kwon felix / 19 / film making major. always been quite the people pleaser, and that's the one thing i don't get about you. lips pressed against each other, mouth shut tight in case you slip out something wrong but not quite figuring out that in this world, nobody cares. little boy, burden on your shoulders like you can't believe, picture perfect image of tired but you still say nothing's wrong at all. chin up, you tell yourself it's only going to be like this for a certain amount of time, but really who are you fooling?
“ graduating. i KNOW ㅡ high school’s supposed to be the time where you flourish or find your colours or whatever, but honestly the entire thing was a mess. ”
——— NORAEBANGS ARE HYOSEOK’S guilty pleasure. being able to sing in a private room and nobody around to hear him thanks to the soundproof walls? perfect. he’s comfortable here. still, he felt the need to bring somebody along. somebody who can appreciate this sort of things. felix is a good kid and is one of the few people on campus hyoseok f i n a l l y opened up to after some time. ( why not spend some good quality time with somebody he loved? ) hyoseok flips through the booklet, lips pursed, before setting it aside with no songs catching his eye. “ i think i’m done, ” he sighs, easing comfortably into the couch. “ you wanna keep going or do you wanna go? ”
felix ADMITS — when it’s hyoseok that invites him out, there’s a smidge of pride that he feels in successfully having gotten him to open up even if it had taken days of awkward ‘sorry i’m here again’s and drunkenly falling asleep on the elder, much to both their embarrassment. but somewhere along the way, the outer walls had come down reasonably between late night ramen and the lull of a song in the am hours and now felix is seated next to hyoseok, sliding down the couch until his head rests on hyoseok’s shoulder without much thought at all. “ i don’t think you deserve to get your ears blown out further, hyung, ” he grins into his words. “ let’s go somewhere calmer. prettier. ”
– “ you love my cooking. don’t play. ” but the words were hardly biting for all of the abundant SARCASM accompanying. felix had spent more nights in his dorm watching him mess around with various ingredients than he could remember. that perhaps why felix most of all deserved to taste the results of all his reckless PRACTICE. he could picture it clearly; the both of them sprawled atop a blanket on the very same rooftop. food mostly eaten, or maybe FORGOTTEN all together, but the both of them comfortable and happy. but maybe that was the sort of thing that needed to wait – evenings like this one fragile enough already. dae loved to be wrapped around the younger man, but how far was too far when so much remained UNSPOKEN ? “ we’re probably not supposed to be up here, no. but in my defense, i don’t actually know that ? i can feign innocence to plead my case. ”
but underneath it all, felix isn’t so NAIVE that he’s not able to tell there’s something brewing. yet he doesn’t bring it up in case it ruins what they have already. something that will ruin the way their hands are clasped underneath tables ( people pretend they don’t see ), a head tucked into a chest, looking at beauty through a camcorder and too afraid to look at it through his own eyes in case he starts feeling something so very wrong. he hums under his breath in reply, knowing that his own cooking is abhorrent compared to everyone else’s and so he doesn’t really have any right to complain but it’s fun to pretend. “ THAT sounds a little – i mean, very – dodgy. we’re just going to feign innocence every time we get caught? ” he laughs, eyes shining. “ i’m not sure i should trust someone who makes such awful plans. how do i know you won’t leave me here to rot? ”
a total of twenty tracks to do with by kwon felix.
FURTHER NOTES: side A consists of primarily calm songs with features from artists such as brockhampton, nct 127 and dean. side a is useful for when a person wants to relax or forget about the way that they’re existing at this moment and maybe felix listens to it a little too much, but nobody has to know.
side B consists of more upbeat songs ranging from hip hop to lo-fi like raps with features from artists such as kendrick lamar, one and aminé. side b is useful for when a person feels like the world is a little too much and wants to act out through music, finding it a perfect medium to express a series of emotions.
FROM HVOSEOK: [ ☻ ] my muse wakes up in your muse’s closet the night after a party.
they should have never gone to the party in the first place.
the fact that it’s HYOSEOK and FELIX ㅡ quite possibly the two most awkward, unwilling to go to parties, stay at home with a blanket between them and maybe mulan on tv if they’re feeling fancy ㅡ going together makes it around five times worse.
( because felix loves hyoseok, he really does, but the two of them going to a frat party is nothingbut a treaty for disaster being signed. )
they’d practically been gripping each other’s hands tightly as they entered the frat house, looking far too soft for their surroundings and were immediately slapped in the face with a stench of testosterone, badly concealed hickies on too loud boys and decided that maybe their former idea had been better.
there had been a hurried promise to never let go of the other person’s hand that night in the fear that they might disappear into the screams of ‘korean delta delta nu!’.
