another passed, and it seemed luck was not on his side. He listened to the morning show even more attentively than he otherwise did, and he made sure he always had his phone on hand, but the show host always picked other listeners to play the quiz.
Sometimes, they were so abysmal at answering the questions that Blaine rolled his eyes. Did they really know so little about Broadway shows, or was it nerves blocking their brain?
Two days before the premiere, just as he’d all but given up hope, his phone rang as he was eating a bowl of cereal, and his heart slammed into his throat.
And yes, it was. He’d been selected to play the quiz!
Hearing the presenter’s voice both over the radio and on the phone was distracting, so he switched off the radio so as to be able to focus better.
“And today, we’ll be playing the Broadway quiz with Blaine and Tiffany!”
Wow, my hands are clammy. And why is my throat so dry all of a sudden?
The first question was about West Side Story. The presenter wanted them to name the two street gangs.
“The Jets and the Sharks,” Blaine yelled.
The other contestant groaned.
“Second question: you’re going to hear a snippet from a Broadway song. Tell me what show it is from!”
The song was “All That Jazz”. As soon as Blaine recognised it, he yelled, “Chicago!”
He heard a muffled curse, and knew he’d beaten his opponent again.
“Number 3: where does “Hairspray” take place?”
Blaine chuckled and sang a few lines of “Good morning Baltimore”.
“Wow, nice! You’re a fine singer yourself!” the presenter praised him.
“Thank you. I was in show choir for years. The Dalton Warblers.”
“Wonderful. And you’re firmly in the lead, with three right answers to nil. Tiffany, what’s happening?”
“He’s just too fast,” Tiffany whined, and both Blaine and the presenter chuckled.
“Okay, next question: complete this Hamilton lyric: I’m just like my country, I’m young…”
“Scrappy and hungry, and I’m not throwing away my shot!” Blaine rattled off glibly.
The presenter whistled low. “You didn’t even have to think about it, did you? How many times have you seen Hamilton?”
“Uhm, I’ve never really counted the times,” Blaine confessed, and the presenter laughed.
“Okay, if you keep this up, Blaine, you’ll only have to answer one more question. Here it is: name all seven children of the von Trapp family.”
“Liesl, Friedrich, Louisa, Kurt, Brigitta, Marta and Gretl,” said Blaine, counting them on his fingers to make sure he left no-one out.
“Yes, you did it!” the presenter enthused, and he played the jingle that pronounced Blaine the winner.
Blaine sat back and mechanically put a spoonful of cereal with milk in his mouth.
Wow, I’m through to the next round. Now what?
Now, as it transpired, all the winners would be competing against each other the following morning, and the first two to get five questions right would then play a sudden death round.
Blaine spent the rest of the day frantically reading up on all things Broadway, and also did his research on Kurt Hummel. In the process, he may have gotten a bit side-tracked when he found YouTube recordings of Kurt performing as a cheerleader, a clip of him singing “Le Jazz Hot” and then his audition for NYADA, “Not the Boy Next Door”. Those gold pants. And his moves. Unf.
When the next morning rolled around, Blaine may have been just a little sleep-deprived from watching certain Kurt Hummel videos on repeat. But he regretted nothing.
Despite his sleepiness, Blaine had no trouble answering questions, and became the first finalist. He ended up playing the sudden death round against a guy called Chandler, who was just as knowledgeable as Blaine was.
After they’d each answered another ten questions correctly, the presenter sighed. “Okay, this is not going to work. You guys know EVERYTHING! So what do you say to a practical challenge as a tie-breaker?”
“I guess,” said Chandler.
“You each get to sing a song from Jesus Christ Superstar, and then the other listeners will vote in the app and decide who becomes the overall winner!”
Blaine grinned. “That sounds good.”
“So who wants to go first?” the presenter asked.
“Let’s get it over with,” Chandler groused.
“Okay, Chandler, what are you going to sing?”
“I don’t know how to love him.”
“Great choice! Let me put the music on for you.”
Chandler started to sing, and Blaine winced and wanted to clap his hands over his ears.
He didn’t, because it would be his turn in a short while, but aah, Chandler’s singing was worse than nails on a chalkboard!
He let out a sigh of relief when the song came to an end, and announced to the presenter that he’d be singing “Heaven on their minds”.
He threw his everything into the performance and found himself panting rather heavily when he was done.
Applause startled him. The presenter whooped and hollered and then said, “Wow, that was quite something. Are you sure you’re not a Broadway actor in disguise?”
Blaine laughed. “I wish!”
