WINTER WASNT EASY . this is one thing ellie doesn’t want to talk about . doesn’t want to re - live . she’s seen countless of people die , she knows what holding all that hurt inside can do to someone . she knows talking helps . she knows . but this is different , this is her . this is pain and trauma and an aftermath shes never had to deal with before , never felt before . its not like her best friend dying , its not like getting bitten . this was different .
healing is a process . ellie’s immune system is strong , but even she can’t handle the biting cold , red hot sickness that lunges and doesn’t let go . hypothermia . she supposes she should have grabbed those gloves . maybe they would have helped . . . or maybe not . EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON , RIGHT ??
she has three broken ribs . two on her left side , one on her right . joel tells her she’s lucky they didn’t puncture her lungs . she wants to ask if she’s really lucky to have had to survive that . she doesn’t . her voice is gone , anyway .
her nose is broken . it heals decently , but it looks just slightly off from then on . the cut on the bridge of her nose is something she can’t leave alone , can’t forget about . she picks at it when it scabs over . the faint scar now sitting in it’s place serves as a constant reminder . the lighter , slightly indented sliver of skin , another memento from another “ WORST DAY OF MY LIFE . ” maybe she should write a journal .
the concussion makes everything that much worse . ellie can’t move for weeks . it looks grim for a few days , days she can’t breathe or open her eyes on top of the confusion , the migraines . joel only leaves her side to get food . those moments alone are when she feels most afraid . she was alone when david found her . but she had heart . she was a fighter .
she was back up and at it again sooner than joel had thought .
IT’S OKAY TO GIVE UP . THERE’S NO SHAME IN IT . david’s voice echoes in ellies head no matter what . everything he said , it all brings memories flooding back that ellie would much rather forget . I KNEW YOU HAD HEART . context doesn’t matter , individual doesn’t matter . it takes years for her to be okay hearing certain phrases again .
they aren’t just nightmares . sometimes escaping is what feels like the dream , like something she came up with laying on the ground of the burning restaurant . years later , she still wakes up some nights crying , feeling the same pain , the same emotions .
it haunts her , like ghosts she’s read about , like the guilt of living when she was supposed to die ( I’M SO SORRY , RILEY ) . she wonders if girls before the outbreak ever felt like this .
ellie starts that journal shortly after she can write properly again . maybe she doesn’t want to talk about it - out loud or otherwise , but she can start somewhere else . she can build up to it . she can get through this . she didn’t have much of a choice , did she ??
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
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