he had always leaped bounds and miles to be free, but a pair of hands always caught him and help him back into their suffocating clutches. sitri always envied him for being a free man, but it wasn’t always true. unlike people such as astaroth or even the twins, before he came along, he lived with his master’s watchful eyes no matter where he went. he lived with lucifer taking everything, destroying everything. nothing was ever his own. he could have nothing and no one, could love nothing and no one. in the end, everything he touched would eventually turn to black and rot. it felt as if he was death incarnate … that he was still the walking remains of ragnarok, out to still destroy everything in its path.
yes, he was always lonely, in so many ways more than physically. not even baphomet could settle those uneasy thoughts when he were alive. solomon put him at ease, but … that damned wish might as well undone everything he worked for. still, he could smile. he could laugh and, apparently, cry. he could do all of those things. on his own time. his mouth twitched at the mention of his old family member, and the apologies he never received came forth.
“ age doesn’t matter to us, but the damage to our souls does. who knows, he might have woken me up one last time… ” he drew a deep breath, steadying his racing heart and relaxing his tightened throat. “ i was never a good master to him, anyways. i’m sure we’d yell at each other until we’re blue in the face trying to say otherwise. but, he’s not here to argue with me, so i can only assume. he … can’t be hurt anymore because of my status and who i am. he can rest entirely in peace. ”
he only chuckled when sitri grabbed onto his crimson vest and curled his fingers into the soft fabrics. he placed a gentle knuckle to the high cheekbones and scraped away any remaining tears. “ thank you, as much as i appreciate it, unfortunately there will always be some people you cannot control, they will always attack me regardless. i’ve grown used to the hatred, what fun would my life be if i wasn’t dancing with death every once and a while? ”
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“ you argued because you cared for each other, “ a moment of vulnerability escaped him ( feeling at ease, CLOSE & safe, with no need to look over his shoulder every five minutes. ) “ everyone else could see it, Dantalion. there was a very fine line between your title as his ‘master.’ you and he were FAMILY & families fight because they love each other. “ ( god, what was that like ? Baalberith had loved him, in a vastly different way; only facing the tearful face of his dearest uncle had Sitri finally realised all along. ) “ getting hurt is all a part of being LOVED. “
was he crying ? Dantalion... crying ? Sitri raised his hands & stood on his toes. perhaps if this had been a year ago, he would be pulling a smug smile; mocking those threatening tears. now, he could only feel his heart RACE with anxieties. if Dantalion was truly able to breakdown at long last, Sitri could hardly keep himself from sniffling once more ( he would not cry again. no, no. he needed to be STRONGER. just for now. just for Dantalion. ) pale thumbs press against the strong jaw, always so ready to snap & counter. Sitri had been fearful once; not now.
“ while you might have become accustomed to hatred, i have grown used to being someone’s PUPPET, yet i no longer wish to play on strings, “ he tries to smile, caught up in the moment between something sorrowful & something relieving. ( no-one else could have mourned like this with him. for Camio was happy, spending the remainder of his life with the woman he loved. plus, Sitri would never wish to overload William with his own problems when the poor boy was so focused on his own problems. selfish as it was, he was GLAD Dantalion was back so soon. )
“ if someone were to step out of line, then i suppose DISCIPLINE would be called for. “ he bit his lip. “ ... do you think i come of as demanding ? i dare wonder if i’m being taken seriously half the time after everything that’s happened. “ now he laughs, an empty laugh. but a LAUGH, nonetheless !
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