Painfully Awkward

My emotions conveyed through images, songs, or whatever else I find here.

[kninja545]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqpA5Acc8-c)

[kninja545]

[kninja545]

Talking to my ex again (not the most recent one, AKA the asswipe). Just casually chatting as friends is so nice. So, so nice.

I’m worried I might fall for him again... Very worried... But I miss him. I miss his personality. I’m too afraid to do anything but that’s good. But these past few days of talking to him has been so nice. I can’t tell if I miss the attention or what. I just cannot hurt him again. 

[kninja545]

[kninja545]

[ofquotesandpoetry]

What happens in a certain place can stain your feelings for that location, just as ink can stain a white sheet.

Lemony Snicket, The Reptile Room (via ofquotesandpoetry)

[swaying-inthe-breeze]

One hears it a lot on airplanes: ‘Make sure you have your own mask on, before helping others with theirs.’

Lemony Snicket on what is the best life advice (via swaying-inthe-breeze)

[wordsnquotes]

It had been a long day, and I don’t mind saying that I cried a little bit. There is nothing wrong with crying at the end of a long day.

Lemony Snicket, When Did You See Her Last?  (via wordsnquotes)

[kninja545]

You

You were that monster hiding under my bed. You would wait until my world was dark and I was vulnerable, and then you would make your appearance. You would creep out slowly and I would cover my head, pretending you weren’t there because I know what happens when you show up. My eyes grow big and I become afraid. I was afraid you would hurt me. I imagined you as this amazingly terrifying being, but in reality you were so different. In my head, you tormented my every thought and every dream. I saw your face whenever I closed my eyes. But then I realized something when I turned on turned light. You weren’t really there. You were just in my head. The vision of you that scared me--this perfect guy that I loved with a love so strong it terrified me how I could feel that for another person--was fake. You were never there to begin with.

[kninja545]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WA4iX5D9Z64)

I remember when we broke up the first time Saying, "This is it, I've had enough," 'cause like We hadn't seen each other in a month When you said you needed space. (What?) Then you come around again and say "Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change, trust me." Remember how that lasted for a day? I say, "I hate you," we break up, you call me, "I love you."

[kninja545]

[kninja545]

I think— I think when it's all over, it just comes back in flashes, you know? It's like a kaleidoscope of memories, but it just all comes back. But he never does. I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen. It's not really anything he said, or anything he did. It was the feeling that came along with it. And.. crazy thing is, I don't know if I'm ever gonna feel that way again. But I don't know if I should. I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright. But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you towards someone who looks.. so much like an angel when he smiles at you? Maybe he knew that, when he saw me. I guess I just lost my balance. I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him, it was losing me. I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are.

[kninja545]

shameless flirting is the best.

fuck you for trying to bring me down.

i thought nothing of you for the past four hours, asshole.

[kninja545]

lol it’s over

fuck him

[kninja545]

The person who cares more in a relationship is always the one who gets hurt.

[kninja545]

I had to work from home today. I can’t bare facing everyone today.

This weekend was so great, and it reminded me of all of the wonderful things I don’t have in my life right now. 

I just tried to get my boyfriend to let me come visit for a day, but he said that’s a lot of work for just one day. He’s right, but fuck. I don’t get to see him for two months now.

I hate everything. I need to see doctors. I’ve still been having issues eating. I don’t know if it’s me developing some sort of eating issue/allergy or if it’s because I’m becoming very depressed. I want to see a psychologist or something. Are there screenings? I just want to know if I’m depressed and can pull myself out or if this is something I need help with. I’m letting myself slip into dark thoughts again and I’m getting worried. I can’t do this for a year. I hate it here so much.

[kninja545]

Do you ever feel like maybe nothing will make you happy? Or that you will never rid yourself from your crippling anxiety? Do you feel like the future is bleak and dark?