life update: i got a new job bc i got bored at home and i lowkey missed being able to go to a concert without feeling guilty. By guilty i mean, my husband supports my horrible spending habits
ANYWAYS,, i’ll still be writing but slow. I promise im working on them. Im back to enjoying writing again
saw this and immediately thought of 9th member reader who just wanted to be in yunho’s space. He happily plays for her and couldn’t be more content bc he just loves having her around.
at the start of the relationship, valko would be the type to accidentally knot you, then continue to do it every time after that bc he's obsessed with your reaction from the first time. he also the type to cum a lot, like a flood. and it's thick, too. he absolutely nuzzles you after he knots you too, just burrowing into you and pressing himself flush to your body. he 100% has a size kink too, and when you say anything related to how big he is, he's popping a knot right then and there. he bounces you on his dick when you get tired and collapse into his chest. OH and he absolutely wants you to scratch and bite all over; his neck, biceps, back, shoulders, and anywhere else your nails and teeth can reach.
An: I’m finally settled in and getting back into my groove so here’s some angst for you lovelies :) p.s Althea is my mc and I did my best with Valko so sorry if it sucks #BRINGBACKVALKO
pairings: lads x reader
genre: ???
au: idol |
synopsis: hot and new rookie group Love And Deepspace make a debut.
word count: 0.3k
warning(s):
Hot New Rookie Boy Group Debuts!
A fresh 5-member boy group has just debuted under the small but rising company Infold. Named Love and Deepspace—or LAD for short—these talented rookies have quickly captured the spotlight and won over fans everywhere.
KPROFILE - LOVE AND DEEPSPACE
FACTS ABOUT LOVE AND DEEPSPACE:
➤ Rafayel admitted that when he first met Zayne he thought was scary from how he presented himself.
➤ Sylus is the most popular among oversea fans, helping the group gain popularity. Rafayel is the most popular in Korea.
➤ LAD fans are called Cosma's, since the MV's go very deep into time travel, different realities and even having powers called evols.
➤ When LAD first debuted, Caleb was put on a sudden hiatus - infold never addressing why he had suddenly halted group activities. To this day fans are still curious as to why he had disappeared.
➤ The love interest in their music videos have been rumored to be one of the boys partner since in one of their behind the scenes video they could be seen running to what fans think was Sylus or Caleb who embraces them with a kiss that is not seen in any MV's.
➤ Zayne is the only one in the group to have gone to school and have an actual doctor degree but chose to be an idol.
➤ Sylus admitted that Xavier slightly scares him because he can sleep anywhere. He once walked in on Xavier sleeping stand up in the shower.
➤ Caleb admitted on live once that he has a childhood friend name pipsqueak who to this day is still very close with. Fans had tried to get Caleb to call them that as well, but he has refuse, even telling fans to respect his decision on not calling them that name.
➤ the lad boys are all very close to someone named yn, their face never showed when they post them. Fans speculate that they are the ones who play as the love interest in all their MV's since they seem familiar.
➤ Zayne said they'll reveal yn once they hit 1 billion views on one of their music videos. Zayne assuring fans that this was yn idea and is very comfortable once the goal is reached.
Love & Deepspace Discography
Love & Deepspace Awards History
I feel like the same things would happen with valko idol AU wise BUT the boys deeply cared for him and are genuinely upset.
Like, i mean, Zayne would make subtle gestures in interviews. Caleb would be the one to go against their company and hang out with Valko. Rafayel would always try to bring up Valko in whatever conversation he can. Sylus would jusy change his pfp to valko and change his bio to #bringbackVALKO. Xavier gives me the vibes that he would carry plushies of Valko.
the way i can imagine that when ATEEZ performs mamacita live, the boys would be all over yn.
like a very latin dance would be their choreo, and yn would be center with the boys taking turns dancing with her. When it comes to her lines i can see the boys letting her have the stage.
or like, yn and hongjoong rapping to each other like.
hj: baby, it's okay if we speak in korean, right? yeah
but he would pull yn by the waist as he's rapping.
yn: baby, baby, let's make it something that shines-a ring, yeah
and yn would be smirking pointing to her engagement ring which would have the whole crowd screaming
˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚ — staring across you was an empty seat, no boyfriend, no text, none at all. as you glance at your clock you realize it's been an hour and you've been stood up.
"Miss we swear we don't know where boss is!" Luke choked out.
You look to the side and Kieran is nodding.
These two don't know that you can tell when they're lying, you've spent 4 years with them for God's sake.
Today was finally the day you and Sylus had a free day, with mountains of work and investigating what's happening in the N109 Zone today was the day you can finally go out and breathe fresh air rather than smoke, guess it wouldn't be happening anytime soon as you waited like a fool in the facny restaurant you didn't even want to go to.
Waiting was one thing, him not telling you and leaving you there for hours on end was something different entirely.
"I'm coming for you both if I find out you both are lying—"
"He and Miss Hunter went to Elysium!" Luke finally admits as he fell trap on your glare.
You heard Kieran snicker muttering "Boss is so dead"
You left quickly with Mephisto's protest.
As you park your motorcycle, going in—Aislinn smiled mischievously
"You just missed them."
"What?"
"We both know what you're here for—or better yet who you're here for." Aislinn chuckled looking at you.
"Sorry though, no special menu's this time. Looks like it's reserved for someone else now."
"What do you mean—"
"You're smart. You can figure it out, they went south maybe you'll catch up to them."
Wasting no time you immediately went to the direction she gave you and there's where you saw them. Sylus was holding Miss Hunter near him as he patched up her wounds.
He quickly glanced over you but continued patching her up.
If he wasn't going to acknowledge you then you'll make him.
As you step over them—You stopped when he used his evol, his eyes giving you a sign.
To remember your place.
You and him was in the same situation, even in the same pose.
You felt yourself immedietly freeze when he touched her chin, you couldn't take it anymore as you used your evol to erase his hold on you.
Giving him a cold stare, you put your helmet on and started your engine.
You didn't look back this time.
｡‧˚ʚ🍎ɞ˚‧｡⋆ CALEB
Caleb was running four hours late on your anniversary date.
This was not him at all, with his all colonel duties tucked away; he's still organized and precise.
So where the hell is he?
Running on thin patience, you got out of the restaurant and immediately book the next train to skyhaven. His colleagues knew who you were—at first they mistook your for his childhood friend but you didn't pay it any mind, she was sweet and extremely important to him.
"Please I just need to see him for a few minutes and—you can even time me."
You said desperately to the poor lady in the lobby.
"Miss, as I said for the tenth time you need to have an appointment before you meet with the colonel"
You were getting frustrated—How difficult is it to see your boyfriend? You almost threw your hand up in the air when you overheard a conversation.
"Colonel Xia and the girl in his office are awfully close. Isn't he taken?"
"I could've sworn he is, In fact I've met his girlfriend awhile ago when she visited…they probably broke up?"
Fuck it.
As the pang on your stomach kept growing, so did your adrenaline—so you did what the most unnormal thing to do.
You booked it for the stairs.
"Miss? Miss! Somebody call security!"
For a paramilitary organization, going through their doors was scarily easily but finding out how easy it is to rob Farspace Fleet wasn't your goal so with your knees close to giving up and your heels almost separating, you pushed his office door open.
You didn't even know what to expect—but it was certainly not this.
Caleb was seated closely to another woman—MC it seems and he was obviously hiding something from her looking at his closed fist and both of their smiles so wide it can battle the plushie you won from a stupid arcade earlier this week.
The two was caught off-guard with the door opening and you see how Caleb met your eyes and immediately paled.
"Y/N—"
You couldn't be in the closed minimal space anymore as you stepped out, footsteps shuffling behind you. You cursed with the lack of access card in your hands when you realized you have to take the stairs again.
