Day of Two Pauls Discussion Questions
One question to be answered every year on the anniversary of the Day of Two Pauls (Jan. 7)
2015: Which Paul would win in a fight? The fight can have any rules of your choosing (fistfight, bitch slaps, weapons, magic, etc.). If there’s a Paul in your life, slap him in the face and see what happens.
2016: Give a list of reasons why Other Paul is probably better than our Paul. If there’s a Paul in your life, relentlessly belittle him for 24 hours.
2017: Other Paul was clearly an evil doppelganger sent by Satan to collect Paul’s soul and bring it back down to hell, as evidenced by the fact that Paul no longer seemed to have a soul after this encounter. But what was so great about Paul’s soul anyway and why did the devil want it so badly? If there’s a Paul in your life, double check and make sure he still has a soul.
2018: What do you think Other Paul’s real name is?? If there’s a Paul in your life, call him by a different name for a day!
2019: Other Paul is wearing a rather fixed smile in this photo. What do you think his true emotions were at this moment, and why was he desirous of concealing them from us? If there’s a Paul in your life, stare deeply and intensely into his eyes for a full two minutes today.
2020: What percent genetically similar do you think Paul and Other Paul would have to be to look so much alike? If there’s a Paul in your life, today is a good day to make absolutely sure he hasn’t been replaced by someone who looks exactly like him.
2021: If the doppelganger is Bizarro Paul, what do you think he’s doing right now? If there’s a Paul in your life, be on the lookout for his doppelganger today!
2022: HOW THE HELL ARE WE SO OLD??? Do you think the reason that Paul has aged so poorly is that Other Paul stole some of his life force and has therefore been living in a state of eternal youth while our Paul withers away before his time? If there’s a Paul in your life, get massages and facials together today in a feeble attempt to stop the ravaging effects of time on your decaying faces.
2023: If there was an army of Other Pauls coming for you and you needed to identify the real Paul, how would you do it? If there’s a Paul in your life, take the time now to work out a secret handshake or password to use in case this situation ever arises.
2024: Describe how you think a romantic date between Paul and Other Paul would go. If there’s a Paul in your life, take him on a romantic date.
2025: What happened to the shirt that Paul was wearing in this photo? He doesn’t know but he misses it. Time is swallowing us all guys. If there’s a Paul in your life, feed him to a giant whale and yell, “Time is an abstract concept that doesn’t even have a throat to swallow you with, you fool, but this whale certainly does!”
2026: What do you imagine is Other Paul’s deepest darkest secret? If there’s a Paul in your life, murder him.
2027: How many Other Pauls do you suppose are out there, statistically speaking (taking into account we already found one)? If there’s a Paul in your life, tell him you love him more than anyone else that looks exactly like him, of which there may be none or there may be a great many.
2028: Imagine there are, say, 17 Pauls in the world. If we shipped them all off to an island to fend for themselves, do you think that they would cooperate and build a Utopian Society of Pauls, or would they fight amongst themselves and end up killing off the entire species? The island has typical island resources but it has a fence around it so they can’t try to get off of it and rejoin normal society. If there’s a Paul in your life, ship him off to a desert island.
2029: This is the fifteenth anniversary of Day of Two Pauls discussion questions. How have these yearly discussions improved your overall quality of life? If there’s a Paul in your life, pretend he doesn’t exist for a day and see if that improves your overall quality of life!
2030: Would Paul or Other Paul look better with a beard? Without eyebrows? If there’s a Paul in your life, shave off his eyebrows.
2031: Have you ever experienced another moment similar to the one in which Other Paul was first brought to your attention? If yes, please describe. If no, how would you go about recapturing that feeling of strange giddiness upon seeing a familiar-yet-not-quite-familiar face across the room in a Thai restaurant in Chicago on a cold January evening? If there’s a Paul in your life, stare wistfully out of a window on a rainy day for an hour and contemplate the interconnectedness of all beings and your own individual slow but inevitable march towards death.