( that promise gets broken approximately one hour later when there’s a crowdsurf happening from the second floor to the first floor and felix gets whisked away by a person he had met merely ten minutes ago to take shots that he doesn’t really want to take. )
yeah, yeah, so a party happens and they go to it. the rest is pretty much history.
when felix awakes the next morning though, there’s a pounding headache that threatens to worsen his already abysmal eyesight into the next level and his first thought is that he should throw up.
unfortunately, there’s a complete blank space where his memories of last night should be sitting and he realises belatedly that he’s in his own dorm, which kind of goes over his head because a) he can’t remember reaching his dorm and b) he can’t begin to think about how much noise he must have made and c) he wonders whether hyoseok is alive.
as if being summoned by a higher force, there’s a heaving groan that comes from his left and the younger almost has heart palpations right there on the bed, a hand flying over his mouth catching himself just before a scream escapes. he takes cautious steps towards the closet with a broom in one hand, ignoring the way everything spins.
and then when he reaches it,he pulls the doors open with an unknown force andㅡpromptly DOES scream when a body topples out, landing on his back on the carpet.
“ oh hyung. ” felix says, a little pitifully. the aforementioned hyung replies with a grunt, an arm slung over his eyes probably in hopes of defending his migraine against the bright light. “ you’reㅡ uh. congratulations for coming out of the closet. ”
FROM CORDICLS: [ ◈ ] my muse makes a drunk confession to your muse.
daehyun’s arm is slung over his shoulder.
not anyone else’s, but HIS.
it’s an action that’s simple enough, really, something that’s happened for a long time, since they had met for the first time and it shouldn’t be something that makes felix want to curl up in some sort of embarrassed way. he should be used to this ㅡ or at least that’s what he chooses to tell himself.
( but recently, RECENTLY, there had been something going on with felix. there still is, and he’s scared to address it head on. )
so it’s daehyun that’s drunk off his ass at the party ( “ i’ll stay sober, hyung, ” felix had said a few hours ago just to see the elder’s immensely bright grin and maybe or maybe not to receive a small peck on the cheek ) but it’s felix that has the flushed red cheeks with freckles of pink dotted across his face. it’s awfully hot, especially with the amount of bodies near him and the one practically on him. he wants nothing more than to get a breath of fresh air.
except when he tries to stand, he’s dragged back down by the same person who whimpers a little at the loss of contact, hot breath hitting the exposed piece of skin that felix is unfortunately showing and he squirms at the sensation, head tucked into his shoulder immediately as he whines “ hyung. ”
daehyun’s head dips down suddenly, even more heated until his face is buried into the swell between felix’s neck and shoulder ㅡ his collarbone. and sensitive he is, so he squirms further, trying his hardest to inch away from the elder’s increasingly affectionate attention on him. he’d love it a lot more if it was privately but in public, where he can see ㅡ and FEELㅡ people’s jealousy, it’s not so pleasurable.
“ felix. kwon feli-i-ix. ” daehyun drawls out a little, smiling into his skin and the younger of the pair kind of melts. “ have ㅡ ” a hiccup, “ have i told you how cute you are? ”
“ yes, hyung, you have. ” over a hundred times by now, he’s sure.
“ oh, it’s so true! ” he reaches up, deftly catching felix’s cheek between his index finger and thumb and squeezing. “ you know what you are? a baby. a big baby, my baby. ”
( he hopes daehyun misses the way his breath catches at that. )
“ so cute, my baby. ” daehyun pauses in a moment of silence, as if he’s thinking. and then, and then, “ i ㅡ i love you. what about that? did i tell you that? ”
it’s stupid, but felix feels something sharp near his heart, like a pang of strong regret. he knows he can’t say it back, not when daehyun’s drunk and won’t remember any of it by tomorrow.
it’s not fair, he thinks, he doesn’t deserve that.
“ i know that too, hyung. ” he settles for saying, like there isn’t a dull ache in his chest that’s threatening to swallow him whole. as if he’s not thinking of what they could be. “ i know you do. ”
FROM CORDICLS: [ ☢ ] the car broke down in an unfamiliar part of town, and our muses are lost.
“ hyung, this is unbelievable. ” felix deadpans. “ you’re unbelievable. ”
there are some things in the world that just SHOULDN’T go together for the sake of the world not imploding, and at the height of the list stands daehyun, felix and a car with ( what they thought there was ) a fairly full tank. maybe they had gotten a little too excited ㅡ thought they knew busan a little too well, and now they’re stuck in some run down area of it that looks too shady for felix’s liking with a car that has no fuel and therefore no immediate way they can get back to campus.
“ ridiculous. ” felix reiterates again just for the hell of it, standing so that he’s staring at the car and away from the sun, hands on his hips whilst he throws him his best Disappointed But Not Surprised™ look that he knows daehyun is avoiding at this second like the bubonic plague.
to be fair, he gets to be annoyed because he had said so, had asked ‘hey, hyung, shouldn’t we pull over and refill?’ only to be met with ‘it’s fine, it’ll probably be enough for us to reach our destination’ as if they had a destination planned.
the criminal in question shoots him an embarrassed smile and it’s endearing to the point that it’s almostㅡ ALMOSTㅡ enough to make felix forget the whole thing. until he remembers that he has a backbone he should use sometime.