"Baby wait! Y/N please!"
Ignoring him you started going faster with each step you took as you almost slipped. You cursed and took off your heels which proved to be a fatal error because of his evol you found him standing right next to you.
"Baby, You didn't tell me you were coming—did something happen?"
"Did something happen? Do you even know what day is it?"
Caleb eyebrows furrowed as he checked his phone, you figured he saw the date and the calendar reminder you put a week ago.
"Fuck—Baby I'm sorry I've got the dates wrong..I'll make it up to you—"
"Caleb"
He flinched by the lack of endearment.
"I waited and looked stupid in that restaurant! I was worried! and then when I go here to check on you—you were here with another woman! I know I'm not as important as she is but all I'm asking is one day! We barely even spend time anymore—"
"You know how the situation is, I can't risk her safety—"
"But you can risk mine?"
"Come on, don't even go there."
You scoffed finally having enough.
"You know what, let's take a break.
"Baby please—"
You didn't let him finish as you exit the building, you walked to the front and you saw something near your chest. A tiny red laser was pointing to you and then—everything went black.
ⵉ߮ 𐄁᠇𐄁 ߮ᜢ VALKO
Working with metals wasn't easy, you practically can't even see where your callouses ends and where your skin begin.
That's why working with your boyfriend was heavensent.
With how he can easily manipulate metal, your job requires no effort at all, he practically does it for you even if you protest.
But one thing he doesn't know how to manipulate is time.
He was running 3 hours late, It was normal for him to run 15 minutes late but never this late.
You sighed as you looked at your gift.
You were working on this secretly, he always gave you flowers so you decide this was the time to give him his. This was no easy feat—it took you months of trials and errors and even ending up with burns that made you flinch everytime you put pressure on your fingers.
Still Valko was worth every effort.
You tap on your phone killing time, when a chat from your bestfriend caught your attention.
"Hey aren't you on a date with Valko?"
"Supposed to be why?"
"Well can you explain why he's here with a woman that does not look like you?"
Before you can even respond she sent you a picture.
It was Valko and a hunter you haven't met—which was strange as you've probably met his great great great cousin.
You tapped as you replied "Probably a cousin?"
"Girl I don't know what cousin you have but mine are not this close."
You read as she sent another picture, this time with his arms wrapped around her—You immediately shut your phone, as you shot your eye ignoring the pain you felt.
You sighed, she probably was more gentle than you. Where you bear yourself with calloused fingers she probably had none.
You look at your creation one last time before you threw it in the trash.
A/N: PHEEEEEEEEEW overdid myself w this one i admit,,,,,thanks so much for all the love with the last three! u guys r so sweet! part 2's would probably contain all of them in one post! stay tuned!
likes n reblogs r appreciated
STOOD UP! — LADS MEN
˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚ — staring across you was an empty seat, no boyfriend, no text, none at all. as you glance at your clock you realize it's been an hour and you've been stood up.
⋆˚꩜｡ cast — xavier, rafayel, zayne
🔖 tags — lads x non mc reader! hurt, no comfort, mentions of injuries, wounds and blood
݁ ˖Ი𐑼˖⋆ XAVIER
You haven't stopped tapping your foot on the ground as you stare at the clock bolted on the wall of the restaurant. Two hours have passed and your boyfriend was nowhere in sight.
"Miss I'm so sorry but if you're not able to give us an order you would need to give up the table."
The waiter looked at you with pity on her face, she had checked on you three times now, and there's a line forming at the front of the restaurant, you don't really blame them—they could've gained profit instead of letting you stay for too long alone. Still you tried to save face.
"I swear he's going to be here any minute—"
"I'm so sorry Miss, but this goes past our guidelines."
Sighing you nod, gathering your things and muttering a quick apology to the waiter. You walked with your head held high as the customers sitting next to you gave you pity looks.
You checked your phone again, expecting an apology, a text to explain why he was late and what you get was
"Star, I'm staying up late tonight to help MC with her training. Don't wait up."
You chuckled bitterly. This was the third date he forgot, or he was too tired to go on—sighing you searched for your car, and driving in complete silence. As you push the door of your shared apartment; you left your heels haphazardly near the door and took off the jewelry you spent hours making sure it matches with your outfit.
You didn't bother eating and just immediately went to bed after tidying up, and then you heard the door open with two person laughing. You clutched the blanket tightly as you close your eyes as you mutter.
"At least they had fun."
𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 RAFAYEL
You were pissed to say the least.
You stood there in the pouring rain, the small tree barely covering you even though you were already soaked, waiting for your boyfriend.
You and him already planned to go on a picnic date, you dressed up nice in all his favorite colors and jewelry that matches his eyes, laid out the food, and made sure everything was perfect to his artistic eye.
You waited.
Then an hour past by.
2 hours.
3 hours.
You kept spamming Rafayel with messages, first excited, then it turns to worry and now you were just not having it. As you pressed the send— a small water drop splashed on your phone, as you looked up it dawned on you that it was about to rain.
Muttering curses you immediately scrambled to pick up the things you brought but that proved to no use as the rain continued pouring harder by the second until you and everything you brought with you was soaked.
You tried to open your phone to no use, the water probably got inside. Sighing you left what was unsalvageable and walked, until a familiar car stopped and the driver immediately got out.
"Cutie I'm so so sorry, MC messaged me this morning asking for help—and I thought we would be fast but a problem happened and—"
"Save it."
"Y/N I really am sorry! please!" Rafayel begged as he took off his coat to put it around you
"Call me a cab, I don't want to face you right now Raf. Let's talk at home."
"Y/N please don't do this I'll make it up to you."
Sighing as you look up at him and you don't even know if it was water or your tears that was running down your face.
"I'll believe it when I see it."
⎚-⎚ ZAYNE
You were sitting in the ER of Akso Hospital.
You shouldn't have been here, you were supposed to go a nice place you and Zayne picked out but now you're clutching your bleeding elbow.
You look at your cream dress, the upper left part covered in blood and you were feeling a little dazed already—probably from the blood loss.
"Doctor Zayne! why are you still here? I thought you and Y/N are going on a date today?"
Greyson's voice rings out of your ear as you see two individuals in your peripheral vision.
You see Zayne with his brows furrowed, his white coat a mess and it looks like he couldn't even give a shit about what Greyson said.
"I'll deal with it later, MC's condition worsened—I can't leave her like this."
You felt a pang of hurt go through your spine. He should've left early and went to the restaurant, looking at the clock you assumed that he would've just left you waiting like a fool. Sighing, you joked that the revelation hurt more than your arm which is still bleeding by the way—
"Y/N?" Greyson asked his voice sounding more pitiful than surprised, well who wouldn't? your boyfriend of two years is literally treating another woman while you're stuck on a chair probably losing more blood than you ever donated in your whole life.
Blinking repeatedly, you started seeing double before whispering a quick 'hey' to Greyson.
"What do you mean hey? you're not looking good, I should grab Zayne—" with all your might you clutched his coat, muttering sorry for making his coat look like a ketchup packet exploded on one side.
"Don't. I-I'm fine." You said as you began seeing black spots in your vision, you were obviously not fine at all.
"Fine? you're literally about to pass out—Hey! Somebody grab Doctor Zayne!" Was the last thing you've heard until the world suddenly turned dim.
˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ A/N!...caleb, sylus, n valko coming soon,,im out of the trenches n i'm testing the waters....
just read enough! i love your work but I think a tag for suicide is very needed. I understand you dont want to spoil the chapter but its a very hard thing to just stumble upon for people who have attempted (myself included). Even if the trigger warnings are written and put in the comment section i really do think theyre needed with things this heavy.
