i don’t really use tumblr anymore! sorry about that, folks.
2017 has been a weird year for me, certainly. it hasn’t been all bad. i found a job i really love and have been working there since the end of 2016. i moved into an apartment with (just) my partner. i got cats! two of them, and they are the lights of my life.
2017 was disappointing for more than a few reasons, many of which (malignant socio-political climate, mounting international tensions, stupid idiot baby president, ad infinitum) a grand majority of you also share. many of which i can do very little about, other than getting more involved.
but the other reasons that 2017 took a toll on me are...no fault of anyone but myself. mid-2017, i tried weed for the second time (the first time did nothing for me), and this kicked off four months of crippling dpdr (depersonalization/derealization) for me. (note: i do not think weed is bad...just not for me! please do not try lecturing me about the strain i had or the way in which i consumed it -- i know what strain i had, it came from an EXTREMELY trusted source, and i know what it was supposed to do for me. my body’s chemistry is NOT COMPATIBLE. i! have! done! my! research! if weed works for you, i am so entirely glad and happy for you! but it does NOT work for me and if i have one more weedvangelist trying to tell me that i need to try x or y or z, when this is a personal choice only /i/ am making and not trying to force on /anyone else/, i am going to EXPLODE. tl;dr: no unsolicited weed advice!!! i have heard it all already, and all of it is shit i already KNEW bc i DID MY RESEARCH. thanks!!)
those four months of dpdr were! hellish! dizzy spells, in and out of the hospital bc i didn’t know What the fuck was going on with me, etc. the only good thing to come out of this all is that i have established relationships with wonderful doctors. but my struggle with dpdr took almost everything from me: my passion for my hobbies, my sense of self, my patience and empathy...i felt (and sometimes still feel) like a shell of who i was formerly. things have gotten better thanks to counseling and a herculean effort on my own part, but they still have a little bit of a way to go.
i want to help myself in this next year. in 2013, i took all my time to focus on myself, to figure out what and who i really wanted to be. i feel like i’ve lost that...which isn’t bad, i don’t think. but i do think i need to spend time re-orienting myself this year.
so, in 2018, i want to treat myself better in every conceivable way. i want to eat better, i want to exercise more (see: at all), i want to go back to counseling, i want to pursue my hobbies again. all of these are things i know i can do and things i LIKE doing. but i have gotten myself into such a rut and have been content to sit in that rut because that’s easier than pulling myself back out. it will take some planning, but not very much. just...less accepting excuses from myself. momentum, momentum, momentum!
all of these things will help me keep the dpdr at bay, too. they are not drastic changes...they just require a change in mindset, which is what made me so successful in achieving my goals in 2013.
this will be a better year. i know it will be.
i hope the rest of you are able to send 2017 off kindly, even though that is far more than it deserves. here’s to 2018!
baratheonpilled
jbbartram-illu
izzy806
dededos
