l o y a l t y

I mean to study and persevere as long as I live - but this is beginning to sound like the ambition of a fool who doesn't know her own limitations.

[kokyuchusei]

𝓗𝓲𝓰𝓾𝓬𝓱𝓲 𝓘𝓬𝓱𝓲𝔂𝓸̄ one-line to novella; semi-selective; multiship; 21+ - Written by Darth Lokke. (follow as: spezialistin)

carrd

wishlist

headcanon

shipping call

main blog: mikasa ackerman

side blog: usagiyama rumi (mirko)

side blog: tsutsumi kaina (lady nagant)

side blog: kocho shinobu

side blog: yosano akiko

side blog: margaret mitchell

©

[kokyuchusei]

OOC: It's "I'm feeling guilty for disappearing" time. With a hint of maybe I actually feel like writing Shinobu again ??

[kokyuchusei]

OOC: I will be on hiatus from 11th to 22nd. I'll try to do some drafts before that (I've been busy trying to finish my cosplay in time)

[kokyuchusei]

He seemed to have more faith in her than herself did. A feeling that wasn't unusual. Sometimes, it felt as if both her superiors and subordinates had more faith in her than they should. Did nobody warn them she was a walking disaster. Alright, if she had to force herself to be just, perhaps she wasn't that bad. Not as a mafiosa, at least (some times). She could shoot, she could fight, she could protect. But in every other aspect in her life? Total disaster. Her job was probably her only skill.

But that situation she was being forced to be wasn't really in her range of skills, was it? She didn't feel so confident about her social skills. But she was a good liar. She did fool (almost) everyone in the Agency before. And that was the only thing that gave her a bit of assurance. If her personality failed her, she could always fake a new one.

But why was she even invited? It wasn't as if she was at the top of hierarchy. Sure, there was a lot of mafiosi still below her, but that didn't mean she was anything close to a big deal. In fact, Akutagawa would be more fitting for that. But knowing him, he wouldn't go and still somehow would manage to get away with it. Because he was important and useful. She, was not.

Her hands ran through her black dress, smoothing the silk, in a nervous demonstration. "I can do this. But if you mind me asking... Why am I here?"

[frost-eyed-autumn]

"Because you're pretty enough to be distracting and unassuming enough not to look like a threat," he said without a beat of hesitation, matter-of-fact.

The key words there of course being look like.

In the mafia's world, deceptive appearances were all part of business, and Higuchi was no helpless wallflower. Look more intimidating in gang conflict, even if you're not. Look more innocent in public relations affairs, even when your hands were stained with blood. Defying assumptions and expectations was the name of the game.

That was just politics.

"And, because if you're told to pull the trigger... whether that be figuratively or literally, I know you won't hesitate. Either way, it's good practice. Even if tonight ends up being boring and uneventful, you never know how it'll help inform other jobs you do in the future."

Having finished his own primping in the mirror to make everything look just right, he stepped towards the door and gave her a brief look-over for anything out of place, while they still had a moment to fix it out of full public view. Nothing stuck out to him, so he offered a hand in invitation.

"Shall we?"

[kokyuchusei]

Higuchi felt herself choke as her face flushed red, a cough building up. She wasn't oblivious to the others' opinions on her appearance. She even used that in her - and the mafia's - favour. That didn't mean it didn't catch by surprise sometimes. The blonde turned her face away briefly in a pathetic attempt to hide her slightly flustered state.

She could feel the weight of her concealed gun. Even if that was a weight she was already used to, it always felt different how it rested against her body when she donned a dress instead of her usual suit. Heavier. By logic, she knew it to be impossible. Yet she felt it anyway.

"I'll remain watchful." If she had to play the role of the innocent, maybe even a little stupid girl, she had no problem playing the part. She would still be alert in case things took a different turn. And even if they didn't, no one ever knew the number of things one could learn just because someone underestimated another. And she was used to being underestimated.

Her hands ran over her dress, giving a last check on her gun before taking his hand. "Sure..."

[kokyuchusei]

OOC: she's so pathetic I love her 🥰

[kokyuchusei]

pay attention, now. you might learn something. - @stormslullaby

Being part of the mafia started as a necessity, but she chose to stay even if it crossed her mind leaving once. Her decision to remain as a mafiosa perhaps wasn't entirely for the same reasons that prompted her to join -- no, the circumstances had changed --, but she still would rather do a good job. What other skill did she have anyway? She felt as a failure in every other aspect of her life.