I feel really bad mentioning this so im really sorry
pairing: ateez x reader
au: 9th member | idol | poly
genre: angst with no comfort
word count: 8.2 k
synopsis: when all the walls are closing. when the weight's hard to bear. when you feel like you're nowhere. let it go because i'll be there for you
warning(s): . no warning as it will cause spoilers so PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. JUST a reminder, this is NOT canon to the timeline. This is just a what if scenario. To make sense please read part one and part two before continuing.
I remember standing by the ocean Watching all the waves just rollin' on
You sat beside Hongjoong, your head resting comfortably against his shoulder while Yeosang stretched out between your legs. The ocean rolled in and out in front of you. Waves crashing softly against the shore. The salty air filled your lungs with every breath, the breeze occasionally brushing strands of hair across your face. For once, everything felt quiet. Peaceful even.
A kind of peace you hadn’t felt in a long, long time. No more tension. No more awkward glances. No more rooms filled with unsaid feelings. Just this.
Just the three of you after everything that happened... Gods, you have missed this. You missed breathing without feeling like your chest was caving in. Missed laughing without guilt sitting in your stomach. Missed existing without waiting for something bad to happen.
Beside you, Hongjoong shifted slightly, pressing his cheek gently against the top of your head. A quiet habit that made you lips twitch.
Meanwhile, Yeosang was entirely occupied with your hand. Specifically, your left hand. His fingers absentmindedly played with yours, occasionally twisting the ring around your finger. The engagement ring caught the sunlight each time it moved, sparkling brightly enough to steal your attention.
You looked down and immediately smiled. Because Yeosang was staring at it too. And the expression on his face, the pure pride and happiness. A smile sat on his lips as he carefully turned the ring again.
The ring. The one he and Hongjoong picked together. The one they spent entirely too much time debating over. The one that now sat on your finger because after all the heartbreak, after all the healing, Yeosang got to propose too.
Finally, even if it was Hongjoong. He can recall the tearful face of yours, the faintest yes leaving your lips as Hongjoong took off the old ring. Yeosang getting the honors of placing the new. Yeosang glanced up and caught you staring.
“What?” he asked, trying and failing to hide his grin.
You raised an eyebrow. “You've been staring at it for like ten minutes.”
Immediately, his ears tinted pink. “I have not.”
“You absolutely have.”
Hongjoong snorted beside you, causing the three of you to burst out laughing. And just like that, the sound of their laughter mixed with the ocean waves. And for the first time in what felt like forever you truly felt at home again.
I remember shadows growing darker, yeah. Then the morning broke with a brighter sun, yeah
Seonghwa couldn't believe his ears. The words echoed over and over in his head, each repetition somehow hitting harder than the last.
"I think we should stay being friends."
Everything after that became muffled. Like he was underwater. Like someone had pressed mute on the world. He was vaguely aware of himself nodding. Aware of you sitting across from him. But the ringing in his ears drowned everything else out.
What had he expected? Honestly? What had he really expected?
That you would welcome him back with open arms?
That after starting the worst year of your life, after breaking your heart and walking away, you would simply let him step back into the place he once occupied?
The thought alone made his stomach twist. Of course not. You deserved better than that. You always had. Across from him, you noticed immediately.
Because despite everything you still knew him. You always would. Your hand gently touched his. The contact pulled him back just enough to focus on you again. "Hwa..."
His eyes lifted.
"It doesn't mean I don't love you."
The words immediately made his chest ache. You smiled sadly. "We're still going to be us."
A pause.
"Just not romantically."
His throat tightened.
"And with more boundaries."
There it was. The reality of it. No anger, no hatred, not even rejection. Just a boundary. A consequence that was his fault. A line drawn by someone who had finally learned to protect herself.
And he didnt know that would hurt more. Because he couldn't even argue with it. Couldn't tell you it was unfair. Couldn't tell you that you were wrong. You weren't.
You were finally choosing yourself.
Something he should've wanted all along. Seonghwa swallowed hard before forcing a smile onto his face. The strongest one he could manage. "Of course, Yn."
His voice sounded steadier than he felt. "Anything you wish for, princess."
Your smile softened. For a brief second, he saw the person he'd fallen in love with all those years ago. Then you leaned forward. And pressed a gentle kiss against his cheek.
Tender, affectionate and goodbye. A goodbye to the version of you two that once existed.
Then you stood and left. The door clicking shut behind you. The room became silent. Seonghwa remained exactly where he was.
Still smiling. Still staring at the spot you'd been sitting moments ago. Until something wet landed on the back of his hand. He blinked.
Looked down. Another followed. Then another.
Only then did he realize he was crying. Not loudly, nor dramatically. Just quiet tears slipping down his face as the reality settles in. You still loved him. Just not the love he was hoping for. And that somehow made it worse.
Because for the first time since he broke up with you, Seonghwa understood something with painful clarity: Loving someone wasn't always enough to be allowed back into their heart.
Sometimes, you gotta move forward Just take it step by step
You stood awkwardly in the doorway of Yunho's room. He sat in his desk chair facing you, hands clasped together as if he was trying to stop himself from fidgeting. The tension in the room was so thick it made you want to turn around, find Hongjoong and Yeosang, and drag them back as emotional support.
Taking a breath, you finally spoke. "Look, Yunho—"
"I know." He cut you off before you could continue. "We're not getting back together."
You blinked. The bluntness caught you off guard. It stung a little, but not nearly as much as it would have a year ago. "Well," you said dryly, crossing your arms, "there's no need to be so blunt about it."
A sheepish smile tugged at his lips.
"Sorry. I just..." He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I've accepted the fact that even if I apologized and spent the rest of my life proving how sorry I am, you still wouldn't want to be with me."
You couldn't even argue with that. After several long conversations with your fiancés, the answer had become clear. Getting back together with Yunho wasn't something you wanted. Not anymore.
"It's just..." You shifted your weight. "Yunho, you did the most damage after the breakup."
His smile disappeared.
"You didn't stay away, but you weren't kind either. You didn't give me any sign that we could even be friendly. Every interaction felt like you hated me."
Guilt flashed across his face. "And I'm still sorry for that," he said quietly. "The whole thing just blew up after I got that text and—"
"And I get that, Yun. I really do."
The nickname slipped out naturally. Softly. "But it's still not an excuse."
Something visibly jolted in him. Yun. You hadn't called him that in over a year. For a moment, he simply stared. Because despite everything, despite knowing he'd ruined any chance of getting you back, hearing that nickname made his chest ache.
He was still in love with you.
That much had never changed. But he also knew he'd destroyed something that couldn't simply be repaired with an apology. He'd seen the disappointment in Hongjoong's eyes. Seen it in Mingi's too.His best friend. The people who had watched him self-destruct alongside you.
"Will we at least still be friends?" he asked softly, avoiding eye contact.
Silence filled the room. You thought about it for a moment before answering. "Of course, Yunho."
His eyes lifted.
"We were friends before we were lovers."
The tension in his shoulders loosened slightly.
"And I don't want to lose that."
You stepped forward. Hesitating for only a second before closing the distance between you. Yunho froze. Then you leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss against his forehead. His breath caught instantly. Before he could stop himself, his hands found your waist, pulling you into a tight embrace. Not in a romantic or possessive way. Just desperate, like he wanted to hold onto this version of you for a little longer.
You let him, just for a moment. Then you shifted. A silent reminder that it was time to let go. Slowly, his arms loosened.
You smiled sadly. "I honestly do miss our gaming sessions."
The confession came out as a whisper. Then you stepped away and headed for the door. Yunho watched you leave. The room felt empty the second you were gone. The door clicked shut behind you. And only then did he finally speak.
