riddle me this

i love edward nygma

[factoseintolerant]

here’s 4 min of stephen and evie being delightful and in love

[colbrot]

jon and stephen saying i love you because it’s important that you vocalize your love

[colbrot]

2003 - 2018

[colbrot]

“What you can’t see off camera is Jon started laughing first. And then I’m weak. As much as I want to make the audience laugh, I really want to make Jon laugh.”

“My greatest joys on the show were trying to make Stephen break, or the other correspondents. Because you felt as though you had accomplished something somewhat Herculean. It’s not easy to tickle those folks, but when it happens, you savor it.“

[ambiguousdisorderken]

you talking about retiring? you? ; or dean’s unfulfilled life.

[castielss]

DEAN & MIRACLE | SUPERNATURAL S15E20 “CARRY ON”

[sicsemper]

I know you talked briefly about Miracle in the tags, but would you PLEASE expand on your thoughts on Miracle and Dean?

for anyone curious, the tags in question and the elaboration will be below the cut, and are in relation to this post.

okay, thank you, because i genuinely don’t wanna shut up about this because it’s possibly the only redeemable quality of the spn finale (i’m being harsh, i know, but it genuinely is the one thing that stands out the most. my opinions might change after my full rewatch). but that being said, it’s actually really important, even if you don’t like the circumstances surrounding it.

the tags referred to in question are as follows:

#「 dean winchester 」 i got no idea. but what i do have is a GED and a give 'em hell attitude and i'll figure it out. #「 dean winchester / countenance 」 vis. #this is the only good thing about that entire finale #it is the one thing i actually loved from a meta perspective in terms of dean's archetype #so i gotta have the puppy snuggles on the blog i'm so sorry #other than that this is largely a finale free blog lmao #i actually have a Lot of feelings about dean being given a dog #and naming the dog miracle #am i gonna end up writing meta about a dog? possibly #in broad strokes: dean has always been the archetype of a soldier #but never once has he been allowed to be a veteran #the dog very much is representative of that #it's very commonplace for veterans to have emotional support animals #dogs in particular #the way miracle launches into dean's arms after dean's just woken up is indicative to me that it's commonplace #likely after nightmares #which means that (for me) dean's PTSD is being subtly addressed #which means when i retcon the disaster of a finale for my portrayal miracle is absolutely staying #spn 15.20 /

so the thing about the dog, if we’re staying within the context of the canon, is that this is a dean who has lost everything (keep that wording in mind, because we’ll be coming back to it). the war is won, and he's come home, but the cost was high. we also know that dean has canonically suffered from PTSD since the end of s3, though it’s not always been explicitly addressed in the following seasons. regardless, it's an aspect of his character that is widely established and recognized.

much like in s4, and after the purgatory storyline in s8, dean’s PTSD is shown to manifest itself largely through substance abuse, anger management struggles resulting in bouts of extreme violence, and nightmares. it’s a thread throughout the narrative whether it’s consistently addressed or not. more importantly in terms of the dog: dean is never allowed to heal, because the war wages on.

by the series finale, the war is won, but the cost is castiel’s life. what does the dog have to do with castiel, you ask? more than you might first think. i don’t want to get too deep in the paint, so i’m going to focus primarily on 13.01, dean’s grief arc in early s13 in general, and some key aspects of s15.

returning to the concept of being left with a dean who has lost everything, i want to point out a choice of dialogue in 13.01. the following is said during a scene of mourning, after they’ve lost castiel, and dean is left to wrap his body for burial.

dean [voice breaking]: we’ve lost everything. and now you’re gonna bring him back. okay? you’re gonna bring back cas. 

