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The world’s news tires me out.

As I approach actually actualizing my career, I am scared. Because what’s next? What’s the next goal? What do I keep working on?

I am tired.

Thanksgiving 2018

Tradition to write one of these blogs every year...so despite my hiatus, here I am.

There is so, so much to be thankful for - big things, little things, everything in between.

With all the natural disasters and unnatural disasters and tragedies happening, it’s hard not to reflect on how fragile and crazy life can be. It really is just a matter of luck that we aren’t at a certain place at a certain time and somehow avoided a tragedy. And I’m thankful for this life of mine, that I’ve somehow been lucky and have avoided these tragedies, that I’m alive, that I’m mostly healthy and can function every day without having to take extra precautions.

And I’m thankful for everyone around me, too.

To my adorable family - for our closeness, our habits, routines, our quirks. That we have had a routine of eating together and spending time together, and that I’m still able to have this time together with them. That even though my sister and I are growing older and busier, we still have our moments of being all together.

To my amazing friends - near and far, old and new - I’m thankful for all of you and our moments together, for all the different roles each of you play in my life - the ones that tell me what I need to hear; the ones that give me positivity and motivation; the ones I can just mess around with; the ones who I simply see once every half a year yet still remain so important and close to me; the ones who I am able to see about once a week and do absolutely nothing with.

To my supportive boyfriend - for the endless support and understanding in all areas of my life. For helping me grow in so many ways, and always encouraging me to want to be better and do better. For all the fun, laugh, and smiles.

To the other encounters in my life - for always making me think, reflect, and grow.

Everything else:

-Health - so, so happy to have all 4 limbs, all my organs, everything. No broken thumbs, no broken toes. Can work out as I please, can eat as I please.

-$ - that I can afford to not work while being in school.

-Education - that I have the privilege to get my Masters’ degree.

-Work experience - I’ve learned so much, and am continuing to at my internship.

-Blue skies - after all the horrible air, I’m so grateful for this fresh air and beautiful California skies!

-Food...because food. Giving me so much purpose to look forward to in life :)

For everything. Thank you for this life I have.

Be kind to yourself; let yourself fail; let yourself learn.

thoughts i’m hoping to live by

pick your battles. are you fighting them out of a truly important value, or simply out of your pride?

it might end up being easier to just seek out the positives than to put up a battle and consistently seek out the negatives.

#fionafails

Sometimes I crack myself up.

Do more readings than necessary because I didn’t check page numbers of readings on syllabus.

Show up to campus early on MULTIPLE (maybe 3, 4) occasions to buy books before class, only to not have the books in stock. Not buy said book. Still don’t have said book.

Dropped a stainless steel thermos water bottle (full of water) on my fourth toe on my right foot. Bruised it. Still hurts 3 days later.

Couldn’t exactly tell if my cabbage was a lettuce or a cabbage...so I Googled a cabbage.

Got lost looking for the kitchen in my internship agency, got called out by how lost I looked (”you look like an intern,”), found said kitchen (literally right by the stairs..), and did not find what I wanted (liquid creamer). Note to self: buy yourself hazelnut creamer.

All makes for stories to tell, I guess!

Here goes the next big adventure.

Shit, it’s really happening.

Changes, changes, changes

I suppose the only thing that won’t change is that things will always be changing.

Can’t believe it’s been over 2 years since graduating college! Yet 2 years later and all the changes that have come with it (transitioning from student life to work life; moving back home; relationships), changes are still so hard for me. But without change there isn’t growth, so let’s celebrate the changes and the growths and the things to look forward to:

I have some close friends moving out of state in the next couple of weeks.. which means being able to say I know people from different places and having new travel destinations and new adventures!

In about 2 weeks, I’ll be leaving the job I’ve had for the past 2 years! So many emotions - leaving the families, the coworkers, the lifestyle!

But I leave in order to focus on grad school, which is a time of continued growth... to learn new things, work at new places, meet new people, learn new lessons, acquire a new lifestyle and lens.

Shifting family dynamics! Opportunities to build new traditions and lifestyle? Maybe? (Still workin’ on this one)

Taking a lead on adulting... and maybe it’s time I start acting like a 24 year old. Not looking forward to this, but definitely something I gotta deal with.

And it’s almost been exactly a year since trying to adhere to a healthier lifestyle. Still on it! Yay taking care of myself, lol.

Maybe being wrong is not the same as being bad, I thought, not a sign that your insides were rotten. Maybe you can still be a decent-ish person, a person with a personal mission statement, a person who aspires to be someone habitually good and highly effective, and fuck up.

Tell Me More by Kelly Corrigan

Self-Acceptance

I know I have posts sometimes where I try to write self-affirmations and reflect on my strengths to help me feel more confident or competent, but I have been thinking lately it’s just as important to recognize my flaws/areas of weakness/growing edges in order to truly accept myself as a human being. So here goes - a list of flaws/weaknesses I acknowledge - some simply a human condition, and some not...and some stuff I’ll continue to work on.

I’ve hurt people and I’ve made mistakes, I can be a selfish bitch.

I’m not going to be able to please everyone. I’m going to disappoint some people.

I can’t be everyone’s rock and be there for everyone. People will live without me. That’s fine; that’s good.

I sometimes take people and things for granted, and I’m not good at initiating things in relationships. I can be very passive.

I can be very avoidant.

I can be stagnant.

I don’t like change.

I can be judgmental and narrow-minded.

I can be inconsistent. I am indecisive.

I sometimes say I want things, but I fail to actually do it or go for it.

I can be super whiny and dramatic.

I can be very emotional.

I can be impatient, clingy, needy.

continued

The truth is, it still hurts.

Timing.

A few weeks ago, I was at a bookstore and saw some books I wanted to buy. They felt too expensive, so I looked at them, and put it down. I can find them later, and cheaper.

A few weeks later, I suddenly really wanted to buy one of the books. In focusing on that one book, I had forgotten about the other ones that also intrigued me. I was just so, so tunnel visioned in on that one book.

And so I went back, coupon and all. And that book is sold out. Yet on the same bookshelf is one last copy of the book I had forgotten.

I took it as a sign.

Sometimes, things really do just happen (or don’t) for a reason. Trust the timing, trust your gut, act impulsively. When you think too long, you miss the opportunity, so you better jump on the next one.

Just. Do. It.

onlinecounsellingcollege

Trust the next chapter because you are the author.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

W i s t f u l (at Half Moon Bay, California)

Better late than never 😉#catchups #seeyounexttime

#catchups #seeyounexttime

Belated Galentine's Date with the deity of my life 😚😚😚 (at Izakaya Ajito)

I vow to work towards bettering myself.

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