"I miss them too."
The words fell into the silence, he was the only one left to hear them.
And then you'll notice You've found your place (goddamn!)
You and Yeosang were at the gym, working out separately but close enough to keep each other in sight. Yeosang was across the room working through a set of weights while you focused on hip thrusts and squats, earbuds tucked into your ears.
Neither of you noticed the pair of eyes occasionally drifting your way. San had been working on his arms a few machines over, doing his best to focus on his workout instead of you.
Failing miserably. As he finished a set and reached for his water bottle, a familiar laugh suddenly filtered through his headphones. His head snapped up.
That laugh. Your laugh. The audio playing from his phone wasn't music. It was him. More specifically, an old recording of the two of you pretending to host a podcast. One of hundreds of ridiculous voice memos the two of you used to make.
"Can you believe the Choi Jongho has a hickey?" his own voice rang through the earbud.
A second later came the sound of your snort. Then your bright, uncontrollable giggles. The kind that always made him keep talking just to hear more of them.
"I heard he got caught making out behind the dorms."
Another burst of laughter. San felt his chest tighten painfully. Tears immediately stung his eyes. He grabbed his sweat towel and pressed it against his face, pretending to wipe away sweat while discreetly blinking away the emotion threatening to spill over.
A tap on his shoulder startled him. San nearly jumped. Turning around, he froze. You stood there holding your water bottle, offering him a small smile.
"Yn," he breathed. The towel nearly slipped from his hand.
"Hi, Sannie," you said softly.
The nickname alone nearly knocked the air from his lungs. His eyes immediately darted around the gym. Looking for Yeosang.
You noticed instantly. "He went back to shower."
San nodded. Still staring, trying to process the fact that you were standing in front of him. Then you shifted awkwardly.
"Do you want to... maybe get some lunch?"
For a second, he genuinely thought he imagined it. Then realization hit. You were asking him. His heart nearly stopped.
"Yeah." The answer came far too quickly.
"Yeah, I'd like that." The smile that appeared on his face was impossible to hide. Maybe this was a chance. Maybe this was finally his chance to apologize.
—
A short while later, the two of you sat across from each other at a small café near the gym. A protein smoothie sat in front of you. One San had insisted on buying. Refusing to even let you reach for your wallet. You took a sip before glancing up at him.
The nervous energy practically radiated off him that you felt bad for a moment you had to break the tension. "So..."
"I'm sorry."
The words exploded out of him. You blinked, clearly not expecting him to launch straight into it. San immediately groaned and dragged a hand down his face.
"So much for easing into the conversation."
A small laugh escaped you. Despite yourself. Taking that as encouragement, he pushed forward.
"I'm sorry for ghosting you." His voice softened.
"I don't have an excuse." The smile faded from his face.
"I don't." He shook his head.
"What I did was selfish and cowardly, and I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you'll let me." The sincerity in his voice made your chest ache.
You offered him a soft smile. "Oh, San..."
The nickname alone nearly made him tear up again. Because you still said it the same way. The same looked at him as well, so gentle and warm. Far kinder than he deserved.
Across from you, San immediately looked nervous. Like he was bracing for impact.
"Seonghwa and Yunho, they're a fucking mess after you talked to them," he admitted with a weak laugh. "I'm fully expecting to be too after you chew me out."
A surprised laugh escaped you. Not because it was funny. But because he genuinely looked terrified. "Good," you replied.
San groaned immediately, dropping his forehead into his hands. "I knew it."
"You should."
His shoulders shook with a defeated laugh. You took another sip of your smoothie before setting it down. The smile faded slightly. Not completely, just enough.
"Do you know what hurt most?"
San slowly lifted his head. The fear immediately returned. Because your voice wasn't angry. It was sad. And somehow that was worse.
"I kept making excuses for you."
His expression crumpled instantly. You looked down at your drink.
"When everyone else broke up with me, I told myself you'd never do that."
Silence.
"I defended you."
San's eyes immediately began stinging. Because he remembered. Remembered how many times he promised he'd never leave. How many times he'd been the one reassuring you. The dependable one. The safe one.
"I told myself San would call eventually."
Your voice cracked slightly. "Then I thought maybe you were busy."
San couldn't look at you anymore. Then came the words that shattered him.
"Then I started wondering if you were hurt."
A pause.
"If you were sick."
Another pause.
"If you hated me."
San squeezed his eyes shut. Because every possibility you'd imagined was better than the truth. The truth was that he'd seen your calls, your messages. Seen your name appear on his screen. And done absolutely nothing.
"I know," he whispered.
His voice sounded broken. "I know."
You shook your head.
"No." Your eyes finally met his. "I don't think you do."
The restaurant suddenly felt too quiet. Too small. Because there was no anger in your face. Only hurt.
"Ghosting me wasn't just you leaving, San." Your fingers tightened around your cup.
"It made me question every memory we had."
His breath caught. Because he had never thought of it that way. Not even once.
"I kept wondering if any of it was real."
Immediately, tears filled his eyes. "Yn—"
"Was I that easy to throw away?"
The question came out quietly. And San looked like he'd been punched. Because there wasn't a single answer he could give that would make that hurt disappear.
"No."
The response came instantly and desperately. "No, no. God, no."
His eyes overflowed. "You were never easy to leave."
His voice shook a little bit now. "You were the hardest thing I've ever walked away from."
A tear slid down his cheek.
"And I did it anyway."
"I was a coward."
Another tear followed.
"I thought if I disappeared, it'd hurt less than hearing me say it." He laughed bitterly. "Turns out I was wrong."
You stared at him for a long moment. Taking in the tears and regret. The guilt he'd clearly been carrying for over a year. Then quietly, you spoke.
"Yeah."
San winced. Because he knew he deserved that.
"It did hurt more." you said softly.
San was fumbling with his fingers now, his eyes focused on them when your hands came into view, cupping his. That's when he looked up and can see the pain.
" even though it hurt, i forgive you San... and i think we should just stay as friends."
He knew he shouldnt be hurt. He knows that but fuck does it hurt so much. He sucked in a deep breathe, wanting this to be dream. You can see the turmoil on his face. It was the same one you would make a year ago.
San's lip quivered. He immediately looked away, blinking rapidly as he tried to keep himself together in the middle of a crowded café.
You noticed. Of course you did. You always noticed. "I still love you, Sannie."
The words made his chest ache. Not because they gave him hope. Because they didn't, at least, not anymore.
The hope had already been gently taken from his hands. But hearing that you still loved him somehow hurt more than hearing you didn't.
Because it meant he hadn't imagined it. What the two of you had was real. It just wasn't enough to undo what happened.
You squeezed his hand gently. "But I need time to heal from you."
San nodded slowly.
You took a shaky breath. "I've accepted that Seonghwa and Yunho will never be the same again."
The words hung in the air.
"And that hurts."
Your gaze dropped to your intertwined hands.
"But with you..."
San's breath caught. Because there was something different in your voice. Something softer.
You smiled sadly. "With you, I imagined a whole future."
The tears he'd been fighting finally spilled over.
A family. A home.
Growing old together, every stupid date, every lazy morning, every dream he'd let himself have.
Gone, because he'd broken something precious enough that it couldn't be rebuilt overnight. Maybe not ever.
"Yn..." His voice cracked.
You smiled anyway, a gentle one. The same one that always made him feel safe. Taking a deep breath, San wiped quickly at his eyes and forced himself to speak.
"I wish you nothing but the best with them."
His voice was rough but honest. Because despite how much it hurt, he meant it. Your smile widened immediately, a real one this time.
