Life

Who is but the function of what, and what I am is a man trying to get laid. These are my stories

[kwakil]

The beauty before the hail...

[kwakil]

I reminice about lovers past because I feel nothing in my current state. Its like looking back at a time of innocence and holding on to that nostalgia to remind myself I am still human. Most people I care about ask me why I say I dont love anymore and ask me whether I dont love them in the relationships we may have created or are bound by through birth. My answer is there are different kinds of love. I just lost my eros...

[kwakil]

Hypocrisy

When she cheats on her man with you she is a freak, when she cheats on you with another man she is a whore...

[kwakil]

Nightmares of exes past

I am constantly having nightmares of an ex, although I know deep down I have no desire to be with her. Almost every night I find myself being the shield to the demons that pursue her, protecting her from forces I can’t comprehend. Maybe it’s some kind of subconscious guilt, or she was so much a part of me I relate to her even in my sleep. I have sleepless nights which are only calmed down by me seeing that she is ok in person. I guess it’s fate she works at a coffee shop because after a sleepless night I need that coffee to function during the day. It’s a vicious cycle…

[kwakil]

V for Vendetta

V: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valourous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition! The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honour to meet you and you may call me V.

[kwakil]

Before tumblr we had Facebook notes...

[kwakil]

Album review... The Weeknd - Kiss land

If you have ever dated a damaged person or you are as equally damaged then you should listen to this album. Besides the effortless flow of one track to the next that makes it feel like you are listening to a single song with different emotions, the story line is nothing short of genius.I may be biased as he is without contest my favorite artist but you cannot argue with empathy. He helps you grasp the other persons perspective in ways that can make you understand and possibly forgive your unfaithful or emotionally detached lover.

Lets start were all things start, the beginning. Professional gives you a lengthy but true understanding of the person you will encounter in this album. They have lost all emotion but go through the motions of love and relationships. Relations have turned into a career and although they have no reason to continue in that path that is all they know. Every smile is calculated, every touch is mechanical and every word is a lie. They are "Professional" in their approach to love.

But no one is born damaged, life's encounters ultimately play a role in molding us and so the album talks of the different circumstances that could have turned them. The Town, is the story of the woman who gives her all to a man who is dead on the inside till she resorts to cheating to feel that fleeting spark. Adaption is for the guy who has the overhanging regret of losing the one because he wasn't ready to let go of the lifestyle, he consoles his bad decision with more bad decisions. Belong to the world is the story of damaged guy who meets a damaged girl. He knows what she is and isn't fooled but he cant help loving her because she makes him feel things he thought he would never feel. Unfortunately he knows it wont end well but he holds on till the very end. Pretty is the story of the girl left behind while the guy is away pursuing his dreams. He hears the stories of her cheating on him and he understands his absence may have drove her into the arms of another man but because he can see she is remorseful he forgives and makes sure the love he shows her assures her she is appreciated.

I could go on forever but I am sure you get the gist of it, the thing is all the songs talk to individuals in a different manner and can be interpreted to suit your particular situation. So if ever there was empathy personified, The Weeknd would be it.

[kwakil]

Relationship advice from a single guy...

Firstly answer the following...

1.a. If you talk to him on the phone for hours because he is so fascinating add a plus b. If you talk to him on the phone for hours because the cops are tracing his call add a minus 2.a. If they stay up with you all night because they cant get enough of you add a plus. b. If they stay up with you all night because they need an alibi while their spouse is getting murdered add a minus. 3.a. If they bring you home to meet their parents and announce their intentions to marry you add a plus. b. If they bring you home to meet their parents and shriek "See told you I am not gay" add a minus 4.a. If he would like to have kids add a plus b. If he would like to have kids the way Michael Jackson liked to have kids add a minus. 5.a. If he listens attentively to every word you say add a plus. b.If he listens attentively to every word you say even when he is supposedly not there through spyware on your phone and carefully concealed bugs in every living area of your being add a minus. 6.a.If he tries to get you on a date by overwhelming you with flowers add a plus b.If he tries to go out on another date with you by overwhelming you with a bottle full of Spanish fly drops add a minus. If you got even one minus consider ending the relationship immediately, more than three minuses consider getting yourself on a talk show. If you had six minuses he has to be rich and eccentric so hang in there its bound to pay off someday. If he isn't rich it ceases to be eccentric and is just plain crazy, I suggest you fake your own death and run far away... On a more serious note I think relationships are like barter trade, there should be a double coincidence of wants. Do not string along the other party into believing things that aren't there, you are just building on to the pedestal that you will eventually throw them from.

Lets face it if the thought of spending time with them goes down as well as a teaspoon of Tim-Jan (shit that thing tastes awful) then you can either contour your face and swallow it or just spit it out....either way it will still leave a bitter taste in your mouth. If opposites really attracted I'd be having a tall, beautiful, smart chick seeing as I am short, ugly and dumb. Anyway I hope that brings more confusion to this whole relationship shit...