Focus. She had to pull herself from her own thoughts to actually pay attention to what was happening around her. "Of course, sir."

[kokyuchusei]

OOC: I'm back at barely sleeping for days. I'll try to write something now. Can't promise much

[mememeforrp]

Send “I’ve got you” to help my muse wash off blood from their body

[rozewrites]

@kokyuchusei

The echo of clinking glasses and murmured conversation hung thick in the air, the polished marble floors of the ballroom reflecting the soft, golden glow of chandeliers above, silk-draped walls glittered their brilliance almost mocking in decadence. The air inside the grand hall felt stifling. It was a room steeped in opulence, packed with men and women dressed to the nines in tailored suits and elegant gowns, a sea of dark reds, blacks, and silvers. The soft tinkling of cutlery and low, measured laughter swirled through the space, mingling with the faint notes of a string quartet performing in the corner.

On the surface, it was an evening of refinement—a celebration of unity and prosperity among the Port Mafia’s elite, a event meant to foster camaraderie, strengthen ties, and celebrate their dominance in Yokohama. Beneath that polished veneer, however, lurked a tension that Akutagawa could feel down to his bones. The display was gaudy, not to mention smothering, each corner draped in velvet and gold, while the air was gagged with perfume and cologne. An illusion of civility in the heart of a room that housed the ruthless and the powerful.

Akutagawa stood at the edge of the grand ballroom, his figure a stark contrast to the swirling elegance around him. He hated this. Every single person in this room had something to prove, their eyes gleaming with ambition, and their smiles edged with agendas. The higher-ups in the Port Mafia swirled between each other, locked in discussions that were as much about the transactions beneath the surface as they were about face value. Everyone here was sizing one another up, measuring their worth with the sharpest of eyes, looking for weakness in a game they were all too aware of.

Akutagawa wasn’t like them, however. He wasn’t here because he wanted to be, nor did he care about assessing who's position he could one-up. He was here because the boss had ordered it, and there was no question of refusal, and that was all. For now, he hung back, keeping to the edges, at a distance, merely observing the rest, staring down at the non-alcoholic cocktail in his glass and wondering when it would be acceptable to leave.

[kokyuchusei]

She's heard before how she got the perfect face for this exact kind of situation. But despite her black gown and more elaborate hairstyle than her usual bun, she still felt out of place. As if she was too much awkward to socialize. Her only redeeming quality at that moment was her ability to fake it. But that might work on those who didn't know her very well. But anyone who had worked close to her would see through her façade.

At some point, as she made her way through the people, she could feel an encouraging pat at her back from Tachihara, her mask almost falling as she recognized understanding towards her feelings in both his actions and Gin's nod at his side. No wonder the glass of wine in her had was already almost empty. Which wasn't a good sign, considering how lightweight she was.

Higuchi made her way to avoid a member that had she a particularly vivid memory of trying to hit on her during the last party. In a very insistent, inconvenient way. Wasn't he kicked out by Chuuya himself at some point? How was he even invited again? Higuchi would have to order one of those in charge of security to keep an eye on him. Despite the concealed gun, she would rather avoid to fight in a dress.

Brown eyes finally found Akutagawa before she started stepping in his direction. As expected, it seemed as if he would rather be anywhere else. Understandable. So would she. Perhaps if she couldn't avoid it, one of them could. "I can cover you... if you want to..." Meaning, if he desired to leave, she would help him to.

[gloomglimmer]

𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂  𝐑𝐏  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒  .  .  .  (  pt  3.  the  first  admission  )   Moments  of  hesitation,  breathless  confessions,  and  the  weight  of  words  finally  spoken    ✧  ˚₊  Themes:  vulnerability,  tension,  relief  &  the  fear  of  ruining  everything

✧      ›     𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐎𝐔𝐒    &    𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓

My  muse  stumbles  over  their  words,  finally  managing  to  say,  “I…  I  think  I’ve  been  in  love  with  you  for  a  while.”

My  muse  fidgets  with  their  hands,  avoiding  your  muse’s  gaze  as  they  whisper,  “Do  you  ever  think  about  us?  Like…  more  than  just  friends?”

My  muse  lets  it  slip  without  thinking,  eyes  widening  as  they  murmur,  “God,  I  love  you—”  then  freeze.