“ could be worse. ” daehyun offers, and immediately shuts up felix glares at him with an expression of half annoyance half sadness. “ you know. weㅡ we could have left our camcorders at home.”
see, that’s TRUE, actually and he glances at the device that’s in his hand, familiar to him and familiar in the way he looks at the world.
yet he doubts he can make a convincing documentary on getting lost in busan without feeling like strangling himself. so he mumbles an unconvincing “mm.” and sees how daehyun deflates. “ i meanㅡ yeah, great, hyung. we can wander, get even more lost and make a film out of the whole thing before our camcorders die. ”
a beat passes of awkwardness, before daehyun grins and slings an arm around his shoulder, dragging him down and shifting felix’s five foot eight height to five foot three “ that’s the spirit! c’mon, we can go find food, alright? bbq. ”
at that, felix perks up a little, because he’s a growing boy. “ seriously? ”
“ seriously. ”
the younger of the pair hums in poorly concealed delight then, looking a smidge more happy before he finally nods and intertwines their fingers together. “ you’re paying, hyung. ”
“yes, seriously - i’m not a cruel soul that would lie to you like that, felix.” woojin can’t hold back any laughter at the other’s reaction. at the same time, he knew the other loved to eat. there was so much fun and satisfaction to be found in making other people’s faces light up, and feeling emotionally fulfilled for a while. when he realizes that felix is trying to aegyo his way into his own heart, woojin shakes his head, a fake look of disgust on his face. “that kind of thing doesn’t work on me, you’re lucky i like you a lot already or i would’ve taken it back.” he teases a little, before smiling probably a little too much. “if you didn’t know already, i look cool a lot of the time, but have you seen me look cool in my car?”
“ I DON’T KNOW, hyung, you seem like the type who would trek us all the way over there just to make me pay. ” a nudge is given towards the elder, though it does practically nothing to shift woojin (much to his own dismay but he’s not sure what he should have expected when he himself is younger, smaller and more frail). he scoffs, glancing over at him with a look. “ i mean, if you’re going to lie, you might as well make it BELIEVABLE. i bet you go home and secretly think about how cute your swim team’s maknae is. ” he’s being insufferable, maybe, but he promises it’s all for a good cause. “ oh, seriously? you can actually drive ㅡ that is so cool hyung. ” he tugs on woojin’s sleeve. “ c’mon! show me! ”
·····what the hell is he saying ? he asked himself. it was all a bunch of words that went in and right out of his ears; UNFORTUNATELY, felix was the person to witness that. with eyes still focused on the younger student, he scratched the back of his neck to fill the silence he provoked. it was a huge sign of an anyway that filled the atmosphere around them and haeil not knowing how to reply to that either. seeing as the being before him didn’t look and act like someone he’d usually associate with, the tall male could only wonder why he hasn’t run away yet. then again, he was THANKFUL a decent human being didn’t reject aiding him in this tiring situation. for now, all he could do was bare with the kid. it wasn’t so much of a seemingly burden; but of an unknown sensation of having someone who looked at him with such big eyes.
·····as he readied the tape-gun in his hand, he watched the poster being placed evenly, all being multi-tasked while listening CAREFULLY. even though his demeanor didn’t show any signs of interest, he utilized his enlarged ears to pick up those next words. although he was quite a modest person, he knew exactly how people saw his work and him as a person. but this, hearing it out loud was new. it happened so suddenly, feeling the warmth of a flush threatening to appear on his cheeks. he hoped that his skill of having the ability to control his temperature would be easy to latch.
·····❛ NOPE, not many say it to my face, ❜ he shrugged off.
he can see the GEARS turning in haeil’s head, like he’s struggling to translate felix’s much too fast, much too full of nonsense and much too incomprehensible korean and it’s only when the younger realises that he’s rambling ( he ALWAYS seems to do that, in the presence of Higher Entities such as haeil ) that he stops to catch a breath and slow down his words. at this, felix gives the other a mildly embarrassed smile, head ducking down to hide the flush of his cheeks as he waits for the poster to be taped before picking up another one and placing it a few metres to the left. he can’t help but be surprised though, eyebrows arched when haeil replies and all felix can think is busan arts university is really missing out.
“ oh, no way. ” he says, a little stunned and a little pleased at the same time that he can be one of the few people who've complimented him directly. ( granted, now felix has to ACT like he hasn’t been trying to muster up the courage to do this for the past few weeks, and that this was a lucky meeting on his behalf, but small steps at a time. ) “ you’re, likeㅡ super talented, haeil-ssi. really. um. i haven’t seen half the stuff you’ve made, probably butㅡ i bet they’re super good. yeah. ” he nods.
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