Koujaku has OCD because i have OCD and i said so
Repost from my twitter. Starting this out by prefacing that I’m in no way a professional. I have just lived with this disorder since age six and projecting is how I cope.
To avoid confusion, I will first provide the points that have textual evidence to back them up, before discussing points that are more interpretation and headcanon based.
As far as OCD subtypes go, I personally believe that emotional contamination OCD and harm OCD align most accurately with Koujaku’s inner turmoil. The latter will be discussed later on, as I have less textual evidence, but believe it aligns with his character fairly well. Now, before I elaborate, I must explain what these two subtypes are.
Emotional Contamination OCD
Emotional contamination OCD is a subtype that revolves around a belief that a person, as well as their thoughts, traits, beliefs, etc. can rub off on (contaminate) others, cause bad things to happen, etc. Emotional contamination is most commonly described with the sufferer believing that other people’s traits will contaminate them, however it is possible for the direction of the contamination to go the other way as well. The sufferer may believe that they can lose aspects of themselves and/or contaminate others. (We’ll put a pin in this for later!)
Examples of obsessions (the intrusive thought or fear) and compulsions (the ritual preformed to alleviate the fear) are listed below for easy clarification.
Harm OCD is a subtype that revolves around violent, graphic and/or aggressive intrusive thoughts towards oneself or others.
Intrusive thoughts DO NOT define a person, they are unwanted. However, for many sufferers this is hard to discern, causing them to believe these violent thoughts are a reflection of their character, making this subtype extremely distressing.
Examples of obsessions and compulsions for this subtype are listed below for easy clarification.
So how does this relate to Koujaku?
Essentially, I believe that Koujaku views *himself* and especially his tattoos as contaminated, and fears that if he confides in Aoba about his past on the mainland and reveals this part of himself that,
1: Aoba will become "contaminated" or "tainted" by Koujaku’s past.
2: It will put Aoba in danger, and Koujaku will believe that he is the sole cause for it.
3: Aoba will view him in a negative light after finding out, and their friendship will be permanently altered or even ruined altogether.
Here’s some dialogue from Koujaku’s bad ending in reconnect where he essentially ruminates about Aoba’s potential reaction to learning about his past. Similarly, Koujaku tells Aoba that he worried about his reaction right before they storm oval tower.
Now, to prevent this fear from happening, Koujaku goes to extensive lengths to conceal his past from Aoba. (The compulsions!) Koujaku has been in Midorijima for three years at the time the game starts, and Aoba has never seen his tattoos once, aside from the one on his chest. Although Aoba has seen some of his scars, Koujaku dismisses the subject completely, never telling him anything that occurred during his time on the mainland.
Part of why he’s able to get away with this for so long, is because he purposefully hides these features from sight. He purposefully styles his hair and dresses in such a way that conceals nearly all of his scars and tattoos. He doesn’t want Aoba to see them because he doesn’t want to endanger him or ruin his relationship with him if Koujaku reveals this side of himself.
Even after Aoba discovers them, Koujaku is still extremely anxious at the thought of Aoba touching them, shown in his good ending in reconnect. Although he reluctantly agrees to let Aoba wash them, he still visibly reacts and tenses up once it happens.
Once they’re out of the shower, Koujaku admits that he didn’t want Aoba to touch his tattoos. He feared he’d be pushing his sins onto him, essentially contaminating Aoba if he came into contact with them.
This is quite literally an ocd thought pattern, it speaks for itself
Koujaku even acknowledges the fact that this worry sounds "stupid" and irrational. Similarly, many OCD sufferers are aware that their thoughts/obsessions, and compulsions are irrational. Despite knowing this, it’s still not enough to truly shake their feelings of anxiety.
Now, it's important to know that there's illogical inconsistencies and loop holes that come with OCD and its logic. For example, I can set my bag down on carpet flooring, but not tile flooring, even though I logically know that carpet is probably not as clean.
For Koujaku, this loophole comes into play when discussing his clients he has sex with. He regularly has sex with his clients, so surely they've seen him undressed. I’m sure they've seen and touched his tattoos, yet he still goes to great lengths to avoid letting Aoba see them. It’s common for OCD to "attack" or revolve around people the sufferer deeply cares about, which is why it's so different when it comes to Aoba. His relationship with these women is superficial, whereas Aoba is a driving force for him to continue, an important figure in his life.
Further Analyzations and Headcanons
Now that i’ve discussed emotional contamination, I’ll explain my headcanons and interpretations as to why I believe the harm OCD subtype suits him as well.
I personally think that Koujaku has this lingering fear of losing control and hurting someone (especially Aoba) again, similar to how he fatally wounded his mother. This obsession would lead to him engaging in similar avoidance-centric compulsions, as well as mental rituals (i.e. neutralizing the violent, obsessive thoughts with positive memories of Aoba perhaps.)
Timeline wise I think the harm OCD manifests shortly after his mother’s death. Amidst his grief and guilt is this all-consuming fear of his tattoos taking control over him again and potentially harming someone else in that state. Additionally i think he would obsess over whether these intrusive thoughts, as well as his former actions make him a terrible, irredeemable person, leaving him wondering if he truly is a monster that has the capacity to hurt others.
I think his father raised him to believe that showing vulnerability, confiding in others, and asking for help was a sign of weakness (which is another reason why he’s so reluctant to open up to Aoba but i digress.) so Koujaku never seeks any treatment or diagnosis.
The emotional contamination OCD develops shortly after he returns to Midorijima. This is when he comes into contact with Aoba again, and the fears relating to potentially "contaminating" and "pushing his sins onto Aoba" come into play, causing him to compulsively refrain from letting Aoba know about his past, tattoos, scars, etc.
I think that both of these obsessions would get even stronger after the events in platinum jail, after losing control and killing Ryuuhou in oval tower. this, alongside him still being super hesitant to let Aoba touch him, even after they start dating, is what eventually leads to him acknowledging the issue at hand and getting diagnosed.
He’s more willing to seek help this time around because he has Aoba in his life again, someone to motivate and encourage him to be vulnerable and take care of himself. He’s also more willing because he knows that as scared as he is, compulsively avoiding Aoba will only hurt him and strain their relationship more, which is the last thing he wants to do.
It’s not easy and both Aoba and Koujaku struggle to navigate it, especially with Aoba’s fear of abandonment. But he tries his best not to take it personally and acknowledges the fact that Koujaku is actively seeking treatment and asking for help which is a major improvement.
Uhmmm that’s about it!! If you’ve read this far i seriously can’t thank u enough. I really do appreciate it as this headcanon’s super duper personal and special to me.