My  muse  bites  their  lip,  hesitates,  then  finally  sighs,  “I  don’t  know  how  to  say  this,  but…  I  think  you  mean  more  to  me  than  you  should.”

My  muse  confesses  in  a  quiet  moment,  looking  down,  “I  don’t  need  you  to  say  anything  back,  I  just…  needed  you  to  know.”

My  muse  shakes  their  head  with  a  soft  laugh.  “It’s  ridiculous,  really.  I  was  scared  to  tell  you  because…  I  didn’t  want  to  lose  you.”

✧    ›     𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐓     &     𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍

My  muse  snaps  in  frustration,  “Do  you  really  not  see  it?  How  much  I—”  then  stops,  realizing  what  they  almost  said.

My  muse  confesses  in  a  moment  of  desperation,  gripping  your  muse’s  wrist  as  they  plead,  “Just…  tell  me  I  don’t  have  a  chance,  and  I’ll  stop.”

My  muse  looks  away,  voice  barely  above  a  whisper.  “If  I  tell  you,  everything  changes.  And  I  don’t  know  if  I  can  handle  that.”

My  muse  confesses  in  a  reckless  moment,  pulling  your  muse  close.  “I  should’ve  said  it  sooner.  I  should’ve  told  you  before  it  was  too  late.”

My  muse  breaks  the  silence  with  a  strained  voice.  “I  don’t  want  to  pretend  anymore.  I  can’t  keep  acting  like  I  don’t—like  I  don’t  feel  this  way.”

My  muse  clenches  their  fists,  staring  at  the  ground.  “I’m  in  love  with  you.  I  have  been  for  years.  And  it’s  killing  me.”

✧    ›   𝐅𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃     &     𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆     𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅

My  muse  blurts  out,  “I  think  I—”  then  immediately  shuts  their  mouth,  cheeks  burning.

My  muse  tries  to  play  it  off,  laughing  nervously.  “I  mean,  it’s  not  like  I—uh,  you  know,  like  you  like  you  or  anything—”

My  muse  nearly  confesses  but  quickly  backtracks.  “It’s  nothing.  Forget  I  said  anything.”

My  muse  starts  to  confess  but  gets  interrupted,  then  panics,  saying,  “Never  mind!  Nothing  important!”

My  muse  trips  over  their  words,  then  just  sighs  in  defeat.  “Screw  it.  Yeah.  I  like  you.”

✧    ›   𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒     𝐈𝐍     𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐄     𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒

My  muse  whispers  it  against  your  muse’s  skin,  their  breath  warm.  “I’ve  wanted  to  say  this  for  so  long…”

My  muse  confesses  as  they  tend  to  your  muse’s  wounds,  their  hands  gentle.  “You  don’t  get  it,  do  you?  I’d  do  anything  for  you.”

My  muse  leans  in,  voice  barely  audible.  “Tell  me  I’m  wrong.  Tell  me  you  don’t  feel  it  too.”

My  muse  murmurs  it  in  the  dark,  thinking  your  muse  is  asleep.  “…I  love  you.”

My  muse  says  it  in  the  middle  of  laughter,  their  expression  softening  as  realization  dawns.  “God,  I  love  you.”

My  muse  admits  it  right  before  a  goodbye,  voice  breaking.  “I  didn’t  want  to  leave  without  telling  you.”

[catchameme]

Send "PINNED" for your muse to pin mine against a wall.

You [ the sender ] can include context as to whether or not it is done out of anger, as a threat, sexual tension, playfulness, etc.. or else let the receiver decide! Send "PINNED + reverse" for your muse to be pinned by mine instead!

[kokyuchusei]

OOC: I am here barely working on the things I have due to exhaustion and I'm also: write utahime. Ok I will try to work on drafts now

[kokyuchusei]

OOC: how does someone write (a mental work) when you've been sleeping less than 5 hours for you don't even remember how long. I'm tired everyday because I sleep, 1 to 4 hours a day because insomnia + the hot weather. I'll see if I can do anything as soon as I wake up the next day. Because I have a few hours more awaken before the exhaustion takes in and I can't think very well.

