no time for getting old

Kurt Elizabeth Hummel || 35 Actor, The Playwright's House. Retired Broadway actor, now doing shows at the Playwright's House in Philly. If you can't find me there, then you can usually find me at Hummel Tire & Lube or Lizzie's Diner.

[kurtxhummels]

Kurt had already spent far more money than he cared to admit trying to win one of the oversized stuffed animals hanging from the prize booth. At this point, it wasn't even about the prize anymore—it was personal. With another ring bouncing uselessly off the bottle necks, he let out an exaggerated sigh before looking over at the next person in line. "So..." he began, gesturing dramatically toward the booth. "Are these games actually winnable, or are we all just collectively funding someone's retirement?"

[lucyquinnfabs]

Kurt that's amazing, but I completely understand why you're staring into the abyss of your coffee. I absolutely say you should do it and if Beth could speak in full sentences, she would say the same thing!

However, I completely get why you're so hesitant. It's scary to leave the life you've created to start something different that might not work out, but you know that no matter what you choose I'll be right there behind you.

[kurtxhummels]

I just keep going back and forth because I love my life here, but this is the kind of role that I've always wanted. You know how long I dreamed of playing Fiyero, so when I got that role on Broadway that was amazing. And playing the Phantom was another big dream of mine. I had sort of let go of the idea of playing him here; primarily because it's such a big production that I'd have to go to Philly just to perform. Even then, it's usually only the National Tours that perform in the bigger cities. So it really is a great opportunity. But I also never realized how much leaving Dom for a few months would make me pause so heavily. Sometimes it's a little terrifying how much I love him, ha.

[sammyjevans]

Hmmm, no idea if you want my 2 cents on this, but I'm gonna give it to you anyway... Is this a role you have always wanted to play and if yes... is it worth spending two months away from home and your loved ones for? If the answer to that is also yes, then go for. Sounds super selfish, I know, but what if you say no and years from now you still regret not saying yes?

[kurtxhummels]

I will always welcome your 2 cents, Sam. The worst part is I'm fairly certain I already know the answer. Because if I’m being honest, yes — it’s a role I’ve always wanted to play. And I’d probably spend a long time wondering "what if?" if I turned it down. I think what’s throwing me is that, for the first time in my life, the decision isn’t automatically "of course I'm going." I finally have a life here that I genuinely love, and that makes walking away from it — even if only temporarily — a lot harder than it used to be.

[juliarose]

Absolutely go for it, Phantom is one of the very few musicals that I can honestly say I enjoy watching. Granted, I've never actually seen the stage play live, just on youtube from pirated recordings and then of course the movie. But I say you should go for it. When you say lead though, I'm assuming you mean the Phantom and not Raoul? If it's the latter, I don't know if I'd say it's as worth it, I mean yeah that guy gets the girl but it's not as iconic of a role. And okay so the Phantom is technically problematic, but still. Whatever, do it and don't regret it. We'll all still be here when you get back anyway.

[kurtxhummels]

I feel like I've been watching the stage recording from the 25th anniversary for so long, even though it's only been out since 2011 ha. The role is for Erik! I've always wanted to play both, honestly, because both roles fall into my vocal range, but I always thought that I would have to play Raoul first. But that was back when I was living in New York, so I didn't think I'd get that call to play the Phantom first. But here we are. And yes, he is entirely problematic, but that's beside the point. That's a point we just sort of ignore because you can't help but love him anyway.

[mackfabray]

Okay, so... would you have more regret over saying no or over what might happen, what you might lose, by saying yes?

I've had similar thoughts about leaving, Ashford Valley, if I'm honest. About going back out onto the road. I'd probably lose Sam, I'd definitely lose the stable-enough income of working at Vogue Lounge, and I'd definitely lose money, since my truck burns through gas and parts way faster than it did before. Staying, I miss the time on the road, the places I got to see, the people I got to meet, I don't get to see the people I love as much. But, at the end of the day, I keep choosing to stay because I think I'm finally at a place in life where I don't always have to be on the go, and losing that stability? Not worth it.

So, I guess the real question, is if possibly losing the stability you have here is worth the experience?

[kurtxhummels]

I would have more regret if I said yes and lost Dom. I can say that without an ounce of hesitancy. I don't think he'd leave me if I took the role, but still. Losing him and my life here would be my biggest regret. I didn't think I'd ever feel like this again, but I can't imagine my life without him. So if there's a risk of losing the life I've built here, it's definitely not worth it. I just don't know if that risk actually exists or if I'm just being dramatic and paranoid.

[djdomberry]

Okay, yeah, I get that. And don't get me wrong, going two whole months without waking up beside you sounds genuinely awful. At the same time, though, you better damn well know by now that I'm not going anywhere. I'm still gonna be waiting right here for you when you get back. Besides, you think I won't be facetiming you almost every day so I can still see your beautiful face? I say almost just 'cause you'll probably be too busy being a star some of those days. Not to mention, I'm absolutely taking at least one trip down to wherever you are so we can spend some time together and I can see you perform. Ultimately, though... it's your call, babe, and I'm backing you no matter what. I just don't wanna be the reason you ever hold yourself back from something you really want.

[kurtxhummels]

See, the logical part of me knows that. You've never made me doubt that for a second, even before we started dating. The problem is the paranoid and traumatized part of me that hears that little voice in the back of my head whispering that I'm wrong is much louder sometimes. And then you go and casually start talking about FaceTiming me every day and flying out to see me perform, and suddenly my argument falls apart a bit. More than a bit. Because that's the thing — you've already thought about how we'd make it work. You've already included yourself in the plan.

