love at first, love at second, love at last
diecinueve: mi corazón es tuyo (+ wc: 2.3k)
SUMMARY: sae had chosen his career and that was shortly followed by his and y/n's separation. three years pass by and amongst all the lurking and stalking each other's socials, sae is suddenly found back in their hometown. old feelings are resurfaced, current ones are questioned and a whole load of future ones are found in a blur.
dieciocho | masterlist | veinte
upon your proposal, you wait in the park.
due to your history that ties to this exact place, it's not your usual spot to meet up with your friends–or anyone for that matter. if anything, you see each other in school and that was already enough (and also very convenient).
the reason you suggested it in the first place, however, was just how it made things easier–as it's in the middle of the town–and was accessible to almost everyone.
the past has caught up to you already and there wasn't much of a need to avoid it. despite it all, though, it was still a want. to some extent.
you sit on the swings and use your feet as a leverage to move forward and then backward. you circle your hands around the chains suspending from the top bar.
the bitterness fills your mouth as the memories from the deepest crevices flood your mind.
you were only fourteen, pushing fifteen, when you met sae.
he was your age, in your grade but in a totally different school. that school happened to be the one across from yours. they had annual football matches at the end of the year–also known as the sports week.
it was created by the pe teachers with only one purpose in mind: having fun.
when you had heard that, you felt like bursting out laughing as that sounded superfluous more than anything. looking back though, they were unfortunately right.
you were never a sports kid to begin with. your mind wasn't also focusing on studies either; you were just… there throughout the school year.
as the sports week approached, you decided to give it a shot and sign up for the relay team. they were so desperate for the candidates that the second you uttered those words out, your schoolmates pounced on you and yelled 'yes', no second thoughts.
you had smiled then and only hoped you wouldn't disappoint them.
in the meantime, you and your classmates walked around the school field and went to watch other sports and what the other teams were up to. upon changing the track, two kids caught your eye. they were probably your age, if not, then definitely, totally younger.
should you go? should you follow your classmates? they looked really susp–
“you guys, i forgot my phone.”
“alright, see you!” you dashed towards the kids.
“psssst.” you said as you slowly approached them. one had blue-black hair, doe eyes staring at you. the other was hiding behind him with his pink hair and a small braid on one side.
they looked at you weirdly before looking at each other and nodding. “we attend this school.”
you hummed. “really? i haven't seen you around.”
the panic momentarily flashed in their eyes but the blue-eyed boy seemed to think fast of a response. “we're freshmen.”
you raised your eyebrow. “oh? but…” a little bit of suspense, “i'm a freshman here as well.”
“we're a different class.” the words came out all unsure.
you stroked your chin. this kid was bullshitting. “what are you here for? if you don't respond now, i just might have to call a t–”
the pink-braid kid emerged from the other kid's back and put up his hands in defense. “okay, okay, you got us.”
you rolled your eyes, a hand on hip as if you were nagging them. “well?”
“we heard itoshi sae was joining this match so we had to go.”
they both gasped. it was so loud the kids around you looked your way. they both lowered their voices as they started explaining things to you.
“the star, the child football prodigy.”
“i can't believe he's only a year older than us.”
you gave them a look of confusion. “i don't think an itoshi sae is attending this school.” this was the price you had to pay for not being enthusiastic enough for the sports week. this event was open to public and it wasn't only your school that was hosting it.
“he definitely is. oh, look!” the blue-eyed boy turned you around and pointed at the field where they were assembling. what kind of strength is in this kid's body? at this age?
you followed his finger and it was pointing at a fairly tall–among the team anyway–boy. he wore a tracksuit and his pink-brown hair had a very interesting… style. you didn't know much about football but you still watched. the girls from both your school and the one across from yours started cheering once he hit the ball into the goalnet. it felt as if the area had been only filling in ever since the match started.
your curiosity needed to be satiated. “how old is he? or, like, how old are you guys, then?
“hm… so middle-schoolers?”
“high school next year, okay?”
“have you decided which one?”
they told you they were choosing between your and itoshi sae's school. only because 'both were close by'.
it didn't matter to them as long as they passed the exams.
“good luck.” you said before a person came running to you. “y/n, the relay starts soon, come with me!”
you widened your eyes and ran down the hill, following them.
“likewise!” you distantly heard as you turned around the corner. thanks, losers.
it all started smooth but then it was your turn and upon grabbing the item from your classmate's hand, someone with a really strong shoulder bumped into yours, resulting in you tripping and falling on the ground.
“you motherfu–” you grabbed at the hem of their shirt, bringing them down.
the sharpness of the whistle woke you up from the momentary trance you had found yourself in and quickly got back on your feet. you dusted your legs off and outstretched a hand to the… guy whom you had dragged down–though it was deserved.
he looked to the side and got back on his own. he didn't even spare a look of gratitude your way. okay… rude…
“wait.” that fucked up hair–
“GET BACK IN YOUR POSITIONS!”
he put up a hand, silencing you.
the boiling anger was rushing through your veins at an inexplicable speed but you had to control yourself and focus on the task at hand. you didn't have a motive to win the relay… until now. this guy needed to be crushed.
as the whistle indicated the start, your legs reacted on their own and you almost jumped from where you were standing. the sun was hitting your body from all angles and the sweat was soaking through your clothes. you felt a drop run down your temple. a bit more, more… and then you can stop. you felt a strong presence close behind you.
what the teachers didn't deem serious was just how competitive the kids were. the games were supposed to be fun with a hint of friendly rivalry and, of course, sportsmanship as that made every sport a sport. however, the issue lay in how most of the students took it to heart. it got so bad that well, ending up with a small brawl would have the teachers thanking god. the kids were honestly ruthless in that aspect.
you reached the spot and relayed the item to your teammate. “go, go!”
sae reached not even a second after you.
he was clutching his knees as he tried to regain his breathing.
he looked up but you were already staring. you stuck out your tongue in a mocking manner and then ran towards your teammates and classmates as they announced the victors–your team.
truly, victory had never tasted so sweet.