[nightprompts]

&. 𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐬 (𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬?) 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  various  dialogue  prompts  to  send  to  your  worst  enemy  (affectionate).  feel  free  to  change  how  you  seem  fit.  )

❛ oh great, it's you again. ❜

❛ you? kill me? that's funny. ❜

❛ for being someone you hate, i'm sure on your mind a lot. ❜

❛ you're the last person i wanted to see, actually. ❜

❛ do us both a favor. stay away from me. ❜

❛ you really are an asshole, you know that? ❜

❛ i'm the asshole? what does that make you then? ❜

❛ sometimes i think you must hate me. ❜

❛ i thought you said you never wanted to see me again. ❜

❛ if you want me to go, then you have to tell me to leave. ❜

❛ well, someone's cranky today. ❜

❛ well, someone needs to shut the fuck up. ❜

❛ just stay out of my way. ❜

❛ of all the idiots in the world, i'm stuck with you. ❜

❛ what is it you want this time? ❜

❛ sometimes i wonder if you're in love with me. ❜

❛ do you honestly think this is easy for me? ❜

❛ why would i ever want to be friends with you? ❜

❛ can we please just talk? ❜

❛ there is nothing for us to talk about. ❜

❛ you can yell at me later. just let me help you. ❜

❛ touch me, and you're dead. ❜

❛ oh, so now you care? ❜

❛ there is something deeply wrong with you. ❜

❛ i know i'm the last person you probably want to see, but... ❜

❛ you don't think we could be friends, do you? ❜

❛ i'm tired of fighting against you. ❜

❛ don't pretend you give a shit about me. ❜

❛ you're an idiot, but... i trust you. ❜

❛ oh, don't be cute. ❜

❛ wait, did you just say that i'm cute? ❜

❛ we're not good for each other. ❜

❛ if i say yes, will you shut up? ❜

❛ don't you have to be stupid somewhere else? ❜

❛ maybe we should kiss just to break the tension. ❜

❛ i'm sorry i can't turn off my feelings as easily as you. ❜

❛ maybe there's a universe out there where we're friends. ❜

❛ how can you be so smart yet so dumb at the same time? ❜

❛ don't think this changes anything between us. ❜

❛ you look ridiculous in that outfit, by the way. ❜

❛ if you die, i'll kill you. ❜

❛ is that a challenge? ❜

❛ ah, so you're not heartless after all. ❜

❛ i don't think i've ever seen you smile. ❜

❛ you never cared about me, so why now? ❜

❛ why didn't you kill me when you had the chance? ❜

❛ i don't even remember why we started fighting. ❜

❛ i don't have time for distractions right now. ❜

❛ you're not as bad as everyone says you are. ❜

❛ enemies make the best lovers, you know. ❜

[kokyuchusei]

OOC: For context, veilguard is my current hyperfixation. I created a whole elgarook plot in my mind one of these days, but I don't write fanfic anymore. And now this just lives rent free in my mind.

And I kind of want to write rook, but I have different rooks for different romances (including this one from my elgarook plot, but I actually forgot about it) and I wouldn't know what to do. People who write (or wrote) game mcs that are customizable and have multiple romances. How do you choose one mc to write????

[kokyuchusei]

OOC: I'm feeling guilty, even though I had reasons to stay away a bit. I'll try to start working on the drafts this week. I was going to start today, but I haven't been sleeping well due to insomnia and that fucking high temperature so I ended up taking a nap 💀

[otwilightprincess-archive-blog]

dragon age starters

feel most free to change pronouns ,  etc .