this scene is the beginning of a several episode long grief arc where dean is depicted classically as a mourning widower in terms of cinematography (viewed on bended knee from above, distant and distraught after the death scene itself at the end of s12), and is then shown to slip into apathetic suicidal tendencies. his substance abuse reaches such a low that he quite literally drinks himself to death, but death will not take him, despite his wishes. he rages at sam for being able to move on so easily, in 13.03, patience:

dean: and what about cas? sam: what about cas? dean: he manipulated him, he made him promises, said, “paradise on earth” and cas bought it. and you know what that got him? it got him dead! now you might be able to forget about that, but i can’t!

the grief arc firmly establishes castiel as being representative of dean winchester’s hope, and the will to live. this is reinforced throughout s13 – s15, as it is further mirrored in later episodes, such as in act 3 of 15.09, the trap, in which sam is shown alternate futures. in every future where dean has lost castiel, he is shown to have lost his hope, and his will to continue on.

dean: no, sam. it doesn't matter. sam: what are you saying? dean: what i've been trying to say for months. it's time... time to stand down. sam: you want to quit? what's happened to you, dean? ever since— dean: ever since what? we lost pretty much everyone we’ve ever cared about? ever since the mark made cas go crazy? ever since i had to bury him in a ma’lak box? ever since then?

these follow an old tradition within the writing of spn that can be pointed at as early as 5.04, the end (“cas, too?”): castiel is always singled out apart from the rest. castiel, an angel, who saw worth in dean when dean couldn’t see it in himself. an angel who became his best friend, and loved him when dean couldn’t love himself. castiel, who saved him the moment they met, and saved him in death, as seen in 15.18, despair. given everything preceding this, it’s evident that this is not a small loss for dean. when they lose cas, dean loses the will to go on.

in losing cas that final time, cas’ confession — his assertion that dean is full of love, not anger — finally seems to break through. when fighting the main antagonist of s15, he is called “the ultimate killer.” at one time, dean would’ve agreed with this. but after cas’ confession, he denies it, and firmly says, “that's not who i am.” because that’s not who cas fell in love with. point being: castiel’s sacrifice affects dean enormously.

at the end of all things, when dean crosses the threshold from soldier to veteran because the war is won, he has a dog and he names him miracle; which harkens back to a scene when dean indirectly referred to cas as ‘his miracle,’ because truly: who’s been performing miracles in dean’s life over the past 11 seasons? the name holds a heavy weight and bears a large significance in the face of his loss.

by the end of s15, we now have a dean that is allowed to rest, and in resting, he is allowed to begin to heal. and the thing that is representative of this crossing of the threshold from soldier to veteran is giving the veteran an emotional support dog. that dean names miracle. something that is saving him, day by day, even in small ways. it’s just not only important for dean's development and healing after finally making that transition, it’s also the lasting influence castiel still has, even in death. it’s absolutely heartbreaking, especially when one considers how many of dean’s nightmares, stemming from his PTSD, canonically revolve around losing castiel — as is shown in early s8 through the purgatory storyline; therefore it is not incongruous to assume similar nightmares would crop up after the events of 15.18. and we’re shown this.

the dog jumping into bed for cuddles after dean wakes up is just so telling. but the way dean wraps around the dog, clinging? it’s the most telling.

[dochollidayed]

look i know i’m harping but cas really did say, “i was content to sit on the couch and watch movies with you. i was content to say goodnight to you as you went to your bedroom alone. i was content to make coffee for you in the morning and watch you eat your breakfast. i was content to drive around aimlessly, listening to music, or purposefully, on the way to a job, with you. i was content to heal your wounds after a hunt. i was content to drink beer and whiskey with you. i was content to sit silently in the library, pouring over ancient books and articles on a laptop with you. i was content to fight at your side. i was content to exist with you, wherever you are, whatever that meant. i was content to do this forever. i needed nothing more,” and honestly, have you ever loved anything so much?

[michaeldean]

15x18 - Despair

[franklanqdon]

-Madeline Miller

[castyel]

Cas, I need to say something…

[inacatastrophicmind]

You can have him.

[castiel-left-his-mark-on-me]

The look in Dean's eyes said it all-- he said it back.