“did you wait long?” a voice interrupts your thoughts.
you look up, dazed and confused. “u-uh, oh, yes… no. yes.”
sae takes a seat on the swing next to yours and pushes his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “sorry, i had things to take care of before getting here.”
you ignore him. blatantly so. “it's gotten cold.”
he only hums in response.
then, a long silence ensues.
it feels awkward and it's unlike the first time you guys interacted after years of bitterness.
sae looks into the ground as if there was something interesting in it. but you can't blame him; anyone would find it otherworldly in this situation.
you decide to be a bigger person and speak.
your eyes meet and your head jerks to the side almost instantly, avoiding his gaze. “you start.”
you hear him sigh but he doesn't protest. “i wanted… to apologize. for real now. just, explain myself. my… past self.”
“okay? no one's stopping you.” you hate how sarcastic you sound–especially with the addition of how fast you responded.
it doesn't matter. you shouldn't even be thinking about it.
“can you…” you hear him struggling a bit. “please… look at me?”
your eyes widen at his request. out of all the things itoshi sae would never say–it would be this phrase for sure.
scowling, you say, “what do you need it for? wasn't lying to my face the first time enough?” you were not going to let it slide. even if it hurt your heart so much. it shouldn't. it shouldn't.
“okay, i will try to make it fast then.”
the guilt is eating at you. and it's nothing like you imagined. shouldn't you feel victorious–just like that one day when you had beat sae– and leave him here, so he can sit alone, enjoy the life of a professional footballer, a prodigy?
your throat shrinks in on itself and there's an almost uncontrollable urge to reach out to him and just… hold him.
you tentatively look up and find his eyes already on you.
“i'm sorry. you can speak.” your gaze is focused on your hand in your lap. they're cold and slowly turning paler and paler. before you can take any measures, sae grabs your hand and shoves it in his pocket along with his own that is so much warmer. he looks ahead of himself, acting as if this was happening regularly… yet again.
“sae.” you exhale. and it truly felt like a slip of the tongue; something forbidden, something you ought to forget. to your despair, however, his name felt so right on your tongue and you hate just how much you missed calling him simply him–by his given name.
“so you didn't forget my name.” he murmurs under his breath as he softly chuckles.
“hm?” you ask, not really paying attention as your mind was preoccupied with… well, him.
“what is it, y/n?” his voice is a bit cheerier and you wonder just what it was that changed his mood.
“why do you… do all of this?”
you sigh as you run your other hand down your face. “all these weird gestures. man, it's so… weird and unlike you!”
sae's face drops and he's ready to strip your hand from the warmth his hand and his jacket provided you but you stop him. “no one said anything just yet. don't get ahead of yourself.”
he only shakes his head with a laugh. “i'm glad to see you haven't changed.”
the mood changes almost immediately after sae utters that.
at the implication that you knew the other so well before makes your stomach churn and you can't stop yourself from saying, “well, it's not like i knew the old you so i can't judge.”
sae lightly squeezes your hand in his pocket. “i lied.”
you turn to look at him. “about what?”
the air is tightening with suspense.
“it's–” he takes a breath, “it's when i had to leave. for spain.”
you encourage him with little 'hmms' and 'uh-huhs'.
“when i told you you didn't– you didn't mean anything to me throughout our relationship and that there was no spark anymore. i lied. fuck, i lied.”
you lean down and stare into your lap. what?
you're about to seize your hand back but sae catches onto it quick and rubs it as he starts explaining.
“when i was given the opportunity to– to flesh out my skill and explore the new world of football… i found it hard to say no. i had an internal battle regarding our relationship and–” an intake of breath. “i had to let go of one to have the other.”
“yes,” he clasps his hand around yours and pulls them impossibly deeper into the pocket. “but to me, it felt like nothing deserving of you. you deserved so much more than my calls.”
“what are you saying, itoshi?”
he chuckles. “it probably sounds like your typical breaking up story but even if didn't know what i truly wanted, the break up was the first step of me realizing that… that i really need you in my life. in whatever form of bond.
we were both young, just barely started high school. i had high expectations surrounding me and i got lost in them–proving my coaches right, proving the world that i'm the best. it all got to my head and i made myself believe it was all i wanted. i might have come off as a total asshole through the messages but it took me a while to realize what it even was that i tried to say. in no way am i–”
you turn your body towards him and with your free hand bring him into an embrace. you hope the message was relayed.
“let's just… stay like this.”
you feel his hand on your back, little pats as he says, “i am sorry.”
in a position like that, you're aware of his hand in his pocket more than anything. you maneuver with your own to the point that your fingertips brush against his bracelets.
the structure, the material…
“yeah." he exhales, his hot breath brushing your ear.
a/n not proofread + this took a different turn from what i was planning but...ya... stay safe out there yall! much love <3
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