Bright enough to make his heart squeeze. Instinctively, both of your gazes dropped to your left hand. The engagement ring sparkled beneath the café lights. A reminder of the future you'd chosen. The future waiting for you.
"Thank you, Sannie."
hold onto your ground, doesnt matter how
You and Hongjoong had known there would be backlash. No matter when you announced your engagement, there would always be people who questioned it. You'd told yourself that for weeks.
Repeated it like a mantra. Tried to prepared for it. Or at least you thought you had.
But nothing prepared you for actually seeing it. The post had only been up for thirty minutes. Thirty. And already the comments were flooding in.
Anonymous
yeah sure. announce an engagement RIGHT after a scandal.
hj&ynlover
i love them but this feels really suspicious. happy for them, i guess?
yeosangleftsock
oh please. this is the most obvious publicity stunt i've ever seen.
Your stomach dropped. Every comment felt like another hand reaching into your chest and squeezing. Because they weren't talking about some celebrity. They were talking about your life.
Your pain, love and future.
Anonymous
she got caught in a scandal and suddenly they're engaged? okay.
Anonymous
trying to distract everyone from the poly rumors.
Anonymous
he deserves better honestly.
That one made your breath hitch. Your thumb froze.
Anonymous
she's always causing problems for the group.
Anonymous
i miss when ateez wasn't messy.
Anonymous
this relationship always felt off.
Your vision blurred, tears stinging your eyes as you desperately tried to blink them away. This wasn't speculation. This was your engagement.
Your future, the happiest moment of your life reduced to strangers calling it fake. Your chest tightened painfully as another comment flashed through your mind.
He deserves better.
The words hit harder than they should have. Because after everything, after the breakups and the scandal. there was still a part of you that wondered if everyone would be happier without you.
A sob threatened to escape. You quickly pressed a hand over your mouth.
God, not now. Not when they would be home any minute.
You wiped furiously at your face. Trying to erase any evidence. Trying to compose yourself. Then you heard the front door.
The familiar sound of keys. The door opening. Voices immediately filling the apartment. You hurriedly wiped your cheeks again, rushing off the couch as you ran towards the kitchen.
The door to the living room swung open. Hongjoong and Yeosang walked in together, still caught up in whatever conversation they'd been having. Neither noticed you at first.
"Baby!"
Yeosang's voice filled the room immediately. Bright and excited.
"You would not believe what Hongjoong did during our suit fitting."
A small laugh escaped Hongjoong.
"Don't start."
"Oh, I'm absolutely starting."
Yeosang kicked off his shoes and pointed dramatically toward him.
"This man got emotional."
You let out a small laugh. A convincing one, at least, you hoped it was. Quickly turning back toward the kitchen island, you reached for an onion and a knife. Anything to keep them from looking too closely.
Anything to explain the burning in your eyes.
The comments still sat heavy in your chest.
He deserves better.
Publicity stunt.
Damage control.
You swallowed hard and focused on the cutting board. Hongjoong and Yeosang wandered into the kitchen together, still lightly bickering.
"He cried."
"I did not." Hongjoong whined.
"You literally did."
"I was not crying."
Before either of them could notice anything strange, they stepped into your space. Yeosang kissed your cheek. Hongjoong pressed a quick peck against your lips.
The simple affection nearly broke you all over again. Because they loved you so easily. And strangers hated you just as easily.
The moment they pulled away, Hongjoong frowned. His hand lifted. Carefully brushing a strand of hair away from your face.
"Baby."
Your stomach dropped. His thumb lingered against your cheek.
"Have you been crying?"
For a split second, your entire body froze. You turned around quickly and held up the onion in your hand like evidence.
"Just the onions I'm cutting for dinner."
The lie slipped so much easier than you thought it would. Hongjoong stared at you for a moment before nodding his head.
" alright... but you'll let us know is anything is brothering you right?"
you nodded your head, pressing a reassuring kiss to his cheek, as well as Yeosangs. " i promise, now go get washed up boys. Dinner will be done shortly."
buying your excuse, you let out a sigh of relief that you didnt even realize that you were holding in.
they don’t even care so then, why should you?
You didn’t remember when your emotions had gotten this bad. Maybe it had been gradual. Like it had happened so slowly that you never noticed until now. All you knew was that lately, it felt like everything hurt more than it should.
You leaned heavily against the kitchen counter, tears streaming down your face as the last remnants of your sobs slowly quieted. Your chest still ached from the breakdown you’d just had, the aftermath lingering like a storm that refused to fully pass.
The house was silent, a little too silent. And in that silence, the thoughts came back.
“You don’t deserve them.”
Your head snapped up. The reflection staring back at you looked foreign. Cruel, almost hateful.
“I mean, who would want to stay with you?”
Your breath caught. Fresh tears immediately welled in your eyes. “No,” you whispered.
But the voice kept going,relentless and so cruel.
“Look at yourself, you’re exhausting. Too emotional.”
Your heart pounded painfully against your ribs. Another tear rolled down your cheek. You couldn’t look away from your reflection, as if your memorized to your own cruelty.
“It’s why they didn’t invite you to the cake tasting.”
The thought struck deeper than it should have. A stupid thing. Something that had a perfectly reasonable explanation. Yet somehow your brain had twisted it into evidence.Evidence that you were unwanted and that you were being left behind.
“You’re so sensitive. It’s probably why they needed a break from you.”
You squeezed your eyes shut immediately, hard. Like you could physically force the thoughts away. Your chest heaved as you fought for a steady breath.
But it wasn’t working. The breathing exercises that you and yeosang practiced out the window. A sob was working it’s way back up again. Because the worst part wasn’t hearing the words. The worst part was that some small, broken piece of you believed them.
you didn’t recognize yourself anymore. Not the girl who used to stand her ground. Not the woman who used to fight back. Just someone standing alone in the bathroom, crying over comments, over cake tastings, over things that shouldn’t hurt this much.
yet somehow it did and no matter how tightly you shut your eyes, you couldn’t stop hearing that voice. Sounding exactly like your own.
“ you should just end it all. i mean, you would make everyones lives so much better. everyone is thinking it.”
a choked sobbed left your throat as you stared at the razor that hung on the wall. your vision so blurred and the tightness in your chest began to hurt. your hand trembled, feeling around for your phone.
your fingers hovered over hongjoongs contact, hesitating on bothering calling him. Staring back at your reflection who held such a cruel smirk on her face, your hands reached across the sink.
dont stop believing how you got here hold onto that feelin gonna make it far enough
Hongjoong and Yeosang arrived home to an unsettling silence.
The kind that immediately put them on edge. It was strange. The apartment was usually filled with something like, music playing from your phone, the television running in the background, your laughter carrying from another room, or even just your voice talking to Mouse.
But now? Nothing.
The silence wrapped around them the moment they stepped through the front door, sending an uneasy chill down their spines. Each of them carried a small bag from the cake tasting, having brought home slices for you to try. The entire drive back had been spent arguing over which flavor you'd choose as your favorite.
"Yn! Baby, we're home!"
Hongjoong slipped into his slippers as he called out, expecting to hear your voice almost immediately. Nothing answered him.
Yeosang frowned. "Maybe she's asleep?"
It wasn't impossible. The past few weeks had been exhausting, and lately you'd seemed more tired than usual. Still, something felt off. A sharp yelp suddenly echoed down the hallway.
Both men turned instantly. "Mouse?"
Another yelp. Followed by frantic scratching. Hongjoong's stomach tightened. Without thinking, he headed toward the spare room where the noise was coming from.
The scratching grew louder as he approached. "mouse?"
The moment he opened the door, Mouse practically launched himself out of the room. The dog jumped against Hongjoong's legs before immediately rushing toward Yeosang, whining loudly.