“And it looks like the listeners agree with me. Look at that, what an overwhelming victory for BLAINE!”
“Yay!” Blaine yelled. He’d given it his all, and he’d actually won!
Though he was an old hand at giving interviews by now, Kurt found himself fidgeting with his shirt cuffs this time.
It wasn’t the interview itself he was nervous about, but the contest he’d be announcing.
As he talked about celebrating Thanksgiving with his family, and being so grateful for his fans that he wanted to thank them, he felt a bit deceitful. Yes, he truly was thankful for his fans and their support, but his real goal with this contest was something else altogether.
The idea had come to him one night when he’d had a sleepover with Rachel, Quinn, Brittany and Santana, and Santana had wanted to know if Kurt had ever slept with a fan of his.
“I’m sure there’s tons of them that slip you their phone number and that are itching to discover what’s under those tight pants of yours.”
“Nah,” Kurt had said. “Well, I’ve gotten some phone numbers, yes, but I didn’t fancy the guys in question. Too pushy. The worst one’s called Chandler. He comes to my show every night, and he always waits at the stage door, and he’s forever running his hands over me and gushing and professing himself in love with me. Ugh.”
“Well, aren’t there more respectful fans that you’d like to get to know better?”
Kurt had taken another sip of his drink and thought it over.
The first fan that had sprung to mind was IconicWarbler, with his wonderful reviews. Wouldn’t it be great to get to thank him in person for what his words had meant to Kurt? But the chances of ever finding this anonymous reviewer were slim to nil.
Then, Kurt had thought of a fan that hadn’t been such a fixture at the stage door as Chandler, but who had shown up regularly nonetheless. This guy was always dressed dapperly, with gelled hair and a profile that were reminiscent of a 1950s movie star, and with impeccable manners. He clearly loved getting to talk to Kurt, but he never got handsy and never tried to monopolise him.
Yes, that was someone he’d like to get to know better. But how would he manage that?
That’s how he’d come up with the contest plan. It was a wild shot in the dark, and chances were he’d end up meeting and greeting another person entirely, but he wanted to try this.
So he tuned in to that radio station every morning to find out who’d win the quiz that day. He grimaced when he saw the name Chandler pop up, and hoped that would not be the winner of the meet-and-greet package.
The second to last day of the contest, he got a pleasant surprise. One of the contestants, a guy called Blaine, had a voice he recognised – velvety smooth and soothing. Was it… could it be the Mr. Dapper he’d seen so often at the stage door?
Then Blaine started to sing, as an answer to a quiz question, and Kurt was blown away. Wow!
And what did he just say? He’d been in a show choir called the Dalton Warblers?
It might be just a coincidence, of course, but maybe Kurt had found his IconicWarbler…
The next day was the finals, and Kurt cursed loudly and at length when Chandler made it through and was still in the running for the top prize.
Thankfully, Blaine made it through as well.
On an impulse, Kurt sent the radio show host a text that said, “Make them sing.”
At first, the two finalists got questions again, but when neither Chandler nor Blaine cracked under the pressure and they just kept giving right answers, the show host decided to make the both of them sing instead.
Chandler was as bad a singer as Kurt had hoped, and Blaine was even better than in Kurt’s wildest dreams. He sang better than the actual actor playing in the show with Kurt!
Kurt grinned ear to ear when Blaine was pronounced the winner, and hoped so much that it was the fan he remembered.
The day of the premiere, he felt more than just the usual pre-show jitters. He also felt butterflies in his stomach, as if he was about to go on a first date.
Before the show started, he peeked through the curtain to check the place, front and centre in the Orchestra section, he’d reserved for the main winner of the contest.
He saw a neatly gelled head and fist-pumped. Yes! He’d guessed right! Blaine was Mr. Dapper all right!
Blaine certainly lived up to Kurt’s nickname, as he was dressed to the nines in a tuxedo.
The tuxedo jacket was made of burgundy velvet with black lapels, and Kurt was itching to find out if it was as soft as it looked.
He checked out the other reserved places, and saw Chandler, looking like thunder and throwing poisonous looks in Blaine’s direction. His plus-one seat was the only one left unoccupied.
Kurt drew back from the curtain, and went to have a chat with the security guard, warning him about Chandler, just in case the guy tried to get backstage or to make trouble for Blaine.
And then it was showtime, and Kurt threw himself into the performance with double the energy he’d shown during the dress rehearsal.
Afterwards, while bowing to the audience with the rest of the cast, his eyes strayed to Blaine again, who was clapping and cheering.