[myhumanweakness]

Look, I know everyone is different, but I just want to go on a mini-rant here. 

There are so many people saying that Dean doesn’t love Cas back because of the way he reacted. If you are a true fan of the show and know ANYTHING about Dean, you know that he is so bad at processing his emotions. This man just got attacked by Death while trying to save a bunch of people he cares about, was running for his life while getting tortured by Death, was panicking and stressed out because his plan failed, was desperately trying to think of a way to escape and also safe everyone still, just found out his best friend made a deal with an ancient cosmic entity that ends in him sacrificing himself, was just confronted with the fact that his best friend truly sees him in ways he absolutely does not see himself, had to confront/accept the idea that maybe he is an embodiment of love and not hate, listened to his best friend tell him that he essentially is standing there with him solely because of him, found out his best friend is in love with him, watched his best friend swallowed whole by the aforementioned ancient cosmic entity, then when he finally exhaled even the slightest his brother calls and he knows there’s a slew of shit he has to deal with on the other end of that call.

SO YEAH. I’d probably be standing there buffering too. And I think all of you would be too. Even if you just found out the love of your life is in love with you too. 

I’m not Dean, but one reason I love SPN so much is because I identify a lot with Dean. He and I react in a lot of the same ways to things- good and bad. My fiancé literally proposed to me, and my reaction was almost identical to Dean’s in this gif. When people who don’t think they can truly be seen and loved find out they are seen and loved, it’s not like the sun comes out and rainbows and fireworks shoot out everywhere. The previous wiring in our brains needs to short circuit and burst before we can even process what is happening. 

So yes, it sucks that Dean didn’t say “I love you” back with his words. But do not undermine the fact that Dean loves Cas so damn much. So much. In ways that he just doesn’t love other people. Look at their history- their love story is literally about sacrifice and being by each other’s sides and doing whatever the other person can to keep the other safe. It’s about bickering and being a family and learning from each other and growing with and because of each other. It’s about trust and patience and understanding and acts of service. That is love. That is their love. 

Dean was destroyed when Lucifer killed Cas. And you know what... you know what happened when Dean heard Cas’ voice on the other end of the line? Pretty much a blank stare associated with “processing.” Then, Dean wraps Castiel in a huge hug and does this little smile and exhale when he finally sees Cas again. 

When Dean sees Emmanuel (aka Cas) for the first time, he is in shock. Emmanuel is talking to him, and Dean is just staring at him buffering.

Dean has always loved Cas. He shows Cas how much he loves him every single day. He apologizes when he’s being a dick. He is concerned and tells Cas to be careful when he goes out on a job/to do something. He is aware and considerate of Cas’ feelings when other people are unkind to him/hurt him. He opens up to Cas. He exhales around Cas. 

Dean has always needed time to process his emotions. Always. Not even just pertaining to Cas. Pertaining to everything and everyone. 

When you repress your emotions, and you become a master at it, it’s very hard to react to things in the moment. Especially when you’ve become a master at burying your positive emotions. Anger? That’s easy. Love? That’s friggin’ hard. Especially when you absolutely hate yourself. 

This moment was not Dean rejecting Cas and his love. This is not “Dean doesn’t reciprocate.” This is “Dean can’t reciprocate” because this is Dean processing. Dean can’t do much of anything. He breaks down crying at the end of this scene because there are so many dams that just burst, he’s incoherent. 

Celebrate their love. Their mutual, honest, true love for each other. And do not let anyone take that away from you or convince you that it is one sided. They love each other in a way that is rare and pure and good and absolute. 

Destiel is canon. On both sides. 

[inacatastrophicmind]

[charlie-minion]

THE GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER TOLD

[forthiswholeworld]

kripke era ➤ iconic shots [part 1]

[forthiswholeworld]

kripke era ➤ iconic shots, part 2  [part 1]

[keikomivra]

misha + s14 gag reel