The dog wouldn't settle. Instead, he paced between them anxiously, letting out another distressed whine.
Hongjoong exchanged a look with Yeosang. Something wasn't right.
"That's odd..." Yeosang murmured, watching Mouse dart toward the hallway before looking back at them again.
His brows furrowed. "Usually Yn has him with her."
The uneasy feeling in Hongjoong's chest suddenly grew heavier. Because Yeosang was right. Mouse followed you everywhere, like a shadow.
And if he was locked away in the spare room by himself, where were you?
Hongjoong set the bag of cake slices down on the kitchen counter, the cheerful conversation from earlier long forgotten. The uneasy feeling in his chest had only grown stronger. Mouse's anxious behavior.
The fact that you hadn't come running out to greet them. None of it felt right. Without saying a word, he headed toward your shared bedroom. The hallway suddenly felt much longer than usual.
When he pushed open the door, his stomach dropped. The bed was empty. The blankets were still rumpled from that morning, but there was no sign of you.
His eyes immediately caught on the sliver of light spilling from beneath the bathroom door. The light was on.
A sinking feeling settled heavily in his stomach.
"Baby?" he called softly. No answer.
Behind him, he could hear Yeosang approaching, his footsteps quickening when he saw Hongjoong standing frozen in the doorway.
"Is she in there?" Yeosang asked quietly.
Hongjoong didn't answer right away. Because suddenly every terrible possibility was trying to force its way into his mind. His throat tightened.
"Yn?" he called again, a little louder this time.
Still nothing. His hands began to shake, just slightly. But enough for him to notice. Enough that he had to curl them into fists before reaching for the doorknob.
The metal felt cold beneath his palm. For a moment, he simply stood there. Heart pounding. Breath caught somewhere in his throat. Trying to convince himself he was overreacting. Trying to convince himself that you were probably just taking a bath.
Probably scrolling through your phone. Probably annoyed that he kept calling your name. But the dread in his chest refused to ease.
And as he wrapped his fingers around the handle, Hongjoong found himself taking a shaky breath. One he couldn't quite seem to finish.
Hongjoong breathe was caught in his throat, the scene forever pictured in his mind now. A wail left his body as he stumbled towards the bathtub. The crimson red blood stained the floor as Yeosang eyes widen at the scene. Hongjoong crawled towards your body, tears streaming down his face.
" y-yn!" he cried, putting pressure onto your open wounds.
Yeosang was fumbling with his phone, stuttering to get his words out as Hongjoong was frantically calling your name. Deep down, they both knew.
you were dead.
gonna make it far enough
Seonghwa was the first to get the call. One moment, he was sitting on the floor of his apartment, absentmindedly sorting through a set of Legos while a show played quietly in the background.
The next, his phone rang. Hongjoong.
A small smile had started to form before he answered. It vanished almost immediately. The color drained from his face. The Lego piece slipped from his fingers, clattering against the hardwood floor.
"Hongjoong?" His voice came out strained.
Whatever Hongjoong said next made Seonghwa shoot to his feet so fast the box of Legos overturned beside him.
"Where are you?"
San and Jongho looked up from the living room instantly. Because Seonghwa never sounded like that. So panicked and terrified. His hands were shaking as he grabbed his keys.
"Okay. Okay, we're coming right now."
The call ended.
"Hyung?" Jongho asked, already standing.
Seonghwa couldn't seem to catch his breath.
"Get your shoes."
The words came out broken, urgent and it brought chills to San and Jongho. Enough that neither San nor Jongho questioned him. They were moving before he even finished speaking. Because the look on Seonghwa's face told them everything they needed to know.
Something was wrong. Very wrong.
im so scared, i feel like i might fall i cant believe you for even a moment, so im in a hurry to hide it.
Across the city, Wooyoung was grocery shopping when his phone rang. Yeosang. Without thinking, he answered with a soft smile.
"Hey, did you guys finally decide what flavor-"
The smile disappeared instantly. His entire body went still. The shopping cart slipped from his grip. For a moment, he simply stood there in the middle of the aisle. Just listening. His expression growing paler with every passing second.
"Yeosang..." His voice cracked.
The cart sat abandoned beside him. Half filled with groceries. Items he'd spent twenty minutes comparing. Things that suddenly felt completely insignificant.
Wooyoung squeezed his eyes shut. Then he was moving, leaving everything exactly where it was. The shopping cart sat abandoned in the middle of the aisle, groceries half-finished and forgotten.
People turned as he rushed past them. He didn't notice nor didn't care. The only thing that mattered was getting to the hospital.
His hands shook as he pushed through the automatic doors, nearly dropping his phone in the process. Yeosang's voice still echoed in his head, strained and terrified in a way Wooyoung had never heard before.
Every red light felt too long and unbearable. All he could think was one desperate prayer: Please be okay.
why dont you try hiding it? go ahead and dive in even when the world pushes you away you remember that moment, that we shared together
Across town, Mingi and Yunho were in the middle of a game when both of their phones began ringing simultaneously. The sudden interruption drew confused looks from both of them.
Before either could answer, the dorm room door flew open. Their manager burst inside. The color had completely drained from his face.
"Hyung, what is go-"
"No questions."
His voice was sharp, urgent. The kind of voice that immediately made your stomach drop. The last time they'd heard him sound like that was when he'd rushed them to the hospital after Yn's miscarriage. The memory hit both of them instantly.
"Get up."
Neither Mingi nor Yunho argued nor asked another question. A knot twisted painfully in Mingi's stomach as he pushed himself to his feet. Something was wrong. very, very wrong.
Yunho could see their manager's mouth moving. Could see the panic written all over his face. But suddenly there was a loud buzzing in his ears. Everything sounded distant.
Muffled, as if he was underwater. His pulse thundered violently in his chest.
"Hyung..."The word barely left his mouth.
Their manager's expression crumpled. And somehow that terrified him more than anything else. Because managers were supposed to stay calm. Yet standing in front of them was a man who looked utterly shaken.
"It's Yn."
The world stopped. Nobody breathed.
Then Mingi's knees nearly gave out beneath him. He caught himself on the edge of the desk, his hand trembling violently.
"No." The word escaped before he could stop it.
Yunho felt his own stomach drop. Cold dread spreading through every inch of his body.
"What happened?"
His voice sounded strangled. The manager looked away for a moment and that was enough. Because suddenly every horrible possibility was crashing through their minds.
Mingi was already grabbing his shoes. His fingers fumbling so badly he could barely tie them.
Yunho's heart slammed against his ribs. Hard. The buzzing in his ears only grew louder. Because for the first time since everything had happened he was truly terrified.
Not of losing a relationship or a friend. But of losing you. And suddenly every argument felt stupid. Every grudge felt meaningless. All the cruel word he'd ever thrown at her replayed in his head.
As they rushed out the door behind their manager, neither man realized they were crying. Only that they couldn't get to the hospital fast enough.
when i become more critical of myself than anyone else, just take a breath, thats enough
Hongjoong sat motionless in the hospital waiting room. He couldn't remember how long he'd been there. Time had stopped making sense the moment the doctors had taken you from his arms.
Everything since then felt distant. Muted even. Like he was watching someone else's life unfold from far away.
His hands trembled in his lap. He stared at them, unable to look away. Tears slid silently down his face. He didn't bother wiping them away.
All he could think about were the last few weeks. The signs he'd missed. The moments that seemed insignificant at the time. Your forced smiles. The exhaustion from practice and comeback preparations.
The way you insisted that you were fine or how you'll laugh your tears off. The way you'll kissed his cheek and told him dinner would be ready soon. A broken sound escaped him.
How had he not seen it? How had he looked directly at the woman he loved and failed to realize how much she was hurting?