Back in his dressing room, he got out of his costume, freshened up and put his regular clothes on in record time, because he wanted to be the first of the actors to welcome Blaine backstage.
When he left his dressing room, he found Blaine attentively listening to John, one of the stage hands, who was explaining how all the equipment worked.
“Hello Blaine!” Kurt said, and Blaine’s attention shifted to him at once.
John chuckled. “I guess that’s my cue to disappear. Once the big star comes out, nobody’s interested in the technical stuff anymore.”
Blaine looked stricken, and started to babble apologies.
John clapped him on the shoulder. “Nah, don’t worry about it. You came here for Kurt and the others, I get it. See you both at the party!”
John left, and Blaine looked after him, biting his lip.
“Don’t worry,” Kurt said. “John’s not offended at all.”
Blaine’s eyes flitted to Kurt, and he flushed and nodded.
“I’ve seen you before, haven’t I?” Kurt asked. “At the stage door?”
“Yes.” It sounded timid and uncertain.
“But this is your first time backstage?”
Kurt winked at Blaine. “A lot less glamourous than you’d think, right?”
Blaine grinned. “Yep. Smaller, too. But I’m still stoked to get to see it. And it’s so interesting, how it all works…”
“I know, right? I remember when I started working on Broadway that I was fascinated with the technical side of things.”
They stood there, smiling at each other for a moment, and then Kurt said, “Oh, right, I should give you a tour, until my colleagues get here, too. Come with me.”
He let Blaine peek into his dressing room and then took him to see the costumes and the orchestra pit, introducing him to everyone they passed on the way.
By the time Blaine had seen every nook and cranny of the backstage area, the other actors were there to greet him and talk to him.
Blaine was a lot less shy around them than he was around Kurt, and when they all left the theatre to go to the party venue, it felt already as if Blaine was part of the group.
At the party, Kurt introduced Blaine to Rachel as well, and smothered a giggle behind his hand when Blaine treated her as if she were royalty (“It’s such an honour to meet the great Rachel Berry – you are a legend!”) and Rachel lapped it all up.
Rachel and Blaine got on like a house on fire, and Kurt left them to it to go procure some drinks.
When he came back from the bar, Rachel had drifted away to go talk to her off-and-on lover Jesse, and Blaine was talking to one of the musicians about his violin, which was apparently an antique.
“You play the violin?” he asked.
“Well, I haven’t in a while, as I told Ashley, because I need to get round to restringing my violin first, but yes, I do. The piano as well, and drums and guitar.”
“Wow. And you sing so well, too! You should have heard him, Ashley, he sang “Heaven on their Minds” on the radio, and he sounded better than Jesse!”
“Don’t let Jesse hear you say that,” Ashley laughed. “He wouldn’t take it well!”
Kurt handed Blaine a glass of champagne, and offered Ashley the one he’d brought for Rachel. “Cheers!”
A few hours later, he and Blaine were still nursing the same drink and talking their heads off about anything and everything when Rachel turned up again, phone in hand.
“I was just looking on the New York Times website, and it’s weird. Usually around this time, there’s a review already. But this time, not a word from IconicWarbler.”
Blaine’s head shot up, but Rachel didn’t notice, she was too busy scrolling.
“Do you think he didn’t come?” Rachel asked Kurt.
“Oh, he came all right,” Blaine said softly. “He’s just been too… busy to write a review just yet.”
Kurt, who’d had a hunch that Blaine might be IconicWarbler, beamed in satisfaction, and Rachel gasped, “It’s you?”
“I love your reviews,” Kurt told Blaine. “They’re always so kind and so supportive. I reread them when I’m having a bad day to get the strength to carry on, and on good days they make me want to strive to become even better. It means the world to me to have you in my corner.”
Blaine took his hand and squeezed it softly. “Always.”
After that, Kurt didn’t stay at the party much longer, and when he left, he took Blaine home with him.
As he explained to Blaine, “I don’t do this, usually. Or ever. But with you, it feels different.”
Blaine nodded. “I know. I feel the same. May I kiss you?”
Kurt threw his arms around Blaine’s neck and pulled him closer until their lips met.
A long moment later, Blaine’s eyes fluttered open and found his, and he whispered, “Oh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you forever.”
This is the prompt the story is based on:
Blaine always reviews Kurt’s performances in the NYT comments section but uses a nom-de-plume. (Blaine is not a critic–Blaine is in love!) Kurt doesn’t know who, but he is also kind of falling for the person giving him such glowing reviews.