There's still a part of me that worries I'll leave for two months and come back to find something's changed. Then you start talking about showing up in the audience and blowing up my phone, and it becomes a lot harder to listen to that voice. Which is annoying, because I was doing such a good job catastrophizing before you came in here with all your logic and emotional support.

[stellaschue]

That's where WE come in -- we're stubborn as shit and won't let you fall back into the insanity without a fight. Also peaceful is overrated, it's much more likely Dom will be bored without you around to liven things up, and be ready to welcome you back happily when your run is done.

[kurtxhummels]

You know, for someone who claims peaceful is overrated, you're making a surprisingly compelling argument. I know I have an entire army of people who are as stubborn as me who would absolutely drag me back to reality if I started romanticizing the chaos too much, which is both comforting and mildly threatening. Though, I can't ever imagine Dom being bored without me around. I'm just a little too chaotic; if anything, he'll get a much needed moment of peace.

[kurtxhummels]

text message 📲 D³

Kurt: Thank you for the gifts, I love them! And we definitely need a night out just the three of us. Kurt: Though, should I be insulted you're calling me King Frog, Teens? 😂😂

[tinacohenchangx]

Kurt, I hope you know how much you're loved and how amazing of a friend you are! Especially on your birthday, you deserve all of the best wishes to come true and I couldn't ask for a better best friend than you! (And also Mercedes lol, but shh it's your birthday so the focus is on you!) I hope you like the friendship keychains I made for us!! @kurtxhummels

[mercedesjonesx]

birthday gift for @kurtxhummels

Listen, baby, I wasn’t about to let your special day pass without reminding you just how iconic you are. You’re my best friend, my fashion soulmate, and one of the only people who can truly keep up with all this brilliance. So I got us these matching bracelets, elegant just like us. Keep shining, honey… but not brighter than me 😘

[mackfabray]

First of all, that's fucking huge, so congrats. Second of all, is it the kind of thing you'd regret not doing and is that regret something you can live with should you still choose not to?

[kurtxhummels]

See, that’s the question that keeps circling back around no matter how hard I try to avoid it. I do think there always would be a little part of me wondering what would’ve happened if I said no. I just also know myself well enough to know that stepping back into that world could wake up a lot of things I've finally made peace with. And that’s a little terrifying when I finally have a life here that actually feels steady.

[stellaschue]

Okay, but consider this: that good, stable life you've built will still be here in two months. It's part of the whole 'stable' thing, it's not going anywhere. And if this national tour comes anywhere near Ashford Valley with you as the lead, AT LEAST half the town will turn out in support, I'd bet actual money on it.

[kurtxhummels]

You're not wrong. That is one of the perks of having a stable life, ha. I don't think I'm worried about that stable life not being here any longer; I think a bigger part of it is how easy it would be to fall back into that life again. I worked so hard to build something here that feels steady and real. Life in New York was great, but it was a different kind of chaotic. The kind where work wasn't ever really guaranteed, and for the first time in a long time I actually like the life waiting for me when the curtain comes down.

And then there’s the irrational part of my brain that immediately goes, “Great, you’ll leave for two months and Dom’s going to realize how peaceful his life is without your dramatic ass in it.” Which I know is ridiculous. Kind of. But still.

[djdomberry]

Well, hell, babe, this sounds like an amazing opportunity. You're really thinking about not taking them up on it?

[kurtxhummels]

It would be a phenomenal experience, but it would also take me away from home for two months. Away from you. And before you accuse me of being even more dramatic than I normally am, I hear how ridiculously romantic that sounded the second I wrote it. But still. Two months is a long time when I’ve gotten very used to always having you by my side.

[kurtxhummels]

So, plot twist: an old Broadway director I worked with on The Book of Mormon emailed me because apparently the lead on the national tour for Phantom of the Opera had to step away unexpectedly, and now they want me to come in for a limited run. Which sounds glamorous and exciting until you realize it has led to me sitting at my kitchen table, staring into the abyss of my coffee like it personally offended me. Theatre brain says yes. Who cares if it's living out of a suitcase for the next two months? The rest of me is significantly less sure. I finally built a life here that actually feels stable and good and mine. If anyone needs me, I’ll be overthinking professionally for the foreseeable future.

[brodywestonx]

The fact that your grandmother thought it was admiration makes it so much worse—like, no Grandma, I wasn’t bonding with the tiny Victorian ghost boy, I was checking to see if he had a knife. Did you ever actually tell her it terrified you, or did you just have to live with a new 'roommate' for the rest of the visit?

[kurtxhummels]

The fact that she genuinely thought it was admiration just threw me. It's like she didn't know me at all. I think she tried to give me one for Christmas, but my father stopped her before she actually did it. I broke it in my hurry to get away from it, but I had to stop my grandmother from giving me another one. I made up some thing about wanting to keep that one because it was special or something. Luckily, she rarely came into my room so I just shoved it inside one of the drawers.

[kurtxhummels]

Money - what would you do with your life if money was no object?

If money was no object? I’d probably split my life between performing and creating. I’d still do theatre — I don’t think there’s ever a version of me that doesn’t belong on a stage somewhere — but I’d also spend more time designing clothes, traveling, and maybe opening a space for young performers who don’t always feel like they fit anywhere else. Somewhere safe. Somewhere creative. Somewhere that feels like the kind of place I wish I’d had growing up.

🌸🌼 SPRING ASKS 🌼🌸

[kurtxhummels]

Youth - do you feel your age?

My god, yes. I swear, I remember days when my knees didn't crack as soon as I sat down or got up. I mean, performing at the theatre helps keep me in shape and such, but yes. I can most definitely feel my age.

🌸🌼 SPRING ASKS 🌼🌸