His chest tightened painfully. Because no matter how many times he replayed it, the outcome never changed. He should have stayed. Should have pushed harder. he should of asked one more question.
sometimes you gotta move forward, just take it step by step and then you'll notice youve found your place
Beside him, Yeosang sat with his head in his hands. Silent tears slipping through his fingers. The waiting room was full of people now.
His members and managers, yet Yeosang had never felt more alone. Because the only person he wanted was the one currently behind those hospital doors. And for the first time in a very long time, yeosang felt completely helpless. All he could do was wait.
The image of you in the bathtub, laying lifeless haunts his mind. Scared to close his eyes, he just stared at the white tile floors. Fiddling with the ring you had gifted him not to long ago.
The smile on your face memorized, as you gave him a sweet kiss. His hands finding your waist as you placed the ring on his finger. your voice echoing in his mind.
"now we're matching!"
god damn, hold on to your ground doesnt matter how. they dont even care, so then why should you?
San couldn't sit still. He paced the length of the waiting room over and over, one hand tangled in his hair while the other wiped uselessly at the tears that refused to stop falling.
Across from him, Wooyoung had long since broken down. His elbows rested on his knees, face buried in trembling hands as quiet sobs echoed through the otherwise silent room.
Neither of them had imagined they'd ever be back here. Not after everything. They had just gotten on speaking terms with you.
Jongho sat rigidly in one of the plastic chairs, his knee bouncing uncontrollably. He stared at the floor as though afraid to look at anyone else.
"She has to be okay..."
His voice barely carried across the room. "...Right?"
The question lingered as no one answered. It wasn't because they didn't want to. It was that none of them knew what to say.
The waiting room felt suspended in time. Every second stretched into an eternity. Every time footsteps echoed down the hallway, every head lifted in hope. Only to fall again when they passed.
Mingi sat with his hands clasped so tightly his knuckles had turned white. Yunho hadn't spoken a single word since arriving. His eyes remained fixed on the closed doors at the end of the corridor. He couldn't stop replaying their last conversation.
The things he'd said. The things he'd never apologized for.
Seonghwa closed his eyes. For the first time in a long time, no one cared about misunderstandings.
Or breakups.
Or jealousy.
Or hurt feelings.
All that mattered now was one simple wish that every person in that room shared: Let her come back to us.
don't stop believing how you got there. hold onto that feelin, gonna make it far enough
The words barely had time to register before his legs gave out beneath him. He collapsed to his knees, a broken sob tearing from his chest. The rest of the members didn't need to hear the doctor's voice to understand. The look on Hongjoong's face told them everything: You hadn't made it.
Jongho remained frozen in his chair, unable to move as tears streamed silently down his face. His hands trembled in his lap, his gaze fixed on the floor, unable to look at his hyungs as the reality settled over them. The thought echoed relentlessly in his mind, you were gone.
His chest ached with a grief so profound it felt impossible to breathe through. The person who had always been his greatest source of comfort, his favorite member, the one who had been there through every triumph and hardship... was gone. And for the first time in a long time, Jongho felt completely helpless.
when all the walls are closing. when the weights hard to bear
Wooyoung struggled to breathe, each breath catching painfully in his throat as his hands tangled in his hair. His frantic eyes darted around the room, searching for something, anything , that could undo what had just happened.
Regret consumed him in an instant, swallowing him whole. He would have given anything for one more chance. One more kiss, one more opportunity to pull you into his arms and hold you so tightly you'd never have to doubt how much you meant to him. To bury his face against your hair and whisper endless apologies, telling you over and over how deeply he loved you.
But there were no second chances. Just the crushing silence you had left behind, and the unbearable weight of everything he would never get to say.
when you feel like youre nowhere. let it go 'cause ill be there for you
Mingi stared blankly at the wall, completely motionless as tears streamed endlessly down his face. He didn't wipe them away. He didn't seem to notice them at all. He didn't understand. He just couldn't.
His mind rejected every word the doctor had spoken, refusing to let them settle into reality. It had to be a mistake. There had to be another explanation, just anything but this.
You couldn't be gone. Not you. Not his beloved princess.
His breathing was shallow, his thoughts trapped in an endless loop of denial as the truth hovered just beyond his reach. No matter how many sobs echoed through the hallway, how broken the others sounded, he couldn't force himself to acknowledge it.
Because the moment he did... It meant accepting that you were really gone. And that was a reality Mingi simply couldn't bear.
when there is no one for you when you just need a friend
San was the only one who found the strength to follow the doctor back to your room. Each step felt heavier than the last, his breathing growing more uneven the closer he came. The hallway seemed impossibly long, every footfall echoing in his ears as his heart pounded against his ribs.
His body had already begun to tense, every muscle rigid. Every instinct screamed at him to turn around: to run, to pretend this wasn't real, to never walk through that door.
Because he knew that once he did... there would be no denying the truth. His trembling hand hovered near the doorframe as he fought to steady his breathing, tears blurring his vision. He wasn't ready to see you like this.
But he couldn't bring himself to leave you alone, either. Not after the year you had. You deserved to be surrounded with love. He can see his hand shaking on the doorknob, the few tears that slipped past him falling to the ground.
Taking in a breathe that he could muster up, he finally entered the room.
when you're just feeling lonely Ill be there
Yeosang stumbled into the nearest bathroom, barely making it inside before locking himself in a stall. The moment the latch clicked into place, his composure shattered.
A broken sob escaped him as his body began to tremble uncontrollably. He pressed a shaking hand over his mouth, desperately trying to muffle the cries that refused to stop, his shoulders shaking with the force of each one.
His thoughts spiraled without mercy. All he could think about was you. How frightened you must have been. Whether you had been looking for them. Whether you had called out for someone in your final moments.
The guilt settled heavily in his chest, stealing what little air he had left. He imagined seeing you walk down the aisle, wearing your wedding gown. He imagined tearing up, and he can picture you giving a shy smile with tears also.
unfortunately, he'll never get to experience that.
Hold on to your ground Doesn't matter how
Yunho's legs trembled uncontrollably, even as he remained seated. His elbows rested on his knees, fingers shaking as they found their way to his mouth. He had never been one to bite his nails, but now he couldn't stop.
Tears poured endlessly down his face, blurring his vision until the world became nothing more than distorted shapes and muffled sounds. Regret consumed him. He should have told you he loved you one more time.
He should have fought harder for the two of you. He should have taken back every hurtful word he'd ever spoken.
He regretted letting you go. Breaking up with you had already been the hardest decision of his life. Now, knowing there would never be another chance to fix it, the pain became unbearable. His chest tightened with every shallow breath until it felt impossible to breathe at all.
Someone was touching him, but his mind refused to process who it was, still trapped in the shock of losing you.
Only when he slowly lifted his tear filled eyes did he realize Mingi was standing in front of him. Without a word, Yunho surged forward, wrapping his arms tightly around him as another sob finally escaped his chest.
They don't even care So then, why should you?
Seonghwa held Hongjoong tightly, the two of them collapsing into one another as heartbreaking sobs echoed through the hallway.
His mind drifted back years in an instant.
Back to the day you were both trainees.
He could still picture you walking over to greet him with that bright smile, introducing yourself as though you had known each other forever. You had always carried so much warmth—so much life—that it was impossible not to be drawn to you.
Then came the day the company announced that all nine of you would debut together.
You had thrown your arms around him without hesitation, hugging him so tightly he had laughed, your excitement infectious as tears of happiness filled your eyes.
"We did it," you'd whispered.
He could almost feel that embrace now. Almost hear your laugh.
It hurt. God, it hurt. If only he could turn back time, he would. He would stay by your side. He would of never let fear or doubt come between you. He would never break up with you. He would hold you close and never let you walk away.