[kwakil]

Virgin

Apparently they still make virgins these days..

Dear Kwaki I am a teenage girl who recently matriculated and am now studying at University, the thing is I am a virgin and truthfully speaking the thought of sex scares me and I find it disgusting. I hear my friends talking about it all the time and sometimes I am forced to lie because the only thing I have ever done is kiss, which I enjoy a lot. Am I normal ??I consider myself to be quite attractive and I have been getting lots of attention from fellow male students and there is one I am interested in, what do I do???? Virgin Dear Virgin For a while there you got me thinking I had got an e-mail from Richard Branson until I read your message. I am impressed you even survived high school without losing your virginity from what I hear some kindergarten kids have more experience than you. Anyway the way you talk about sex I presume you expected that the first guy to chow you would use a fork and knife. Sex is disgusting, it was meant to be enjoyed that way. It is a pleasurable process which has bodily fluids flying in all sorts of directions, you will get to kiss some guy who has morning breath the next day. That is just the way it is and the sooner you get off your high horse and realise this, the better your first time will be. Bear in mind sex is an aquired taste, it gets better with time and more exploration of yourself to find out the best positions that give you the required satisfaction so masturbate a lot. Be safe at all times trust no one and never do something out of pressure. Usually I am an asshole when answering people but you caught me in a good mood, i just had sex ..... so you see it cant be that bad. Kwaki

[95bagz]

[kwakil]

The story once upon a time with my ex, I was attracted to the cold in her because I was also dead inside till i came alive because of her but I didn't evoke the same in her and in the end I got so damaged I actually lost all feeling for everything in life. The only heartbeat that remained in me was my daughter.

[kwakil]

The origins...

The reason I started the whole agony uncle thing was when I wrote to myself in my journal (diaries are for women) and decided to reply myself. A bit crazy but sometimes you're the only person who can give yourself expert advice.

Dear Kwaki I do not know what it is about me but I feel that whenever my intentions are good with a woman she loses interest in me but when they are not I have to use a scapel to scrape them off my dick, is there something wrong with being nice to a woman? Please help!!! Yours truly  Kwaki Dear Kwaki (ok this is begining to sound reduntant) First of all do you realize you are talking to yourself? That being said I have answered your question, of course there is something wrong with you, you bloody moron....stop using your emotions and start using your erections seeing as the latter seem to get you laid. Of course you are not to blame entirely, women are hypocrites they say one thing and do another. There is one fundamental secret to understanding the female species ..... never expect them to act rationally. That being said I know you still love whatshername... I mean this anonymous woman you are talking about but ask yourself (which is what you are doing right now-this is getting confusing) is she worth it, I mean just because she is beautiful, has the voice of an angel, a freak in bed and you love her with all your heart (whats left of it anyway) and miss her with all your body .... damn man you messed up our lives, what the hell posessed you to let her go? Ahhh well Kwaki

[kwakil]

More agonies of an agony uncle...

Some agonies deserve brief answers 

Dear Kwaki I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again. (Maybe he will make sure you dont get the evidence this time) Dear Kwaki I have been married to my husband for three months, and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober. (stock up on the liqour) Dear Kwaki I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his. (You should get a D.N.A test and while your are at the hospital pass by the psychiatric ward) Kwaki A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher, and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties.These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out.Do you think they could be Lebanese?

( ahh.... I don't even have a come back for this one)

[kwakil]

When ignorance prevails...

Ignorance is bliss, at least to the ignorant. For the rest of us, their ignorance is comic material. From the Agony Uncle archives here are the Agonies of an agony uncle...

Dear Kwaki What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my DVD player?  (Get a new DVD Player or new DVD's whichever will cost your stupid ass more) Dear Uncle Kwaki I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive, and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him. (I think I know you) Dear Kwaki Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own? (Because his own is ignorant, that's why) Dear Uncle Kwaki I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out? (I got married to have sex, now that I have had it how do I get out.... ok maybe yours is a bit complicated, try quitting) Dear Kwaki  My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist a visit an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy. (Nice observation) Dear Uncle Kwaki Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift?I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't, and he did it. (I am just confused here) Dear Kwaki My mother is mean and short-tempered.I think she is going through her mental pause. (Seems like your mental just stopped) Dear Kwaki I read a certain Agony Aunties column where she told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor.Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor. (You got it bad)

[kwakil]

The Agony Uncle is in...

I used to run a blog in which i was tough love kind of agony uncle and I think its time I resumed my duties. The first few posts will be from my former blog kwaki.blogspot.com until such a time someone asks me for advice. Considering my responses it may be never, but experience has taught me "never" is a relative term that has an expiry date.

I will also do my own previews for literature or artwork I see or that has been sent to me.

Kwaki