❝ it doesn’t matter that they won’t remember me. what matters is i helped. ❞ ❝ bad things should happen to bad people. ❞ ❝ i’m here to set things right. also ? to look dashing. that part’s less difficult. ❞ ❝ planning has never been my strong suit . now, killing…killing & love-making. those i am better at. ❞ ❝ oh ! we could get matching outfits ! ❞ ❝ i’m not saying i should be your first pick for a dance partner at the ball , but in the deep roads , i’m your man / woman. ❞ ❝ draw your weapon & say that again ! ❞ ❝ we’re here to kill them all, yes ? for sport ? ❞ ❝ you tend to get up to interesting things. you meet interesting people & then you kill them. ❞ ❝ i never worry, darling. a leash can be pulled from either end. ❞ ❝ it’s like you need permission to be alive. ❞ ❝ has anyone told you what marvelous eyes you possess, my dear ? ❞ ❝ have you ever licked a lamp post in winter ? ❞ ❝ i’ll try not to hit anyone. ❞ ❝ there you are. everyone’s been looking for you. ❞ ❝ the last man standing gets final say on who is right or wrong. ❞ ❝ i like my hair the way it is, thank you. ❞ ❝ do you think about how to kill everyone you meet ? ❞ ❝ are you… sassing me, ____? ❞ ❝ yes, but she/you seems more… “ooh, pretty colors !” than “muahaha ! i am princess stabbity ! stab, kill, kill ! ❞ ❝ congratulations ! you have found a wastebin . ❞ ❝ what are you going to do with that sword ? ❞ ❝ not listening ! la la-la la la ! ❞ ❝ i saw you looking at the girl/boy in town earlier . ❞ ❝ anyone wishing to accuse me of weakness is welcome to try. ❞ ❝ …did you cut your own hair ? ❞ ❝ ”one by one they follow, drowning in the sea”. the rest of the poem is sad.. ❞ ❝ you aren’t all stone, ____. there is a person inside of you. ❞ ❝ we crush the heads of rude women when we feel like it. just so you know. ❞ ❝ protect what matters with everything you have, or you’ll have nothing, and deserve it. ❞ ❝ i want you to know that what we had was real. ❞ ❝ in the end you are always alone with your actions. ❞ ❝ somebody’s been drinking. ❞ ❝ let’s show them our hearts, and then show them theirs.. ❞ ❝ do you feel that ? my magic-sensing nose is tingling. ❞ ❝ well, shit. ❞ ❝ you worry me, you know that ? ❞ ❝ i’m cold. & it’s indoors. this is so wrong. ❞ ❝ i saw what you were doing back there. ❞ ❝ we will never speak of this again. ❞ ❝ you’re a big softie ! ❞  ❝ i’ve got just the thing to cure that pout. ❞ ❝ eight, nine, now you die. ❞ ❝ daughters never grow up. they remain six years old with pigtails & skinned knees forever. ❞ ❝ i don’t need my pants, anyway. ❞ ❝ smiles. we must be careful how we present ourselves. ❞ ❝ be careful what you wish for. power is treacherous. i have seen many people–great leaders–consumed by it. ❞ ❝ don’t touch me ! stay away ! ❞ ❝ i think of him/you/her as much as he/you/she thinks at all. ❞ ❝ i knew nothing of friendship before we met. ❞ ❝ you can approve or not approve as you wish, but this is one thing you cannot influence and mold to your liking. ❞ ❝ there you go, breaking my heart. ❞  ❝ does anyone else feel the verge to vomit? ❞ ❝ i…love you. just… wanted to tell you that. ❞ ❝ let those who would destroy us step into the light. ❞ ❝ it’s dangerous when too many men in the same armor think they’re right. ❞ ❝ if you love a character, you give them pain, ruin their lives, make them suffer. maybe even throw in a heroic death. ❞ ❝ i do quite like watching you leave. ❞ ❝ send him a fruit basket. everyone loves those. ❞ ❝ did i stutter ? ❞ ❝ are you kidding ? i’m surprised you didn’t kill anyone just coming over here. ❞ ❝ the world may want my time, but you have my heart ❞ ❝ have you ever heard the saying ‘let sleeping abominations lie’?  now would be the time to consider it. ❞ ❝ that sounded much better in my head . ❞ ❝ i have an excellent sense of dramatic timing. & good hair.  ❞ ❝ the air hurts. i have to stop. ❞ ❝ challenge someone to arm-wrestle me. ❞ ❝ so, you’re not like a lot of other girls/boys. ❞ ❝ not long ago this was impossible to imagine. you, the man i love, victory close at hand. ❞ ❝ how do you do that ? make everything better with a smile ? ❞ ❝ it gets no easier. your struggles have only just begun. ❞ ❝ there comes a time when you must stop running, when you turn & face the tiger.  ❞ ❝ it’s family, you protect. doesn’t matter who it is, blood or not. ❞ ❝ perhaps we should carve our names into the giant tree ? ❞ ❝ hey ! that’s mine ! ❞ ❝ our mistakes make us who we are. ❞ ❝ fear makes men more dangerous than magic ever could. ❞ ❝ don’t let anyone tell you when to move on. take their hand & say, “my choice". ❞ ❝ words are easy, like the wind; faithful friends are hard to find. ❞ ❝ shitballs. fuck. shit. crap. ❞ ❝ living a lie … it festers inside you, like poison. ❞