His eyes drifted to Hongjoong's left hand, settling on the silver/gold ring wrapped around his finger, the matching one he knew the two of you had picked out together.
A painful lump rose in Seonghwa's throat. That ring had once been a promise of forever. Now... It was all Hongjoong had left.
don't stop believing how you got here hold on to that feelin' gonna make it far enough
Hongjoong finally found the strength to move. It wasn't because he was ready. He never would be. Who could be ever ready to see their loves one dead.
His body moved on its own, numb and unsteady, following the sound of Yeosang's broken cries echoing down the hallway. Each step felt impossibly heavy, as though the hospital floor were trying to pull him back.
His heartbeat thundered in his ears. His breath caught the instant his eyes landed on you. The world around him faded into silence.
You looked... peaceful. As though you had simply drifted into a deep sleep. But the warmth that had always lit up your face was gone, replaced by a heartbreaking stillness. Your skin had lost its color, leaving you impossibly pale.
He hated it. how lifeless you looked. that you weren't smiling at him. that your chest no longer rose with quiet breaths. Most of all, he hated that this was the last time he would ever see you.
His knees nearly gave out as he stumbled forward, accidentally bumping into Yeosang's shoulder. Neither of them acknowledged it.
Yeosang remained where he was, both of his hands wrapped carefully around one of yours, desperately holding onto fingers that had already grown cold. Silent tears continued to fall onto the blanket as he gently rubbed circles across your knuckles, as if willing warmth back into them.
Hongjoong slowly lowered himself beside the bed. His trembling hand hovered just above your face. He was terrified to touch you. Afraid that the moment he felt how cold your skin had become, every last shred of denial he had left would disappear.
His fingers finally brushed against your cheek. Cold. So unbearably cold. A broken sound escaped his lips before he could stop it, his shoulders shaking violently as he cradled your face with both hands.
"Baby... I'm so sorry," he cried, his voice trembling so badly the words nearly fell apart before they reached you.
He leaned forward hesitantly, as though terrified that even this final act would somehow make everything more real. His lips met yours in one last kiss, firm, yet impossibly gentle.
They were cold. The absence of your warmth shattered whatever remained of his composure. A sob tore from his chest as he lingered there for a moment longer, unwilling to pull away, desperately pretending that if he stayed close enough, you might kiss him back.
When he finally lifted his head, tears fell freely onto your cheeks. The memory of that unbearable cold lingered on his lips, a feeling he knew would haunt him for the rest of his life.
even if the darkness stops you we can find the light wherever we go, we'll be together
ʚɞ hongjoong x reader
ʚɞ idol! | best friends to stranger| one sided ping
ʚɞsummary: leaving ateez broke her heart but the rumors that caused her to leave absolutely shattered it. What's a better way to show her emotion then to redebut.
ʚɞ what if! yn left ateez
9th member masterlist | ateez masterlist
✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆
Yn Ln set to debut as a soloist?!
After the departure from her group Ateez, yn had not been heard or seen by the public in nearly a year. Rumors of her going back to her home town after her scandal with Ateez Hongjoong caused such an uproar between the fandom. Photo's of her upcoming album have been circling, actually from KQ themselves! KQ had announced that yn is staying with the company but with no other clues.
We're wishing the best to Yn and her journey as a soloist!
_
" how are we doing tonight?" you asked, the screams echoing off the walls.
You let out a giggle, " it feels nice to be back everyone. I really missed you all"
The crowd erupted in cheers, a tidal wave of energy washing over you. Their enthusiasm was infectious, and you couldn’t help but smile wider.
“I’ve been waiting for this moment,” you continued, your voice steady despite the adrenaline coursing through you. “You guys have been my rock through everything. Thank you for sticking by me!”
A chant of your name rippled through the audience, and your heart swelled with gratitude. You could see familiar faces in the front row, holding up signs that are heartfelt and silly.
" so, this next song is dedicated to the person who was my rock. You meant everything to me and you will always hold a special a piece in my heart."
The crowd quieted slightly, a palpable tension in the air as they sensed the shift in mood. You took a deep breath, your heart racing, knowing the weight of your words.
With a gentle smile, you scanned the audience again, focusing on the faces that had supported you through thick and thin. “This one’s for you,” you said, your voice softening, filled with sincerity.
As the music began, the first notes played softly, and you felt a wave of nostalgia wash over you. Your heart thumped with anxiety as the crowd sang along with you.
Now i'm homewrecker, i'm a slut
" yn this could ruin our career!" Hongjoong yelled, not noticing the tears falling down your cheek. The boys eavesdropping by the hallway.
" you're acting like i have any control of my feelings Joong!" you cried out, pushing him away.
Hongjoong shook his head, " don't call me that, please yn"
i got death threats filling up semi trucks
You sat on the couch as you read all the death threats from everyone, your heart breaking as you continued to scroll. The rumors of you liking Hongjoong had spread like wild fire, even suggesting that you slept your way into the group.
Hearing the door slam, you jumped seeing Hongjoong furious.
"yn, i told you this would happen"
tell me who i am, guess i don't have a choice
" yn, we believe that you staying with the group would be best. We're just suggesting you go on hiatus. "
You felt numb, not even looking at your manager and ceo as they continued trying to talk to you. Your mind continued to go back to the argument with Hongjoong that day. How much you cried and tried to defend yourself.
" i want to leave"
all because i liked
In that moment, the world outside faded away, and all that mattered was the warmth of their embrace. You felt their hearts breaking alongside yours, their tears mingling with yours, creating a shared sadness that felt both heavy and healing.
“Please don’t forget us,” Mingi whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “You’re a part of us, no matter where you go.”
As the hug lingered, you felt a mix of heartache and comfort, knowing you were leaving behind not just friends, but family. You pulled back slightly, looking into their eyes, and nodded, trying to convey all the love and gratitude you felt.
“I love you guys so much,” you said, your voice cracking.
i'm the hot topic on your tongue
The air was thick with tension, and the reality of your departure hung heavily in the room. Hongjoong’s voice cracked with emotion as he struggled to process the news. “But why didn’t anyone tell me? I could have—”
" we don't think it's a good idea if you talked to her" Wooyoung spoke, anger laced in his tone.
Hongjoong’s eyes widened, hurt flashing across his face. His eyes shimmered with unshed tears, a mix of guilt and helplessness.
i'm a rebound gettin'round stealing from the young
" did you hear? apparently yn is dating someone hyung" Jongho said, scrolling on his phone.
Hongjoong ignored the younger, Hongjoong’s jaw tightened, a mix of anger and confusion swirling inside him. How could you be seen with someone when you claimed to love him.
" i'm sure it's nothing but a rumor. The guy is staying anonymous"
tell me who i am, guess i dont have a choice
" did you hear yn? Apparently Hongjoong is seeing someone. They think they've been together for the past year now."
Your heart stopped, looking at your manager as she didn't realize how broken you looked.
The words hit you like a punch to the gut, a wave of shock and hurt crashing over you. Your manager continued, oblivious to the turmoil in your heart. “It’s all over social media. People are saying it’s serious.”
all because i liked a boy
" dude what the actual fuck is wrong with you!?" Seonghwa yelled, furious at his friend.
Hongjoong looked at him confused, " what are-"
" dude everyone knows about you dating whatever her name is. How could you yell at yn for confessing to you when you go and do this?"
" but yn did the same thi-"
" yn is so hopelessly in love with you Hongjoong. Think Hongjoong! yn would of never date anyone unless it was you" Seonghwa spoke bitterly.
Hongjoong’s expression shifted from confusion to realization, the weight of Seonghwa’s words crashing over him.
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