bruh.

♉️✌🏼️🆒

[spiroandthelacktones]

My vibe check bounced

[thegoodvybe]

[love-personal]

[movie-gifs]

Spaceballs (1987) dir. Mel Brooks

[koolaidandfrozen-pizza]

I’m sorry melissa

The other day I was happily out and about doing errands when I suddenly needed to poop. Knowing I wouldn’t be out much longer and that I didn’t want to poop in a public restroom, I just told myself ‘no’ and held it for when I got home. Well my body forgot that I needed to poop while doing my errands until I was driving home. All the sudden, as I pulled onto my street, my dear asshole decided that it would no longer be agreeing with my idea to wait and wanted to dump NOW.

and that is the story of how I had to do a series of ungodly favors for my down the hall neighbor after I yelled “Shit Melissa!” at her while she got our mail and I almost shat my goddamn pants as I sprinted up 2 flights of stairs.

[thesummerbreak]

[k-eke]

[drivememadd]

local bitch decides to daydream instead of getting a degree

[koolaidandfrozen-pizza]

sometimes I wish the government would just choose life partners for us like in some dystopian young adults novel

[effington]

[vladtheunfollower]

Red Lotus Sea, Thailand

[catchymemes]

Illustration by Rosie Payne

Tumblr: @itsbyrosie

[neontalk]

[teraboolove]

This was exactly what I expected and more

[dictionaryofobscuresorrows]

nodus tollens

n. the realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore—that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don’t understand, that don’t even seem to belong in the same genre—which requires you to go back and reread the chapters you had originally skimmed to get to the good parts, only to learn that all along you were supposed to choose your own adventure.

[dictionaryofobscuresorrows]

exulansis

n. the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it—whether through envy or pity or simple foreignness—which allows it to drift away from the rest of your life story, until the memory itself feels out of place, almost mythical, wandering restlessly in the fog, no longer even looking for a place to land.

[dictionaryofobscuresorrows]

scabulous

adj. proud of a scar on your body, which is an autograph signed to you by a world grateful for your continued willingness to play with her, even when you don’t feel like it.

[imagination]